The Most Honest Game in the World
That night, howls that sounded almost like screaming echoed from above the gas station. What the hell was that? Walkers? No, it was the Blackhead guys. Real meat instead of cultured stuff, foods they couldn't even identify, and the insanely pretty and kind Cecil on top of it all. As usual, Max's loyalty chant rang out at full volume.
"Super Lucky Solution Group forever!"
"The name sucks but still forever!"
"Pretty noonas forever!"
"Boobs forever!"
These idiots were so hyped they kept slipping weird words in between. And they were all clearly middle-aged men, yet they were calling them noonas? Anyway, it wasn't three cheers—it was more like thirty.
Cecil and Hana watched the scene with what looked like genuinely moved expressions.
"Chef Mom nailed it."
Ban walked over to Cecil's side and casually tossed out the words.
"Chef Mom...? What is that supposed to mean?"
Cecil stared at him with an expression that said, Is he talking about me? What kind of title is that?
"It's what I feel like calling you. It's tradition in our solution group, you know? Just accept it, Cooking Holy Mother."
"Ah... yes..."
"Please stop giving her weird nicknames. Our Cecil is—"
Hana started to protest on Cecil's behalf, but—
"Shut it. Fox Secretary, Diamond Eyes, Jinx Tank."
"Huh?"
Ban looked at the pair staring at him in utter bewilderment, then shoved his hand into his pocket. What he pulled out was the brooch he'd picked up from the carriage.
"Cooking Lady, is this yours?"
"This is...? Where did you find it??"
Both Cecil and Hana's eyes widened in shock.
"I grabbed it from that ridiculously fancy and bizarre carriage."
Cecil took the brooch and simply stared at it for a long time. The atmosphere was getting weird, so Ban casually slid over next to Hana.
"Um... Fox Secretary? What's that thing that made the noble sister suddenly get all serious like that?"
He asked in a low whisper. Hana lowered her voice as well.
"It's a brooch her mother gave her as a coming-of-age gift. It was her most treasured possession, but she lost it and was absolutely devastated."
For something that was 'just a gift,' it seemed to carry some deep emotion.
"Is it maybe her mother's memento or something?"
"No. Her mother is alive and well."
Oh. Then why was she acting like that?
And so, Cecil's unprecedented first cooking service ended without incident.
The next morning.
Ban woke up late, crawled out of his room while yawning his head off, and shuffled down the hallway scratching his messy hair. From the direction of the command center, he heard Yui and Hana's voices.
"So... the basic warehouse inventory that was registered in the bunker before is this much, right?"
"Yeah, that's it. And this is..."
He poked his head through the open door. Yui had pulled up a panel on the main computer while Hana was rapidly tapping away on her tablet. The look in her eyes as she stared at the screen was downright fierce. That girl was a total workaholic.
Tap. Tap tap tap. Hana flipped through the tablet a few times, then silently spun on her heel and headed toward the supply warehouse.
"Good morning. Solver... I mean, Leader."
"Yo. Morning!"
She gave a light greeting when their eyes met, then smoothly walked past.
"What's up with her? Why's she in such a rush first thing in the morning?"
Ban stepped into the control room and asked. Yui spun her chair around to face him.
"She dragged me in too. There's a mountain of stuff—inventory checks, bunker item lists. She even wants everything from the meat and spices we used yesterday logged in the books."
"Heh... The secretary really is a secretary. A complete work machine."
Ban chuckled and turned back toward the main room.
But the moment he stepped out, a truly rare sight greeted him. Our Ice Witch was lying on the sofa, tightly hugging a massive ball of fur. And she had an incredibly happy expression on her face as she buried it in the fluff.
Whoa. The big sis acting like that? It felt like discovering a legendary rare monster.
Ban casually stuck a cigarette in his mouth and teased in a sly voice.
"Aww~ Our fluff ball is so lucky. Getting hugged that tightly by Haze-chan. Maybe I should turn into a fluff ball too?"
"Eek?!"
Startled by Ban's voice, Haze shot upright from the sofa. Richard tumbled to the floor with a heavy thud.
