What's China Up To? (1)
Hmm... this is a problem. This whole thing, really...
"So? Is it impossible?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so. The physical differences are simply too great."
She'd set up an Intelligence Bureau under the Foreign Ministry, only to be told her agents couldn't actually do anything abroad. The faces, the height, and those doomed muscles of theirs.
"What about the smaller ones?"
"They can't survive the training."
"Survive what, exactly?"
"Running from Sinsi to Moda and back within a single day. Swimming from Sinsi all the way to Haseo. Lifting ten gwan... that sort of thing?"
Hey. I know I'm light, but ten gwan is ten of me! And a round trip to Moda has to be at least ten ri, doesn't it? Can a human being actually run that in one day?
And then swimming on top of it. Just picturing it left her winded. So we're raising human weapons, huh...
"So what you're telling me is, for now we focus on internal matters?"
"Yes. We'll continue attempts at bribery with gold and silver."
"Fine. We'll need local informants eventually, I suppose..."
Once their equipment improved, sabotage or infiltration and assassination would hardly be a problem at all.
Two spears strapped across her back, a short-sleeved tunic that hung to her elbows and shorts that ended just above the knee.
What kind of person walks around dressed like this?
Were they short on cloth? Even in the southern regions, winter has to be cold, right?
Where was she, you ask? The southern reaches of the Xia Dynasty.
Word was the locals were too wild for anyone to visit, so naturally she'd decided someone had to come see for herself. She'd swiped whatever clothes were hanging around in a village she passed and was now working her way north toward the cities.
"Wow, will you look at this. No roads, no idea which way to even go."
The villages had apparently moved past pit-dwellings — shanty houses were everywhere now. Probably the returned slaves had reported what they'd seen up north, and the pit-huts had gone out of fashion...
No restaurants either, huh? Still living the primitive life, are we?
They'd been primitives back when she first came here too. Surely seeing what her people had built would have rubbed off at least a little?
Whew. And there are so many trees.
After days of walking north, rammed-earth walls came into view, and with them something that actually resembled a city.
So they build earthen walls, do they?
Doesn't that just collapse in the rain? Surely they've got some trick for it? Also — what do people even use for money here?
There didn't seem to be anything resembling a market. She'd been hoping to stop in at an eatery and see what the locals ate, but first—
Wait. These are men's clothes, aren't they?
She'd picked them up because they looked comfortable, and suddenly she was a woman in men's dress. The women here all wore skirts, apparently. No wonder everyone had been staring at her like she was a curiosity.
That said, one nice thing about this place — the people were tiny. The women were around her height or a touch shorter, and the men? Maybe half a head taller at best.
Ugh, but I stand out way too much. I'm the only pale thing around here. Smearing mud on helps, but it wipes right off again...
My kids and me alike. Same weeds, same rice, as the saying goes.
"Hey! You! Something's off about you. Where are you from?"
Dressed strangely and poking around every corner, she'd finally been snagged by someone who looked like a guard.
That's an armor? Really? Leather over your everyday clothes and a single spear. Pretty shabby, no?
"Me. First time. Here."
Ugh, how embarrassing. He probably thinks I'm simple-minded. Their language is genuinely hard! I studied it for ages and I still only catch about half of what they say, and speaking... I just stumble through it...
Yeah... anyone looking at this scene would find me suspicious.
"Are you an idiot? Why can't you talk properly?"
Was that an insult? Does he not brush his teeth? They're not just yellow, they're black... Disgusting. Absolutely filthy.
"Hard. Slowly."
"What is this? Just come with me!"
Huh? Was that not the answer he wanted? He'd grabbed her by the nape of the neck and was now dragging her along. Well, this is off to a great start.
Well, since it's come to this, might as well get a look at their fortress.
Oh! We're going inside the earthen wall. That's a place they guard so closely I could never get a look. I was thinking I'd sneak over at night, and here they are showing me around all on their own.
Hmm? Made from yellowish clay? Mixed with grass and straw too — you can see the effort they put into it.
