Fair Rules (2) (Illustration Warning Ahead)
To be honest, I never had any intention of showing this much of myself.
How did it ever come to this…? Truthfully, I can't quite say.
I was certain, absolutely certain, that the standard should be fair between me and Seonho—that was all. I simply told him that he should get to touch my chest in return. That was the only reason.
…So how, exactly, did it end up like this?
-Ssssh.
"……"
The instant I felt my underwear sliding down my legs, my thighs clenched together on pure reflex—and just then, Seonho's calm voice reached my ears.
"Don't be nervous. There's nothing strange about this. Nothing you need to think of oddly."
…Right. He's right. There's nothing strange about it.
This is simply training to overcome my androphobia, and I know perfectly well that Seonho isn't undressing me with any strange intentions. I know that.
"I-I know that too. This is just… just training."
"I'll set your underwear aside here for now. Just until the session's over."
"……Yes."
After my chest, now even my most precious place.
With a part of me I had barely shown even to other women—let alone out of any exercise of reason—laid completely bare, my head felt like it was spinning in circles.
'Training or not, this is… this is simply too….'
It's too… too embarrassing.
Though I suppose the one blessing is that my partner is Seonho, and that much puts my heart at ease.
-Ssssh.
"Hh, hhnn…."
As his hand traveled up along my thigh, my legs trembled uncontrollably. And then, when his fingers finally reached the innermost part of my thigh—the most sensitive crevice of all—
-Squish.
"Hhnn, hhnnnnnhh?!"
…All too pathetically, I showed him an embarrassing sight yet again.
"Haah, hoo, hoooooh…."
"Feeling it from just this much contact… yeah, Isabel really is a lewd girl after all."
"N-No, I'm not…."
"You're not?"
"…I-I don't… really know."
A lewd girl. As a priestess, it's a nickname I should never, ever bear—and yet somehow, coming from Seonho's mouth, why does it feel so… reassuring?
From the moment Seonho's hand touched between my legs, all I could do was let shallow breaths slip slowly from my lips.
…Because I had the feeling that if I didn't consciously keep even my breathing under control, some strange sound might escape me at any moment.
-Tap.
"U-Uhhnnn?!"
Just a graze. The very tip of his finger merely brushed against the smallest, most sensitive part of my body—and my whole body curled in on itself, and it was mortifying beyond words.
"It's okay, Isabel. You just need to get used to it little by little."
"Is… is that so?"
"It is. And don't worry about how you look. There's nothing odd about what you're doing. Honestly, you just looked cute."
"……Yes."
It was embarrassing, my whole body quivering at the touch of a single finger—but if Seonho found me cute, then perhaps that was that.
While I was letting my guard down at that small comfort, Seonho's finger found my pearl once more.
-Press.
"U, hhnn…!"
-Rub, rub.
"Haaaah, hoo, h-hhnnnh…!!"
With just one finger, he began to stroke me, slow and gentle.
'N-No, this… this feeling….'
I mustn't feel any more of it. Whatever this strange sensation is, it's nothing but shameful.
'…And yet, I don't… hate it.'
Because even in a moment like this, Seonho's hands touched me with such calm, unhurried tenderness—never once swept up in desire—that I felt so terribly safe. So I simply surrendered my body to him, quietly.
"Hhnn, h-hhnnnnnh…!!"
Once again, that strange feeling rose up from below, and the pleasure rippled through every nerve in my body—I nearly buckled, my legs threatening to give out entirely.
'But… now that I've surrendered myself completely, it doesn't feel quite so embarrassing after all.'
It's only training, after all. There's no need to feel shame during training meant to overcome my fear of men.
With that thought, I quietly—calmly, as best I could—let out my heated breath.
"Hoo, hoo, hoooh…."
"…Hey, Isabel."
"Y-Yes, Seonho."
"I don't really know the doctrines of the Holy Church of Life, so I have a question. Is that all right?"
"P-Please, go ahead."
"The doctrine of 'purity' the Church upholds—can you tell me exactly what acts it forbids?"
……
…He must be asking about the Doctrine of Purity.
The three doctrines a priestess breaks at the cost of her holy power. I know them well—any priest of the Holy Church of Life is expected to know them.
They were laid down precisely so that a newly ordained priest wouldn't stumble into a violation out of ignorance of the exact rules.
"One is that… a man's… thing… must never enter my body."
"…Thing? You mean like a pen, or something like that?"
"Ah, no. Not a thing in that sense."
"……"
"I-I meant that a… a cock… must not enter my body."
"…Sorry, Isabel."
"No, no. I was the one who explained it confusingly."
