Head Flew Off, But That's Your Apology?
"All done, Master! Ta-da-dan!"
Eve proudly shouted as she completely ripped out the circuit board that had been connected to the box and transmitter she'd been whining over just moments ago.
Her expression was like a puppy wagging its tail, desperately begging for praise.
"Oh? So we won't hear that godawful dinner bell anymore? The Walkers won't come swarming in?"
"Yep! The dick-bell is finished!"
Ban let out a snort of laughter at Eve's bright reply. At this point, she accepted his bullshit at almost religious levels.
She's seriously such a good girl, Eve.
Ban stood up, leaned lazily against the window of the cargo hold, wiped his blood-stained hands roughly on his pants, and then ruffled Eve's hair.
Eve closed her eyes in clear pleasure, savoring his touch.
"Ugh... what the hell are you two doing?"
Yui, watching the whole thing through the rearview mirror from the driver's seat, glared at them.
She already wanted to die from how loud they got whenever they fucked, and something about it pissed her off. And now this lovey-dovey crap on top of it?
Plus, she'd been unable to see the situation clearly this whole time, and it was driving her insane with frustration.
"So what happened? How did you get out? And what the hell did Haze say?"
Before Ban could even open his mouth, Eve excitedly started chattering away.
"Dude! It was totally insane! The ground suddenly exploded and all the Walkers got completely wiped out!! As expected, our Master really is a god!"
"You, shut up, you cow!!"
Yui barked at Eve, who was butting in for Ban, then glanced at Haze sitting in the passenger seat.
"He threw a grenade into the sewer with perfect timing. The methane gas that had built up for decades caused a chain explosion and the whole ground collapsed. Except for the exact spot where Ban was standing. How the hell did he calculate all that..."
Haze's voice still carried a mix of shock and admiration. Yui gripped the steering wheel tighter, looking utterly dumbfounded.
"What? That's bullshit. Anyone can see that was pure fucking luck!!"
"This body is a genius, you know."
Ban shrugged shamelessly. Yui pouted, but deep down she was starting to get confused.
Hadn't this bastard done something similar last time when he took down that pig thing alone?
And back at the Lilac Ward... no, while living together, there had been way too many moments like this.
She couldn't tell if he was actually calculating everything or if the universe was gathering its strength to help this asshole.
"So. Was there some super friendly note on that shitty request form saying 'The box has a dinner bell attached for the hungry little Walker-chan~!' or something?"
Ban picked up a bottle of water that had been rolling around with an irritated look and chugged it down.
"There wasn't."
Haze answered in a low voice as she cracked the window halfway open and lit a cigarette.
"I've disliked them for a long time. Those fucking Unchained bitches."
Whoa.
The air inside the Humvee froze solid.
Haze was someone who rarely showed emotional agitation and, unlike Ban or Yui, almost never swore.
Looks like Big Sis is seriously pissed.
Both Yui and Eve swallowed hard at the same time.
"We're gonna have to charge them extra, right? A request this fucking garbage basically means anyone who isn't a monster like me would just die there."
"I told you from the start. I said it felt off..."
"Enough."
Yui was about to start her usual rant when the furious Haze cut her off with a single sharp word.
She must be really, really mad. Scary.
"We don't necessarily need to pick a fight with Unchained in the North... but honestly, this pisses me off."
"Hehe. I think this is the first time I've seen our sexy Grim Reaper, Sniper Ice Witch get this angry."
"I'm not in the mood for jokes. Anyway, we have to get more payment no matter what. Five hundred coins? What a fucking joke."
Haze nervously blew out a puff of cigarette smoke.
Ban watched her and chuckled. Everyone was completely exhausted by now.
The Humvee cut through the darkness of night, heading straight for their shelter.
"Agh~~ I really thought I was gonna die back there."
Ban stretched as he got out of the car, letting out a groan. His whole body ached and throbbed.
"Master! Take off your outer clothes right now! I'll check you over!"
Eve came running with the first aid kit, making a huge fuss as she tried to strip Ban's clothes off.
After smashing Walker skulls and rolling around on the asphalt, his outfit was in terrible shape.
