Have You Ever Eaten a Potato?
"Groowl!"
Speak of the devil, and he shall appear, I suppose.
Seems like the beast had come looking for me while I was humming a tune without a care in the world.
This time, he tried a sneak attack from behind.
A total dummy, this one. Why on earth would you growl the moment you sneak up behind someone?
Truth be told, I didn't even notice him until he was right on top of me.
"Knew that was coming!"
"Growrr?"
I snagged him with telekinesis, leaving him frozen midair. His legs kicked at nothing, unable to touch the ground — and with nothing to push off of, there wasn't a thing he could do.
The flailing confusion on his face was plain to see.
Honestly, I'd hoped we could meet up a little. He seemed way too dangerous to leave wandering around the village, and I wanted to do something about it.
"Hmm. So how do we become friends?"
"GRUH-HENG!"
Was that his idea of a threatening roar? Loud as anything, I'll give him that.
"Talk quieter, will you? You're hurting my ears."
I pinned him gently to the ground and sat down across from him. A proper conversation means looking each other in the eye, after all.
His eyes were beautiful — a deep, mesmerizing blue that seemed to pull you in.
I almost got hypnotized for a second there. Snap out of it! Eye contact. Focus.
"..."
"..."
Gradually, the beast's eyes narrowed.
Oh. Not bad, actually? But I'm not losing.
What were we doing, you ask? A staring contest.
Since trading punches wasn't exactly an option between us.
"Ghk..."
Tears were starting to stream down my cheeks, but I still hadn't blinked. A whole bowl's worth of tears had probably flowed by now.
Sniff. Sniff...
"Koo-hung."
"Are you laughing at me? Saying I lost?"
Oh, that made my blood BOIL. Very much so.
So yes, I lost. But now I'm handing down punishment.
"Don't bully the villagers, got it?"
Thwap!
I gave the bridge of his nose a light flick with my finger.
"GRUH-HENG!"
His eyes went wide — whether from pain or shock, who could tell?
Now the beast himself was blinking back tears.
"Huh? Did that really hurt that much?"
"Wait, have you never been hit before?"
That explained it. Guess the saying's true — the biggest, strongest guys never know how to fight, because they've never been on the receiving end.
No pain tolerance whatsoever, in other words...
"Gruh-heng."
Tears welled up in his eyes. Was he crying?
Poor thing...
"Haah..."
"What am I even doing right now?"
Ugh, the self-loathing was real. Here I was, a grown adult, feeling like I'd just beaten up an elementary schooler.
"Gruh-hung..."
Even after I let him go, he kept on sniffling, so I crept closer and gave him a soothing pat by way of apology. His fur had looked stiff and bristly, but it was honestly so soft.
How is a wild animal this soft?
"Whoa. What is this? It's softer than my own hair?"
I was so impressed I started running my fingers through my own head for comparison, and the beast tapped my arm with his tail.
Tap! Tap!
"Hey. That hurts. You mean you're supposed to pet me?"
"Grrow."
His swishing tail was incredibly springy. Was that thing like 100% pure muscle? I wanted to squeeze it, but he'd probably get mad if I touched the tail.
Next time. Next time, for sure.
I went back to absently scratching his head and flanks while sitting beside him. How long was I supposed to keep this up?
"Grr. Grr."
"Is that your version of a cat purring?"
He seemed pretty pleased with himself. It would've been perfect if I had a snack to give him as a treat. A shame, really.
Should I try a potato?
"Ta-da. Here, take a look. This is a potato."
"Sniff. Sniff-sniff."
"You ever had one of these before?"
Slurp-slurp.
He was licking the potato while sneaking glances at me — with exactly the look of a pet begging permission for a treat.
Wait, is this... taming? Is that what this is?
"Wanna try it?"
Slurp-slurp.
"Go on, eat up. You're sturdy, so your stomach should handle it fine."
When I nudged it toward his snout, he chomped away — not just heartily, but with outright gusto.
Wow, what a manly eater. Or — wait, is she a girl?
I glanced down. A girl it was.
"You okay? Tastes good?"
"Grr?"
Whatever I'd said, she cocked her head side to side trying to figure it out, and honestly? Adorable.
"Heh-heh. You're basically just a big cat."
"Sniff!"
"Oh? Clear communication. You're saying no?"
"Gruh!"
"Aww, but you're so cute. Can I hug you?"
I wrapped my arms around her lightly, and she was warm and wonderful. Before I knew it, I'd pulled her into a full embrace and was nuzzling against her.
