104. Heroes (6)
104. Heroes (6)
- 1 -
Since it was only theory, I couldn't be certain. Still, it stood to reason that the body of a dungeon lord who had reached the late stages of the high rank or the monarch level would suffice as a sacrifice for at least one grand magic ritual.
If that dungeon lord had been someone precious to the caster, the potency as a sacrifice would have been amplified even further.
Also, using my body would have been possible had I given the instruction—but there was no way I had ordered a regression.
Therefore.
"I died."
'Almost certainly.'
My mouth pressed shut.
My last will was probably...
'Use my body in whatever way benefits you the most.'
...That had to have been it. No, that was the only thing that came to mind.
'So that's why they kept their lips sealed. "Loyalty" would have been one reason, of course. But this was probably the more important one.'
Even if I had asked about it during our earlier conversation, they would never have given me this answer.
Or they might have outright lied.
'It was an embarrassing thing to say aloud, but they certainly harbored respect and affection for me.'
Therefore, I expected they had come prepared with at least the firm mental resolve to keep silent about my death.
From the very beginning, it was also highly likely they had decided to refuse to answer other questions as well, precisely to avoid reaching this one.
To avoid lying as much as possible—and to prevent an uncertain future, since they wouldn't know how I would react if they told me.
"Then..."
'I could also guess why my body might have been used up in some way.'
To them, I would have been irreplaceable by anything. Even my corpse.
So.
'The only person who could have used my corpse and instructed them to do something with it was me.'
For whatever reason, I thought it must have been I who asked or instructed them.
To use my body.
However, one last thing remained incomprehensible.
'I was never someone who would order them to regress.'
"Never."
I believed I would not have become that kind of being.
Someone who instructed the people precious to them to hurt themselves.
That I could never have become such a monster.
'Even if it would ultimately benefit both me and them, how much suffering would there have been until then? And if that attempt ended in failure again. Regress yet again? That was absurd.'
Even though I had only just learned of my own death, I felt bewilderment but not fear—there was no way someone like me would have bestowed such a future upon them.
Pursuing one's own gain even by whittling down those one considered precious.
Because that was the form of possession my former father had practiced upon his family—the kind I loathed the most.
Yes... this was, in the end, also what I had done to Sonia and Maria...
"No."
I shook my head, scattered the thoughts torn and broken by trauma, and covered over the wounds that had flared up from a sense of duty.
My PTSD or guilt were not important right now.
At the same time, I wasn't trying to be a saint or a perfect person.
'Unless, perhaps, I was aware that I was the evil of this world.'
Back then, in terms of fate, had the value of their lives and souls been any different to me from that of goblins or orcs?
No. It was no different.
There was no reason to feel guilty for what I had done to them when they were enemies.
What happened after that was something I chose, so it was also true that I had to carry the guilt and self-loathing without needing excuses.
'The same went for the matter of the Arachne King.'
In the case where I—who had held doubts about myself—had carried out his execution.
It was highly likely that my anger and loathing would have quickly cooled due to those doubts, and I would have kept him alive, merely making an example of him.
That was probably why the two of them had stepped forward.
Those who knew that killing Tigris was the right thing, even though my judgment had been impulsive.
"So for now..."
More than that, a self-verification of whether I had truly ordered them to regress.
The question of whether I could truly become a monster of self-interest was more important.
To me, this was a far weightier matter than killing or sparing an enemy.
Tak!
I immediately 'recorded' my image onto the vanity mirror, then looked at its surface and snapped my fingers by my ear.
I could see the me beyond the glass looking at this side's me, its eyes gleaming.
My consciousness blurred.
"So peaceful..."
"Tell me the truth within your heart that you think of."
My figure with unfocused eyes, somewhat comfortably disheveled, and my figure sitting upright were reflected in the mirror at the same time.
A hypnotic spell cast while I had released all of my magical 'resistance.'
It seeped into my core instantly and firmly, breaking down all psychological barriers.
"Are you afraid of your observed death?"
"For you are someone who, when your death is confirmed, will instruct them to 'start everything over again.'"
The me beyond the mirror asked.
A question that could not trust the answer of my lucid self.
