The Chimera's Solitude
Moreover, Bagloros was simply too strong. If he ever unleashed his full power, no one on this earth could subdue him alone except Rowell or Master Medrup.
Yet unlike Rowell or Master Medrup, he would remain emotionally no different from a child. Who could guarantee that the countless emotions he would come to feel would only ever affect him positively? Who could promise, as the other companions hoped, that he would grow into an upright and righteous person?
That was why I secretly wished he would never change. I had hoped he would remain forever obedient to Rowell’s will, a controllable existence.
Perhaps during that journey, I had felt a quiet relief whenever he displayed those unnatural mannerisms. Whether that had been pure concern or petty jealousy, I could no longer say for certain.
But little by little, he was finding his own will. And now, for my sake, he was willing to break Rowell’s order—the command he valued most—under the name of friendship.
No one knew how he would change from here on. Whether my fears would become reality or remain nothing more than my own foolishness, I could not tell. Yet even if that light was merely the fleeting purity of a child, it shone brightly enough to illuminate my own foolishness and shortcomings.
“So, can we go now?”
“…Yeah. Let’s go.”
I climbed back onto Erill’s back, and Bagloros, wrapped once more in the veil of night, began to run.
“No, Erill. I’m not sad. It’s just……”
Erill could read my heart, but she could not easily understand what I was feeling. Then again, if I myself did not fully understand, how could she?
“It’s just that it’s not only joy.”
Erill tilted her head, still unable to comprehend, but soon spread her wings and soared into the sky. There was nothing left to do now but fly straight to our destination. Just as the gray melancholy began to settle, something else stirred in my mind.
“Wait. The nearest city?”
A sudden clarity struck me, followed by a very real sense of unease. The area surrounding the Ancient Forest had never been claimed by any nation, let alone hosted a city. Yet he spoke of a nearby city?
“…I knew it.”
It did not take long for that unease to prove justified. It simply refused to leave.
The sun had already set, and the moon and stars embroidered the night sky, but Bagloros kept running. Of course, between the darkness blanketing the earth and the black mist he wore, his figure had long since vanished from my sight. Only Erill, with her phoenix senses, continued to follow him.
Of course, we were still far from the nearest city Bagloros had mentioned.
“Erill, close the distance a little.”
Bagloros’s mana was likely running low by now. Though he himself felt no fatigue, his body was surely growing weary. If left alone, he would keep running regardless of whether the veil of night remained, so I had to be the one to suggest a rest.
“Bagloros! Let’s take a short break!”
This time, raising my voice was the only option. Fortunately, with the night’s noise gone, my voice carried clearly. I still could not see him, but Erill slowed, confirming he had stopped.
Erill descended gradually until she landed on the ground. I summoned a sphere of light in front of me. It meant nothing to Bagloros or Erill, but I needed it.
“You think we should rest here?”
Before I knew it, Bagloros was standing right beside us. He looked up at me atop Erill, his eyes completely black.
Those were Bagloros’s night-eyes, adapted for seeing in the dark. I had faced them countless times during the last journey, yet after so long, a chill ran through me.
“Yeah. We still have a long way to go. You should rest too.”
“Understood.”
He dropped to the ground without hesitation. This region was known for frequent monster appearances, and most adventurers or travelers would have scouted the area or built a campfire. None of that mattered to Bagloros.
No doubt his resting place near the Mereka Mountains, filled with wyverns and monsters, had been no different.
After dismounting Erill, I pulled out the emergency rations I had packed that morning. I had been hungry for quite some time, but eating alone while Erill and Bagloros watched felt awkward. Besides, I had once gotten terribly sick eating while flying on the last journey, so I had been holding off.
“Here, Bagloros. You should eat too.”
Luckily, having skipped two meals, there were still enough rations for two.
“Okay.”
Bagloros accepted the food. Though his expression remained indifferent, a faint trace of pleasure colored his gesture.
“It’s been a while since we’ve had these emergency rations, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
Bagloros did not actually need ordinary food. Thanks to the other organisms and demonic crystals fused into him, he could sustain himself through different means. Still, he enjoyed eating. He never said so outright, but whenever we reached a new region, he would always order new dishes if possible—an action that made the rest of us realize it naturally.
Even when it came to Aegina’s bizarre cooking, he would willingly bring it to his mouth. Words could not express how much Rowell and the rest of us had relied on him during mealtimes.
“Erill, sorry, but I’ll have to trouble you again tonight.”
I needed to give Erill time to hunt, but unlike yesterday, I had to make it clear that the time would be short.
With Bagloros present, returning to the Library of Denatel was impossible. Even if he knew, there was no telling whether he would report it to the others, but avoiding unnecessary risks was always best. The fewer people who knew a secret, the better.
If I could not sleep in the Library of Denatel, I would have to sleep in Erill’s embrace. All our camping supplies, including the bedrolls, were still in the bag I had left inside the library.
Erill nodded in understanding and took to the sky. I did not know what her dinner would be tonight, but I offered a silent prayer for whatever creature she would catch.
“Well, then……”
When I turned my head, Bagloros was staring straight at me, having already finished his portion. There was no particular emotion in his gaze. He was probably just looking my way without any deeper intent, yet I could not help feeling a strange pressure.
“Here, Bagloros.”
I handed him about a third of my own share, and of course, he did not refuse. We ate in silence for a while. Even if we had not been focused on the meal, there would not have been much conversation anyway.