She was muscle from head to toe. Wow! If only I had a body this firm and solid — meanwhile, the little poke I gave my own arm was all soft squish.
A little jealous, honestly...
For a wild animal, she barely smelled of anything. Just a faint whiff of earth?
As I nuzzled her, she licked me back — I think that was her way of showing affection?
"Does this mean we're officially friends?"
"Sniff!"
"What? You're not licking me to marinate me like a lunchbox, right?"
"Grr?"
"Weren't you out hunting? Do you need to go?"
My primitive friends' harsh lives flashed through my mind. Eat when the hunt succeeds, starve when it doesn't.
"You sure you're okay? Not hungry?"
I worried I'd interrupted her hunt — that playing with me would leave her starving tonight.
"Want more potato?"
Worried she might be hungry, I pulled out another potato, and she snatched it right up and devoured it with relish.
"Hm? Raw potatoes taste good?"
Everything I knew said raw potatoes were supposed to be awful.
Maybe I'll try one too.
Crunch.
Huh? Crunch? You're not an apple, what's with that sound?
And what is this? Why is it actually good?
It was faintly sweet, almost like sweet potato.
"What? Good Lord, what kind of potato did you give me? Is this even a potato?"
A potato that's delicious even raw? What on earth is that?
"Eh, who cares. It's tasty, so that's what matters. Anyway, thank you, Lord!"
"GRUH-HENG!"
"Whoa! Hey! I said QUIET! Don't yell right in my ear."
Slap!
I smacked her flank.
WHUMP!
She swung her tail back at me with an aggrieved look on her face. Oof. That felt like getting clubbed with a log.
That smug expression — ugh, so annoying...
Tap-tap.
She'd finished her potato and was drumming the ground with her tail, clearly demanding more. Was she seriously treating me like a lunchbox?
Or a food vending machine?
"Fine, fine. Eat up."
Still, if raw potatoes tasted this good, they'd make handy emergency food. I'd have to tell the others.
And this warm, soft, fluffy creature was putting me in such a good mood.
"Purrr. Purrr."
Her contented breathing echoed softly through the forest.
"Yaaaawn~ Huh? When did I fall asleep?"
Yesterday, I'd definitely been in the middle of the forest, sharing potatoes with a cat — and then I must have dozed off?
But when I woke up, I was home...
Do I sleepwalk or something?
"Huh. What's going on?"
Figuring at least one villager had seen me come back, I stepped outside to ask around — and immediately ran into Garungda.
"Huh? Garungda, what are you doing in front of my house?"
There he was, pacing back and forth with a restless, worried look on his face.
"Haneul? You okay?"
"Hm? I'm fine? How did I get home last night?"
"Black! Krrak-tura ik!"
He was getting worked up, slipping into his own language.
"Hey, I can't understand you when you talk like that. Calm down."
He patted me here and there, checking me over for injuries, then finally lifted his head once he'd finished looking me over.
"Black beast came."
"Ah, you mean the cat? We became friends."
"FRIEND!????"
Somehow, that seemed to shock him even more.
"Beast dangerous. How friend?"
"Because I'm stronger! I fought her and won."
I rolled up my sleeve to show off my bulging bicep...
Sigh. And there it was — nothing but a pale, smooth, utterly unimpressive bicep.
"OOOOH!! Amazing!"
What was amazing about that?
Then it hit me — they probably thought I was a lunchbox or a vending machine. A twinge of self-loathing crept in.
The black panther who had suffered humiliation at Haneul's hands.
Today, too, she prowled about in search of prey.
"Kitty~"
At the sound of Haneul's voice, her ears flicked upright.
Those gleaming panther eyes swept the surroundings before spotting Haneul approaching in the distance. She crept up cautiously from behind for another ambush — and failed spectacularly.
"Don't bully the villagers, got it?"
She had lost to a single finger.
It was pain unlike anything she had known since birth.
"Gruh-heng."
"Want a potato?"
And then, held captive, she had eaten a plant she'd never seen before.
It was quite delicious. When she nudged for more, he'd given her even more of it.
Among beasts, sharing food meant friendship.
It baffled her. This soft, tender body — how could it possibly be stronger than her own?
"Purrrr."
She had gently carried her sleeping friend home. Her friend's scent was fragrant and distinctive — follow it, and anyone could find where she lived.
Every so often, the cat came to the edge of the forest to visit.
I had to keep a sharp eye out, since she liked to poke her head out from between the trees.
"Here to play again today?"
Petting her and handing over a potato became our little routine.