"No... there won't be such a thing in the future either. I only want to live doing my best. I was always prepared to accept the results, after all..."
"Absolutely not... but I knew well... that what happens in the future cannot be determined."
This side's me answered.
Drawing up even the things deep within the heart.
""Wake up.""
I emerged from the hypnosis, blinking a couple of times.
As quickly as I had fallen into it, my recovery was just as fast. That was simply how the body of a dungeon lord worked.
Since I hadn't set a condition to lose memory, all the answers I had given also surfaced in my mind.
'If so.'
Adding to that answer, I now made an assumption.
How the future me might change was clearly unknowable.
Wasn't it possible for a person to change after going through something tremendously shocking?
But the me of right now was absolutely not that kind of person, so reflecting on the meaning of the word 'never,' the probability of changing that way in the future was not very high.
Also, there was 'Nobility.'
So, for now, I proceeded under the assumption—with a high likelihood—that I would not do such a thing.
And soon reached an answer.
"You should have told me not to."
The answer: that in their past and my future, my death must have occurred in an incomprehensible form.
Of course, I tried not to forget that this was only an assumption...
'This was the truth.'
From a corner of my mind, the 'intuition' that had always helped me was shouting unpleasant words toward me.
'Why did they do it.'
A question arose.
Denying everything they had walked through until now and building it up again from the very beginning... even the mere assumption of it was a painful path for me.
Of course, they could erase past wounds, and thereby heal themselves with the better results that came into view.
'But the pressure and fear they would feel, sensing that moment of past failure approaching...'
Who would compensate for that?
They could feel relieved now, saying the situation was better. But they could also be terrified, thinking that future might happen again.
This was something I could sufficiently guess even though I wasn't the type to greatly empathize with others.
Because I already had plenty of 'advance study material' on regression.
"You shouldn't have to do that..."
I raised a hand and covered my face.
I felt gloomy and depressed, but fortunately, nothing flowed from my eyes.
'Nobility' did not permit me to collapse.
And I, too, could never collapse.
"I..."
Had to be their hero, and the god of this world.
I had concluded thusly...
- 2 -
Libertas's resolve was immediately noticed by them—as quickly as it had been fatefully built.
'This was...'
'She noticed.'
'She has resolved herself.'
It wasn't because she had separately informed them or shown any sign. It was simply because those three people had caught on.
"Why did you all bring so much? At this hour of the night."
"Because there are already two things to celebrate just today, and there will be many more ahead. Master."
The moment came when Libertas smiled, looking at Seth, who had returned with food to the table.
The smile she wore was gentle, just like usual. But Seth, upon seeing that smile, noticed something almost simultaneously—even if there might have been a brief lag.
That she had figured something out, and that at this point, there was only one thing worth figuring out.
"I didn't expect you would remain unaware until the end, but..."
"You are far too quick."
"..."
It was the intuition of retainers who had weathered many hardships with her, beyond what Libertas had imagined.
It was only natural that retainers would discern more about their lord than the lord would intuit about their retainers.
Of course, it wasn't that they had calculated this situation and kept silent.
"What should we do..."
"We must talk properly. To the fullest extent we can."
Because they truly had wished that Libertas would not find out about their return.
This was simply what happened because the thinking ability of Libertas—who was 'far more composed than the state they knew' at this point in time—was superior to their memories.
"You all, right now..."
Libertas, too, upon hearing their conversation, quickly realized.
That the three women had caught on to her thoughts.
It was an experience she was encountering almost for the first time.
There was no way she could have known that, until now, people like Evangeline had pretended not to notice even when they knew what Libertas wanted to hide.
"We... I think we need to talk again. Master."
For now, if the one they must serve had steeled their resolve, they would simply follow.
But if the lord had misunderstood or erred in some way, it was the retainer's duty to correct it.
They began to talk again.
"Please tell us what you were thinking. My master."
"That is..."
This time, the retainers asked the lord firmly, and the lord, trying to hide her bewilderment at the unfamiliar experience, confessed one by one.
Her own hasty conclusions.
"Master told us over and over not to do this... but those of us who decided to begin this all made the choice willingly and gladly. It's true that we couldn't accept your death, but..."