Did Your Boyfriend Cum?
The house was neater than I’d expected. It was the kind of low-rise apartment common in the provinces, closer to a villa than anything else, and it looked new—clean lines from the exterior straight through to the interior. White wallpaper, white sink and furniture, bright lights, and wood flooring made the place feel surprisingly pleasant. It wasn’t right next to campus, but it was the perfect size for college students who preferred quiet and didn’t mind sharing with a roommate.
The moment three adults stepped inside, though, the place’s natural crampedness showed itself. The layout was simple: a small living room with two bedrooms branching off either side, and a kitchenette with a single-person sink and induction burner squeezed into one corner. Once we dragged the table from the wall into the center, there was barely enough room left for the three of us to sit.
“It’s still pretty clean, right, mister? Nayeon’s such a neat freak it exhausts me. Hehe.”
Jieun’s tongue was already thick as she dumped beer cans out of the convenience-store bag. Nayeon stood frozen by the front door until I stepped inside; only then did she reluctantly lock it. The metallic click of the door lock sounded unusually loud.
“Here, wet your throat first.”
Jieun filled the glasses. Soju-beer mixture sloshed on the table. Pretty far gone already, she repeated the same story from earlier and dissolved into giggles while Nayeon kept yawning, fatigue and tension catching up to her. On the surface the conversation stayed casual. But Jieun’s energy and the alcohol soon twisted the tone.
“Want to play a truth game? No, let’s go classic. Son Byeong-ho game—fold a finger. Me first. I’m dating someone right now. Fold.”
Jieun held up five spread fingers. Nayeon still wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, only watching me. One of her fingers bent weakly. Then she aimed at me.
“I work at a company right now.”
My turn came. I went after both of them.
“I’m a college student right now. Fold.”
“Tch, mister, you’re so boring! Something juicier than the obvious!”
Jieun snickered and mixed more soju. Then she narrowed her eyes and dropped the bomb.
“I’m dating someone, but lately I’ve been tempted by someone else. Fold!”
Nayeon’s gaze skittered across my face with nowhere to land. She couldn’t hide the fluster; her finger hovered, neither folding nor unfolding, while she watched me for cues. I enjoyed the reaction and drained my glass. The alcohol climbed, and so did the stakes of the game.
“I’ve had a one-night stand or a secret hookup. Fold.”
The second Jieun finished, I folded one of my own fingers. Her eyes went round.
“Whoa, no way! For real, mister? With who? What kind of girl?”
She scooted in close, curiosity spilling over. Drunk as she was, she pressed in tight enough that the soft weight of her breasts registered clearly against my arm. Nayeon looked uncomfortable, wondering if I was thinking of her, yet her ears were sharp and her eyes fixed on my mouth. Jealousy and curiosity mixed in that look. Instead of answering I just smiled lazily and emptied the glass of soju-beer.
“Secret. Next.”
“Aww, come on. I’m definitely hearing that later.”
A few more rounds passed. By the time Jieun’s face was fully flushed she looked at me, then at Nayeon, a sly smile curling her lips.
“I… want to have sex with someone in this room. Fold.”
She folded her finger before the sentence was even finished. Silence dropped over the small living room. I could hear Nayeon’s breathing turn rough.
“I didn’t say ‘mister’! It could be Nayeon, you know—Nayeon!”
Jieun laughed and leaned toward me, but the provocation in her eyes was unmistakable. Having detonated herself, she drained the glass in front of her in one go.
“Ugh… wait… bathroom…”
Suddenly she bolted for the bathroom, turned on the water, and slammed the door. Nayeon stared into space for a moment, then dropped her head onto the table. She had every right to be sleepy. I stood. From the bathroom came the ongoing sounds of Jieun wrestling with the toilet, maybe throwing up. I took Nayeon’s slender shoulders and lifted her from the table. Her body was hot—alcohol, or something else.
“Let’s go to the room.”
I gathered the sleeping Nayeon into my arms and carried her into the bedroom next door. Her bed stood in the small space. Careful not to let Jieun hear anything from the bathroom, I closed the door without a sound and laid Nayeon gently on the mattress.
“…Mister…?”