"Wait, wait! Let's wash up first before the medicine or anything. The smell is making me wanna puke. These clothes are definitely getting thrown out, ugh."
When he lifted his t-shirt, dark bruises covered his sides and back, along with scratches where blood had dried.
Thankfully there were no bite marks, but the wounds were still pretty painful.
And without a shred of shame, he started taking off his pants and underwear too.
"Ah!! My eyes!! What the hell are you doing!!!!"
Yui covered her reddened face and bolted into the house.
Haze also seemed flustered as she suddenly buried herself in the Humvee, hurriedly gathering her things.
"What? My clothes are filthy. It's covered in disgusting mud, Walker blood, the whole fucking mess."
Ban didn't care at all and strolled naked into the bathroom.
"Ow, hey. Be gentle. It stings."
"Does it hurt? Hehe, I'll blow on it~"
Eve giggled as she wiped the wounds with alcohol pads.
Every time the disinfectant touched him, Ban let out a pained groan, but Eve's touch was incredibly careful and sincere.
The way she slathered on ointment and neatly applied bandages—was this the skill of a former professor?
Watching the scene, Yui stopped organizing her luggage in the corner and started picking a fight.
"Anyone watching would think you got shot in the stomach. Such a drama queen."
"No, it seriously hurts, okay? I'm a guy who just barely survived a life-or-death crisis!"
"Yeah, sure."
"That's why your chest and height never grew."
"Don't talk shit! Why the hell would my chest be small, you crazy bastard? It's not small, okay?"
At Ban's infuriating provocation, Yui huffed angrily and hurled an empty water bottle rolling on the floor at him.
Ban laughed and hid behind Eve.
"Yah! Boob shield!"
Eve spread both arms wide to protect him, as if that was her job.
"Stop it. You're being too loud."
Haze, who had finished maintaining her weapons, set her sniper rifle down on the table with a thud and spoke up.
She looked like she'd returned to her usual deadpan expression, but her eyes still held lingering venom toward Unchained.
"Yui. Contact those bastards right now. Set up a meeting for tomorrow afternoon."
"Yesss..."
An angry big sister was seriously terrifying. Yui knew that well. She immediately tucked her tail and pulled out her terminal.
Ban dragged his battered body over and flopped down onto the old sofa.
"Ha. All that effort made me hungry. Let's eat something."
"Okay!"
Eve trotted off toward the kitchen.
"...Wait... Eve! My beautiful professor!! I'll do it, so please come out of the kitchen, I beg you!!!"
Ban jumped up and chased after her into the kitchen.
The night reeking of blood was slowly passing.
Tomorrow would bring another exhausting war of words, so for now, they needed to eat and sleep.
3 PM, somewhere in the Northern Gray Zone.
When the Solution Group arrived at the meeting spot,
two Unchained preachers were already there, flapping around in white priest-like robes along with armed Inquisitor troops.
And behind them stood a ridiculously large and luxurious limousine that looked completely out of place in the desert-like ruins, idling with its engine running.
Yui glanced through the limousine's open window, then poked Ban in the side.
"Hey, Ban. Look at the back seat. See her? That tiny blonde with the dumpling hair buns. That's Sia, the Valkyrie captain. And the platinum blonde with the fancy roll hairstyle sitting next to her... that's Vanessa."
Ban stared intently at the limousine.
The leader of one of the 8 Major Factions and the captain of her personal guard had shown up in person for a measly 500-coin garbage delivery quest?
That holy relic box must have been incredibly valuable to them.
Haze stayed in the Humvee driver's seat with her gun ready below, while Ban and the other two got out.
Ban walked slowly toward the preachers.
He pulled the pure white box from his inner pocket, spun it on his finger, and wore his signature languid yet cynical expression.
"I don't give a shit what's inside this box, but a fucking dinner bell came out of it? We were already near the Dead Zone, for fuck's sake. There was nothing like that on the request form, was there? Make an excuse or whatever, just open your damn mouth."
Ban glared menacingly and threw a tantrum.
