Mandatory Administration

"No! You really don't want to do it that badly?"

Lately, one thing keeps catching my eye. Administration is slowing down. And it doesn't seem to be simply because the land has grown bigger.

"Now then, Chancellor."

"Yes?"

"How long has your family held the office of Chancellor?"

"It must be over 2,800 years now."

Oh good grief... older than I thought? And why are your eyes welling up with tears?

"Why is it that this country's officials are hereditary? Officials were supposed to be a comfy rice-bowl job, weren't they? People should be scrambling for the post, embezzling here and there — that's how it's supposed to go!"

"There is no one who wants to do it."

"Is there really no way around that?"

"There doesn't appear to be one."

Hmm. That's awfully decisive?

"Then what about the people handling administration further down?"

"The families that first held ministerial posts at the nation's founding — their descendants rise to minister, don't they? And then those ministers fetch ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the children of their own households to serve under them."

Huh? Not hiring, not recruiting — fetching?

"So it's a handful of families, with their children's children's children's children running everything?"

"That is correct."

Hmm. Well, the family tree keeps branching, so I suppose the number of people handling administration does grow.

"What about the mayors who run the cities?"

"The same situation there. One household, generation after generation."

The mood is getting far too gloomy?

"Hmm... isn't there anyone, anyone, who wants the job?"

"If there were, would I still be sitting here like this?"

Fair point. Even I would hand the presidency — or a crown — to whoever offered to take it and bolt for the hills.

"How about selecting people by examination?"

"You mean like a punishment — appointing whoever scores lowest?"

What's with that utterly scandalized face? And wouldn't low scorers mean administration simply stops functioning?

"Appointing the bottom of the class would certainly make everyone study frantically to avoid it, though?"

"It's a desk job, isn't it? Sitting comfortably all day. Why on earth would anyone hate it?"

"That is precisely why they hate it."

Hmm... something is deeply off here. I should not be treating these people as ordinary humans...

"Normally folks are supposed to hate physical labor. What am I supposed to do with this?"

"In any other country, that's the norm. Why is ours like this?"

Is it because their bodies are just too good? Why does everyone love charging around outdoors so much?

"Let me think of a way."

"There is none. If one existed, I would have escaped long ago."

Excuse me? Even so, when you give an order, the kids fall in line — "Yes, sir! Yes, sir!" — don't they? Let them taste the sweetness of power!

Not that I have anything more to offer them. Now what do I do?

"And look at this."

「CLOMP」

Every single page says "resignation letter," doesn't it? And the box is stuffed full of them?

"What is all this?"

"Resignation letters. From the mayors all the way up to the ministers."

"So you could cut anyone loose the moment they displeased you?"

"Yes! Exactly so."

"Then why won't you actually accept any of them?"

I can see even the lowliest grunts in there — couldn't you show a little mercy and let one or two go?

"I could never do such a thing — how dare they even ask. Heh heh heh heh."

Aha! It's a self-destruct loop! He can't quit, can he? So he refuses to process the mayor's resignation, and the mayor, unable to resign himself, refuses to process his subordinates' resignations either?

Wow. The hereditary transmission of power. Truly magnificent.

"Why not just run away, then?"

"I would have to find somewhere the Intelligence Bureau cannot reach."

Ah... then it's hopeless. His options are living deep in some mountain range befriending tigers, or abandoning his parents and siblings to go dwell in that country where they play at being primitives.

Life outside is harsher than here, so nobody moves out by choice. If someone's out there and it's not the Intelligence Bureau on assignment? They're automatically a fugitive, and the Bureau drags them back.

"It breaks my heart."

"Are there truly that few people willing to do paperwork?"

"Shall we seize some foreigners and make them do it?"

"Oh? Slaves?"

"Precisely."

Where would you even acquire such high-grade slaves? Is there a method?

"From where?"

"Drag them in first, beat them until they learn."

"Then we'd have to guard them forever, wouldn't we?"

"Wouldn't that be more entertaining, though?"

Hmm. Really? I suppose I could think of them as sandbags?

"What if we lured them with hair tonic or Holy Water?"

"We tried that before. They simply said they'd work hard and buy it themselves."

"Hmm..."

We're doomed? There's really no way — and now even he's about to cry...

"Ah? Then — do they not slack off and goof around instead of working?"

"Hmm..."

What? Why are you looking at me so darkly?

"Haneul-nim, what would you do if I stopped working and played around?"

"Set the Intelligence Bureau on you and beat the s—... ah."

Is violence hereditary too? Should I call this a generational oppression-by-beating?

Although, now that I think about it... that is the most convenient method, isn't it?

"We're slaves, aren't we?"

"Yes..."

So it's not that slavery doesn't exist here. There are simply far too many slaves already...

"You all suffer so much."

"Sob... it truly is exhausting."

"Anything you want? Anything you desire?"

"My resignatio—"

「THWACK」

I must have misheard? Is my hearing going with age?

"Hm? What was that?"

"Sob... nothing."

Is there truly no other way?

"Ah! Hey! I've got it!"

"Really!?"

"Yup! At the very least, I can cut the workload way down!"

"OH!!!"

Yeah! Less work means nobody has to pull all-nighters anymore!

"Go home early for a while!"

"Yes!"

"And have lots of children!"

"Ah..."

More workers means less work per person, and everyone gets breathing room!

"Hic... how could you! Ohhhh..."

What? That's not it? Why is he weeping so mournfully?

"Ha... I'm sorry. Stop crying and help me think of a solution."

"Hic..."

Ha... I can't exactly drag people in by force. Hmm...

Wait. By force? Hold on — I can do that, can't I?

"Hey! I've got a great idea!"

"What now..."

"Mm! It's a really good idea, so wipe that scowl off your face."

"Fiiine..."

