When the Mind Grinds to a Halt

When a person suffers too great a shock, their mind simply grinds to a halt. Upon waking, Yeongso could not bring herself to get up immediately. Instead, she stared blankly at the ceiling above her bed, utterly dazed.

"Why on earth did I have such a dream...?"

To dream of being forcibly embraced by Banya right in front of Jang-gyeong's eyes. And to make matters worse, Ma Ryun had been in the exact same room! Yeongso shook her head like someone possessed.

While the Banya in her dream was indeed her husband, notorious for his wicked deeds, the person dreaming it was entirely wrong. This was a dream that should have belonged to the shameless Hwa Banya—not Baekri Yeongso.

"Could it be... that something in my heart has gone astray? A crack forming without my realizing... breaking me from within?"

Was that why she had dreamed such a thing?

"Perhaps ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it is a sign that I am straying into the Heretical Path."

She recalled what Banya had said two nights ago, after she had lost her temper and bickered with him.

It was not the first time she had heard such a thing. Long ago, her late master had said something similar, warning her to be careful.

On the verge of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠tears, Yeongso pulled the blanket all the way up to her chin. Though it was only a dream, her undergarments were damp, as if she had actually engaged in a wanton, passionate tryst last night.

"What do I do...?"

Her secret, intimate place, pressed against the damp fabric, throbbed with a dull ache. When she unconsciously tensed the muscles there, the pooled fluids of her arousal slipped out.

"Ah..."

The sensation of Banya's mouth on that very spot in her dream rushed back to her. *This is the absolute worst.* Yeongso's face contorted. She could not forgive herself for getting aroused by such a dream. Where on earth had things gone wrong? If a crack really had formed in her heart, how could she fix it?

'I must do good deeds!'

This was the method of spiritual purification chosen by Yeongso, who was utterly traumatized by her bizarre dream.

'Good deeds! More good deeds!'

Long ago, her master had told her that Baekri Yeongso was a being who stood on the very boundary between the Orthodox and the Heretical. If she was not careful, she would slip over to one side before she even realized it.

'Me, falling into the Heretical Path? But I'm a good girl! ...I couldn't even argue back with confidence.'

This was because the very first thing a young Yeongso had done upon learning martial arts was reverse her blood flow to cough up blood right in front of her second older brother, who had been annoying her.

At the time, she really hadn't thought much of it. She had simply done it hoping her brother would leave her alone. After coughing up the blood, she had only found it fascinating, thinking, 'Wow, this actually works.' However, it had thrown the entire household into utter chaos.

Her family, who had believed their youngest daughter was finally healthy, were horrified when she suddenly coughed up blood. Her mother, Gang-ssi Buin, looked ready to summon every single physician in Hadong to the clan estate. Indeed, she did not rest until she had heard "the young lady is perfectly fine" from the mouths of over a dozen physicians.

Her second older brother was severely punished for a month in accordance with the clan rules. The young Yeongso could not utter a single word amidst the uproar caused by her prank. After all, the fact that she was learning martial arts from her master was a secret she kept even from her mother.

'That's why I have to be careful! I must have become too complacent lately, what with my mind being so occupied by the Chunyangru Annex incident!'

She had been so focused on Banya's reformation that the inner order of her own mind had somehow been disrupted. That was the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠only logical explanation.

After bathing and purifying herself first thing in the morning, Yeongso went outside Cheonsaryeon to distribute meals to the beggars. Naturally, Banya accompanied her. Normally, once the food distribution was over, the couple would return to Cheonsaryeon together. Today, however, Yeongso hastily made an excuse about having other errands to run and hurried away.

'I must do good deeds!'

In her desperation, Yeongso roamed all over Nagan. She guided four lost children back to their homes, nursed a sparrow that had knocked itself unconscious back to health, paid for the medicine of ten impoverished patients, and pushed the cart of an elderly woman who lacked the strength to do so herself.

"Thank you, young lady. I don't know whose daughter you are, but may you receive many blessings."

