I Want to Say I'll Protect You
I wanted to tell her I'd protect her, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. Part of it was my personality, but I also worried it would seem like I'd only grown fond of her after we'd been intimate. That felt no different from seeing a woman as nothing more than a sexual object. Unable to convey the fluttering in my chest, I leaned against her lightly and sat up.
"Lie down a little longer. Why get up when you'll be asleep again soon anyway?"
"Still... you're sitting up, Nuna. It feels wrong for me to be the only one lying down."
"Hee, are you worrying about me right now? Yujin, you're so considerate!"
She laughed brightly while gently stroking my hair. Now that I looked properly, she was wearing a kimono. It was white like a bikini swimsuit, patterned with black paw prints.
"Um, Nuna."
"Hm?"
"Do you actually prefer brighter colors?"
The revealing Chinese-style dress she'd worn when we first met had been black, too. Even the arm warmers that had wrapped around her slender arms were sheer black. I'd assumed she chose dark colors to look stronger, but—
"W-well, actually... it's because of those guys..."
"Pardon? Those guys?"
Reina's face flushed as she hesitated. I tilted my head, promised not to laugh, and listened to her story.
She loved cats—animals in general, but cats especially. She even snuck off to cat cafés for healing without her subordinates knowing. I was happy to learn this new hobby of hers, yet the reason she wore black turned out to be tied to it.
"Our syndicate wasn't originally called Kurotsuki."
"What? Then..."
The original name had been Kuro. Whenever a new boss took over, the organization's name could change, but "Kuro" had to stay. She'd wanted to add "cat" and call it Kuroneko, but while the mark was being drawn, the pen ran out of ink. By the time she went to fetch a new one, one of the executives had assumed it was finished and submitted it to the meeting.
"I was going to draw a cat's paw... but those idiots! They decided on their own that the round shape looked like the moon!"
She'd also planned to draw a cat beside the paw, but they'd only seen the circle and called it a moon. I smiled wryly as I listened, though a question remained. Did she really have to wear black just because of that?
Reina's face reddened further. She clenched her fists and trembled.
"Those idiots spread a rumor that I liked black! Even the other syndicates heard it and got scared of us!"
Among the organizations, Kujo Reina was known as the Black Witch. The pen she'd tried to use for the paw print had been black, and her subordinates had insisted everyone wear black. Of course Reina had protested, but they all showed up in black suits or kimonos anyway. Sometimes she'd tried wearing brighter clothes in secret, only to be attacked by rival groups. When I asked if that was really okay, she shook her head and said even if they came in droves, none of them could beat her—it was just annoying.
"It's so frustrating! The moment I wear bright colors, they all come rushing at me! Then I can't go to cat cafés, and even the stray cats run away from me!"
Dealing with them one by one was exhausting, so in the end she wore black because of her subordinates. I stared blankly for a moment, then burst out laughing at how absurd it was.
"Hahaha! That's the reason? Hahaha!"
"You jerk! You promised you wouldn't laugh! That's mean!"
"Haha, I'm sorry! I thought there was some deep story behind it! Hahaha!"
I wondered what kind of incomplete cat paw could have caused all this. When I asked to see it, she puffed out her cheeks in a sulk and turned her head away.
"Come on, don't be mad! In exchange, I'll tell you anything you want to know about me!"
"What? Really?"
"Yes."
Since we needed to understand each other anyway, I agreed readily. Reina hesitated, then spoke carefully.
"Actually, the doctor mentioned it. That you... have hemophobia. And anxiety symptoms, too... Could you tell me about that?"
She wore an apologetic expression as she forced the words out. There was nothing for her to apologize for, yet she looked so guilty. I worried that hearing this would only make her depressed, but I'd already promised, so I answered her seriously.
"A long time ago... I got a pretty bad cut and it scabbed over..."
"A scab?"
"Yes. One of the younger kids at the orphanage played a prank on me."
I'd cried out that it hurt, but knowing how timid I was, the child kept teasing me. The moment the scab came off, blood poured from the wound. It bled so much that right there in front of the shoe rack, it formed a huge puddle that soaked the entire shoe area. After that, I became terrified of blood.
"I see... So that trauma is why..."
She pulled me into her arms, worry etched on her face. Once again my face was buried against her chest. The closer that sweet scent drew, the more my mind went blank. I even found myself thinking I wanted to stay like this forever. Her heartbeat echoed through the room. Reina seemed to notice too; her face flushed and she quickly pulled away.
"S-sorry! I got carried away thinking only about myself again."
"No, it's fine! Um... is there anything else you'd like to know?"
"Mm... Do you prefer younger women?"
"T-that's... well... I don't really know. I've never dated before... Though sometimes I did think it would be nice to have an older sister..."
At that, Reina let out a sigh of relief. At the same time her red eyes sparkled like a child who'd gotten the right answer.
"Then you like older women!"
If she'd had a tail, it would definitely have been wagging.
"Uh... I'm not sure about that either... Like I said, I've never dated, and besides..."
I trailed off. For a moment I wondered why I'd wanted an older sister in the first place. Even I didn't understand it. There had to be a reason, yet I couldn't recall it.
Reina kept pressing me with questions. The next one was about my school days. I hesitated, then answered honestly. The moment she heard, she grew angry. I'd never had a single real friend, had been treated like air, and had even been bullied. Of course hearing that would upset her. In an instant her gaze turned cold.
"Where do they live? Should I send my men to bring them here right now!? No, I'll go myself! I'll teach them a lesson! I'll crush every last one of them!"
"Eek! W-what are you saying!? That's going too far!"
"I'm upset, that's why! Why would they bully you when you did nothing wrong!?"
She looked genuinely furious and reached for the Japanese sword hanging on the wall. I quickly grabbed her waist and stopped her, telling her it was all in the past and to calm down.
"And... I was at fault too."
"What? What are you talking about? Why would you be at fault!?"
"Well... someone once invited me to eat lunch together at the cafeteria. But while we were eating I couldn't say a single word, so I couldn't really fit in with them. Even when they asked me to go to karaoke after school, I didn't know any songs and turned them down too."
"How is that your fault?"
"Huh?"
"Seo Yujin. As your senior in life, let me give you one piece of advice. Never think that way again. You did nothing wrong."
It was the first time anyone had spoken to me so firmly. I tensed up.
"N-Nuna?"
"Everyone has their own environment and preferences. Just because you couldn't fit in doesn't mean you deserved to be ostracized. That can never be an excuse! Do you understand!?"
"Yes..."
For the first time she was scolding me, speaking strictly, and I had nothing left to say. Far from feeling hurt or scared, I was moved by how much she cared. As if she didn't regret what she'd said, Reina told me to remember it well, then slowly placed her hand on my head and pulled me into an embrace.
"Yujin, being timid is never a fault. Those guys just weren't worth much more than that."
"Nuna..."
"So don't think that way anymore. I've said it many times already, but from now on I'll protect you. Let's only think about happy days from here on, not misfortune."
Once again I buried my face in her arms. This time it wasn't just the pleasant scent—I felt a warm, cozy comfort too. Tears threatened to fall, but if they did she'd misunderstand and apologize again. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I held them back as best I could and quietly whispered my thanks. Reina carefully lifted my face from her chest and looked at me with a bright smile, saying it was only natural.
Thump, thump—
Her embrace no longer frightened me. If anything, my heart pounded even harder, and the feelings I had for Reina had already crossed their limit.