The Only Good Water Bandit is a Dead One - 4
Jo Wi-cheo handed every last one of the captured water bandits over to the Branch Manager. Unlike me, who first heard their names while wandering the land, the Branch Manager—who oversaw this Eyangju-bu and Dongting Lake—must have harbored deep-seated hatred toward those scum over many long years. It was only right for him to deal with them personally rather than me.
"Thanks to you, Left Deputy Inspector, we were able to wipe out the parasites infesting Dongting Lake! On behalf of the people of Dongting Lake and Eyangju-bu, I offer my sincerest gratitude!"
The Branch Manager's face shone like the sun as he took custody of the captured bandits. How much resentment must he have built up to rejoice so at the sight of those mangled wrecks, limbs hacked off one by one? Damned water bandit vermin, always making life hell for good folk.
"You're too kind. The ones who subdued the bandits were Eyangju-bu's brave soldiers and the young martial artists who know how to put alliance into practice. What credit is there for me, who merely watched from the sidelines? Branch Manager, you should at least give those weary troops a small reward."
I modestly shook my head at his thanks. Honestly, even calling it modesty pricked my conscience. All I'd done in this campaign was give Jo Wi-cheo his orders. Sure, in the world of bureaucracy all merit flows upward to the top boss, but there's a limit, right?
They could've handled the subjugation without me anyway.
Truth be told, aside from Jo Wi-cheo, every soldier in the campaign was conscripted from Eyangju-bu. They'd merely delayed the water bandit purge per central directives, but they had the strength to smash them to pieces on their own anytime. I just added a spoon to the pot.
"Nonsense, sir! Without you, we'd have faced heavy losses to take them down!"
"You're overpraising me. From what I saw, your soldiers are all so valiant it wouldn't have come to that."
But the Branch Manager's pent-up grudge ran deeper than I'd thought. Despite my modesty, his eyes sparkled as he kept pouring out thanks. Those water bandit bastards had karma thick as mud...
Accepting my suggestion, he lavished the troops with liquor and meat. He even proclaimed to the locals around Dongting Lake that the brutal bandits were no more, so they could return to their livelihoods in peace. In an instant, the serene lake turned into a riotous festival.
This was the most rewarding part. Burning society's trash to bring peace—that's what bureaucrats strive for in this natural order.
...No need to do it out in the provinces, though.
Suddenly, I felt glum. The capital's where people live and society functions too. Wouldn't effort there suffice? Why was I stuck out here in the sticks?
Damn that woman.
Today, as always, I naturally cursed Jwa Do-eosa. Seemed like the very idea of recalling me to the capital had vanished from her head. Infuriating. She must've been a subordinate once too—did a little promotion make her forget her tadpole days?
May she get a boss just like her in the next life.
Of course, given her conduct, she might not even reincarnate as human.
"Sir."
"Ah, young hero."
As I amused myself imagining Jwa Do-eosa's reincarnation, Jeong U-rok of Hengshanpa approached. He could be called the biggest beneficiary of this water bandit purge. Without me and Jo Wi-cheo showing up at Dongting Lake, he might've met his end under a mob beating from those petty thugs.
"If it's alright, might I have the honor of pouring you a drink, sir?"
Aware of that, he'd been especially friendly to me and Jo Wi-cheo. Being stiff with your lifesavers would make you the real lunatic.
"It's my honor to receive a drink from a hero like you."
I chuckled and held out my cup. He smiled back and filled it.
"Where's Hero Jo Wi-cheo, by the way?"
"Hard to spot in a crowd like this. We'll just wait till he wanders back."
The guy's a glutton for booze and meat, so at gatherings like this he's bouncing around pigging out. But whenever you actually need him, he shows up like a ghost. Mysterious fellow.
"A shame. I wanted to pour him one too."
"He won't turn down a drink, so bide your time."
"Haha, really? That's good to hear."
Jeong U-rok let out a short laugh, then fell silent. I had nothing to say first either, so quiet settled in naturally.
"...Thanks to you, sir, I now know how vast the Yangtze truly is."
His voice carried a bitter edge, breaking the hush.
"Glad to hear it. Plenty live their whole lives without learning that."
I downed the drink he'd poured and replied flatly. The mood suggested he wasn't talking about the river literally. Probably a metaphor: the real world beyond his known one was wider and harsher. Something like that.
