The Only Good Water Bandit is a Dead One - 1
The Baekryeon Cult Leader's generosity was as vast as the sea and as towering as Shiwandaishan.
"Hmm, it seems even one carriage won't hold it all."
"Yes. We'll gratefully accept your kindness, Your Holiness, and leave the rest behi—"
"I'll throw in a few more carriages too. Take them all."
"...Understood."
Handing over extra carriages on the spot because there wasn't enough room for the gifts? I'd never seen anything like it. Was there some Baekryeon doctrine that said to give lavishly when you give? Otherwise, this was inexplicable eccentricity. Anyone watching would think I was some corrupt official touring the provinces pocketing bribes.
'And the one handing over the bribes is the Baekryeon Cult Leader...' My head spun. With such a vast land came vast numbers of people, including those bold enough to offer reverse bribes.
"Heh heh, Han Un. Feeling the burden?"
"I even turn down meals if they exceed ten gold taels."
"I'd refuse a meal costing ten gold taels too, so drop the act of feigned integrity."
We traded light jabs, and the Leader burst into laughter, clapping my back with vigorous force. It hurt. I wished peak masters wouldn't treat a mere warrior like me as a punching bag.
"As I said earlier, just think of it as a gift for your fiancée. It might be useless to a street-roller like you, but surely not for the daughter of the Ak Wang household."
"Lady Ak isn't one to rejoice or despair over mere wealth."
"Hah, already defending your fiancée, are you?"
If I'd accepted meekly, he'd have teased, "Already looking out for your fiancée, eh?" The fact that he said it anyway irked me a bit. What business did this old rascal have meddling in the marriage of someone far his junior?
"Anyway, safe travels. And don't come back to Shiwandaishan."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Aware of his own oddities, the Leader bid me farewell with that bizarre well-wish, and we parted. Of course, Shiwandaishan wasn't a place you could avoid just because you didn't want to go. It wasn't like I'd come of my own volition this time.
'It's all because my fate's twisted.' Truly lamentable.
A Deputy Censorate Inspector should hole up in the capital handling peaceful desk work. Not tour the realm like some undercover inspector, as I did. Today, I especially missed the Right Deputy Censorate Inspector back in the capital.
We headed north from Guangdong to Hunan. At last, I was free from the merciless grip of the sea.
'People are meant to live on land.'
Maybe it was the trauma from those massive cannonballs the water bandits had fired skyward, but after days of sea-sickness, entering the inland away from the coast stirred unexpected emotion in my chest. The stinging salt air, the clammy sea breeze that left you feeling grimy no matter how long you endured it, the relentless waves you could never quite adapt to—they all seemed to mock humanity: "You really gonna live here? Tough luck."
So I'd fled to Hunan without a backward glance. I'd never set foot on the sea by choice again.
"My lord."
"Yeah? What is it."
"The Left Censor-in-chief has issued new orders."
I hastily stuck my head out of the carriage at those words.
"It's real."
A pigeon circled lazily overhead. Damn bird. The messenger pigeons I knew from my past life only went one-way to trained locations, but in this world, they somehow tracked moving targets in real time.
'Goddamn chicken-pigeon.' No excuses about missing orders—I couldn't claim that. Daesong's pigeons boasted near-100% delivery rates unless enemies deliberately killed them. Damn wuxia world. I didn't know the exact mechanism, but it had to be some internal art. Had to be.
"Where to this time?"
"We've already reached the southern tip—anywhere's fine, right? Surely not Yunnan."
I shot Jo Wi-cheo a glare for his unconsoling consolation and extended my hand to the pigeon. Infuriating as it was, he wasn't wrong. Having hit Shiwandaishan, anywhere was plausible, and Hunan—freshly entered—was a transportation hub. If Jwa Do-eosa knew our position, he could send us anywhere. That dog of a man. If he just got married already, he'd focus on family and hassle me less.
'Should I just eat it?'
I eyed the pigeon now perched on my hand, pondering seriously. Chew it bones and all for a perfect crime with no evidence? But sanity prevailed, and I dismissed the thought. I still remembered the pigeons strutting around Seoul Station in my past life. I'd roll in the dirt before eating one of those.
With a small sigh, I untied the letter from its leg. Please, not Yunnan. Anything but Yunnan—too far, and crawling with filthy jungles and bugs.