Once the short meal ended, the familiar silence returned—the same silence we had shared whenever the two of us were left alone during the last journey.
Erill would not return for some time, and there was nothing particular to do or say. On the last journey, I would have spent the time keeping watch or setting up barriers, but this time there was no need for either.
Normally, I would have simply let the silence continue, but Bagloros’s changed demeanor sparked a bit of curiosity. Perhaps now he could answer some of the questions I had long wondered about.
“Come to think of it, we haven’t been alone like this very often, have we?”
“No.”
“Was Orsia Hill the last time?”
“Yes.”
I realized something was off. He was answering, at least. Before, he would have met any question with silence, but now he responded, even if only in short phrases. Still, if this continued, I would only hear “yes” over and over.
“After parting with us and entering the Mereka Mountains, what did you usually do?”
“I hunted. And looked at the crystals Medrup gave me.”
As expected, changing the form of the question changed the answer. It was still brief, but at least it was not just “yes.”
“But why the Mereka Mountains of all places?”
“Because no one comes there.”
“Did you want to be alone?”
“No. Yes.”
An interesting answer. A contradiction born of opposing responses. Considering how clumsy he still was at expressing emotions, that kind of reply was exactly what led to the answer I wanted to hear.
“Do you think you have to be alone?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“People always want the same things from me. But I want nothing from them. So I stay alone.”
“Then is there anyone you want to be with?”
It was an obvious question. If such a person existed, who could it possibly be?
“My companions. Rowell, Aegina, you, Medrup, Orcan, Lauti.”
“Then why did you refuse our invitation back then?”
When he first said he would leave for the Mereka Mountains, we had tried to stop him, urging him several times to reconsider. Rowell and Master Medrup had even asked him to stay with us. Yet it was Bagloros himself who shook his head at every offer.
Of course, I already knew why. In fact, none of the companions did not know. I simply wanted to hear it from his own mouth. I was curious how he would express that feeling.
“I didn’t want to be a burden anymore.”
“None of us think you’re a burden, Bagloros. Proof of that is that I came all this way asking for your help.”
“……”
He could not answer. Not because he did not know, but because he did not know how to put it into words.
“It felt like the way we thought of you was becoming a burden instead?”
“Yes.”
It seemed he had already found far more free will back then than I had realized. Moreover, though still clumsy, he appeared to understand a great deal about his own emotions.
Of course, that was a good sign. At the same time, it also made me anxious that this incident might have a negative influence on him.
* * *
This matter was no different from the things he had done before. It might even be comparatively easier. The problem was that he had not left the Mereka Mountains for the past few years. And during those years, the only person he had met was probably Master Medrup.
Whether suddenly going to a city—and for this reason—was truly good for him was something worth considering.
I knew well how greatly sudden changes in surroundings could affect someone, even if those surroundings had once been familiar daily life.
I had heard countless stories at the academy about apprentice knights who, after their first real battle, could no longer even perform light sword drills. During the last journey, I had seen several such people as well. With Rowell and the others’ help, they had eventually overcome that psychological pain, but still.
Of course, I did not think Bagloros would suffer any great shock from this matter. However, now that he was gradually growing accustomed to emotions and their expression, I could not confidently say what effect even the smallest thing might have on him afterward. That made me cautious.
Moreover, unlike the last journey, Rowell and the other companions were not here to steady him or offer positive influence. That, too, was a significant problem.
“So when are you coming back?”
“When I become like you all.”
It was a strange resonance. A pure answer devoid of any emotion, yet it stirred something deep in my chest.
“…Right. Then you’ll be back soon.”
With that, I could be certain. He would not lose his way. Though he did not stand directly beside that light, he was walking toward it while gazing at the right light—just like me. And unlike me, he would probably never turn his eyes away, even for a moment.
I tried to end the conversation there. Erill had not returned yet, but there was nothing more to ask. Then, suddenly, Bagloros spoke.
“By the way, Anak. There’s something I’m curious about. Can you answer?”
It was a polite and natural question, but the intonation was not his. He had clearly memorized one of the countless examples from the memory crystals, including the exact intonation.
“Of course, Bagloros. Ask me anything.”
“You didn’t bring anything with you?”
His question, returned to his usual tone, was quite sharp. He was puzzled that I had brought neither bedrolls nor any other supplies.
“You’ve always been so thorough with preparations.”
I did not know how much effort it took to keep the bewilderment from showing on my face.
“I came riding Erill. Besides, I only planned to ask you for help and leave.”
Good. That was a sufficient answer.
“I told Erill earlier that I’d be troubling her tonight. That means I didn’t yesterday, right?”
I often forgot. He was not ignorant or naive—he simply was not yet accustomed to emotions and their expression.
“No. Asking for a favor wasn’t about a place to sleep. As you saw, the food I brought ran out. So while she was hunting for her own meal, I asked her to scout the area too—whether there’s anything edible nearby for us tomorrow morning.”
Even to me, it was an excellent improvisation. Not only had I continued without hesitation, but after dealing with Rofena and Julian these past few days, I had not forgotten to control my expression. Moreover, unless he was a summoner himself, he could never know exactly what Erill and I had discussed. It was perfect.
“Okay. I see.”
He accepted the explanation and asked no further questions.
Yes. This was normal. It was not as if I could not lie. I just could not understand how Rofena and Julian always saw through me so easily.