"Move! Hurry up."
Geez! Pull gently! You're going to tear my clothes! Your clothes are terrible enough as it is.
Riiiip.
Huh? One sleeve just tore clean off.
"My. Clothes."
"Hmph. Come on, keep moving!"
Somehow I doubt they're giving me new ones. Her side had torn a little too, and cold air kept seeping in. Not great.
Clunk.
"Stay in there for now."
"Clothes..."
They'd dumped her unceremoniously into a dark windowless storeroom and wandered off. They'll at least bring me something to wear, right?
Are these people insane? Did they forget they captured me? Leaving me here for two whole days?
"Not a bite of food or a drop of water, mind you."
She'd been hoping to observe their dining culture from the inside, and the whole plan had collapsed spectacularly.
Maybe I should just break out of here...
Clunk.
Of course the door opens the very moment she's about to smash her way out. Lucky me.
"Hm? And who might you be?"
"Me. Got caught."
"Can you not speak properly? Where did you come from?"
"There. In the mountains."
"Ah, a mountain savage, is it?"
So they haven't absorbed the minority tribes yet. The more I look at this place, the more embarrassing it is to even call it a country...
The people looked terrible too. So the Age of Yao and Shun was a pack of lies after all? They brag about their golden age, but open a Chinese mouth and out comes nothing but lies.
"Stay here."
"Okay."
He went outside and started giving orders to the others. Someone with an actual position, then?
And now what is this...
Splash, splash.
She was being bathed by a squad of women, scrubbed briskly with something like a loofah. It didn't hurt even a little. Actually, this feels refreshing.
We need to import this to our neck of the woods. Urgently.
"So she came from the mountains, but her skin has no grime at all. How strange."
"Right? And so white and pretty."
"Oh my? But have you seen? She has no hair!"
"Is she still a child, then?"
"She's a bit... old for that..."
They were looking her up and down. Ladies, I understand roughly half of that. The hair! I really should get a transplant someday, honestly...
Apparently they had nothing like soap — just water and vigorous rubbing, and that was that. Simple, at least.
"But what do you suppose that undergarment she was wearing is?"
"You touched it too, didn't you? It felt like silk..."
"Yet I've never seen anything so thin that you could see through it."
"Wherever could it be from?"
So they can't make fabric that thin yet? And isn't silk something China's been producing since ancient times...?
Oh? They're washing her hair with some kind of plant? It's foaming! Well, fancy that.
"Why does she smell so strongly of flowers?"
"How curious. What could give such a scent?"
"Shall we ask her?"
"Didn't they say she can't speak properly?"
"Ah..."
I'll just play dumb. This is shaping up to be an avalanche of headaches already, and they're bound to start investigating me soon.
The clothes, once returned, were nothing special — men's or women's, take your pick. But those little minxes? They stole my underwear.
It's comfortable, sure, but maybe because it's been so long? I feel terribly exposed. The skirt isn't even that long — I'll have to be careful. One gust of wind and, whew.
"But is she not a criminal? Why on earth give her a room?"
The wooden pillars were still there, but the walls, though they looked like packed earth, seemed sturdier now. Back in the old days the walls had been so riddled with holes one good kick would have brought them down.
There were even beams across the ceiling and stone flags on the floor — it almost counted as an actual house now. Now if somebody would just feed me...
Excuse me? I've now starved for roughly three days. If you were going to starve me to death, why bother bathing me? Is no one coming even after nightfall?
Their memory, their administration — they clearly have neither. Six hundred years have passed and this is what they've got. They'll need another thousand before they can hold a conversation with my people.
Should I just take two spears and a set of underwear as gifts and head home? If only I could confirm they at least feed their guests...
"....!@#"
"@#..."
The room held no furniture to speak of — just a hard wooden bed frame. And just as I'm about to turn in, another well-timed interruption? Voices in the distance...
Shall I wait a little longer?
Thump, thump.
Quite a few sets of footsteps. Is it food?
Clunk.
Oh? So they carry the entire table around with them here. A clay tray arrived bearing rice and several side dishes.
