Yeah, The Commute Home Is Always Like This
The shutter door rattled violently—boom!boom!—as the walkers beyond it howled and raked their claws across the steel, filling the air with a deafening racket.
“Haa. What the hell? It’s already this chaotic right from the start. Kid! How long do you figure those bastards will take to break through?”
Ban asked, staring at the main entrance with his signature dead-fish eyes.
Uh… there’s a ton of them, but the steel’s pretty thick so it should hold for a wh—wait, what the hell! It’s a mutant! Bulk type. This might actually be dangerous.
Ah. So they even brought a mutant to the party. The curtain really was rising on a complete shitshow.
The gunshot wound in his shoulder throbbed like it was on fire, but he didn’t have time to baby it.
“Nevi, get the ladies and take the elevator up to the second floor.”
“Yeees! Ladies! This way~!”
Eve grabbed Cecil and Hana’s arms with practiced cheer and linked them through her own. What a capable Nevi. Ban slammed the button for the second floor and fished out another cigarette.
“Big Sis? Can you bring the car around to the hole in the north outer wall on the second floor? Wait there for us. I’ll go find that… Ri-whatever-it-is.”
Understood. Be careful, Leader.
The elevator had arrived, but Hana was planted in front of it like stubborn luggage, refusing to board.
“…? Miss, what are you doing? Why aren’t you getting on? Why are you standing here staring at me? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for me at first si—”
“If I don’t go, who’s going to find Richard?”
Hana rubbed her rope-burned wrists and looked him dead in the eye.
“Huh? It’s a biological weapon or whatever, right? I said I’d go get it. You’re in the way, so hurry up and get on.”
“I need to confirm it myself. I’m the only one who understands Richard’s special traits. And Solver—”
Hana’s gaze flicked meaningfully to the outdated assault rifle slung over Ban’s shoulder.
“—so please let me come along. I won’t be dead weight.”
“Heh? A proper young lady like you actually knows how to shoot?”
“In this brutal world, do you really think a secretary can’t handle a single firearm?”
Hana shot back, bold as brass.
Whoa. Just like he thought—this lady was terrifying right from the way she spoke. Ban let out a disbelieving snort and unslung the assault rifle from his back, tossing it to her.
Hana snatched it out of the air with practiced ease and yanked the charging handle with a solid clack. Her stance was textbook. She clearly wasn’t a rookie.
“Eve, take the rest of the ladies and get on that elevator already. We’re off to pick up that Richard-whatever monster.”
Clunk—!Whirrrr—
The elevator carrying Eve and Cecil began its ascent.
That left only Ban and Hana on the first-floor loading dock. The shutter door was screaming under the combined assault of the walkers’ sheer numbers and the mutant’s brute force, cracks spiderwebbing across its surface.
“So where exactly is this Richard thing?”
“I don’t know.”
“…You say that with way too much confidence. Ha… Yui. Can the drone pick anything up?”
Give me a second… Ah. Something’s showing up in the basement area. Looks like there’s something inside a big container.
“Roger that.”
Ban flicked the cigarette away with his finger and jabbed the elevator button again.
The drone can’t go with you. I need to keep an eye on the situation up here.
“Yessir, yessir~ Copy that.”
Ban gave a half-hearted reply to the kid’s unnecessary drone flex and stepped into the elevator.
Basement Level 2. The doors opened to a stench even fouler than the floor above.
“Ugh… it smells like absolute shit down here. I miss our house. Which way?”
Straight ahead from the elevator, then right. Keep going straight after that, take a left, and it’s the first big warehouse you see. Hurry up and get back. I can hear the shutter warping from here.
There was a clear note of tension in Yui’s voice. Understandable—they’d thought the worst was over, only to land in another walker-infested nightmare.
Luckily the route wasn’t too convoluted, and thanks to Yui’s guidance they reached the spot without issue.
Clunk. Clunk.
Ah. Now what the hell was this?
A massive iron door, thick as a vault, sat firmly locked.
“Looks like the universe isn’t in the mood to babysit me today.”
Ban pulled a coin-sized compressed explosive from his tactical vest and jammed it into the door seam.
“Hey, Miss Fox Secretary. Back up a bit.”
Wait, Ban! If you set off another explosion, the walkers are going to lose their minds even more. You sure that’s smart?
Yui was getting worked up over the comm again for no reason.
“Whether that door holds or not, we just need to grab that… Richard thing and ride the elevator straight up to the second floor anyway, right?”