"Indeed. Without heaven's mercy, I'd have died before grasping the Yangtze."
As expected, he scratched his head and sat across from me. I'd seen this often as the king's grandson and a Dochalwon official: cocky types crumbling under reality's cruelty. Common as dirt, especially for young second-rate martial artists fresh to the world.
"Truth is, coming down from Hengshan, the world seemed all bright. I'd grown arrogant without realizing, reaching second-rate."
"Happens all the time. Second-rate at your age is impressive."
Yes, hitting second-rate before twenty wasn't trivial. Beyond lay an endless martial path, but second-rate marked you as capable in your role—the realm most martial artists dwelled in. Reach it young, and you'd figure you had talent. And the longer trapped in that confidence, the worse the fall.
"But it was all illusion. Second-rate young means nothing. Age doesn't matter—before first-rate, you're just second-rate."
With that, Jeong U-rok stood, clasped his hands, and bowed deeply.
"Thank you for letting me see the world anew, sir."
"I didn't save you—Wi-cheo did."
"You gave the order to Hero Jo Wi-cheo. My eyes may be dim, but my ears are sharp."
I couldn't help laughing. Freed from arrogance, with a rounded personality too—if he kept growing, he'd make a fine martial artist—
"So I told our sect leader, and he wants to invite you to Hengshan."
?
"What?"
His unexpected words froze my brain. Who was inviting whom?
"You didn't just save Hengshan martial artists—you gave guidance too. He says we must treat you as an honored guest."
Seeing his smiling face, I quietly recalled Hengshan's location.
That's backtracking.
Regrettably, Hengshan lay south of Dongting Lake. We'd have to reverse course.
In the end, I accepted the Hengshanpa sect leader's invitation. Honestly, if anyone should come thank me, shouldn't it be him? But I didn't voice that. No sense flipping off a sect where I'd planted a good impression.
Smooth civilian exchange is a bureaucrat's virtue.
Besides, among the murim lunatics, they shone as a normal sect. Extra care needed. Reject the invite and offend them into restricting escort martial artists? We were already short on those handling official duties by proxy. Lose more, and the state wobbles or bureaucrats drop dead from overwork. No thanks to ending my second life that way.
With my calculations done, I wrapped up Dongting Lake affairs.
"Thanks to you, sir, we're riding easy in the carriage."
"We appreciate it!"
I boarded with two Hengshanpa martial artists.
"It's the same road anyway—no big deal. Ride comfy."
"Yes, sir!"
Unlike the serene Jeong U-rok, his junior sister Kang Yeon bowed repeatedly in awe. She'd thrown a fit about walking at first—I barely talked her into the carriage. Civilians fearing officials was natural, but she needed to grasp I was accepting their sect leader's invite. Disciples trekking on foot while the invitee rides comfy? How'd that look to the leader?
Lucky if he doesn't chew them out.
Old-school bureaucrat too snooty for lowly martial artists' carriage. Bad image to plant.
"...Ah."
Right after the carriage set off for Hengshan, something I'd forgotten resurfaced.
"Sir? What's wrong?"
"No, nothing."
I shook my head at Jo Wi-cheo's question. It dawned on me late, but no big deal.
Forgot to say execute by beheading.
Handing the water bandit chief—who'd pad-lipped me—to the Branch Manager, I'd forgotten to specify beheading or hanging over waist-chopping. No matter. Head off or waist severed, dead's dead. Any way works for good water bandits.
Han Un, dispatched to Dongting Lake, sent a messenger pigeon report.
"Ha."
I burst out laughing the moment I read it.
"Left Deputy Censor-in-chief? Something funny?"
"Take a look. From Han Un."
"Oh, the Left Deputy Inspector?"
Left Assistant Censor-in-chief burst laughing too upon reading the letter I handed him.
"Heh, wraps one job and dives straight into another."
"Tell me about it. I'd planned to recall him after Dongting Lake."
Imagining Han Un's dazed face en route to Hengshan, I couldn't stop chuckling. The guy dying to return to the capital had fumbled his golden chance. Heaven itself blocking his recall at this point.
"Left Assistant."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Wanna bet he'll get new duties after finishing at Hengshanpa?"
He shook his head firmly.
"I'm certain he will, same as you. Bet's off then."
Fair point.