She opened her eyes hazily, but my dark shadow was already covering her. I sat at the head of the bed and traced a finger along the pale line of her neck. Behind the door Jieun’s retching and the rush of water created a closed, secret hush. In a very low voice I asked,
“What happened yesterday?”
Soft, yet impossible to refuse. Nayeon shook her head as if trying to dodge the question, but my hand caught her chin and held it still.
“You have to tell me. Did you meet your boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“…A motel.”
“So did you do it?”
“Ah…”
Her voice was wet—guilt and fear mixed into a nasal tremble. I wanted to dig deeper into that place inside her.
“Did you? So did your boyfriend cum? Didn’t you tell him you had to study? You should have said no.”
I stroked her cheek as I asked. The tears she had been holding back broke free and the confession spilled out.
“Mister… I think I’m really a bad girl.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Yesterday… the second I saw him I felt so sorry… I just did whatever he wanted. Even at the motel I thought if I just took it all the guilt might ease a little…”
She covered her face and shook.
“But… but my body wouldn’t follow. Every time his hands touched me I kept thinking of you… I didn’t feel good at all, and at the same time I wanted something even more intense, and that part of me scares me so much.”
Fear and self-loathing tangled in every word. I listened to the end without a single judgment. She’d been carrying a lot. Maybe I’d pushed too hard. I looked at her face, then wiped the wet cheek with my thumb in the gentlest expression I owned.
“You don’t want to break up with your boyfriend, do you?”
She managed a weak nod. I brushed her hair behind her ear and whispered, very low,
“It’s okay to be confused, Nayeon. That isn’t your fault.”
I held her eyes.
“Then don’t break up. I don’t want you suffering because of me. And I hate the idea of you carrying guilt even more.”
Her wet eyes widened. I could almost hear the defenses cracking under the unexpected generosity.
“Instead… if you want, you and I can just stay friends. Keep it a complete secret from everyone else. Our private little secret.”
“Mister…”
“I’ll be your mentor, a bit like a dad, and sometimes a lover too. I’m fine with that, so you just follow whatever your heart wants. All right?”
Caught in the perfect trap, Nayeon finally collapsed and threw herself into my arms. I patted her back slowly and offered a light joke.
“When you’re drunk you turn into a total baby, our Nayeon.”
She looked up at me with tear-bright eyes—hazy from drink and relief. Her lips came first, drawn like a magnet. I took those innocent lips the way I’d been waiting to, deep. Saliva threaded between us; rough breathing filled the small room. After a long, greedy stretch I pressed my mouth to her ear and whispered, cool and quiet,
“If Nayeon wants, I’ll stay right beside you for the rest of your life. When you fight with your boyfriend and need someone to trash him with, I’ll trash him with you. When something good happens, I’ll be happier about it than anyone.”
Her breathing settled. She buried her face against me and listened only to my voice. I stroked her back, slow and very tender.
“Later, if you meet someone really good, I’ll meet him too and get to know him… Even if you find the person you’ll spend your whole life with, that’s fine. Just tell me everything and we’ll talk it over together. Okay?”
“Mister… is that really all right? Even though I’m… even though I’m this bad…”
She looked up at me, still crying. Relief and a delicious sense of transgression swirled together in those eyes.
“Yeah… You’re mine now, so you’re not allowed to hide anything from me.”
This wasn’t some line I’d improvised on the spot just to claim Nayeon’s wavering feelings. My nature simply enjoys taking continuous care of someone, and when sexual preference enters the picture the bond only grows tighter and more durable. As I’ve said before, I have always used sharp empathy and observation to zero in on other people’s hunger for affection.
Even women who look confident on the outside crumble the moment you touch the soft place inside. Once the latch of the heart comes undone, the legs open of their own accord. In that way—through traps that never quite felt like traps—I have kept emotional and physical relationships going with them, remaining their deepest secret and their quiet ruler while their lives moved on. Sometimes we would lose ourselves in frantic sex or phone sex; other times we would simply sit and share the emotional current, stretching the connection thin and tough.
It might sound insane to anyone else, but that is how I have filled their emptiness and, in turn, satisfied the hollow inside myself. And when that satisfaction begins to fade, I always start looking for the next hungry one.
Just like the girl trembling in my arms right now.
