Being a Teacher Is Hard

Being a teacher is hard.

"Alright! So here's what we need to think about: why does the Qin state—or all the many states before it—keep splitting apart and tearing each other apart like this?"

Sniffle.

"Waaah! Teacher, he's eating his boogers!"

"Ewww, gross!"

"Tasty, though?"

Haha. So being a teacher is really tough, huh?

I'd come down to Daedo to try my hand at teaching as a side job. Geumga was running smoothly on its own, and the processing methods just kept improving, so it looked like I'd have nothing to do there for a while. I figured I'd come here, watch some adorable children, and relax a bit.

"Haaah..."

Clearly, I had made some truly terrible miscalculation. The adorable children were nowhere to be found. The place was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠crawling with little frog-faced hellions.

"Teacher, you look tired?"

"No, no. I'm fine!"

"Here, this is a present for you."

"Oh! What could it be?"

Why are there so many snotty-nosed kids in a place this warm, anyway? Still, they were beaming so brightly, holding out their little hands, calling it a gift.

Plop.Wriggle-wriggle.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

CRASH!

AAAAGH! I opened my hand to see what it was and nearly had a heart attack. Falling over from the shock was just a bonus. Because there, squirming in my palm, was a green caterpillar thicker than my finger.

"Ahahahaha!"

"Ehehehe!"

"Teacher fell down!"

"A grown-up fell over!"

"She's a dummy! A dummy!"

"Oh! I can see Teacher's underwear!"

"Where, where!"

Ugh... I can't even smack them, because they're children. What am I even doing with my life? My mistake, plainly, was idling away my time and then getting a job at a school just because a few kids passing by looked cute.

Scramble.

"Whew. Whew."

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I must keep my composure. I cannot lose to these little ankle-biters.

Tap-tap.

"Now~ let's all look at our books again~"

Steady my heart, guide the children down the path of learning. That's the job, right?

Flutter.

"Wow! Teacher's underwear is pink!"

When did she get up and come over here? Didn't she just sit down a minute ago? Now they're lifting up my skirt and inspecting my underwear too.

Hehehe. So I've lost, have I?

"Hey! You cursed little brats! Knock it off this instant!"

"Eep!"

See? You just have to yell, and they get scared and listen.

"The witch is angry!"

"Run!"

"AAAH!"

"Let's go home!"

Whoosh!

Unbelievable? They're playing hooky with that much confidence? There were thirty of them just now, and not a single one remained in sight. What kind of school lets kids come and go as they please? So much for a cradle of learning...

Ahahaha...

The place I was actually in was closer to a daycare where someone watches over the children. A teacher stays in the room, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠minds the kids, and more or less teaches whatever strikes her fancy—that was the level of it. I hadn't taught a single proper lesson since arriving. Is the problem me, or the children?

The kids had scattered, but there was a lounge-slash-staff room where the teachers gathered, so I headed there. It's not just me, you know. There are plenty of others like me. Daedo has an absolutely enormous number of children.

Screech.

"Huh?"

"Oh? You too, Teacher Shin?"

"Yes..."

"So that commotion just now was your class, Teacher Shin..."

"Haaah..."

So this was the one whose classroom had erupted in chaos before mine did, sending kids streaming out the door. Teacher Hwang, twenty-three years old—my twin rival in driving children out of the school.

"What could be the problem?"

"I have no idea..."

"Well, surely the older children behave better?"

"I teach the older children, and they do not."

Ah, right. This one has the upper grades. I'd forgotten for a moment.

A tiny creature, belting it out loud enough to ring through the entire school. I can't live like this. Go sing about your own underwear color, kid.

Screech.

"Oh my? Wouldn't that be Teacher Shin of the pink underwear?"

"Ahaha... that would be me."

This woman is teasing me, isn't she?

"You really should wear pants, or you'll keep falling for it, you know?"

"Haaah..."

So it's advice now. How thoughtful, thank you very much. The trouble is, I only packed skirts. Am I going to have to buy clothes here?

"Still, it's a cute color you wear, isn't it? My daughter loves pink too. Ohohoho!"

"Yes..."

It's worn underneath—does the color really matter? What a ridiculous madam.

"But setting that aside, what are we to do about the children?"