Honestly, I'd love to slug him one, but you don't hit a crying man — I'll let it slide this once!

"Let's introduce conscription!"

"Of soldiers?"

"No? What do I call this... a compulsory clerk draft? Conscrip-cruits?"

"Hm?"

Ugh, the phrasing sounds all wrong. Not "compulsory," but... hmm...

"Ah! How about Mandatory Administration?"

"What is that?"

"Every citizen of this nation shall serve a fixed term performing administrative work!"

"Gasp! How cruel!"

What? This brat?

"What a magnificent piece of evil legislation!"

"Evil? We're supposed to live by helping one another!"

"Ah! Of course! Isn't our founding ideal to live together in harmony, helping each other!"

Huh? That's how you interpret it? Isn't that a stretch?

"About five years should do it, right?"

"Twenty years each, then!?"

"Do that and it won't be a riot — you'll get stabbed in your sleep. Dead."

"Ah..."

"Think it through. Five years should be plenty, hmm? We'd have to exempt soldiers and artisans with special skills, of course."

If they'd rather flee over this, I'd sooner they just go — but I won't be sending them off nicely. Heh heh heh.

"But won't far too many people become soldiers to escape it? And lots of artisans too? This is truly wonderful!"

"UHahaha! What do you think?"

"Brilliant, Haneul-nim!"

"Hurry off and settle the details."

"Everyone will love it! I'll get started right away!"

Wow. He's genuinely thrilled, isn't he? This is the first time I've ever seen him this excited.

"This is a bit of a problem, isn't it? Didn't you take this a little too seriously?"

"A matter of this gravity demands nothing less."

For the first time, I have a feeling this country might actually plunge into chaos.

"What if a rebellion breaks out?"

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"Huh? ...You're right, actually?"

Rebels automatically become unemployed, no?

"And if it's just an ordinary riot?"

"Couldn't we simply arrest them all and put them to work?"

"As a form of punishment?"

"Oh! Exactly! Commit a crime, get locked up somewhere, and be put to work on administrative paperwork!"

It's really that bad, huh? Just what kind of administrative work are these people buried under? They did say the all-nighters were endless.

Well — things should lighten up now, shouldn't they?

The law was promulgated, and lately the temple prayer halls have been loud.

"Haneul-nim! How can such a law be allowed to exist!"

I did come up with it, but I didn't write the details, you know?

"Please, I beg you — abolish the Mandatory Administration system!"

"Hic hic. No! If you'd only waited one more year, you wouldn't have had to serve at all!"

So that one is exactly thirty, is he? And is the job really that miserable? Coming to the temple to worship and wailing like that?

Oh? Those big, burly fellows are coming this way? Probably best to wrap it up?

"Someone has to do the work — wouldn't it be better if we all shared the burden?"

"UWAAAAH!"

"Stop him!"

"Urkk..."

Even coming from me, this kind of reaction? Fainting on the spot?

「THUNK」

"Who— Eep!"

The frightening big brothers were on their way to intervene, but they were already too late? And now he's being dragged off to the prayer room?

"Heh heh heh. Haneul-nim, you have made a fine law."

"Hm? The temple approves too?"

For once, Daesinjāng is smiling from ear to ear.

"Indeed. The number of applicants for the priesthood has grown, you see."

"Oh?"

The artisans and the soldiers were all scrambling to sign up as well — splendid!

「CRASH-BANG」

"Uwaaah! I won't become a priest!"

"Come here. Once you have set foot inside, there is no leaving."

"AAAHH, no!"

Oh... someone's attempting to defect?

「RATATAT-WHACK」

Whoa! That scatterbrained fellow went flying through the air — what a lightning-fast side kick!

"Urgh..."

「THUD-CRASH」

Heh heh. Launching a man clean across the room with a single blow. Just how hard did he kick?

"Heh heh. Have you not heard the rule? The deal is struck — no refunds."

He can't even run? But is it really acceptable for priests to be that brawny?

Send a few of them off to some mountain to play bandits and they'd be perfect for it.

"Heh heh heh. A child who has not yet found his path. Since nothing appears to be broken, with proper education he will make a fine priest."

True, I didn't hear any bones snap? Still — since when is being punch-proof the mark of good priestly material?!

"Nobody's dying or anything, right?"

"Heh heh heh. That, too, would be Haneul-nim's will, would it not?"

What? If they die, it's my will? Or is it fate?

On the way back, I passed the administrative offices — pandemonium there as well.

"Hic... sob..."

"Waaah..."

"Sniff..."

Why is everyone walking in crying? Is somebody eating them? No — they're just commuting to work, aren't they? Is it really that heartbreaking?

Walking in like that, the only thing waiting for them inside is a beating from the kids anyway?

Ah! Maybe they're crying because they're scared of getting beaten?

And last of all, I stopped by to check on the Chancellor too.

"Your face looks a lot brighter."

"There is so much more to work with now!"

"It won't help right away, though?"

It's not like there's a training academy for new hires — wouldn't it take a good year before any of them were actually useful?

"Work is something you learn by being beaten while you do it."

"But the children will get hurt..."

"Slap some Holy Water on them."

Wait... is Holy Water doing good in this world, or evil?

Gasp! A terrifying thought just struck me. Couldn't this be used for interrogating prisoners of war, too?

They'd take their beating cheerfully — "Now I go to the great beyond!" — ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and then their wounds would knit right back together. And ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠then the beating would begin all over again!

Hold on. Aren't the military and other places already using it exactly like this? The temple too?

"By any chance..."

"Yes?"

"Do government offices burn through a lot of Holy Water?"

"Hm. After the military and the temple, we are the largest consumers, I believe?"

"Er... um..."

I've become too scared to learn the details... I choose to stay ignorant on this one...