Marriage Blues - She Falls into Unknown Pre-Wedding Melancholy and Calls Her Ex (57/377)
"Hello?"
Ji-ah picked up the phone. For some reason, her voice seemed a little shaky to me.
"Yeah. Yes. I know."
She sat on the bed with the phone to her ear, gesturing at me while listening to the other person. I went over to her, leaned back against the headboard, and she rested her head on my shoulder.
"Me? I stopped by the department store, but my legs are a bit sore, so I'm taking a break in the rest area. Of course. No. I don't have that much to buy. Just bored. Pfft! Yeah, right. Maybe because the wedding's not far off. I wanted to take my time picking things out alone like this. It's fine. I know you're busy. Sure. Got it. I'll call you back when I get home later."
The tremor in her voice was only in that first word. From then on, Ji-ah carried on the conversation as calmly as ever. Listening to her, even I started to wonder if she was really taking the call in some quiet department store rest area. She never faltered once until the end.
While she was on the call, I kissed the nape of her neck and fondled those luscious breasts, but she didn't even frown. Ji-ah hung up, turned to me, and gave me a kiss. It was incredibly sweet.
It reminded me. Our kisses back then were always like this. So sweet they never got old, no matter how much you had.
"Why don't you ask?" she said.
"Ask what?"
"If I ever did this while we were dating."
"No way you did."
I answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Why would I even doubt that?
"Pretty confident, huh?" She smiled faintly.
"You think I had no reason to cheat on you?"
"Not that you had no reason to cheat on me. You had no reason to lie to me. Back then, I wasn't anything special. Still not much now, but anyway. It's not confidence—it's the opposite. Honestly, just having you around was more than enough for me back then. Even if you'd been sleeping around, I probably couldn't have said shit. And you knew that. That's why I can say you wouldn't have done it."
I went on at length. That there was no way she'd cheated on me...
"God, you're such a sophist. Never change."
She laughed. Lately, I'd been getting all sorts of bad reviews from various women, but never "sophist." Even back when we dated, it was the same. It felt oddly fresh.
"Seriously. How are you exactly the same? You know what? You're an amazing liar."
"Was I? Hmm. I don't remember ever lying to you once."
True. Not even once.
"Right. You never lie. You just omit what needs saying or slip in some meaningful-sounding bullshit so the other person deludes themselves. Makes you even sneakier."
"Huh... Was I like that?"
"Yeah. Didn't realize it back then. But time passed, and now I get it."
Ah. Kinda sad. Ji-ah was calling me sly. But looking back now, I couldn't even refute it. Maybe being apart let her see through me, while it took me even longer to figure myself out.
"You still do it. Why can't you just say it straight? That you can't trust me?"
"I've always trusted you, Ji-ah. Still do."
I protested pitifully.
"You trusted me, but you left me?"
She asked with a melancholic look.
"Me?"
I shot back. For a moment, she gazed at me with strangely sorrowful eyes.
"Sorry. That was wrong. I was just dumping it on you, saying whatever."
Suddenly, she apologized. And not knowing why left me even more flustered.
"Truth is, I'm really flustered and embarrassed right now. Maybe because it's not a side of me I ever wanted you to see."
Showing her future husband being deceived must feel more shameful than being here with me. Honestly, it was a feeling I couldn't quite grasp. But understanding a woman's delicate emotions is pretty much impossible for me anyway.
That aside, it surprised me more that Ji-ah was this embarrassed, even losing her composure with me. It was rare back then. She often put on embarrassed faces in front of others, but it was all an act. She was a skilled liar and actress. Others might not see it, but I knew damn well.
Yet right now, she seemed genuinely ashamed. Had her acting improved while we were apart? Who knows.
"Weird, right? I showed you everything back then, and now this?"
She nestled into me. She was still beautiful. How could anyone not love this woman?
We stopped talking. Time was too short just to love each other now. I laid her down on the bed. Ji-ah smiled. Finally, I could hold her again.
No words between us. No need. We knew each other's bodies. We knew exactly where to touch to make the other feel good. I teased her sensitive spots; she teased mine. It was familiar yet plenty pleasurable.