This madam was a veteran. I had never once seen trouble break out in her classroom.

"Hmm. Dignity and fighting spirit?"

"What is that, exactly?"

Is she marching off to war?

"This is combat. If you don't seize the initiative from the children, they'll eat you alive."

"With... children?"

Was I supposed to have an all-out bloodbath with them? That's technically my area of expertise, but against kids, wouldn't that be a bit cruel?

"They say you must never take children lightly, no matter how small they are."

"I see!"

The moment you step onto the battlefield, everyone is your enemy.

The day of the decisive battle had come. Time to deal with every last one of those little brats.

Screech.Tap.

"Huh?"

I opened the door and stepped inside, and something dropped.

"Ribbit."

"KYAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH!"

I truly despise insects, but let it be known that I despise reptiles and amphibians no less. Who knows what slimy residue might get smeared on you?

Wait. Huh? It's hairless all over, actually.

Boing.

"Ribbit?"

The frog bounded away and vanished out the door, hop hop hop. I hate it so much! You little brats!

"Wh-who was it?"

"..."

"..."

You have to know who it is before you can fight them, no?

"I won't get mad, I promise~"

"PUHAHA. Yeah right, as if! My mom told me that if you're gonna lie, you should at least wet your lips first!"

"EEK! You cursed little brats—come at me, every last one of you!"

That one is obviously the culprit, but I hate them all equally!

"Eep!"

"Oh no, it's Mom!"

"What do we do?"

Getting scared now is pointless. There will be no mercy.

"It's war!"

"Charge!"

"Yayaya!"

"FORWARD!"

Wait, what? That's not how this goes? They're supposed to cower in fear? Thirty children—a little more than half the class—came swarming at me.

"Hey! Grab on!"

"Catch her!"

Huh? Whuh-oh? Two of them latched onto my legs, and suddenly this body's strength couldn't manage so much as a hop. Two kids together are easily half my body weight, aren't they?

"H-hey, hold on! Wait! Let's do this one-on-one, fair and square!"

"HA! You're hilarious! What kind of grown-up fights kids one-on-one!"

You! Look at this disrespectful little monster! To me, who is nearly three thousand years old!

But... he does have a point? I can't argue with that!

"Ah! No! Wait—!"

"No negotiations!"

"WAAAAAAAH!"

Wow. What brutes. Thirty of them piling on top of me—there was simply no answer to that.

Squirm, squirm.

"Whoa, guys! Teacher's chest is bigger than it looks! Bigger than my mom's!"

"Really?"

"Me too, let me see!"

I am not the slightest bit curious about your mothers' measurements, so would you kindly move. This is exhausting. And you there, sitting your butt square on my face—who even are you? I can't get a single word out.

And so I got thoroughly, unceremoniously trampled.

"Yeah! We won!"

"Great! Then let's go home!"

"Let's go!"

Wow... today set an all-time record for dismissal. They leave the moment they arrive? Why do these children even come to school?

Slam.

"Nobody's here."

Hehe. Unbelievable. How on earth am I supposed to teach these kids anything?

Screech.

"Hehe. We're early today, aren't we."

Even my partner in crime, Teacher Hwang, wasn't in today. Should I just go home?

Ha... go home, sure—but only after winning my way out of here somehow...

"What do I do."

Reflexes and quick footwork mean nothing here. The moment even one of them latches on, it's over. The classroom is far too cramped for creating distance.

And so I whiled away my days in childish brawls with the children. Never winning once.

Today was an outdoor lesson. We would head to a nearby mountain and learn which plants and trees were safe to eat and which were not.

Really it was closer to self-directed study—one book in hand, wandering the forest. And being natives, I suppose, the kids knew this stuff far better than I did, children though they were.

"Teacher, can I eat this one?"

"No, you can't~"

You know better than I do, so why are you asking?

"Teacher, do you have a sweetheart?"

"No, I don't."

"Why not?"

"I don't have one because I don't have one?"

They ask about absolutely everything.

"Then I'll make a special exception and marry you, Teacher! Just wait a few years for me, okay?"

"Aww, how generous. Thank you~"

"Yep! You're welcome!"

Congratulations to me—I now have a pint-sized husband. Aza!

