The Hunt for Kevin the Hypocrite (1)
I dragged a hand down my face and let out a heavy sigh. Pasvachio kept spewing one embarrassing line after another.
“That’s what they were saying at the time. I don’t know the exact words, but it went something like this. The artistic shape of the object, the flexible hand gestures and body movements that drive a woman wild, those firm breasts and thighs like a stallion’s muscles, and then the waist that never stops moving…”
“S-stop! I get the general idea, so skip ahead.”
“By the way, those noblewomen’s gatherings never go without drugs. They apparently inhale the light narcotics that nobles of all ranks enjoy as a matter of course. That might be why. It could be the reason Madame Marte shamelessly bragged about it to the other ladies. She was probably high and excited. Instead of feeling embarrassed, she was more eager to show off to all the wives.”
Pasvachio continued without pause.
“At the meeting back then, the story of Madame Marte’s affair with the commander was apparently incredibly popular. According to one of the maids who served them, the room grew so hot from the aroused noblewomen listening to Madame Marte’s tale that it felt like midsummer. The cheese served with the refreshments melted, and the tea that had gone cold was reheated by their fervor alone.”
Pasvachio’s mouth poured out words like an endless spring.
“For married women whose husbands had grown distant, it seems that lewd stories make for the most delightful conversation. Throughout the entire tale, more than a few ladies blushed furiously, clutching their chests and sighing. Yet their eyes sparkled as they asked whether the commander’s skin was smooth, or whether he had a lot of hair on his chest and lower body. They pried into every little detail.”
“They really asked about everything.”
“That just shows how interested they are in you!”
Pasvachio suddenly clenched both fists, looking indignant.
“Anyway, it seems women—whether young or old, married or single—lose their minds the moment they see a man with a decent face and a waist that can really move! Pathetic creatures!”
I could feel the bitter resentment of a man who had never been chosen by a woman. Hey, Pasvachio. Could you stop looking at me with those jealous, envious eyes? You’re a married man, you know.
After listening to everything Pasvachio had heard from Unia, I clicked my tongue. Looked like I wouldn’t be getting any work done today. I quickly threw on some clothes to at least get a handle on the situation and headed for the Kether Mercenary Group office.
Before long, I was hiding behind a building a short distance away, observing the scene in front of our headquarters. Several carriages were parked along the street, and the entrance was crowded with servants standing in lines. A few noblewomen wearing large feathered hats were also visible.
“Look at that. The noblewomen are absolutely desperate at the mere thought of doing it with the commander. If you showed up in front of them right now, they’d probably yank their panties off on the spot.”
Pasvachio smirked, the corner of his mouth twitching.
“There are plenty of people saying they want to sponsor our mercenary group, but Miss Kelly is turning them all away using the excuse that the commander is currently absent. She knows full well what their true intentions are, even if their offers seem benevolent. She figured that accepting their goodwill carelessly would only cause bigger problems later.”
“Did Kelly hear about it too? All those ridiculous rumors about my… thing.”
“Of course she did. When Unia was telling us about the rumors, Miss Epibia and old man Marcus were there too. Especially Marcus—he was holding his stomach laughing. He said he knew you’d turn out like this. That no matter where the commander goes, people acknowledge what’s between your legs before they acknowledge your ability to work. Even when you first joined the bandit group, the women were all drooling and swallowing hard after seeing what you were packing down there.”
What the hell is that old geezer saying? It reminded me of the time I first arrived in this world, when I was captured by the Elk Bandits and held as a prisoner. The 8th Squad leader, Gladia, had toyed with my dick. The claim that my sexual prowess was recognized everywhere I went. I wanted to deny it, but Marcus’s words rang true enough to leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Damn it.
“So, what are you going to do? Are you still planning to go to work? In my opinion, you should lie low somewhere until things calm down. Or just take the whole day off.”
I stopped by a general store and bought a dusty fishing rod for pocket change. In this world, the common perception was that people made their own fishing rods at home, so there weren’t many who bought them like I did. There were no fishing supply stores like on Earth, so I had to gather my own bait too.
I flipped over rocks in the grass and caught a few earthworms, then headed out. Along the canal that ran through the city, many people were fishing. I found a secluded spot, baited the hook with a worm, and cast my line into the river.
