Chapter 44
It's because it's inevitably ending on a forced note. That always leaves lingering aftereffects. When parting ways in a relationship, both sides need to fully understand and accept it for a clean break. Otherwise, one person—or both—ends up with regrets. That's why Choi Yujin couldn't end things like this. Her heart wasn't ready to let go yet. So she decided to give Han Yaseong exactly what he wanted.
"So, you want to spend today with me, right?"
"Yes..."
"Which means you want to have sex with me today?"
"Well..."
Han Yaseong hesitated, pierced right to the core. Not wanting to part from Senior Choi Yujin today ultimately meant he wanted to keep doing what they'd done last night.
Choi Yujin added with a knowing smile, her expression one of superiority.
"Then do you want to spend the day together without sex?"
"......"
What would be the point in that? It'd be better to just head back to Seoul. Only then did Han Yaseong truly realize what he craved. It had never been about breaking up or getting back together with Senior Choi Yujin. He just wanted to have sex with her—nothing more, nothing less. He desired her body.
That's why Han Yaseong felt a twinge of guilt toward her. It seemed like all he wanted was her body. He'd tried to end things early because he figured it wouldn't be possible once she returned to Seoul.
Choi Yujin had already sensed it. Han Yaseong wanted her body, not her heart. That's what made it so bitter for her.
"You only want my body, don't you?"
"That's not..."
"Be honest. I already know everything."
"......"
"You think you won't be able to have my body as easily once we're back in Seoul, so you're trying to end it here for your own convenience. I didn't peg you for being so selfish. Do you want me to be like some call girl? Just show up whenever you feel like it, strip down, spread my legs, and leave?"
"......"
Han Yaseong couldn't muster a single response. Deep down, he was thinking yes.
She was right. He only wanted Senior Choi Yujin's body—not her heart. He just wanted to call her up whenever the urge struck and have her whenever he pleased. No other ambitions. He had zero desire to be her boyfriend or win her love. Just her body, like she said. So he had nothing to say.
Meanwhile, Choi Yujin felt utterly wrecked. To be treated so blatantly like a call girl... She'd never experienced anything like it. Of course, she knew guys approached her because they wanted her body. But they'd never been this overt. No one had ever straight-up said, "I want your body." They always framed it as dating or going out—not openly admitting they just wanted sex. But Han Yaseong was laying it all bare right now: I only want Senior Choi Yujin's body, nothing else. That's why he only cared about sex; everything else was lacking.
Only then did Choi Yujin regret sleeping with him. What had she been thinking? Stress from breaking up with her boyfriend? Depression? Or that intoxicating forest-like sweat scent from his body? Either way, she'd seduced him, and they'd gone all the way. She could've stopped it if she'd really wanted to. But she hadn't, and now it had come to this.
She could've brushed it off as casual foreplay, but she'd never even done that before. If this impulsive sex with Han Yaseong was her first, then it was her first. Her heart ached, and depression settled in. She felt like a whore.
"Let's... just end it here..."
Continuing the relationship would only feel awkward now. So Choi Yujin tried to sever ties with Han Yaseong once and for all.
"Senior Yujin..."
Han Yaseong could sense she'd been hurt. He felt terribly sorry for her, his heart aching with pity. Seeing her slumped weakly on the bed, shoulders sagging, made him feel like the villain. No matter what, admitting he only wanted her body... How must she feel right now? She'd see herself as some woman selling her flesh. Even he would feel that way in her shoes.
If she'd said, "I only want your body," could he have handled it? He'd feel like a male prostitute—humiliated and self-loathing. Overwhelmed by extreme guilt, Han Yaseong approached her cautiously. He'd never seen her wear such an expression. Her face looked on the verge of tears... Her senior, always so vibrant and full of life, now sat limply on the bed like a patient recovering from a grave illness. Knowing he'd caused this filled him with immense remorse.
Unable to help himself, he pulled Choi Yujin into an embrace and uttered words he'd buried deep in his heart.
"I'm sorry... If I let myself like you, it'd just hurt me... That's why I didn't want to."
"!"
Choi Yujin snapped to attention. Han Yaseong's true feelings rang in her ears. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his back.
Still holding her, Han Yaseong murmured softly, like a confession in the dead of night.
"Even if I liked someone, there's no guarantee they'd like me back. In fact, everyone I've ever liked ended up hating me and pushing me away. After going through that, I just... stopped being able to like anyone. It always hurt only me. They never liked me back no matter how much I did. So I didn't want to like you. If I fell for you, you'd definitely end up hating me. Then you'd leave. That's why I only wanted your body. That way, I wouldn't get hurt."
"......"
Tears streamed down Choi Yujin's face as she listened. She could vividly feel the pain in his heart seeping into hers. This kid was just protecting himself from getting hurt, she thought. And she realized it was all her fault.
From the start, she'd treated Han Yaseong like a plaything. Like a servant trailing a noblewoman. Something she could use and discard at will. Right now, it was curiosity, but once that faded, she'd dump him without a second thought. That's all a noblewoman's servant was worth.
Sensing that, Han Yaseong had armored himself. Fuck as much as he wanted, but never give his heart. He'd closed it off so he could be abandoned without pain.
If Choi Yujin had truly liked him, he would've opened up. But it was just physical. No exchange of hearts. They'd met with their bodies and would part with them. That was the shallow bond between Choi Yujin and Han Yaseong right now. The sex had been intensely good enough to last all night, but their feelings for each other amounted to this.
Choi Yujin felt so sorry for Han Yaseong—his first woman—that she clung to him tightly and burst into sobs.
"I'm sorry! Waaah... I've done something awful to you...!"
Only now did she realize how arrogant she'd been. She was his first woman, his first experience. Yet here she was, telling him to wait in Seoul until she felt like calling him over. How heavy must that have weighed on his heart? It wasn't Han Yaseong treating her like a call girl—it was her doing it to him. And she'd lashed out at him without realizing, shifting the blame.
She hated herself for it. If someone had treated her that way, she would've exploded in anger. But Han Yaseong hadn't raged; he'd endured the humiliation by shielding his heart. And she'd flipped out, claiming he'd treated her like a call girl. Switching perspectives, she finally understood the underdog's feelings of being toyed with by a bully.
Choi Yujin kept crying, too embarrassed and sorry to even look at his face. What was so worthless about this kid that I'd treat him like that? Thinking of him as someone she could meet and ditch easily filled her with shame.
"Stop crying now. Your makeup's gonna run..."
Han Yaseong patted her back as she wept. She really was a good person, he could tell from her sobs. Truly bad women don't cry and admit their faults like this. They insist they're right to the end, magnifying the other's wrongs to shift blame. But Senior Choi Yujin wasn't like that. She'd owned her mistakes and was even forgiving his.
Holding her close, feeling her heartbeat, Han Yaseong wavered for a moment. He might actually fall for her like this. And that couldn't happen. No way.