The Newbie Gambit

I had to come up with a strategy. Should I pretend to be a newbie? Or act like a veteran showing off? Customer marketing like this was exhausting. There were so many things to consider—customer analysis, positioning, perfect timing, execution tactics. First, the idea of pretending to be a newbie to fool everyone was out. On the boards, 36.8 degrees was considered fairly experienced. The moment I posted, reactions would flood in, and if I played dumb with “I don’t know anything~” they’d get suspicious right away.

Maybe I should flex a little? Hmm, not a bad idea. But would they buy it? It felt like being a preschooler about to enter elementary school—full of fear about this new world and worrying about how to make friends so the rumors would say I met the right people. Whatever. Time to just jump in. Remember starting elementary school! That huge playground that felt endless back then would just be a nostalgic space once I became an adult. Let’s do this! Fighting!

The moment I hit ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠register on my post as GB (36.8), messages started pouring in. My plan had been too successful. In the worst possible way.

The raw reviews hit me like a slap. I immediately deleted the post. So there were plenty of board veterans like me. For now, I’d hold off.

Even though my attempt to pose as a buyer and drum up business had failed, I learned something valuable: there were a ton of my elementary school classmates here, and they were always lurking on the boards, hunting for prey. What a jungle Skylight was! My dream was to find a best friend among these hyenas, go to middle school together, high school, college, build a proper business, meet a beautiful woman, get married, and live happily ever after. They say even a thousand-mile journey begins with a single step, so today I’d get close to the main residents of the board—my potential customers at 36.5 and 36.6 degrees.

“Hello?”

Another bust today.

The next day, while I was eating ramen because I was hungry, I suddenly thought of my hyung. He’d said he’d send me another batch, and I’d been working hard on sales, but I hadn’t heard from him. He wasn’t the type to lie, but I started worrying that maybe things had gone well and he had a big opportunity to sell a lot, only to be stuck without supply. The moment that thought ended, the doorbell rang.

“Ding-dong~ Delivery!”

“Yeah, I’m coming~ Just leave it there.”

I tried not to show my face to outsiders if I could help it. Especially since I’d learned that everyone I met in daily life could potentially identify me. I watched the delivery guy leave through the window, waited ten minutes to make sure there was no one around, then went out and brought the package inside.

Last time it had been a box, but this time it was a document envelope. Inside was a single memo with a key taped to it.

Whoa~ It had been a while since I went outside. So that’s where it was. Lalala~ I took a long bath, hopped on the village bus, transferred to the subway, and even sang Kim Dong-ryul’s “Travel” by myself until I made eye contact with a pretty older sister! The cigarette shop uncle who smiled at me with his eyes said, “She’s cute, huh?” Then I arrived at Gwanggyo Station. The moment my foot touched the platform, my phone vibrated.

Vrrr~ Vrrr~ What was this ominous feeling? A chill ran down my spine. My intuition was screaming at me. I had to read this message no matter what. Should I check it? It was only a few steps up the stairs. One thing I’d learned doing this work was that I had to trust my gut. Especially when it came to my safety—it was non-negotiable!

The second I saw it, I kept my face blank and showed zero reaction. I turned around right then and headed straight home. Delivery accident? What the hell?

When I got home I tried contacting my hyung, but there was no answer. He wasn’t picking up. I found out why the next day.

He got caught by the cops. I hope my hyung is okay… As an ordinary citizen, I have no connection to the “organizations” those high-ranking people keep talking about. I swear I will simply mind my own business from now on.

Today, as always, I was having conversations with people whose body temperatures were closest to normal human levels in the sky. The chat window was the same chaotic party of curses and whining. Then, like a ray of light, a message from blueandgreen popped up.

Look at that politeness. Truly a citizen of the East, land of courtesy!

“Yes, I’m available. How much would you like?” -GB(36.8)

What kind of naming sense was that? I felt like I already knew without even hearing it.

“No, I don’t. Why?” -GB(36.8)

“Can’t you just handle it yourself?” -GB(36.8)

“Send him my contact.” -GB(36.8)

Thirty minutes later, I received a message from our Vietnamese friend at Weed and With.

Wait, his Korean was good? Just goes to show you really have to meet people in person.

“Hello.” -GB(36.8)

No reply. Did he just ignore me? Then ten minutes later:

Ah, he was using a translator. One million won has been deposited from Nguyen WW-nim.

Two ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠weeks later, I realized Weed and With had become my personal organization. The sales from the Vietnamese hyung and blueandgreen hyung suddenly started surpassing even the senior who used to shine the brightest. Was this what they called surpassing the master? So I asked:

I got ignored. Well, it wasn’t like I was the only one glued to this all day. I had to at least win mentally to feel less frustrated! While I waited for a reply, I checked the status of today’s residents and soaked in the body temperatures on the board when suddenly:

“Lately I’ve been looking for more customers and I’m so grateful that I’ve been thinking about how I can find more people like Nguyen-nim and you, haha.” -GB(36.8)

Ignored again. Then three days later, the question full of my sincere worries was deleted, and instead I received a clean, straightforward order and a crisp, cool transaction.

This was the reply I got after venting to a senior I hadn’t heard from in a while. I could practically see the senior clutching his ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stomach and rolling on the floor laughing through the chat window.

I know, right. He’s not responding. I’m really worried, senior.

“No, it’s because the Vietnamese friend and blueandgreen hyung are so good that I wanted to find more people like them. That’s why I asked.” -GB(36.8)

“No way. Can’t you feel my sincere struggle to secure more sales channels and even greater worries?” -GB(36.8)

“Looking at it, if I combine what you give me with what I outsource, the volume seems pretty decent. There’s some risk, but I have a good method. High risk, high return!” -Flashmob(47.6)

“What is it? Please tell me, senior!” -GB(36.8)