What Kind of Place is Dilbart?
As I stepped into the room, Angelica, who had been preparing dinner in the kitchen, issued a command in her chillingly calm voice. "Sirmiia. Shower first before coming in."
I froze in the doorway, unable to move. Fighting to hide my pounding heart and the cold sweat trickling down my back, I answered her as I normally would. "Y-yes…!"
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"Sirmiia. Your face is pale. Are you all right?" Angelica asked, her expression filled with concern.
This is all because of you, you crazy bitch. Of course, saying that was impossible. Not with the pathetic personality I had developed ever since meeting Angelica.
"Of course. I'm perfectly fine!" Sirmiia replied, looking utterly exhausted to anyone who saw her.
Sirmiia… Angelica had been tending to Sirmiia's hair inside the tent. She had dressed her in light-blue skinny jeans and a white daily shirt pulled from her dimensional storage, tucking the shirt neatly into the pants.
"Sirmiia. Once I'm done with your hair, come with me. We need to talk for a moment."
"What? No… We're leaving soon. Can't we just talk now?" Sirmiia answered, sounding annoyed.
"I've already spoken with the caravan leader. It won't be a problem. Come talk with me." Angelica's expression was more serious than I had ever seen it, so I had no choice but to agree.
After she finished with my hair, I followed her out of the tent. The Hero, who had been dozing against a tree with his arms crossed, sensed us and opened his eyes. He approached with that familiar expression and asked, "Sirmiia. Are you feeling better? I'm sorry if this is my fault…"
The Hero apologized with genuine remorse. Seeing him so humble made me want to tease him.
"It is your fault."
His face darkened instantly. Teasing the Hero was more fun than I expected.
"Sirmiia? What are you doing? Come here, quickly." Angelica, who had been watching me torment the Hero, narrowed her eyes and urged me over.
"Yes. I'm coming." I turned away from the Hero and walked toward her.
"Wait. Dragon. Where are you taking Sirmiia?" the Hero asked, suspicion clear on his face.
"To relieve ourselves. Why? Would you like to join us?"
"…No." Flustered, the Hero hurried back into the tent.
How boring. It would have been fun if he had agreed. Unfortunately, the Hero was too dense for that.
Angelica and I entered the forest together. After walking for some time, I complained in a tired voice, "Angelica, how much farther do we have to go?"
Honestly, I just wanted to stop walking. We had already been walking in silence for fifteen minutes. Angelica, who had been leading the way, finally stopped and turned to face me.
"This should be far enough."
"So what is it?"
Angelica met my eyes. "Sirmiia. Do you even realize what you did earlier?"
"What do you mean?"
Angelica raised an eyebrow and scolded me. "Do you not value your own body? Sirmiia, you do know you would have died if it weren't for my regeneration magic, don't you?"
"…I know that."
"And knowing that, you still used your mana that way?"
I had something to say about that. "If we're being fair, this is your fault and the Hero's! You two wouldn't even listen to me—"
Smack.
"Huh?" My cheek burned. What had just happened? I touched my right cheek and felt a stinging pain. It hurts.
"Angelica… Do you even know what you just—"
Smack. Again, the right cheek. The swelling already rising on my face seemed to mirror the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I looked straight ahead. Angelica stood before me with an expressionless face, like a doll devoid of any emotion, staring at me.
I was terrified. I even began to doubt whether she was the same kind of living being as me. The nightmare of being imprisoned and abused at Notre Dame Cathedral resurfaced in my mind.
I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Back then, I had apologized over and over without even knowing what I had done wrong, simply begging for forgiveness to appease Angelica. That memory still crushed my heart.
I couldn't bring myself to look up at her face. My gaze dropped to the ground along with my shattered self-esteem. Then I saw her hand—the same hand that had struck my cheek. My teeth chattered from fear. My heart raced so violently I thought it might burst. That hand, which had never stopped even when my cheek split and bled, had become a trauma for me in this moment.
I simply closed my eyes. If I did that, nothing would be scary anymore. But even this small act of defiance seemed useless. My body, with its trauma button already pressed, reacted with perfect honesty. My breathing grew rapid, and moisture gathered at the corners of my eyes.
No. I don't want to cry. I'm Olga. I'm Olga. How long had it been since I established my identity? Was I really going to hide like a coward again? You're not a girl. Pull yourself together, Olga. You're not Sirmiia—you're Olga Lewis.
I repeated the words to myself and barely managed to steady my heart before opening my eyes. Right in front of me stood Angelica, watching me. The distance between us was less than a meter. Thump, thump, thump—my heartbeat rang clearly in my ears. She could probably hear it too. She must have realized I was afraid.
I was wrong. I had forgotten my identity a long time ago. Seventy-six years of life had surrendered to just a few months of brutal torture. As if turning away from reality, I closed my eyes again. I'm Olga Lewis… so I won't be scared.