One of the preachers standing in front frowned and looked at him with clear displeasure.
"Watch your language. A mere vulgar mercenary dares to question Unchained's will? Shut up and hand over the item."
The moment the preacher finished speaking, the Inquisitors lined up behind him all pulled their rifle slings in unison and raised their muzzles.
Click—!
The pissed-off Ban didn't hesitate. He drew his knife and pressed it against the preacher's throat.
At the same time, Haze's large-caliber sniper rifle took aim at Vanessa inside the limousine, while Yui and Eve also drew their pistols and pointed them.
The air grew taut in an instant. One pull of a trigger and blood and brains would fly everywhere—it was a hair-trigger standoff.
Clack.
The heavy tension was broken as the rear door of the limousine opened smoothly.
The little girl who called herself the Valkyrie captain, Sia, with a greatsword larger than herself strapped to her back, stepped out first.
After scanning Ban's group with her strangely shaped eyes, she politely pulled open the opposite door. A woman gracefully stepped out.
Her face looked like a saint who had just stepped out of a canvas painting.
But to Ban's eyes, she was nothing more than a filthy seductive viper coiled up and ready to strike.
Holy Mother Vanessa
Unchained's leader. The Holy Mother, Vanessa.
She slowly walked toward Ban.
Even with guns pointed everywhere, the smile on her face didn't waver in the slightest.
It was an absurdly kind and benevolent expression.
"My, to think someone with guts like you is still alive. I quite like that. A large gas station is incredibly valuable—do you have that much greed?"
"Yeah. A shit-ton of it. We completed the request properly, didn't we? Seems like you assholes who wrote that garbage request form were the problem."
"You're right. There was a problem with not properly stating everything on the request form. It was a small issue, but we should apologize properly, shouldn't we?"
Vanessa spoke in a gentle voice and turned her head.
"Who was the one who posted this request on the board?"
The preacher who had been snapping at Ban earlier bowed in a panic.
"I-it was me, Holy Mother. But they are merely..."
"I see."
Vanessa smiled with her eyes and answered briefly, then elegantly opened her umbrella.
"Sia."
The moment Sia's name left Vanessa's lips—
Whoosh—!
Something sliced through the air. The head of the preacher who had been talking flew into the sky, spraying blood like a fountain.
His body collapsed to the ground half a beat later with a thud. Sia was indifferently flicking the blood off the blade of her greatsword.
"......"
The four members of the Solution Group just stared at the insane scene in stunned silence.
Eve's eyes went wide as if she'd seen something fascinating, and Yui swallowed hard.
What the hell is wrong with this crazy bitch?
Vanessa didn't even glance at the head rolling on the ground. She turned back to Ban with a bright smile.
"Since this was clearly our side's mistake, allow me to apologize like this. Now, will you quietly hand over the box? I'll give you double the promised reward—1,000 coins—along with ownership of the large gas station in District 15 and the location data right away."
After speaking, Vanessa tossed her umbrella to the ground.
She reached out with her pale, slender hand and gently took the box from Ban's grasp. Then, with her other hand, she slowly and very deliberately stroked his cheek.
"Up close, you're quite handsome, aren't you? How about it? If you like, would you like to work under me? I'll treat you very well."
Behind Ban, three pairs of eyes from Eve, Yui, and Haze began glaring at Vanessa like they wanted to pierce right through her.
Their gazes dripped with murderous intent.
Ban didn't even blink. He lightly grabbed the wrist of the hand caressing his cheek and lowered it.
"Thanks for the offer, but I can't become some dog that gets collared and works under someone else."
Even after being rejected, Vanessa showed no sign of displeasure and let out a charming laugh.
"Hohoho, what an interesting man. It's a shame, but it can't be helped. If a good job comes up next time, I'll contact you separately. Don't refuse then. Oh, and come to the gas station in a week. We'll need to clean it up on our end."
Without any lingering attachment, she turned around and got back into the limousine with Sia.
The rest of the underlings didn't even bother cleaning up the preacher's corpse and hurriedly climbed into their vehicles. The limousine kicked up a cloud of dust and leisurely left the area.