Wandering here and there, suddenly it was time to head back. Lesson hours are always short. We only have them in the morning, after all.

"Alright, everyone, let's head back!"

"Yes!"

Did we come in too deep? Well, it's a quick trip back.

Rustle.

"Grrrrr."

Fwish.

"Huh?"

A leopard! From a fair distance off, I could see it about to launch itself at one of the children.

Da-da-DUM.

"Watch out!"

It was charging the child, so I charged too—a double flying kick!

THWACK!

Tumble-tumble.

I may be light on my feet, but leopards aren't all that heavy either, apparently. The thing rolled beautifully.

"Grrrrr."

"Uuuuhh... Uwaah..."

"WAAAANH!"

The leopard was snarling its most terrifying snarl, and the kids were in a full-blown panic.

Thankfully, it wasn't a pack animal, so as long as we watched this one, we'd be fine?

"Grrrrr."

"Everyone! Get behind me! If you're scattered, you're in danger!"

"Uh... gather up, quick!"

"Hurry!"

I'd assumed they were only drilled and coordinated when it came to mocking me and running away, but they were sharp in a crisis too. Native children really are built different! Crying their eyes out and still doing what needed doing.

"You want a fight?"

"Grrhk..."

Sliiide.

It was backing up. Was it going to retreat?

Tap.

"Thought so!"

It was a crouch to launch its leap!

Whip!

My skirt hem spun through the air as I pivoted and drove a roundhouse kick straight for its temple.

THWACK!

"GYAAK!"

Thud.

The leopard rolled off to the side yet again. It must hurt, but that can't be helped.

Hsss...

"Now, everyone, get back behind me!"

"Yes!"

Turning to face the direction the leopard had rolled, I waved the children behind me. Its position had changed, after all. With this many kids, I had to position myself carefully.

"Grrrrr."

"Let's not do this anymore. Okay?"

Rustle, rustle.

The leopard was backing away bit by bit. And this time—whether it was truly leaving—the sound of it pushing through the brush grew fainter and fainter.

"Everyone!"

"Yes!"

"We're going to walk slowly out of the forest, just like this. No rushing!"

"Yes!"

Just in case, I'd have to walk backward, wouldn't I? Nothing for it. We'd keep going like this a little longer, then bolt for it.

"Doesn't look like it's following us, but just in case—nobody strays far, we all run out together!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Nobody splits off! Keep your eyes on the friend beside you!"

"Yes!"

There was no telling if that thing might circle back from a distance, so we had to move as one. If the kids scattered, it could turn into an absolute disaster.

"No need to rush, so stay alert as we go!"

Right. No reason to panic—if the worst happened, I could always freeze the thing in place with telekinesis.

Their little legs were short and their running was slow, but children living in this era have stamina beyond anything you'd expect.

We made it out of the forest in no time.

"Whew. Whew."

"Wow. That scared the soul right out of me."

Even after we left the forest, it took a good long stretch of distance before the kids and I could finally relax.

"You all did wonderfully. Now, let's go home."

From the open ground at the forest's edge onward, we were reasonably safe. Leopards rarely venture out where there are no trees.

That was the first real fright I'd had in ages. No, wait—it wasn't the leopard. It was the frog, and the caterpillar, and so much else.

Fine, I admit it! Honestly, those were scarier, weren't they?

"Teacher, that was so cool."

"Teacher, are you good at fighting?"

"Whoa. So you were going easy on us all this time?"

"A real grown-up, for sure."

"The soldiers who guard our village move just like that. So cool."

Ahmm. Ahem. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠That's me for you. Now that they know how fearsome I am, surely they'll start minding their teachers?

"Alright, everyone off to your homes now."

"Yes~!"

Fufufu. So this is what they call invisible charisma? School life was about to get a whole lot easier.

From today onward, I was reborn. From now on, whenever I walked into that classroom, I would be received with the awe of my students!

Screech.Plop.

Huh? Something cold just dropped in front of me?

Fsss, fsss.

Some cold, long, slithering lifeform was flicking its tongue right before my eyes.

"KYAAAAAAAAAH!"

A LIZARD! Are they out of their minds?! That's on my hate list too! Do these kids have psychic powers or something—how do they keep selecting exactly the things I can't stand?

Waaah. I want to go home. For real.