…If I was going to be embarrassed twice over anyway, I should simply have said it clearly from the start.
"So a cock can't go in anywhere on your body? Anywhere at all?"
"…Pardon? Is there… any other part of a woman's body it could enter, other than down there?"
"…Well, the mouth, for one."
…That one, I honestly don't know.
Taking a man's… that… into one's mouth? Why on earth would anyone do such a thing?
What possible meaning could there be in me taking Seonho's… into my mouth….
'…Now that I think about it, the thought is a little… embarrassing, maybe.'
I can't quite understand from imagination alone why anyone would do such a thing—but somehow, the thought of trying it does occur to me.
Still, there doesn't seem to be any doctrine concerning the mouth, so… it should be fine, I think?
I did phrase it as "mustn't enter the body," but the precise wording of the doctrine is: "A man's member shall not enter a priestess's vagina."
When I first learned it, I never understood why it was written so bluntly—but I think I understand now.
"I believe… the mouth would be all right."
"…I see. Anything else?"
"The other is that the Sign of Purity must never be completely damaged… ah, th-that's… a woman's maiden…."
"I know that one. So those two are the whole of it?"
"…There is one more."
"Which is?"
"That a man's semen must… must never enter the womb. Those three, in total."
"Those three, huh?"
"……Yes."
Hearing my answer, Seonho's head tilted slightly downward, and his expression turned thoughtful, as if pondering something.
Was it that he didn't like the fact that I was a priestess? I can't share love with a man or bear a child until retirement, and once retired, I can never return to active service.
That grim thought was just creeping into my head when his lips parted once more.
Though what actually came out of the pondering Seonho's mouth caught me a little off guard.
"Then, fingers are fine, right?"
"…Pardon?"
"Fingers are allowed, right? As long as the hymen isn't damaged."
……
"Is there some doctrine forbidding that too?"
A doctrine forbidding a man's fingers… I don't believe there is one.
And yet, even so, I hesitated to say it as it was.
Because telling Seonho "fingers are fine" was, in effect, little different from granting him permission to use them.
And if I said it, his deft, careful fingers would be entering my body.
'To be honest… I'm a little afraid.'
Having something… actually inside me—I'm still… afraid of that.
I know it's a thought I have no right to, the same me who so freely handled Seonho's body before. But I've already shown him one shameful sight after another today.
So the truth is, doing anything more from here genuinely terrifies me….
'…But I mustn't lie, must I?'
To repay even a fraction of what Seonho has given me, I have to be honest.
I already entrusted every part of this training to him.
…Even if it frightens me now, if it's Seonho, he surely has reasons for everything he does.
"F-Fingers are… f-fine to… to put in…."
……
"Up to… up to there… it doesn't violate any doctrine…."
…It's frightening. Truly frightening.
But this is something I must do to grow accustomed to men.
The sooner I overcome my androphobia, the sooner I can properly repay Seonho for everything. Being nothing but a burden to him like this, every single time—it simply won't do.
"Okay, Isabel."
"Y-Yes… but, b-but slowly, please…."
"Let's stop for today. You did well, Isabel."
"……Pardon?"
But all that came back from Seonho was a flat declaration that today's training was over.
With those words, he carefully helped my bra back into place and drew my lifted dress back down over me.
"We've done plenty for one day. From what I can see, this much is more than enough."
……
"There's no need to rush. Getting used to men is about moving forward, even a little at a time. Better to slowly acclimate at your own pace than to force yourself to overcome it quickly."
"…Yes, Seonho."
…So he understood everything after all.
That I was afraid of the next session, how much training was actually the right amount for me—he knew all of it.
He wasn't touching my body out of some strange desire; he was genuinely, seriously thinking about my training all along. Of course that's what he'd say.
'Meeting someone like Seonho truly is a blessing.'
Come to think of it, he has never once pushed me with training I didn't want.
He always asked my consent at every step, and he always stood ready to stop the moment I refused.
…And now, after all this, I feel a little embarrassed instead. Here was Seonho, looking at me with complete honesty—and I had been doubting his professionalism the whole time.
'I should count myself lucky he didn't see through what was in my heart….'
Still, I couldn't help feeling a quiet disappointment in myself for having doubted him, even for a moment.
⁎ ⁎ ⁎
After wrapping up a session of androphobia training that had progressed considerably further than intended.
Watching Kim Isabel's back as she dabbed at her damp body and clothes, then pulled her discarded underwear back on, I thought to myself, quietly.
'If she hadn't noticed and I'd kept going, I'd have been well and truly screwed.'
(This is a version of the above illustration without the veil.)