"Ah... um, well. Richard feels nicer to touch than I expected... and his body temperature is so warm..."
No one had asked, yet her face turned slightly red as she stammered out an excuse. Watching the Ice Witch get flustered was always entertaining. What a great morning show.
"Woof woof!!"
Huh? The fluff ball came charging at Ban.
With a heavy thud, the huge body leaped at him, knocking him flat before licking his face like crazy.
"Ugh!! Stop!! Please!! You smell weird!!"
Ban yelled while trying to push Richard's face away.
"You didn't show this kind of violent affection to the others! Why are you only like this with me?!"
Richard completely ignored Ban's complaints and kept shoving his face forward.
After suffering Richard's assault for a while—
"Ah!! I'm actually dying here! But the bigger problem is that I'm starving!!"
Ban got up, rubbing his stomach, and started pacing around the bunker. He had only one target in mind.
Our savior.
"Cooking Holy Mother! Cooking Maria! Cooking Mom! Chef Noblewoman! Black-and-white..."
"Shut up!!!"
Thud!
Yui burst out of the control room and slammed her entire body into Ban's solar plexus with all her strength.
"Oof! Hey, you little brat! Are you trying to assassinate me first thing in the morning?"
"Then stop shouting loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood! Sis went to the cafeteria to make breakfast, okay?!"
Look at this kid. She was calling Cecil 'sis' properly now. But the only words that registered in Ban's ears were 'went to the cafeteria to make breakfast.'
"Oh. Ooh. Ooooooh!"
The corners of Ban's mouth stretched all the way to his ears.
"This is amazing. For real. There's actually someone making breakfast for me when I open my eyes in the morning!! Brat, get out of my way!"
Ban shoved Yui aside and sprinted toward the cafeteria.
The moment he opened the door, the savory aroma of butter, baked bread, and frying eggs filled the air.
Cecil was humming a little tune as she finished up the cooking.
"Oh my, Leader. You're up early today?"
Ah, it was the angel he'd seen yesterday. This place really was heaven.
Before long, Haze and Richard followed him into the cafeteria. Haze looked at Cecil in her apron and the drooling Ban, then spoke.
"Eve still hasn't woken up. I'll go to her room and get her."
"Sis! I'll wake up the milk cow!"
Yui came running and dashed straight past the cafeteria toward Eve's room.
"Hey, Secretary!! Eat first before you work!!"
The brat's energetic voice echoed down the hallway. The presence of a real cook was that powerful. The little squirt was suddenly overflowing with energy.
Soon, a sleepy-eyed Eve and Hana—who was still clutching her tablet—entered the cafeteria. It was a truly wonderful morning scene. The sight of family slowly gathering one by one at the smell of food.
Before long, a breakfast so appetizing it made your mouth water was set on the table.
Bread with a crispy exterior and moist interior. Beside it, a fluffy omelet glowing bright yellow and thick cream soup sending up fragrant steam.
There was also perfectly crisped pancetta bacon, and the bitter yet aromatic scent of drip coffee that filled the entire bunker.
"This is insane..."
Ban sat down as if in a trance. It was hard to believe this was the same guy who'd been annoyed at Richard licking his face moments ago—his eyes were sparkling.
"Let's eat~!"
Yui immediately dipped her bread into the soup and took a bite. Before the afterglow of last night's dinner could even fade, her taste buds were being spoiled again.
Crunch. Salty. Savory.
"Mmm~!"
Everyone except Hana and Cecil buried their faces in their plates and started inhaling the food without saying a word. They seemed almost pitiful. Having only eaten the same boring stuff every day despite having ingredients this good...
Ban cut off a huge piece of omelet, stuffed it in his mouth, and washed it down with strong coffee. Clean. A happy morning that filled his stomach with satisfaction.
After the meal, everyone was patting their full bellies and letting out satisfied sighs when—
"Did everyone enjoy the food? Please pass me your dishes. I'll clean up."
Cecil gracefully reached out to collect the empty plates.
Tap!
Yui stopped Cecil's hand at lightning speed.
"What are you talking about! Sis did all the cooking—why should you get your hands wet?! Dishes are absolutely not allowed!"
