Breaking the Barrier
“……”
There was hesitation, of course. Along the length of my outstretched arm and hand, countless threads of worry and fear seemed to stretch like a spider’s web, visible to the eye.
What is he trying to do? What is he about to do?
Even now, reason was desperately trying to stop me. I had imagined the worst possible outcomes of releasing her countless times ever since I first obtained this study years ago. How many times had I dreamed of her flames reducing everything to ash? Was there any guarantee this wasn’t some cunning trap? And even if I avoided those worst-case scenarios, did I truly not know what the consequences would be?
I had no means of controlling her. Unless I revealed the existence of this study, I couldn’t call on Rowell or the others for help. Whatever she chose to do, I wouldn’t be able to stop her. Even if she left, I wouldn’t be able to catch her.
This wouldn’t be the end of everything, but it would certainly be the beginning. In the changed circumstances and the passage of time, this strange relationship of ours would collapse and never be the same again.
Is that truly what I want?
The web seemed to grow thicker. I could feel those threads trying to pull my arm and hand back. But I couldn’t let them. I mustn’t. It wouldn’t be right.
“No. That’s not it.”
I thought my voice had been too loud, but it was already too late. Yes. It wasn’t about right or wrong. It wasn’t about correcting a mistake or making a choice purely for her sake. This was nothing more than another escape.
An escape from guilt. Nothing more than a selfish calculation that the pain of guilt outweighed the risk I would have to bear right now.
And there was no need to even mention the foolish hope stirring in my chest.
“Break it.”
Through the contracted spirit, I felt the structure of the spell built around it begin to collapse. The spirit obeyed my command with joy. It received the mana flowing into it, released that power, and shattered the ornament that had been holding it in place.
After ordering the spirit to return, I looked toward her. With the medium maintaining the barrier gone, the barrier itself naturally lost its power and disappeared. She was staring at me with a somewhat dazed expression.
It was fortunate that no triumphant smile appeared on her face, but that alone wasn’t enough to feel relieved. If she so wished, the entire study could turn to ash in an instant.
“…If all of this was an act you deliberately orchestrated, then you would be more than justified in taking my life.”
I forced a bright smile. I had hoped that voicing my fear might somehow avert it, but it had little effect. It still felt as though black flames might engulf me at any moment, and the dread that she might mock my foolishness remained firmly in place.
Yet even so, I found it strange that I wasn’t clutching the crystal or recalling a summoning circle. No matter how much I had already calculated that the risk of this action was low, had I really possessed this much confidence?
I just want to believe it, don’t I?
Holding my breath, I watched her reaction. She lightly reached out with her hand, but the wall that had been holding her back no longer existed. For a moment, she looked around and at me with disbelief, then carefully stepped down.
As expected, there was no wall to stop her. She descended and lightly stamped her foot once more, as if to confirm. A faint joy and anticipation flickered in her eyes, but soon she turned her gaze back to me.
“…What does this mean?”
“I wonder.”
It was a truly pathetic answer, but nothing else came to mind.
“You’re letting me go?”
“I already have.”
The tables had turned. Now she held the knife.
Joy appeared on her face. But it lasted only a moment. A look of confusion crossed her features before hardening as if she had realized something.
“You… what are you thinking?”
“There’s no longer any need for you to remain imprisoned. Of course, I would prefer it if you didn’t seek revenge or settle old scores now that you’re free.”
“Anak!”
The strange sorrow in her low shout made my chest ache, and at the same time, filled me with joy. Clearly, she had already anticipated what I was about to say.
“I asked you what this means.”
“You may leave now. If you wish, I can send you outside the study immediately. Of course, if you don’t want Rowell or Bagloros to notice, you’ll have to hide your presence……”
It happened in that instant. Her figure vanished for a moment, and despite the considerable distance between us, she was already standing right in front of me. As expected, the movements of a Demon Commander were far beyond what I could react to.
“…So you’re saying you’re going to kick me out?”
She looked down at me slightly as she spoke. Staring into those eyes and that voice, laced with anger and sorrow and even a hint of tears, I felt ashamed to realize that I was happy—and that I found her beautiful.
“…I’m giving you your freedom. Leaving you like this would be far too cruel.”
I answered with as little emotion as possible. I buried both my expectations and my selfish desires. It was a selfish hope that whatever choice she made from now on would be entirely her own, or at least that I could believe it was.
“I’ve kept you here for far too long.”
I could see her eyes filling with excitement. It was the same expression she had worn whenever she fell for my provocations during the Great War.