Ban hit the detonator without waiting for a reply. A thunderous blast folded the thick iron door inward like crumpled paper.
“Cough, cough. Brute force, but effective.”
Huh? Was the fox secretary complimenting him or insulting him?
They pushed through the lingering dust cloud and entered the room. In the center of the spacious warehouse sat the oversized container Yui had mentioned—a massive cage woven from silver special alloy. The surface was covered in flashy, utterly unnecessary Olympus crests.
“Okay. Found it.”
Hana stood guard by the door in silence, rifle at the ready. Ban strode straight up to the enormous lock and pressed the barrel of his revolver against it.
Bang!
Clang—!
The heavy armor-piercing round shattered the lock. The cage door creaked open a crack. Ban readied himself for a fight—revolver in his right hand, combat knife in his left—and kicked the door wide open.
Boom—!
“Let’s see that face, you biological weapon monster bast—huh?”
Something shuffled out of the dark cage.
“Huff… huff. Woof!”
???
Glossy golden fur that practically sparkled, droopy eyes so innocent they looked almost stupid, and a tail spinning like a helicopter propeller in pure delight. One look and anyone could tell this was the world’s healthiest, happiest golden retriever.
Ban’s combat stance suddenly felt incredibly embarrassing.
“This is… Richard?”
“Woof woof!”
“Biological… weapon… toilet? Weapon? What the fuck, the words are starting to sound wrong in my head?”
Gestalt collapse hitting him hard, Ban turned to Hana with a completely dazed expression.
“It is a biological weapon.”
“The biological weapon Richard I heard about and this retriever only share one syllable. What the actual hell, Secretary? You’re telling me this dog bastard is a biological weapon?”
He was so dumbfounded the words kept tripping over themselves. They’d rushed down here through a literal horde of walkers for this?
Yet Hana’s expression was dead serious.
“Correct. Biological Weapon Richard. A mutant military dog our family poured an enormous budget into developing. He excels at scent tracking, and in emergencies he can massively inflate his body to fight like a wild beast. A truly fearsome weapon.”
She described it in dramatic, terrifying detail, but the secretary was already squatting down, enthusiastically scratching the soft fur under Richard’s chin. The ice-cold expression that had earned her the title of Ice Witch was gone; her hands were gentle enough to melt the whole apocalypse.
“Heeek. Huff huff huff!”
Richard rolled over happily, belly exposed, basking in the attention.
Cute.
So cute!!
It’s cute.
Huh? What was this now…? At some point the rest of the solution group had apparently tuned in through Yui’s terminal and were now cooing over the body-cam footage.
“Haha… fuck. Okay, he’s cute, but—are you people seeing the current situation? Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? Is it me who’s broken?”
“Shut up. Let’s head back up already.”
What a cheeky secretary. One second she was petting the dog like it was the most precious thing in the world, the next she was standing up and walking out of the warehouse without a backward glance.
“Ha… When we get back I’m definitely saying something. Yeah. No more holding back, Claude Ban!”
Ban lit a fresh cigarette and trudged after her.
Ban! It’s breached! It’s dangerous—hurry! The first-floor shutter collapsed! The walkers are inside! They’re going to flood the stairs to the second floor too!!
Yui’s panic came through loud and clear.
“Ah, this is seriously the worst. Why the hell did it break so fast?”
Ban switched from his leisurely stroll to a full sprint. Hana and Richard followed close behind, piling into the elevator with him.
Whirrrr—Clunk.
Second floor. The moment the doors opened, a horde of disgusting walkers greeted them.
Just as expected. With the first-floor shutter down, the bastards had already crawled up the emergency stairs and were now roaming the second-floor hallway.
“Route’s absolute garbage. Of course the warehouse is stupidly far from the elevator. Ha… Guess we’re cutting through the emergency stairs.”
Firing his revolver here would just lure the hundreds of walkers on the first floor up to the second like a swarm of excited lunatics.
“Secretary. That gun’s an old relic with a built-in suppressor, so feel free to shoot. I’ll carve a path in front—you just watch my back.”
Ban holstered his revolver and drew the combat knife in one hand and the machete in the other.
“Path opening.”
The words had barely left his mouth before he sprang forward. He slipped between three walkers blocking the way and slashed the machete horizontally. Three rotten heads hit the floor at the same time.
While Ban danced forward clearing the route, Hana behind him fired short, precise bursts from the silenced rifle.