Recently, vagabond bandits (parakho) have been rampant on Dongting Lake, oppressing the innocent populace and disrupting the pleasure cruises of the wealthy.
Though Daoists from Wudang Mountain and Hengshan have cooperated to maintain security on Dongting Lake, civilian efforts alone cannot resolve the root issue.
Thus, Deputy Censorate Inspector Han Un is hereby ordered to eliminate the troubles plaguing Dongting Lake.
'Perfect.' My heart eased the instant I saw "Dongting Lake." Since I planned to head north through Hunan anyway, it was directly en route. For once, orders aligned with a straight path instead of endless detours.
... 'I shouldn't be this happy about it.'
Self-loathing soon followed. It still meant no rest, just back-to-back missions. And here I was, thrilled because it was "on the way." Had I unknowingly become a slave to the bone?
"My lord?"
Jo Wi-cheo spoke up, puzzled by my silent stare at the letter.
"Ah, off to Dongting Lake."
"Conveniently on our route."
He nodded calmly. You hated the detours too, huh. Sorry—my boss has no power...
Out of pity, I bowed my head and finished reading. Sure enough, water bandits again. Had these bastards wiped out each other's families in some past life? Why did they pop up everywhere I went?
'Got chased out of the Yangtze, so they slunk into Dongting Lake.'
A hollow laugh escaped at their petty range. I'd heard of the Changgang Su-ro Ship-pal Chae or whatever back in the day—they'd dared defile the Central Plains' lifeline, the Yangtze, and paid with their souls to the authorities. No sane official would cede the Yangtze to bandit scum; that'd mean abandoning the south entirely. So the survivors and their wannabe Water Bandit Kings had gathered at Dongting Lake instead. It connected to the Yangtze, after all. But true to the crowded Central Plains, even their ragtag bunch numbered plenty.
'Wudang Mountain and Hengshan are helping out.'
Wudangpa on Wudang Mountain, Hengshanpa on Hengshan. Two sects already beating back the water bandits on their own, yet it had escalated to needing an official? Either the sects were slacking, or the bandits were cockroach-level resilient. The former was unlikely, so... lots of them.
'This'll be a headache.'
Leading troops to hunt them down everywhere? Already annoying. Even the mountain bandits had apparently all switched to water duty; we reached Dongting Lake without incident.
"Welcome, Deputy Censorate Inspector!"
A weary-faced official rushed up with desperate energy as we entered.
"My thanks for the warm reception. Are you the Branch Manager, by chance?"
A quick mental calculation led to a smooth greeting. Dongting Lake fell under Akju-bu administratively, so the local Branch Manager was the obvious candidate. A Jeong 4-pum like me warranted at least a fellow Jeong 4-pum.
"Yes, my lord! Jang Jo-gwang, humble Branch Manager of Akju-bu by His Majesty's grace."
"I see. Though I've come for unfortunate reasons, meeting a hero like you makes it worthwhile."
His face darkened slightly—likely thinking he was being rebuked for failing to handle the disturbance, forcing a Deputy Censorate Inspector all the way here.
Fair assumption, but wrong. Why beat around the bush with a fellow Jeong 4-pum?
"Your tireless efforts for Akju-bu's peace are renowned across all Hunan. It pains me to think such a man suffers at the hands of ruthless vagabond bandits. I, Han Un, may pale in comparison, but I'll lend my strength to secure Akju-bu and Dongting Lake."
"An honor, my lord!"
Only after stressing my lack of personal grudge did his face brighten.
"Th-that said, my lord. After your long journey, you must be fatigued..."
I chuckled at the transparent ploy and nodded. Refusing would only discomfort him.
"Indeed, rest seems in order."
"Then allow me to escort you to Eyang Pavilion!"
"Haha, excellent. Thanks to you, I can indulge in the luxury of unwinding there."
—That exchange felt like mere minutes ago.
"...Quite a crowd of guests."
"......"
I took in Eyang Pavilion, ignoring the Branch Manager who looked ready to faint standing. More precisely, the swordsmen brawling right out front.
'Impressive.'
No sarcasm—genuine admiration. He'd guided me here confident in its security, yet a brawl erupted at the pavilion itself. The water bandit scum had finally breached the officials' Maginot Line.
"Wi-cheo."
"Yes, my lord."
"Clear them out. The Branch Manager and I need to relax over drinks."
"At once."
Looks like we'd hear the water bandits' wails instead of festive music.