Even after receiving a bounty of gratitude from the people, the anxiety within Yeongso did not completely fade. *Is this really enough? Was the charity I performed over the last few hours truly for their sake? Can I face my own conscience with a clear heart?*

'What if all of this is in vain...?'

Her footsteps slowed unconsciously. As she stood frozen in a quiet alleyway, she couldn't help but imagine a future where she had fallen into the Heretical Path, flying up onto the roofs of Cheonsaryeon, her robes fluttering as she cackled, "Ohohoho! Ahahaha!"

"No...!"

Letting out a soft shriek, Yeongso's eyes fell upon the shrine of Seowangmo standing in the middle of the main street. Without a second thought, she dashed toward it. Unlike the dilapidated suburban shrine she had taken refuge in to escape the rain three years ago, this one was immaculately maintained. Lighting an incense stick, Yeongso quickly knelt and looked up at the statue of the Queen Mother of the West, praying fervently.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please, do not abandon me!"

Risking her next life to grant Banya another chance at redemption was one thing, but Baekri Yeongso falling into the Heretical Path and losing her mind was an entirely different matter. Clasping her hands together, the desperation on her face deepened.

"I will steel my heart and live even more diligently!"

Her petal-like lips trembled. Soon after leaving the shrine of Seowangmo, Yeongso visited every shrine she could find—from the grand, imposing ones to the shabby, neglected altars tucked away in alley corners—lighting incense and offering tributes at each one. Even on her way back to Cheonsaryeon, she helped a middle-aged woman who had sprained her ankle and escorted her to a physician.

"Ah... Will this be enough? No. Perhaps I still lack true sincerity."

The moment she changed her clothes, Yeongso went to check on the slaves rescued from the Annex. Meanwhile, Banya, who had received a full report of her activities, fell into deep thought. It took a considerable amount of time before he could finally put his chaotic thoughts into words.

"Did I... somehow marry a living Buddha?"

Ma Ryun stared blankly into space without a word.

"What is wrong with my wife?"

"I haven't a clue."

"I've met countless members of the Orthodox Path, but not a single one of them was like Baekri Yeongso. She is truly peerless, even among her kind..."

Banya stopped mid-sentence.

"Wait. You said she entered every shrine she laid eyes on?"

"Yes."

"Not just the shrine of Seowangmo?"

"From what I saw, she was just entering them indiscriminately. She lit incense at the Shrine of Wenchang Dijun, bowed at the Temple of Nuwa and the City God Temple, and spent quite a while whispering prayers in front of the Seven Stars or whatever they are..."

Ma Ryun tilted his head.

"Renju, did you know there were so many Taoist shrines in Nagan?"

"..."

"I only found out today."

Ma Ryun added that he didn't even know which god governed what. There was no way Banya knew either. In terms of scholarly knowledge, master and servant were equally lacking. However, Banya's suspicions lay elsewhere.

"Baekri Yeongso... She isn't praying for something bizarre to all those random gods, is she?"

For three days, Yeongso continued her somewhat obsessive crusade of good deeds. Though she had started it solely to avoid falling into the Heretical Path, helping others began to bring her genuine joy. Slowly, her anxiety began to ease. Moving tirelessly until the very moment she lay down to sleep allowed her to fall into a deep, dreamless slumber, which also helped immensely.

"I have been purified."

Yeongso concluded.

"I have passed the crisis. Once again, I have safely returned to where I belong."

Just as a relieved Yeongso was about to enjoy a rare, quiet cup of tea, her maid, Chocho, rushed in to report that a crowd of visitors had arrived.

"Female disciples from various sects have arrived carrying bundles of gifts! They say they won't leave until they see you, Madam!"

"Female disciples, all of a sudden...?"

"Yes! If I may venture a guess, I believe it has something to do with Lord Baekri."

The moment she heard those words, Yeongso realized the truth. Her third older brother, Baekri Yeong-hyeok, had stirred up another storm!