Whew. A field of grass. What am I, a rabbit? A potato would taste far better than this. Then: Wait. Chopsticks? I can't use chopsticks! And no spoon?
Well, they brought it, so might as well eat.
"Thank you for the meal."
Slap.
Huh? Just as she reached for the food, the woman who'd carried the table smacked her hand away. What is this? If you weren't going to let me eat, why bring it? The rice is getting cold — you're supposed to eat it while it's warm!
"Wait."
"Why?"
"The master is coming."
Who's coming? No idea who this master is supposed to be. The language barrier is brutal...
Ahem.
Oh! He's here, apparently. At the sound of a throat being cleared, the woman hurried over and opened the door for him. Would you look at that. So there are nobles here?
Pinch.
"Ow! That hurts!"
Did that wench just pinch me?
"Rise. The master is here."
"Ugh..."
Say it with words! I'm getting whiplash here.
"Ahem."
And what is with this guy and the constant throat-clearing? Sit down already.
"You don't seem to know much. Just sit."
"Yes."
Oh? So I'm eating together with the women too? And here I thought he was a noble. They share tables with the help. Not bad at all.
Clatter, clatter.
Ugh, chopsticks are hard. If I keep copying these women I'll never get any rice down. Fine — I'll grip them like a fist and scoop with the fat end.
"My goodness. She cannot even use chopsticks? What manner of child is this?"
"They say she came from the mountains."
"The mountains, hm. From somewhere deep, I'd wager."
So basically: she's ignorant, and no wonder, coming from the mountains? I'd claimed I was from the mountains back when I first stole these clothes, and it's going over surprisingly well.
But honestly. Is there nothing but salt in this food? Even the salt's questionable. Bland as anything.
And this is why you're all so short — no meat! I'll have to pull some jerky out of my Subspace later. Shame about the loss.
"From what we saw while bathing her, she seemed still a child."
"Is that so? From the look of her body, I'd say otherwise."
"Well, you see... (whisper whisper)..."
"What? How very strange."
These people are incredibly loud when they eat. Chattering nonstop — if only I could actually understand them. I sat there blinking like an idiot until the table was cleared and a cup of water arrived.
Is there no tea or anything? Isn't China supposed to be all about tea? Then where exactly did they steal the tea culture from?
No wonder they spend all their days making knockoffs and copying other people.
"A pretty little thing. Such lovely skin — I imagine it would feel pleasant to hold. A pity. I'll wait a while longer."
"Yes, my lord."
Please leave quickly. I need to get to my meat...
"So, which one shall it be tonight?"
"Let's just go to your room."
"I'll prepare it at once."
After some exchange one of them left, and the remaining three women began clearing the table.
...
Are those wenches hinting that I should help clean up too? Not a chance. If you won't feed me, eat it all yourselves. I'd sooner have raw potatoes and jerky.
Hand me weeds and ruin my appetite, will you?
SLAM!
Glare at me all day and slam the door as hard as you like — the only thing breaking is your own house. Fools.
"Everyone gone?"
Thud.
Heh heh heh. Behold — my camping gear, item number one: the cast-iron cauldron. Feast your eyes, people! This one was custom-ordered from Moda, stove and all, built as a single piece!
And she happened to have an absolutely enormous stockpile of firewood gathered while putting out that wildfire long ago. She fished the logs out piece by piece.
Fwoosh.
Hm? Had she used her lighter recently? No, surely not... How long ago was that wildfire? The embers are still alive? What — is time frozen in there or something? Huh. Six hundred years, and I only just learned this about my own Subspace.
Well, lucky me! The room fills up with smoke, but whatever. Dinner time~
Sizzle, sizzle.
Phew. Get the oil nice and hot in the pot and the jerky and potatoes cook through without sticking at all. And jerky, you know, is absolutely divine when you give it a quick sear over the flame.
Munch munch, nom nom.
Oh! And there's alcohol too!
Glug, glug.
"Ahh~ now THIS is what living is all about."