I sat on a flat log, hoping a fish would bite, and quietly fell into meditation. Under the blue sky with the cool river breeze brushing against me, both my body and mind felt relaxed and at ease.
At first I had considered going to the Lion Heart headquarters to kill time instead of fishing, but they were currently swamped preparing to welcome the king. Soldiers had been mobilized to clean the building and sweep the streets, furniture was being brought in and rooms decorated for the king, queen, princess, prince, and ministers. The place was far too chaotic to relax in.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, if it isn’t the commander of the Kether Mercenary Group, Lord Gah-neu-hyeo-nu. Heh heh heh…”
A displeasing laugh suddenly came from behind me.
Gah-neu-hyeo-nu? Had he mispronounced Kang Hyun-woo?
The voice was gloomy and damp, like a swamp. When I turned around, an unfamiliar man was standing there, leaning on a cane. He was a short, fat, middle-aged man with a hooked nose. His curly black hair reached his shoulders, and he wore an old-fashioned outfit entirely in the same black color. His first impression reminded me of a sinister crow, so I answered curtly without thinking.
“Who the hell are you?”
He giggled.
“You wouldn’t know me. We’ve never exchanged greetings, after all. But I know you very well. Why? Because even though we don’t know each other, we’ve always been close by.”
He bared his yellow teeth and laughed with a creepy heh heh heh. He looked somehow diseased. And he didn’t seem entirely sane. Either drunk or a raving lunatic.
Figuring it would be trouble if I got involved with him, I hurriedly started reeling in my fishing line to leave. But then an absurd statement flew out of his mouth.
“I’m going to kill you, and also the Lion Heart Unit’s commander, Dame Adelia. Both of you will die by my hand today. I’ll send you to the afterlife together. Very painfully. Ehehehe.”
My hands, which had been quickly winding the fishing line, stopped. I frowned and turned to look at him. He spread both arms wide as if delighted and rambled on.
“After I kill Gah-neu-hyeo-nu right here, I’ll go straight to find Dame Adelia and kill her too. But I won’t let that bitch die easily. I’ll let everyone rape her! Knights, soldiers, citizens! I’ll have every man in the city—half the population—swarm her and violate her. I’ll even make her get fucked by horses and pigs! I’ll have them lick, tear, and gouge that ugly, filthy cunt of hers! I’ll make her taste pleasure, pain, and sorrow all at once before she dies! Ahahaha!”
He really was crazy. I calmly picked up a pebble at my feet and threw it at him. It struck his forehead with a thud. He clutched his brow, grimaced, and glared at me.
“Ugh, you bastard—how dare you!”
“What’s your name?”
“This body is Gamelor Jurbyon, a loyal retainer who served the Nobern family for fifty years!”
A retainer of the Nobern family. My head tilted. I thought all the retainers had been sent to the capital along with Lord Roten when he was exiled. So some were still left behind.
Gamelor, now sporting a bruise on his forehead, bared his teeth with eyes blazing.
“Because of you and Adelia, everything is ruined! You’ve completely destroyed not only the Nobern family but my entire life!”
Whatever he was ranting about didn’t register. I had just remembered something I needed to do. I decided I should arrest him immediately and take him to the Lion Heart headquarters.
“Gah-neu-hyeo-nu! I’ll throw your corpse into the beast enclosure! Ehee! No! I have a better idea! It would be more fun to have you necrophiled! Since you have such a pretty face, I’ll have men who enjoy sodomy open up your dead asshole! I’ll give you such horrible humiliation that the whole world will remember and laugh at you for ages!”
Gamelor barked nonstop like a rabid dog. I listened with one ear, paying him no mind, and walked toward him. Just as I was about to knock him out with a punch to the stomach, I sensed people approaching. There were five of them. And all of them were armed. It was as if they had been waiting for me from the start. They approached with clear killing intent, intending to murder me.
The face of the man in the center of the five looked familiar. I had never seen the other four. I assumed they were his subordinates. Because the man walking in the center was the leader of a bandit group.
I muttered his name under my breath.
“Kevin the Hypocrite…”
The five stopped right behind Gamelor. The man known as the Hypocrite—Kevin, the bandit leader—stepped forward and faced me directly. He stared at my face for a moment, then let out a small snort of laughter.
“I thought you looked familiar. So it was you, that guy from back then.”