You All Work So Hard~ (1)
Slurp. Mmm~ now that's the stuff.
A warm cup of tea first thing in the morning. Honestly, could life get any more peaceful than this?
I can look out at the world without even opening a window in the dead of winter. Our glass artisans are simply the best!
Okay, so the insulation is an absolute disaster, but whatever — you just stoke the fire harder. Which means we burn a LOT of wood around here. The mountains are basically turning into open fields at this point. We have coal mines up in Seonju, but lately there are more lumberjacks than miners.
"Hah... was it last year?"
And it's not just the trees growing well. Every weed and vine has been growing like crazy too.
Kudzu especially. Hoo boy, those things are relentless! They come creeping down from the mountains all sneaky-like! So now we're digging the stuff up and eating it all across the country, and even exporting it. Apparently people buy it in droves for medicine.
"To think deep forests are barely livable for people these days..."
Because at this point, the forest is a den of monsters.
Even the hunters have a hard time venturing in. The boars, having run out of kudzu to build muscle on, have gotten as fat as domestic pigs! I heard people started calling them "house boars" because they're practically the size of a house.
Tigers and bears are enormous and terrifyingly strong too. Every once in a while, one of my people gets dragged off.
Plants, trees, humans, animals — everything here is ridiculously powerful.
Scritch scritch.
"Hm? What's wrong?"
The weasel, whose fur has turned white for winter, was busily scratching itself first thing in the morning.
"Itchy? Go take a bath."
I should wash up with him later, actually. He's amphibious and absolutely loves water, so bathing him is a breeze.
Rustle rustle.
"Hm? What now?"
Something black kept dropping off him? Do weasels get dirt and dead skin too? But those things were way too big for that?
Squirm squirm.
"KYAAAAAH! BUGS!"
What the hell! What are those things, they're huge! I'm pretty sure they're about the size of a fingernail?
Thwip!
I hurled a dagger, almost on pure instinct!
SPLAT.
"Ugh, gross!"
Bright red blood splattered everywhere! So it was a bloodsucking bug, huh?
I'd completely forgotten they existed all this time — but how am I supposed to deal with lice and fleas?
Knock knock knock.
"Your Holi—"
"Quick! Get in here! It's an emergency!"
"Oh? What on earth is the matter? Did assassins sneak in?"
Once you spot one, you spot them all! Tiny bugs were crawling everywhere! I'd been whacking them left and right with everything from daggers to pebbles!
"There are way too many bugs!"
"Have you perhaps not been bathing often?"
Excuse me? This little—? How did he know I've been skipping baths lately?
"If it's like this in here, imagine how infested everywhere else must be!"
"There are a few, I suppose."
"Then let's get rid of them!"
"How would we exterminate every last one of those tiny things?"
Maybe there's something useful among all the plants the kids keep bringing in? Seriously, what does the research institute even do all day?
"Go tell the research institute to find a plant that repels bugs, right now!"
"You can hunt bugs with plants?"
"You extract whatever the bugs hate from the plant, obviously!"
"How?"
Is he out of his mind? Is this some kind of folk exorcism ritual we're doing now?
"That's what the research institute is for, isn't it?"
YOU'RE supposed to figure that out! Why are you asking me?
"They don't even bite unless provoked, so why not just leave them be?"
"Huh? They don't bite unless provoked?"
I just watched one that lived on blood, didn't I? Its belly was absolutely stuffed with the stuff — whose blood was that, then?
"Well, they do bite once in a while."
Is our skin just that tough? Do the bugs find humans too chewy to bite?
"Then are you even bothering to kill them?"
"We squash them when we see them."
"Fine, with your tough hide you might not get bitten much, but those bugs carry disease! I'm telling you!"
How could they not know, when that wretched pairing of rats and fleas devastated the entire world with the Black Death once before?
"Especially if people start dying with their bodies turning black, that would be a true catastrophe!"
"Turning black..."
"Yeah, if you catch it, you pretty much d—"
Wait. Die? Aren't we all kept alive by the Holy Water?
"They die?"
"I've heard of those symptoms, but never that anyone actually died from them?"
Huh? Hm... so they've overcome the plague? Now that I think about it, I haven't heard any rumors about smallpox outbreaks either?
