Thanks a Fucking Lot, Vanessa-chan!

"Why? What's up? Is there some kind of working button or something?"

Yui asked, shoving her face into the gap beneath Ban's arm.

Ban stood there in a daze for a moment before slowly slipping his hand inside his hoodie.

He pulled out the old pendant he always wore like a permanent tattoo.

"Huh? That's Master's necklace..."

Eve's eyes widened into perfect circles.

Ban steadied his trembling fingertips and carefully pressed his pendant into the engraved groove beneath the panel.

It fit perfectly, like a component that had always belonged there.

Click—

The gentle mechanical voice of a woman echoed through the quiet lobby.

At the same time, the massive elevator doors that had been firmly shut slid open to both sides with a soft hiss.

"...... No fucking way. It actually opened?"

Yui muttered, completely stunned.

"Ban. Just what the hell... are you?"

At Haze's trembling voice, Ban hung the pendant back around his neck and shrugged with his signature dead-fish eyes.

"Haha... I don't know either. I'm an orphan, after all. Guess the universe was so moved by my naming sense that it opened the door for me. Let's get in. No telling what's inside."

As Ban casually slipped into the elevator, the three women exchanged bewildered glances before hurriedly following after him.

Whiiiing—

The doors closed, and the elevator began its descent.

But this thing was going way too deep.

One minute. Two minutes. There was no floor indicator, but the sensation of their stomachs floating upward continued without end.

It felt less like an underground bunker and more like they were punching straight through the crust into the Earth's core.

"M-Master, how far down is this going? It's scaryyy~"

Eve wrapped her arms around Ban's waist.

It was clearly an insanely fast elevator, yet they had been riding it this long?

A little over five minutes passed.

Maybe it had pressure regulation systems; despite descending this deep, no one felt any discomfort.

And finally.

Ding-dong.

With a pleasant mechanical chime, the doors opened.

The four of them froze solid at the sight beyond the elevator.

"...... This can't be real."

It was understandable. What spread before their eyes wasn't some trashy basement but an impossibly vast and luxurious main room.

A thin layer of dust covered the floors and furniture, evidence of the years gone ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠by, but there was none of the rotten stench typical of ruins.

Instead, every breath brought perfectly purified, refreshingly clean oxygen.

"What the hell? Why does an underground place have air this good? Is this a mountain? Yeee~haw!"

Yui, who had been fiddling with a panel on the nearby wall, cried out in pure astonishment.

"No way... This is the highest-grade sealed protection system from the old era."

"Old era?"

"Yeah! The ultra-high-tech age!"

"So?"

"The main power is running at minimum output and continuously purifying the internal air. To maintain a facility this size, just how massive does the generator have to be?"

Just as Yui said, from the deepest part of the lobby came a low, majestic vibration like a heartbeat.

Vwoong— Vwoong—

It was proof that an ultra-large power source from the old era—on a completely different level from some cheap generator—was alive and breathing, sustaining the entire bunker.

"Heh, the old era, huh. But ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠these facilities are seriously top-tier?"

Ban sprinted over to the high-end leather sofa and flung himself onto it.

The cloud-like cushioning enveloped his whole body with a soft poof.

After a week of sleeping on the hard shelter floor, it felt like his stiffened spine was melting away.

"Master! There are so many doors on both sides!"

Eve, who had been hopping around the room, pointed at the long corridors stretching left and right.

Haze adjusted her rifle and approached the corridor in full alert mode.

"We should check for safety first. A facility this intact is bound to have automatic defense systems..."

Slide—

As Haze approached, the door at the corridor entrance opened smoothly via sensor.

What she saw beyond made her eyes widen to twice their normal size.

"This is..."

The enormous circular main corridor seemed to stretch on forever.

Along it stood rows of various rooms.

"Shall we take a look around?"

The moment Yui opened the door to the command control room and stepped inside, she screamed like a madwoman.

"Kyaaaaaaaah!! Jackpot! It's an old-era high-tech mainframe! The server's still alive!! No fucking way, is this for real? Look at this facility!!!"

The usually prickly Intelli Master was practically drooling as she stroked the server racks.

"The medical wing has a full operating room! The sterilization is perfect!!"

Eve, having checked the medical wing, expressed her joy with her entire body, her massive chest bouncing wildly.

Haze was bustling back and forth between the tactical armory and the shooting range.

"Bulletproof indoor training ground... Weapon storage with perfectly controlled temperature and humidity... Even old-era firearms still sealed in their original plastic..."

Even the sniper unit she once belonged to had never had facilities like this.

"Heh. Everyone's losing their minds."

Whatever it was, all of that was secondary to Ban.

Drawn purely by instinct, he paced in front of the largest iron door that looked like a hangar.

"Haa. I don't care about anything else—just please let there be food."

Ban swallowed hard and opened the warehouse door.

Hiss—

With the sound of escaping pressure, the massive door swung open.

Whoa.

The gas station shell they'd seen outside earlier couldn't even compare.

Inside the enormous dry warehouse kept at comfortable room temperature were endless mountains of canned food boxes and vacuum-packed old-era provisions.

"Ta-dah!"

The solution group excitedly rushed into the warehouse.

In one corner stood a sleek silver dispenser.

Eve pressed the glowing touch pad out of curiosity.

Gush gush gush—!

"Huh...? Master!! Water's coming out! It's really clear water!"

Eve caught the water in both hands and gulped it down.

Yui, who had been staring at it intently, let out a dumbfounded chuckle.

"Wow. An atmospheric moisture collection purification system? The old era was seriously next-level crazy."

"What is that?"

Ban asked Yui, who was reading the display and pretending she understood everything.

"It's exactly what it says. It sucks in all the water vapor floating in the air and condenses it into drinking water. You know a dehumidifier, right? Same principle, except the efficiency is fucking broken."