No. I was already cowering like a dog with its tail between its legs. A sickening darkness slowly spread through my heart. No. I'm not scared of someone like Angelica. How long are you going to keep hiding your feelings and pretending to be strong? Do you still look like a man to yourself? The darkness surged and wrapped around my heart. I… I… I'm Olga Lewis.
Pull yourself together, Sirmiia. And take a look at yourself in the mirror. Following the whisper, I carefully opened my eyes. Reflected in the mirror before me was a beautiful girl with navy-blue hair.
Who are you? Who… was I? Unable to find the answer, I examined the mirror. There I stood. Yeah… I'm Sirmiia.
I woke from the delusion and lifted my head. Angelica was watching me with an expressionless face. Following her gaze, I looked down at my legs. They were trembling pitifully. See? You're scared after all. I could never have defied Angelica to begin with. I was her doll. It was all my fault.
Thinking that, the clear droplets gathered at the corners of my eyes finally spilled over and rolled down my cheeks. Angelica stared straight into my eyes without saying a word. I apologized to her as if repenting. "I'm sorry…"
My throat caught. I tried to speak properly, but only a tear-choked voice came out. "Ugh… hic…"
I tried to hold it in. After all, I was the one who got hurt because of my selfish actions. The fault lay with me for not caring about my body. But if I cried like an idiot, Angelica would end up looking like the villain for no reason.
"R-really… I'm s-sorry…" I couldn't finish the sentence. The tears were coming too fast; even breathing was difficult. The tears streaming down my swollen cheeks felt like they were washing away my sins, which only made me feel more sorry toward Angelica. It was all my fault. "Hic… sob…"
Once the floodgates opened, the tears showed no sign of stopping. Angelica seemed satisfied by my tears. She pulled me into her arms and whispered gently, "Our Sirmiia must have been in so much pain, right? I did it because I love you. Because I cherish Sirmiia so much and wanted you to value yourself. You understand, don't you?"
It had been a long time since I had heard those affectionate yet terrifying words. And my answer was still the same. "Yes…"
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"Sirmiia? Are you listening to me?"
"Y-yes?"
"Why are you suddenly acting like this? I told you to shower and come in, but you're just standing there blankly."
Had I been doing that? I wasn't sure myself. "…I'll go wash up."
"Sirmiia? You suddenly look so weak. Are you all right?" Angelica bent down and placed her hand on my forehead.
"W-wait a second." I swatted her hand away. Angelica touched the back of her hand, looking extremely flustered as she stared at me. "Sirmiia?"
Haa… haa. I instinctively lowered my gaze. I couldn't breathe properly. The moment Angelica raised her hand, I had reflexively struck it out of fear. What do I do…? Is she going to hit me again like she did in the forest? The memory of being struck in the forest terrified me. My hands trembled without me realizing it. This time I had actually hit Angelica, so she might slap my cheeks all night like she had at Notre Dame Cathedral. No. No. No… I don't want to be hurt anymore…
Tap. Someone gently placed a hand on my shoulder. Was it Angelica? I slowly raised my head and looked to the side.
"Are you all right, Sirmiia?" the Hero asked with a gentle gaze. Normally I would have told him to get lost, but right now, those kind words were genuinely comforting. Thanks to him, the tension eased and I managed not to cry.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Hero."
"You don't look fine at all." The Hero's expression hardened. "What exactly happened?"
"It's really nothing."
The Hero kept pressing, but I didn't answer. I didn't want to cause unnecessary trouble. Right now, rescuing Julius was the top priority. There was no need to make the Hero worry.
"Sirmiia. Come see me after you wash up."
"…Yes." Angelica spoke to me with a cold expression. I had no choice but to answer. If I hadn't, she definitely would have hit me. No— she was going to hit me after I washed up anyway.
But the Hero wasn't an idiot. He wasn't so oblivious that he couldn't read the uncomfortable atmosphere. Still, Sirmiia didn't want direct help. That might not have been her true feelings, but he didn't want to earn her dislike. So he decided, in his own way, to help her secretly.
Seria, who had been sitting on the sofa watching us quietly, spoke up. "Sister. Let's shower together."
"Sure."
Huh? Something felt off the moment I said it. I quickly corrected myself. "Ah, I prefer showering alone, so…"
I said that and immediately ran into the changing room. In my haste, I forgot to grab a change of clothes from my bag. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. I'd just have to put the dirty clothes back on. I stripped off everything I was wearing and stepped into the shower.
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"Sister is quite shy, isn't she?"
She probably didn't want to be alone. But this wasn't something I should get involved in. The Hero's party problems should be solved by the Hero's party. This wasn't an issue for an outsider to interfere with. I was simply an outsider, after all. The only reason I was traveling with them was because we shared the common goal of hunting demons. Once the demons were dead, I would part ways with them cleanly, just as I always had, and go my own way.