Let's Hold a Unity Games!
A few years after the prince departed, trade with the West had begun along the Steppe Road.
"Haneul-nim, what should we be asking from them in return?"
Good question... I was wondering the same thing. The pepper is growing wonderfully, you know? Tropical crops thriving in a temperate climate — the world must be ending.
"Hmm. Well, is there anything we actually need? Maybe tell them to bring something novel?"
There are no new plant seeds worth wanting either.
"I suppose we don't really need them bringing toys and trinkets."
Poor thing looks stumped too. They'd haul in all sorts of junk otherwise.
"Then let's just take gold and silver. It'll be easier for them that way anyway."
"Is there a use for it?"
"There will be, eventually. Build sturdy warehouses and just start stockpiling it all, nice and neat."
"Yes, Haneul-nim."
Gold or silver, piles of it are bound to come in handy someday.
This country really is always in its golden age.
"How's the pepper?"
"Now I understand why you wanted it so badly. The people sing its praises constantly."
We had opened a whole new frontier in cuisine with pepper. Salt, pepper, oil — with those three, anything tastes good.
"Oh, and don't go hunting whales for oil. Only use oil that comes from whales caught for their meat."
"Is there really any need for that?"
"Whales are plentiful now, sure. But when they all disappear someday, won't that be sad?"
"Ah... understood."
Huh? That's the face of someone who does not understand.
"What's with that look? That sour expression?"
"..."
"You want to die?"
"No, Haneul-nim..."
Honestly, I have to give him one good smack on the head every time before he comes back to his senses. Is it a family trait?
"Never mind. What do people do with all the money they're saving these days?"
Life's gotten comfortable enough that I figured luxury must be spreading — and I know that once it crosses a certain line, it becomes the first sign of a nation rotting from within.
"Everyone's decorating like mad."
"How bad? What's in fashion?"
I hadn't really noticed people flaunting gold ornaments or anything of the sort. So what is trending?
"The hair collection, as always."
"Still? What on earth do they even use it for?"
Wasn't that an old-timey thing? People are still collecting it?
"So many people have been gathering it for generations that supply has really piled up. They make bracelets with it, headbands, even dye their clothes. And apparently someone made gloves out of it — those took the most hair of all."
I'm sorry, what? Hair gloves? That's horrifying in its own right, you know.
"Why, though? What's the appeal?"
"When the sunlight catches it, there's this unique sheen — truly gorgeous. Could any mere human ever hope to imitate it?"
"Fair point, but..."
I don't recall hearing about any modern dye like that. Except the shine doesn't shimmer rainbow — it's more like the light itself flows across it.
"Fine, do as you like... So all the money's sitting in the treasury again, then?"
"Yes. Very little circulates outside."
That sounds like a good thing on paper, but it's honestly a little terrifying... What if someone develops a way to suppress my powers and kidnaps me?
Hauled away, my hair shorn off, forced to cough up holy water for the rest of my days. Ugh. Genuinely scary.
"By the way, do your cities get along with each other?"
"Nothing bad, but nothing good either."
Before anyone starts talking about independence or secession, I should throw some kind of unity festival.
"Let's hold a Unity Games!"
"What is that, exactly?"
"It's one of the exercises we do regularly — we gather champions from every city and have them compete."
"Hm. A worthy idea. What will we offer as the prize?"
Something rare, something that will lure them in... hmm...
"Should I put up one of my outfits?"
"They're certainly fine garments, but... is that really necessary?"
Ah, mistake. Only a vanishingly small handful of perverts would actually covet a worn garment of mine.
"Then how about I give out kisses?"
"Hmm..."
"Hmm..."
"There should be some lasting token of victory — why not make the prize a certificate signed by you?"
"Really? People are into that sort of thing?"
Building a stadium for every event took far longer than I'd expected. Soccer, jokgu, tagu, a Daehan-style Strongman contest — the tug-of-strength — and since running races refused to end, swimming got added to the list.
And then...
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
"Hold on, let me reapply my lip color."
I was stamping lip prints onto my handmade victory certificates until my hands shook. More events would have been a disaster...