This brat had turned into Cecil's total sidekick.
"Correct. It goes against the bunker's rules for the person who prepared the meal to handle cleanup as well."
Haze nodded seriously while putting a cigarette in her mouth. There was no such rule, of course, but by any standard of conscience, making the cook do the dishes wasn't something a decent human being would do.
"Then who should do the dishes?"
Hana asked, looking around at everyone.
"Let's decide fairly with a bet."
At Ban's suggestion, everyone's eyes lit up. This hopeless group always got fired up at the thought of not losing.
"Good. Let's settle it with shooting. Hitting a target at one kilometer."
Haze said it with a straight face. An Aegis sniper suggesting a shooting contest?
"Sis, have some shame! You'd win that for sure! Let's do who can break through the external comms firewall the fastest!"
Yui scolded her sister and made a new suggestion... which was just as unfair. Look at her only picking things that favored her.
"Baaan! Let's compete by reciting the chemical element symbols in order~!"
Eve jumped in, flaunting her former Red Cross professor credentials. These people really had no limits.
"Are you all crazy? You're all just throwing out stuff that only benefits yourselves. The leader will decide the rules."
Ban stood up and cracked his neck from side to side. Crack.
"Let's do a clean round of stand-up sparring. No weapons, just fists and kicks. Sound good?"
"This muscle-brained trash for real!!"
"Do you have any conscience, Mr. Ban?!"
Yui and Haze both charged him, furiously smacking his back and solar plexus. They only suggested advantageous games for themselves but threw a fit when it was his turn.
Hana, who had been quietly watching this idiot solution group's antics, finally couldn't hold back. She covered her mouth.
"Pfft."
Huh? Did the Fox Secretary just laugh out loud?
Hana quickly returned to her cold expression. The speed of that attitude shift was impressive—probably out of embarrassment.
"Why are you all fighting so childishly? There's a much fairer and faster way. Let's just play rock-paper-scissors."
Rock-paper-scissors. Simple, dumb, but certain—the most honest relic of the old era.
"Heh heh heh... Rock-paper-scissors? Secretary girl, you messed up."
Ban arrogantly crossed his arms.
"Now then. As for me! A man born by gathering all the luck in the universe. I have never lost at rock-paper-scissors in my life. Let's go!"
With full confidence, Ban, Yui, Eve, Haze, and Hana all thrust out their hands at the same time.
"Rock, paper, scissors!"
Ban—scissors. The other four—rock.
"...Huh? Why did rock come out there?"
An innocent expression. His two fingers trembled pitifully in the air.
"Puhahahahaha!! Universe luck my ass!! Idiot winner~!!"
Yui clutched her stomach laughing. Haze smirked and lit her cigarette. The Fox Secretary simply said, "Good work, Leader," and stood up.
"What the hell!!! Does this even make sense? You guys planned this! You exchanged looks, didn't you!"
Ban shouted in protest, but no one paid him any attention.
"Eve-chan?"
"I'm going to take a shower~!"
Eve completely ignored him and ran off. In the end, he had no choice but to pick up the stack of dirty dishes and trudge toward the kitchen sink.
"Ugh, so annoying... Can I just rinse them with water?"
He tossed the dishes into the sink and rolled up his sleeves when an unfamiliar machine caught his eye.
A relic of the old era. The savior of every housewife.
The dishwasher.
"What the hell is this? Why are there so many buttons? How do you even turn it on?"
He pressed random buttons, but all he got were beeps and error sounds. The tragedy of an analog man who was completely hopeless with machines.
"I don't know how to work this stuff, okay?! Somebody explain it to me!!"
He was seriously considering kicking it when—
"Leader, I'll help you."
Cecil had approached without him noticing and now stood right beside him.
"Open this panel here, add the detergent, then press the water supply button. I'll set it up for you."
As Cecil bent down to operate the controls, her soft hair lightly brushed against Ban's shoulder.
A sweet, pleasant scent flowed from her and filled his nose. It was like expensive soap mixed with a faint floral fragrance.
Watching Cecil's profile as she worked the machine with a smile as warm as morning sunlight, Ban thought to himself: