Chapter 69
Chapter 69
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ace
Chapter: 69
Chapter Title: 25. Happy Happy Gym (4)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Painful memories of the past grab one by the ankles, preventing any progress into the future.
Morning Star's situation was just like that.
Whether from exhaustion or defeat, the strength drained from Morning Star's eyes.
"Hing..."
Thud.
Morning Star slumped over, leaning her body against the desk. Her gaze fixed on the distant partition and the "Fragment of Paradise" rising above it. She murmured,
"So I thought about it..."
"Yeah."
"I figured it'd be easier if I just erased my memories... I heard there's some superhuman hypnotist out there who can wipe memories..."
"..."
"Can you erase people's memories too, Teacher?"
Yoo Ji-tae nodded slowly.
"That'd be so convenient. Everything would just... never happened."
"I suppose."
"Yeah. And you're a superhuman, right? Gotta have Operator blessings. Get a few certifications, land a job at city hall... Operators are popular. Good gig, steady paycheck. Hee..."
"..."
"And I'm pretty cute, aren't I...?"
"..."
"Uuung?"
She lifted her head, pressing her fists against her cheeks.
Pout pout.
With no reaction from Yoo Ji-tae, Morning Star gave an embarrassed giggle.
"...Sorry. Ahh! Whyyy~~. But I am pretty popular. Back at the orphanage, there were three teachers, but all the boys liked me best... People said I looked like a bunny."
"..."
"I'm twenty-six. Prime of my life... I wanna be shallow. Meet a rich, handsome guy. Get married. Kids scare me, but... that'd make me happy too, right...?"
Morning Star let out a sigh, her voice sinking low.
"But I can't do that, can I?"
"..."
"I can't let myself off that easy."
"..."
"Those kids died because I messed up. Now they only live on in my memories. Hee... If I forget them, no one will remember them anymore."
"..."
"That'd make them truly dead."
"..."
"Hee... No way out. Can't lose the memories. But keeping them makes it hard to live."
She buried her head in her arms on the desk, twirling her messy hair around her finger.
"..."
With no response from him even then, Morning Star asked,
"Give me some meds."
"Don't have any."
"Huh? You're a doctor..."
Morning Star wanted to forget, but she couldn't.
Since she couldn't forget, she had to carry them with her.
So she was asking him,
"...How should I live from now on?"
He answered.
"I don't know."
"...What? What kinda doctor says that."
The regressor looked into her eyes with a clouded gaze.
He could comfort her, clumsily if needed.
Things like standing on your own two feet, living with atonement, humans can forget, etc.—romantic answers like that.
But he didn't.
He could give her an enemy to lighten the load.
Blame the Federation guys for the friendly fire.
Blame the demonkin who started the war.
Blame the malice from beyond fate's horizon.
Blame myself for failing to save the world in the 6th cycle.
Or blame the era that encompassed it all.
So it wasn't your fault.
But he didn't.
Instead, he laid bare his honest feelings from all he'd lived through.
In a dry voice, the regressor spoke.
"Life has no answers."
"...Huh?"
"How you live is up to you. Life has no answers. You shouldn't seek them from others."
He'd once harbored those same doubts.
First cycle. Yoo Ji-tae age 46. Rank 9917.
While fighting demonkin wars with Korea's combat unit, pop queen Luna—who swept the Billboard charts and shocked the world—committed suicide, triggering the dragons' invasion. The world's time ended.
Second cycle. Age 32. Rank 847. Faced a disaster-class demonkin on the battlefield, lost his lover. Back home, unable to overcome PTSD, Yoo Ji-tae suicided. The world's time ended.
Third cycle. Age 45. Rank 45.
18 years buried in dungeons, half-mad killing monsters and demonkin. Then actress Ieyeta G.D., who caused a global syndrome, suicided, triggering dragons. The world's time ended.
Fourth cycle. Age 46. Rank 3...
...
...
.
The world abandoned him time and again.
If he could die, he would have.
"If you want to die, then die."
His words struck Morning Star's ears like a slap.
"...What?"
"If there's nothing left in life worth looking forward to, better to die right now."
"..."
To prove his point, Yoo Ji-tae pulled a small dagger from his inner subspace and placed it on the desk before her.
Her gaze sank.
"..."
Morning Star picked up the dagger. With a blank expression, she ran her fingertip along the blade.
"But if you don't want to die... think of something worth looking forward to."
The world looped. He couldn't die.
To keep living, he had to change his thinking. So what keeps people alive?
"...Anticipation?"
"Yeah."
"..."
Morning Star's face went blank.
That was the answer he'd found.
"Anticipation keeps people alive."
People eat delicious food expecting good experiences.
They diet and exercise expecting good experiences.
They marry expecting happy lives.
They divorce expecting happy lives.
They live expecting better tomorrows.
They choose death when they can't expect better tomorrows.
"Do you have anything left worth anticipating?"
Her finger nicked the honed blade.
A drop of blood trickled down it.
"...I..."
"Even if it's just a little, if there's something you anticipate, you don't have to die."
Morning Star's hand stopped.
"You mentioned marriage and kids earlier. Is that your real wish? Building a family with a rich, handsome guy?"
"..."
"If you want marriage. Kids. Happiness. Then you don't have to die here."
Hee... With a smiling face, Morning Star lowered her gaze.
She stayed silent for a long while.
Then cautiously opened her mouth.
"Marriage was... a joke."
"..."
"B-but! I do have something to anticipate. It's just... really far away."
"..."
"Maybe too far. Can't even see it. Feels unreachable."
"..."
"I'm small and weak."
Morning Star fidgeted with her hands.
"I hated the Federation before. Then I hated myself."
"..."
"I still hate myself. Hate the Federation. But now... something bigger. I hate this era. It's not just me."
"..."
"Why did everything have to turn out like this? Why do kids have to die? Why do I have to be the criminal...?"
Morning Star giggled hee... then covered her face with both hands.
"That's my anticipation. I want to change the era. So no more nursery teachers like me. But what can I do? I see myself tripping on the way... How can I change the era? Honestly, it's unreachable."
"Doesn't have to be reachable."
Death, emotions, hellish loss repeating.
Even numb to it now.
The driving force that still made him work to make the dragons happy was,
"The time spent running toward it is life itself."
Once anticipation shapes your attitude toward life, it gains inertia.
"..."
"If you want to die, die. But if you want to live, kill your past self."
The whimpering smile faded from Morning Star's face.
"Keep your eyes open and live in the now."
Her twirling hand stopped.
A blank expression, as if sensing something. Her fingers loosened.
If she wanted to live,
If she had to live...
Morning Star murmured softly.
"...Can I afford to anticipate?"
He nodded.
Regrettably, anticipation doesn't guarantee fulfillment.
The pursuit itself is life.
Fulfillment is another matter.
"Thank you..."
From here on, it was all up to her.
If she wanted to live, she had to change the era.
To change the era, she had to do what she could.
That was Morning Star's conclusion, pieced together from Yoo Ji-tae's words amid her hazy mind.
So first, she approached the airborne unit soldier she'd yelled at.
This person was someone suffering to change the era—a grateful soul.
"Hee... Um, excuse me."
"Oooong?"
The woman was Black, with a head two sizes bigger than hers and shoulders broader than Yoo Ji-tae's.
"Sorry about earlier. I yelled out of nowhere..."
"Hoho... It happens. I do it to my husband sometimes..."
"Really? Hee..."
"Hoho... Last week. Damn it... He suddenly says he's meeting friends late at night and tries to head out? Married a boozehound..."
"Oh my, oh dear... What do you do?"
"Force him to stay."
"Ooh... Lock the door?"
The soldier drew her mana gun from her belt and aimed at her.
"Hohohohot...!"
There was a more efficient way...!
"Ahahat...!"
Anyway, she'd accepted the apology. Morning Star chatted happily with her.
Sitting against the wall, Morning Star hummed thoughtfully.
What could she do?
Time here was satisfying. Anything she did would feel fulfilling.
But nothing specific came to mind.
The most important thing was getting stronger.
She was weak. That's why she couldn't protect the kids.
So how could she get stronger...?
Then.
Change started from an unexpected place.
"Hoho. Miss Ha. Wanna work out together...?"
The airborne unit soldier she'd apologized to made the offer.
Eh? Come to think of it. A few days ago, something had been bustling beyond the inner room. Sounded like construction.
She'd glossed over it in her daze. But looking closely, there was some container building set up.
"Workout? Ooh... Sure."
Morning Star still wasn't fully herself.
It took time to grasp what "workout" meant from this woman with arms thicker than her waist.
Opening the container door revealed an otherworldly gym.
"Uwaaaah...!"
"Kraaaah...!"
Inside the container.
Airborne unit soldiers, wild with ecstasy and madness, hefted dumbbells as big as people.
With one arm.
"Kraaaaaah!"
The soldiers lifting dumbbells sat in chairs connected by iron bars to a bench presser.
"Uwoooooh!"
"Hey! Brandon! That all you got? No wonder you ain't got kids yet. Wahaha!"
A jab at his pride.
"Toss it—! Or nah—!!"
"Toss iiiit!"
The shouting soldier hurled the bar. Power not controlled right—two soldiers' heads smacked the ceiling.
Crack!
Yeow!
The fallen soldiers bled from both noses, yelling.
"Ow! Krhuhu! With strength like this, why the hell...!"
"Wrong area's the problem! Haha!"
By then.
Morning Star wore a gentle smile.
But her pupils began shaking side to side.
"Hee..."
Something was wrong.
Instinct told her the situation was off.
As she blankly backpedaled.
"Hoho. Where you going?"
The soldier's voice brushed her ear.
"Heehee... Th-this is..."
"I heard. Saetbyeol. You wanna get strong, right?"
"Th-that's... Hehe."
She had told BM.
"Our captain told me. Bell Varian... You know her?"
"I-I need to prepare mentally..."
"She's our strongest warrior. Bell always says: Train and get strong! Hoho..."
Morning Star quick-stepped backward.
Door right behind. A few steps and...
Click.
Then, the mana gun pressed against her back.
"Where to."
The soldier had appeared behind her, gun aimed.
"Th-that... Hee..."
"This place heals wounds with its light anyway... Perfect for training. Hoho."
"..."
"Shall we get strong together?"
Morning Star made a tearful smile.
"Hehe."
"Kuuuuh..."
"Eight hundred forty-two."
"Kwaaaah...!"
"Eight hundred forty-three."
With a soldier on her back, chin-ups for ages.
Morning Star laughed through tears.
"Kuuuu...! Hehe..."
"Didn't go all the way up. Eight hundred forty-three."
"Uuuh..."
Thud.
She couldn't hold on, let go of the bar.
Collapsed to the floor.
"Oh dear oh dear. Not even a thousand and you're lying down..."
Ignoring the chatter above, fully spent Morning Star gazed ahead with blurry vision.
The main gate bore a sign written by BM himself.
Happy Happy Gym
"Heehee..."
A name that made her laugh despite everything.