Then I noticed she always waited in the exact same spot, so I set out a bowl there and kept it stocked with potatoes — carrying with it my hope that my forest friend would never go hungry.
Today, I found myself staring blankly up at the sky, lost in thought.
My friends didn't farm, and it felt like we were missing our window — I really needed to get them planting potatoes.
Now, how did you plant potatoes again?
I seemed to recall piling up soil like little garden mounds to make a field, and planting them in there.
Clunk.
After agonizing over it for ages, I strode out of the house with full confidence.
"What's the worst that could happen if I'm wrong? I just replant. No big deal."
Because I had a plan for everything.
Still, they were plants, so I headed over near the stream to make watering easier.
It was called a ridge, right? Anyway, I started scraping up soil to make one.
CRASH.
"Oops..."
That was... a bit much. I'd somehow dug a pit up to my knees.
Well, in for a penny — I began crumbling the excavated dirt and scooping it back in, little by little.
"Huh? How did this much pile up?"
Before I knew it, the soil had risen into a hefty mound. It had grown far bulkier than I expected — enough to make a pretty decent field, actually.
Now for the ridges!
Carefully, gently, I patted the soil into gentle hills, one after another.
By the time I finished, I had four whole rows.
"How far apart were you supposed to plant them..."
There'd been some proper spacing, I was pretty sure, but I couldn't remember it for the life of me...
"Ugh..."
So frustrating, having gaps in my knowledge. I should've read those books more carefully.
Whatever — generous spacing would have to do. I just shoved a potato into the ground about one stride apart, one after another, until they were all in.
The next morning, I got the shock of my life.
"Am I an idiot? I planted them and didn't even water them?"
That was what had hit me the moment I woke up. Ugh. If only I'd realized one day sooner.
Resolved to water them today and observe tomorrow, I walked out to the field — and what did I find?
"What? How are the sprouts already THIS big?"
Oh my god. Oh. My. God.
The sprouts in my potato field were already as long as my fingers.
"Are... are these things actually possessed by spirits?"
And so I watched them for a whole month.
"What is this... seriously, what IS this?"
I wanted to see how they'd grow, so I didn't lay a finger on them. Really. I did absolutely nothing.
"Did it even rain once or twice?"
Not to mention I never watered them.
"What is this lush potato FOREST?"
I couldn't believe myself. So I brought Garungda over.
"Garungda, can you see this?"
"What that?"
"Potatoes."
"Potato?"
"Yep, I planted them. To farm."
"Farming?"
Actions speak louder than words. I dug into the earth, mounded up the soil, and mimed dropping a single potato into it.
"This is farming."
"Ah! Farming!"
"You plant one, and you get THIS many!"
Grunt! Grunt! I gripped a potato stem and pulled with both hands — and, wow, what gives, it won't come out!
I was supposed to demonstrate! The potato wouldn't budge.
"Garungda, come here and pull!"
"Okay."
Ruuuustle!
The moment Garungda pulled, the mound crumbled apart and out came a whole truckload of potatoes...
"Wow..."
"Wow..."
I was stunned. Garungda was stunned.
What on earth IS this thing?
I was just as flustered, but first things first — I had to get them on board.
"Garungda, hunting is hard. Plant these and eat them instead."
"Farming is also hard. But what this?"
Right? He knows farming is hard work. But surely this would be worth it?
"What is this really?"
Crunch!
Munch munch. Hmm, the flavor was a bit lacking, I supposed?
But even so — wasn't this an excellent food source? Growing THIS big in just one month?
The two of us, Haneul and Garungda, could only stand there staring blankly at each other.
"Oh! Garungda, potatoes taste good even raw."
"Can eat raw?"
"Yep, I didn't know either, but they're fine."
Crunch. Crunch.
Was he that hungry? Goodness...
Friend. Please. Brush the dirt OFF before you eat...
"Mm. Tasty. Good."
"Farm lots of these. Then hunting won't be so hard, right?"
"Understood. Thank you."
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
Agh... brush the dirt off! You dummy!
"Garungda, brush the dirt off first. It'll wreck your teeth later."
"Dirt?"
Swish, swish, swish. I grabbed a potato in both hands and showed him how to rub them back and forth, brushing the soil away.
In seconds, the dirt fell free, revealing the bright yellow potato underneath.
"Ah! Got it."
Scrub-scrub.
"Hey? Gently. Take it easy, you'll crush the potato."
So much strength. Wait — do you even wash your hands, by the way?
What was even the point anymore? Eating dirt, or scrubbing without washing — pick your poison.
Oh well. At least his teeth would survive.