Just five events, and I was already pressing thirty-one certificates. Twenty for soccer, five for jokgu, two for tagu, two for the strength contest, two for swimming.
Soccer is insane. Wasn't it supposed to be ten players a side? These kids play on a bigger field with twenty on each team.
Why did I suggest this again?
"Don't look at me."
I'm going to have to make it once every five or ten years. It's year 420, which makes the dates nice and easy to remember, at least.
"The ball's coming through! Run, now!"
"STOP HIM!"
Soccer here made combat sports look gentle. With twenty players on the field, they were getting knocked out one by one.
WHAM!
"Urk."
Wow! I told them not to use their hands, so he crushed a man flat with his torso instead!
"Guhh!"
And the one who shoved him off and kept running is just as impressive. Someone's going to get seriously hurt at this rate.
But why are the guys without the ball brawling? The ones with the ball are actually playing — weaving and dodging beautifully.
"BLOCK HIM! How are you slower than the guy with the ball?!"
"Hahaha! Come on, slowpokes, keep up if you can!"
Taunting like that is going to get him flattened — what's he playing at? Look at them, eyes bloodshot, swarming him like bees.
BAM!
"Hahaha!"
Oh, it was bait! Though I'm not sure he should be taunting quite that hard.
Huh? Yeah... saw that one coming.
"Huh? Whoa — hey! I don't have the ball!"
Three opponents were still sprinting at full power after the little weasel. He's about to be ground into powder — a human being, mind you.
"You little punk!"
"Kill him!"
"Just try running once you're caught!"
Hmm. We probably need referees. Is this actually okay? Tragic backstories are going to be born out there.
Oh, jokgu next. No contact in this one, so surely they'll behave like civilized human beings?
THWACK!
Wow. Look at the sound of that kick. Return one of those wrong and you'd get a concussion. Maybe that's why nobody's using their heads — literally.
THWACK!
"Here it comes! My serve!"
Is that some kind of attack setup? It looks awfully high...
"HRAAH!"
Whoa — what? Is that a gazelle? Three meters? Four? Just how high can these people jump...
Modern sports are all doomed.
"HIYAH!"
CRACK!
Why is there a crack when she kicked the ball? A crack.
Oh. It was dodgeball, apparently. That was the sound of a skull. The dazed opponent took it to the head and was carried off the court.
Weren't we scoring points here? Wait — is there even anyone keeping score?
Murder-dodgeball. What even is...
Next, the Daehan-style Strongman contest. Yes, this one's simple — a battle against yourself, after all.
This time everyone lined up together across the wide courtyard, getting ready. Looks like a mass event.
Screeeech—
"Contestants, take up your yokes!"
Hmm? Or is that just me? That so-called yoke looked like it was made of solid iron. How heavy is this thing?
And there are round plates laid out on the ground, one person per station — someone loading them on from the side?
"One!"
THUD!
How much does one plate weigh to make a sound like that? Cast in one piece? Then a single plate weighs more than I do.
"Two!"
THUD!
Not one of them is even flinching.
THUD!
Before long they were all hauling ten plates apiece. Dropouts should start appearing any moment now — some are already staggering.
I'll have to tell them to know when to quit. If anyone tries to gut that out, they'll genuinely wreck themselves. This event needs a redesign — rolling giant iron spheres would be better.
And then, tagu.
The women's division had plenty to see. Tank tops, in this era. Fashion running absurdly ahead of its time — paired with what might be a short skirt or might be shorts.
The women really have gotten slender, too — limbs, waists, all of it.
"HYAAH!"
BANG!
Ah... well... at least the power's the same?
Even the sound of the hit is different from when I first made the game and played it myself. The court looks twice the size, too.
I'd worried that a bigger court would make cross-court shots impossible to chase, but they're all moving like lightning.
The physiques are insane. Absolutely killing it.
Oh, and swimming. The women's division was wildly popular there too.
Would it kill them to make actual bikinis? The top was a chest covering with a little extra fabric, tied off with straps. The bottom was a single scrap you couldn't tell was triangle- or square-cut.