“So now you’re just telling me to leave?”
“You wanted to be let out. Until recently, you came up with a new reason every single day.”
“I asked to be let out. I never asked to be kicked out.”
“Is there a difference?”
“There is!”
I felt the corner of my mouth soften into a smile at her stubbornness. Before I knew it, I added,
“I didn’t realize you were so attached to this pocket dimension.”
“Of course I’m not!”
The atmosphere I had been trying to maintain nearly collapsed, but I managed to keep my expression in check. At the sight of my composure, her face, which had begun to soften, hardened once more.
“…You said you liked it here. So why are you doing this?”
“Because of my own greed, I’ve caused far too much harm to Lady Rofena.”
In this strange relationship that had formed between us, she was the one who had been hurt. And as long as she remained trapped here, that would never change.
“You’ve been imprisoned here for far too long. Since I’m the only person you ever see, your dependence on me has grown, and you’ve mistaken that for affection.”
“Who are you to decide that it’s a mistake?!”
In an instant, her hand grabbed my throat. Janus’s amulet activated, so there was no damage, but because of the thin barrier it created, there was also no way for me to escape her grip. At her fingertips, which held the barrier in place, faint flames began to flicker.
“Don’t decide my feelings for me! A mistake, you say?”
Thanks to the barrier, the heat didn’t reach me, but the sight of flames rising from below my neck only amplified my anxiety.
“Is that really what you want to believe? You want to dismiss it as nothing more than a mistake?!”
A single tear rolled down from her eyes as she shouted. The injustice of not being understood burned alongside her anger.
“Do you really think I’m only capable of that? That I would mistake these feelings?”
I could feel the strength in her arm increasing. Not only did the visible flames grow stronger, but the mana flowing through Janus’s amulet, which maintained the barrier, also began to destabilize slightly.
“I already knew you thought that way! I knew you felt guilty, and I knew you were pretending not to notice because of it! But that’s not all there is to it! That was never all there was!”
It was dangerous. Not only because of the remaining duration, but because the flames that had been burning yellow and red were gradually taking on a black hue. Yet even so, the pitiful look in her eyes and the sound of her voice, as if on the verge of breaking, struck my heart harder.
“…Weren’t you happy? Spending time with me? Didn’t my feelings make you happy?”
She asked as if pleading. Even though she already knew the answer, it was as if she were trying to hold on to her wavering heart.
“…I was happy. How could I not have been?”
I couldn’t lie. Flames and the weakening barrier aside, faced with those eyes and that expression, hearing that voice, I could never tell a lie.
“How could I not have been happy? When you like me. It made me so happy it hurt—more than that, even.”
That was why it hurt, and why I felt sorry.
“……!”
I could see her expression changing. At those few words—though they carried a sincerity that struck deep— the sorrow and anger in her eyes vanished like a lie, and the flames rising from below my neck disappeared as well.
Her cheeks, wet with tears, flushed red, and her face turned as red as a beet. She released my throat and turned her head away in embarrassment. Silence fell between us. In that time, the amulet’s effect ended, and the barrier disappeared.
“…Then why are you telling me to leave?”
She finally spoke again after a long while, but her voice had grown so small that it was barely audible unless I strained to hear it.
“Because it would be for your sake.”
“If I leave, you’ll be sad, won’t you? You’ll be hurt, won’t you?”
“I will.”
“You’re sure you won’t regret it?”
“I probably won’t be able to avoid it.”
At least one part of me would likely regret it forever.
“And you still want me to go?”
“…It’s not what I want.”
Yes. What I wanted wasn’t that. My true desire was far more selfish and far more honest. But it mustn’t be my demand. Whatever choice she made now had to be purely her own will. For her sake, and for the sake of my own selfish, cowardly heart.
“Fine. I understand.”
For a moment, it felt as though one side of my heart had collapsed. Realizing that my emotions were far more shaken than I had expected, I had to pour all my strength into maintaining a calm facade.
“Understood. Then let’s prepare for your departure……”
“I’m not leaving.”
“…Pardon?”
I desperately tried to suppress the smile that threatened to rise to my lips, but my eyes were probably already smiling. Before I could do anything about it, she grabbed my throat again. There was no longer a barrier, but unlike before, her touch was gentle, and no flames appeared.
The sudden pull made me stumble, and before I could properly understand what was happening, her face was suddenly right in front of mine. Just as I tried to pull back in panic, worried that my breath might reach her, something soft touched my lips.