Psh. Pshsh—!
“Krrgh…!”
Every walker that popped out of Ban’s blind spot got a neat hole drilled through its skull.
Oh. The secretary really could shoot. Or maybe it was just because it was an old gun.
They’d just reached the intersection in front of the emergency stairs after carving through a hallway painted in blood and flying flesh when—
Thud—!
A massive, oppressive presence suddenly loomed from behind. Ban whipped his head around.
“Fuck, the mutant’s already up here—! Huh?”
His eyes nearly popped out of his skull.
The enormous figure standing behind them had muscular forelegs and golden fur. It was definitely the same innocent golden retriever Richard from earlier.
Only now he was the size of a tiger. A real Baekdu Mountain tiger.
“Grrrrraaaawr—!”
The giant Richard roared like a wild beast and swung a massive paw at the pack of walkers still crawling up the emergency stairs.
Crack—!Splat!
Several walker heads burst like eggs.
“Wow. Fuck. It really was a biological weapon?”
Ban muttered, stunned.
Hana smiled triumphantly and gave Richard’s rump a light pat.
“I told you. Biological Weapon Richard.”
“Fair enough. Let’s move. Suddenly feels like rescuing him was actually worth it. Not a transforming robot but a transforming dog bastard. Nice.”
With their new reliable tiger-sized—er, dog-sized—ally in the lead, they moved past the emergency stairs and turned toward the warehouse.
Thud— Boom—!
Goddammit. This time it really was the mutant.
It crushed the lesser walkers beneath its feet, smashing the narrow emergency stairs that couldn’t contain its bulk as it forced its way upward.
“GROOOAAAR—!”
A swollen mountain of muscle over two meters tall. The bulk-type mutant walker glared down at them with those signature disgusting eyes.
“Ha. It really doesn’t give anyone a break.”
Ban adjusted his grip on the machete and kicked off the floor.
The mutant swung its enormous arm down at him. Ban dropped low, sliding across the floor in a smooth glide. His knife sliced deep into the creature’s Achilles tendon mid-slide.
“Kuuuugh—!”
When the mutant staggered, Ban pushed off the ground, sprang up, and delivered a brutal kick to the back of its knee. The giant figure dropped.
Ban stepped onto its shoulder, spun through the air in a wide arc, and brought the machete down. The mutant’s thick neck split cleanly in two, black blood spraying like a fountain.
“Time to clock out, fuckers.”
Ban, Hana, and a now-adorable-again Richard kicked open the warehouse door.
On the far side of the dark warehouse, through the massive hole blown in the outer wall, they could see the Humvee Haze had brought.
Mr. Ban! Get in quick! They’re still swarming!
Haze’s voice overlapped with the comm in his ear.
Ban sent Hana and the furball out first, decapitated one last pursuing walker, then jumped through the hole himself. He shoved Hana and Richard into the cargo bay Eve had opened and climbed into the back seat.
The heavy Humvee doors slammed shut. Haze floored it.
“Hana! Richard!”
Cecil, waiting in the corner of the cargo bay, pulled them both into a tight hug. Tears she’d been holding back finally spilled from the beautiful princess’s eyes.
“I’m so glad… I’m really so glad you’re safe…”
“Please don’t cry, miss. I’m fine.”
Hana gently patted Cecil’s back while Richard panted happily and licked away her tears.
It was a tear-jerking family reunion if ever there was one.
“Haa… that was rough. Ah! It hurts! My shoulder!! It hurts so bad!!”
Suddenly he was playing the victim.
“Ah, yes! Master! J-just hold on a little~!”
While Eve frantically dug through her bag, the Humvee tore down the narrow mountain path of the quarry like a madman. Haze’s aggressive driving sent the vehicle rocking violently.
A glance out the window revealed a literal cloud of walkers swarming toward the quarry entrance. Even for a mid-level gray zone, that was excessive.
“Mr. Ban, you worked hard.”
Haze glanced at him through the rearview mirror, her voice warm.
As expected, Big Sis was soft-hearted after all.
“I’m injured. I got shot in the shoulder. It hurts!”
At Ban’s whining, every member of the solution group burst out laughing.
“It’s not funny, you know?”
“You really are human. You get hurt and everything.”
Yui turned around with a bright grin.
Ban pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and exhaled slowly.
Ah. It really did hurt.
Still… somehow or other, he’d safely reunited with these idiots.
Time to clock out.