In every possible way, our Daehan runs far ahead of the times.
"On your marks!"
Huh? That's supposed to be a swimming start — why are they crouching like sprinters?
SCREEEECH!
"HRAAAAH!"
Whoa? They didn't run — they flew. They sprint, take flight, and dive in. A whole new world.
SPLASH-SPLASH-SPLASH!
That kick-off looks more powerful than a motorboat engine. A few of them together could probably tow a ship.
I felt it again today — these are absurdly strong people. Overwhelmingly so.
War is absolutely off the table. They need sports to burn off all that energy. If any of them ever got a taste for bloodshed, it would be a catastrophe.
Did I emphasize the nation a bit too much? If fascism ever took root here, things would get ugly...
"What are you thinking about, Haneul-nim?"
"Huh?"
"You're due at the awards ceremony."
"Oh. Right, of course."
Float~
Today I descended upon the podium gracefully through the air. My VIP seat is right at the very top, so taking the stairs would just be a public nuisance.
"OOOOOOOHHH!!!!"
The entire crowd did nothing but roar, and it felt like the ground itself was shaking.
RRRRMM
Huh? Wait a second? Did the ground actually just shake?
"Is everyone having fun?!"
There was a metal horn installed on the podium, rigged to amplify and broadcast my voice. Apparently, without it, the crowd wouldn't hear a word.
"YEEESSS!!!"
RRRRMMMM
Louder than before?! Their voices are shattering glass now — I'm honestly worried the buildings might come down.
"I created the Unity Games because I want you all to live in harmony, city with city. You'll keep getting along from now on, won't you?"
"YEEESSSSS, HANEUL-NIM!!!"
RRRRRRMMMMMMMM
That settled it, once and for all. A human voice can be a weapon. The sound rolled out in an absolutely colossal wave.
If they could sustain that for a few minutes, they really could bring down a building.
"Now, let's begin the awards ceremony!"
It being the very first Games, there were plenty of hiccups, but the Unity Games wrapped up without serious incident. The events weren't many, yet the victories spread nicely across the board.
Soccer went to Sinsi, jokgu to Bukju, the strength contest to Moda, tagu to Pyeonghwa, and swimming to Samgang.
First of its kind — it'll live long in the annals of history, I suppose.
Everyone seemed to treat it as a matter of family honor; there were tears, and the men especially turned red in the face over something or other.
Oh wait, the women are blushing just as hard, aren't they?
Please, whatever you're thinking, think it somewhere with no people around...
"The awards are done, so finally — let's all live happy and joyful lives. Don't envy what others have; I want each of you to find happiness within what's already yours!"
"YEEESSSS!!!!"
Is this a kindergarten? All these people know how to say is "yes." Plenty got injured along the way, but everyone slapped on some healing saliva, popped back to their feet, and the festival came to a joyful end.
Here's hoping there's much more fun to come.
"Phew... why are there so many brawls breaking out?"
"Well, they were drinking and arguing about who played too rough during the matches, and it came to blows."
"Liquor or water, it's all the same — this isn't an alcohol problem, is it?"
"No, Haneul-nim. It is not."
Among our friends in Daehan, apparently, getting drunk makes you a weakling.
They say you must drink at a wedding when seeking permission to marry — so these brawlers will never marry, and their genes will die with them.
"So what did they decide to do about it?"
"The cities are going to hold rematch after rematch among themselves."
"Huh? Seems reasonable."
"Yes. It's not as though anyone was hurt badly enough to matter."
Excuse me? People got skulls cracked and limbs broken? As long as nobody dies, that's fine? Since saliva fixes everything?
Still, the cities competing against each other is a good thing, honestly. A little rivalry never hurts.
Because in the end, this is exactly like the little brother or sister who got beat up outside coming home and getting scolded — you hit my sibling, that's my job, not yours!
Even if they fight amongst themselves, they'll stand united as one against any outside threat. And the inter-city rivalry will drive progress along even faster.
A happy ending, really.
"So about those certificates — could you make a few more—"
Is she insane? Dilute the scarcity?
"You'll get something else!"