"Do we have epidemics at all?"
"I've never heard of any, at least not wherever the Temple is. Among the distant natives, there are tales of some disaster or other having befallen them. As I've mentioned, thanks to the trees and the Holy Water, absorbing native populations happens remarkably quickly."
Hmm... maybe the bugs just haven't had a reason to get to work yet.
"Mm. Well, that's a relief."
"Then is the matter resolved?"
Is he insane? That's not the point!
"No, it is not! I just hate having bugs crawling all over the place!"
"But there are plenty of good bugs too, aren't there?"
"Then make something that only kills the bad ones!"
"Hmm... aesthetically that's a bit questionable, but I'll pass it along to the research institute."
"Make it quick!"
Just imagine falling asleep and having a bug crawl into your mouth, then up your nose! AAAAGH! Goosebumps!
How many sleepless nights passed after that?
Plop.
"What's this? A flower?"
"No bugs come near this flower, so we brought some to plant around the Temple and keep in your chambers."
Is this chrysanthemum? There were pink ones and white ones — a cute yellow center with neat white or pink petals layered around it. Exactly my taste?
"Oh! These are pretty! Let's plant tons of them!"
"Ah? You think so?"
Isn't this that pyrethrum thing I vaguely remember? If we just plant these around, the bugs won't die on the spot, but they'll surely keep their distance, right?
"We should plant a lot of these, shouldn't we? If we don't want to look at bugs?"
"Planting them at reasonable intervals seems to do the trick."
"You've verified that?"
"Yes, the research institute planted them at set intervals and tested it."
Oh? So they actually do their jobs properly? Running verification experiments and everything.
"It varied somewhat depending on wind and such, but within about two hand-spans? the bugs died, and beyond that distance they appeared to avoid the area entirely."
Wait, they die just from proximity? I thought bugs only died from eating it, which is why people extract and process the stuff? Is the World Tree buffing plant effects too?
"Well, well... what a relief..."
So I don't have to turn the whole country into one giant flower field? Though I suppose I'll be seeing less of my cute honeybees.
"Don't go scattering these everywhere, all right? We have to look after the ones like the honeybees?"
I want to protect the adorable little honeybees, that's all!
"I understand your meaning perfectly."
Bzzz.
"What the—?"
Why is a honeybee flying around at a time like this? Huh? It's buzzing around perfectly fine and healthy?
"The honeybees aren't dying?"
"It would be a problem indeed if the creatures that live on honey started dropping dead."
From where I'm standing, it looks like the honeybees got buffed too?
Which means... the bedbugs and fleas probably got buffed as well?
Come to think of it... I'm starting to worry that cutting ourselves off from the outside world and living in our own bubble might not exactly be preserving world peace.
The rats and fleas have probably been enhanced too — if that spreads outward, wouldn't everyone else just die?
"Have we become a biochemical superpower?"
"What does that mean?"
"Oh? Ah— never mind. Say, those flowers contain a compound that kills bugs, right? Dry them out, grind them into powder, sell it — I bet that'd sell like crazy?"
Hm? Now that I think about it, don't those flowers bloom year-round here? The flowers in our lands seem to wilt and bloom, wilt and bloom, on endless repeat?
"How much farmland do we have left unused?"
"Pardon? Farmland that isn't being used, you mean?"
Huh? Oh, right, other way around?
"Anyway!"
"Even just the plains — I don't think we've used even a tenth of them yet?"
"Huh?"
The Manchurian plains are that vast?
"With our population and all the livestock we raise, is that really enough?"
"We don't farm only once a year like other countries do, after all."
The World Tree is genuinely, stupidly overpowered, isn't it?
"Then what's all the empty land doing?"
"The trees are busy sprouting right back up, I imagine..."
So that's why the forests keep expanding? We probably need some kind of forest management...
"Should we try building a wall or something to keep the trees from spilling over into the plains?"
"Hm?"
What is it this time? What?
"That sounds like a fine idea, actually?"
"And the animals won't be able to cross over either. Win-win, right?"
"Yes! That should slow the trees' spread somewhat, in all likelihood."
"Good, let's do something about tree management then..."
To think the trees have multiplied so much we need to manage them...
We're cutting plenty down, but plenty keep growing, so it shouldn't affect global warming, right?
Wait — maybe kudzu exports well precisely because its medicinal potency is so strong? That would explain the house-sized boars, too?
Then what about the wood? Is it harder and tougher as well? Stronger bows, sturdier ships?
"Has anyone ever compared our trees to ones from other countries, or from far from Sinsi?"
"A proper comparison, no. But there is talk that the ships we captured from foreign nations are so flimsy they're unusable."
Ooh... until we start building ships out of iron, we'll have no rivals at sea, will we?
Besides the bug-repelling plant, is there anything else that might come in handy?
"Let's cultivate our plants and herbs properly and start exporting them!"
"You don't mean exporting the Holy Water?"
The Holy Water? No way, that's for US to use!
"Once the population grows, we'll be short on it ourselves!"
"Will we, really?"
Thankfully they don't know yet that it's my saliva! If they did, wouldn't they be a bit more reluctant?
"If other countries treasure some plant or tree, let's grow it and sell it to them!"
"And what will you do with all the gold you amass?"
"Huh?"
Good point, actually? We already have plenty of gold? What would we even spend it on?
"Is gold useless?"
"We make ornaments with it, and it's pretty enough, but lacking it wouldn't cause any real hardship, would it?"
Doesn't that sound a bit backwards, then?
"Then why was everyone so desperate to get their hands on my, er, hair?"
"How could Your Haneul's divine grace ever be compared to something so mundane!"
Technically it's just shed residue and bodily secretions...
That's... a somewhat filthy line of thought...
Maybe we'll use it for making semiconductors someday?
"By the way, with that many trees in the forests, finding mines must be difficult."
"It is. But I'm afraid there's little to be done about it."
"You all work so hard."
Things would get easier if they had guns so the animals would be less terrifying, but these people are still running around playing with fire like children.
"How are you all using gunpowder these days?"
"Mostly to light fires in the kitchens?"
"You haven't tried anything else with it?"
"Like what?"
"Hmm, let me think~"
Couldn't they make explosives and use them for mining or something? Though maybe the smoke makes that impractical...
There are THIS many people, and not a single one of them has thought of another use?
"Mm. I hear they occasionally make toys for themselves..."
"Toys?"
"Yes. Something that makes a tremendous bang — they use it to startle each other, apparently."
Oh? Then they're nearly there! That's basically a bomb — next will come firecrackers, then fireworks, and then the weapons?
Wouldn't it be fun to carry a pistol around for self-defense? Should I secretly have one made?
Although... the ingredients...
"Say, you do have people making gunpowder, right?"
"Yes. Quite a lot of them?"
"A lot?"
"Yes. It's rather labor-intensive work, so the headcount has grown considerably."
So that method is the correct one, then...
"Where are they all gathered?"
"At the far end of the sewers."
Of course. The sewers where the waste of this enormous population all comes pouring out.
For maintenance, they've built manholes at intervals, stirring the flow now and then to make sure nothing clogs before slamming the covers shut again.
A while back I heard they were planning to build some kind of reservoir at the end there...
"Have you ever seen how they live?"
"Well..."
He answered before I'd even finished asking.
"They build dozens of little tubs, put roofs over them, then haul water from the reservoir and mix and mix and mix. Ugh..."
"I knew it..."
This is not work for sane people — what kind of men ARE they? With a population this large, maybe all the lunatics just naturally end up in one place.
"They're hardworking friends of ours, so make sure they get something extra..."
"Yes..."
I've become afraid to touch gunpowder now.
"Whatever they need, spare no expense in supporting them."
"They do ask for alcohol quite often."
Thank goodness it's a drug of the legal variety.
"I suppose it's hard to do sober..."
"Most likely, yes..."
"Let's gather all the families that do nothing but this and grant them a separate honor."
"You'll grant them a surname?"
"Yes, let's go with 'Byeon.'"
Handling dung while being named "Byeon" — isn't that a little cruel?
"There will be many families, though — shouldn't we have them share it?"
"Then let's form a guild and name it after that instead. How about the 'Explosives Society'?"
"What does it signify?"
Nothing deep — just, make lots of explosives, please?
I suppose I can take a little weight off my conscience, then? After all, I don't have to use the toilet.