So different from sex with other women lately. This felt full of affection rather than raw lust. Nice relationship like this. Full of care for each other. And no lingering regrets for next time during it. No thoughts of repeating this with Ji-ah. I wanted to bless her future, not keep an affair going. Not steal her from that guy either. He probably suited her best—gave her what I couldn't.
Being with me offered her nothing. Plus, I wasn't giving up the other women. So this detour was enough for today. I wanted to be her last fond memory. And remember her that way too.
I gave it my all. Right now, I just wanted to love her and be loved. Maybe that's why, when it ended, I felt so fulfilled.
"Wow!"
Her eyes sparkled as she looked at me.
"That was amazing. Just like I remembered. No—even better than back then."
Still with me inside her, Ji-ah kissed me. So full, so complete.
"Felt great for me too."
I pulled out and lay beside her.
She pillowed her head on my arm and hugged my chest. No doubt we were both satisfied.
"Oppa."
Ji-ah called me that. Only during sex. I'd asked once.
"Why only call me oppa then?"
"'Cause you feel like a real adult during?"
"So normally?"
"Hmm. Big kid in a big body?"
Maybe she was right. Older than her, but less mature for sure.
"Yeah?"
Hearing "oppa" from her after so long made my heart flutter.
"How... was it always like this before?"
"Like what?"
"You know."
"No clue. For real."
"Seriously. You've just gotten better at playing dumb."
"I really don't know..."
"This. This thing."
She pointed at my dick.
Ah. Forgot. It's different from when we dated...
"Why's it bigger than before?"
I pondered how to answer.
"No way, oppa..."
"What're you thinking? Look. All natural. Guess it grew from heavy use."
Not something pondering fixes. Had to bluff.
"Hmm... Used it enough to grow, huh?"
"Yeah... Something like that."
"I'll buy it."
She gave a meaningful smile.
"Thanks."
"Good that my ex is popular with other women. Would've been sad if you'd been lonely."
Pretty ambiguous. Sad I'm not alone, or sad she dated a guy who couldn't get anyone else? Probably both, leaning toward the latter. That's her—strong pride, strong desires. I never really matched her.
She craved status, worked hard for it. Gave her all at work, networked relentlessly. I always sensed she'd leave someday. She was meant to soar; I wasn't. But she didn't dump me like that. We just realized this was it.
"Size aside. Something's different. Like... skill? You really just fucked around after we broke up?"
"Well... yeah, a bit."
"Gross."
Ji-ah smacked my shoulder. Stung a little—real emotion there. But she soon leaned her head back, so not hating it.
"Who's the guy you're marrying?"
Post-sex, we chatted more relaxedly.
"Good guy. Recognized in his field. Met at work. He helped me when I was clueless."
Smart, diligent, from a great family. Just as I figured. Knew she'd land someone fitting.
"Congrats. Good match."
"Not sure it is..."
She trailed off. I kinda got her feelings now. No matter how great our sex, she felt ethically wrecked. Maybe shouldn't have brought him up.
"Truth is, I wanted just once more with you. As a last time."
She stared at the ceiling, excusing herself.
"Makes me feel all smug hearing that."
"No regrets then. It was really good. But that's it."
She turned and kissed me. Not as passionate as before—subtle emotion. What was it? Spent ages together, but never fully got her. Didn't matter.
Kissing her naked body again, desire stirred. Round two needed.
"Hard again? Stands right up seeing me—just like old times."
She laughed.
"Weird if it didn't."
Same words from back then.
"Haha..."
Laughing at my full erection, she sobered suddenly.
"Guess I..."
I knew what came next.
"Should stop here. Sorry."
Ji-ah looked apologetic.
"No regrets. It was great. But yeah, that's it."
She sat up.
"You're too addictive. Forgot that. If we go again, I won't escape. And that'd be the end."
She pulled away. Quick on the uptake. Already wary of me. No casting card used, no settings affecting her, yet she sensed more sex was trouble.
Yeah. Like Eun-hee. Both sharp. Women sense danger faster than men anyway.