Yui answered while scanning the hologram panel's readings.

"You heard the generator earlier, right? With that ridiculous power draw, it keeps pulling in outside air and extracting only the moisture. In theory, it means truly infinite clean water."

"Infinite? Hey, does that mean I don't have to nag about saving water when we shower anymore?"

"Are you an idiot? A moron? I said it's infinite. If we wanted, we could build a swimming pool here."

At Yui's jab, the corner of Ban's mouth twitched upward.

"Kyaaahuuu!!!!"

Haze's gaze was locked onto the flashy glass display case covering the warehouse wall.

Like she was hypnotized, she approached and gently stroked the expensive-looking old-era liquor bottles.

But the real main event was elsewhere.

When Yui operated the panel with trembling hands and opened the door, pure white cold air poured out like clouds.

Inside, premium marbled raw meat was frozen perfectly at the molecular level, preserving the freshness it had decades ago.

"...... They've gone completely insane."

Ban lay spread-eagle at the entrance of the cryo storage, cold air washing over him, and giggled at the ceiling.

The stingy 1000-coin grocery run from the mart a week ago was less than ant piss compared to the supplies here.

Insane luck with the universe on his side.

This was a bigger joke than winning the Powerball ten times in a row.

"Hey, princesses. Tonight's not a canned food party."

Still lying down, Ban clenched his fist and shouted.

"It's old-era whiskey and premium beef steak!"

"Kyaaaaaaaah!!!"

Not just Eve, but Yui and even Haze jumped around screaming. It was understandable.

Things they had never even seen before were laid out right in front of them.

"Dining hall! Where's the dining hall! The kitchen!"

Carrying armfuls of premium marbled beef and old-era whiskey, Yui sprinted down the corridor before kicking open the glass door of the room marked Dining Hall.

An absurdly spacious dining hall.

The open kitchen lined entirely in stainless steel didn't have a single ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠speck of dust.

The induction cooktop and utensils on standby power seemed to be begging to be used.

"Master! I'll grill it! I'm really good at grilling meat!"

Eve, having found a pure white apron from somewhere, put it on, hummed a tune, and dashed into the kitchen.

"No. You stay away from the grill."

Ban quickly scooped her up and sat her in a chair.

"Whyyy!"

"Phew. Thank god."

Yui and Haze pinned Eve from both sides and sighed in relief.

There ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was no way they could entrust these premium ingredients to their disastrous cook.

Ban rolled up his sleeves and set the griddle on the induction cooktop.

Sizzle—!

The sound of beef hitting the scorching hot griddle.

The rich, savory aroma none of them had smelled in ages spread through the dining hall like perfume.

"Ah, that smell... It's insane."

Yui flopped onto the table, drooling.

Beside her, Haze carefully uncorked the old-era single malt whiskey.

With a clean pop, the deep scent of oak barrels washed over them.

"This... is the real thing..."

Haze poured the shimmering amber liquid into a crystal glass.

"Huff huff huff... It's done. Let's eat, everyone!!!"

Ban set down a mountain of steak plates in the center of the table with a heavy thud.

"Waaaaah!"

Yui tossed her fork aside, grabbed the meat with her bare hands, and stuffed it into her mouth.

Juices dripped down her chin, but she barely chewed before swallowing like a starving dog.

"Hey, don't choke. Eat slowly."

"Mmmph! It's so good! This is reaaally good!"

Yui pounded the table, tears of pure emotion streaming down her face.

Haze took one bite of steak, sipped the whiskey, and let out a deep sigh.

"Haa... It's truly a masterpiece. Ban. Just what are you, really? At this point the universe has gone far beyond simply favoring you."

"I don't know, how should I know! Just enjoy it! I told you, didn't I? I'm the strongest in the universe! From now on you all better serve me with the utmost respect."

Ban chuckled as he raised his whiskey glass.

Eve, glued to his side, speared a huge piece of meat with her fork and held it to his lips.

"Maaaster~ say 'ah~'! The meat you grilled yourself tastes even better~! Let's eat, sleep, and live here foreveeer!"

Feeling her enormous breasts squish against his arm, Ban smugly accepted the offering.

"Krr. This is what life is all about. Oh? Where did the person who threw a tantrum over losing 1000 coins go?"

"Who? Me? When did I ever! I've believed in you from the start! I love you, Clover Seven oppa!"

As the alcohol hit and their stomachs filled, the dining hall overflowed with the laughter of all four of them.

This place really felt like a paradise where they owned the entire world.

Clack.

Haze set her empty whiskey glass down on the table with a loud clack.

She had returned to her usual rational, no-nonsense eyes.

She pulled out a cigarette, placed it between her lips, and looked at Ban.

"But... have you forgotten about the situation upstairs? That hollowed-out gas station with its barrier and all defense systems stripped away."

"Ugh. Already starting with this."

"Since it was under our direct control there shouldn't be many Walkers, but Unchained's main forces have completely withdrawn, haven't they?"

"Yes, sis."

"Then looters could run wild. Especially since this was a sub-base for one of the Eight Factions."

Aaah. He really didn't want to think about it yet.

Ban reverted to his dead-fish eyes and lit his cigarette.

"We left the hatch open too... We can't operate the elevator. If they set up camp there, it's over."

She really only ever speaks the cold hard truth, this big sis.

They had opened the honey jar, but protecting it was entirely on them.

"Haa. We're not sleeping outside though, right? And talk while you're smoking... It's scary... You're just holding it in your mouth."

At Ban's grumbling, Haze flicked her lighter and lit the cigarette.

"We'll pair up and take turns standing night watch."

"Ewww."

"No way..."

"No waaaay!!"

Well. Now that they'd enjoyed the meal, it was time to start shift duty, right?