The First Seed of Obsession
She had treated me like a lover. That thought consumed my mind, and my fingers rubbed between my labia.
Squish— squelch—
“Sister… haah… Sera, my sister…”
I recalled the lewd expression on her face as she licked my jaji. Even though her face was smeared with semen, it didn't feel dirty at all; perhaps because it had come from my own body, she looked absolutely beautiful to me. The way she licked the fluid from her face, the way she opened her mouth to show me the remnants of my own essence—everything was driving me to the brink of madness.
“Hut, Sister… you’re so beautiful… ha-eut— so lewd…”
For a fleeting moment, my mother’s face crossed my mind, but I shook my head violently. My heart was clearly connected to hers. If not, there was no way to explain this feeling, this intense arousal.
“Hut… ha-eung—♡”
As I masturbated while thinking of Sera, I began to wonder if this was even necessary. I could just wash up, go out, confirm her feelings, and share our love properly.
“Hehe…”
Feeling giddy, I finished my shower in a hurry and knocked on her door.
“Hmm… Yeoeun-ah… I’m going to sleep a bit early tonight…”
A languid voice drifted from behind the door. The door didn't open. Doesn't she care about me? Was she really only trying to turn me back to normal? Was I the only one who misunderstood?
Confused and heartbroken, I couldn't bring myself to leave the front of her door. I was desperately holding back the urge to ask if I could just see her face for a moment before she slept.
“Yeoeun-ah, are you worried? It’s okay. By tomorrow morning, you’ll be back to how you were.”
She must have thought I was looking for her because I was anxious about the physical changes. She tried to reassure me with that sleepy, gentle voice. But that wasn't it at all. I don't feel reassured, Sister.
I swallowed the urge to tell her. I was terrified that this was just a rash impulse on my part, or that I would be abandoned again. Even though I knew she was nothing like my mother, the sorrow of being left behind kept resurfacing, filling me with dread.
“Good night, Sister.”
Clutching my aching chest, I turned away, leaving behind both the words I wanted to say and the words I longed to hear.
Day broke, and Yeoeun left for work. I hadn't expected her to knock on my door so suddenly last night. I’d been so excited after licking her jaji that I’d masturbated twice, and I’d forgotten it was still early. I couldn't very well show her the jot-mul (semen) that was still oozing from my own jaji, smeared all over the walls and floor.
‘I shouldn't have masturbated…’
I should have just asked Yeoeun to lick my jaji, too. Maybe I could have even had my first experience of using my jaji to penetrate a jot-jip. It was just a fleeting thought, but I’d been shaken until she walked away after saying goodnight through the door.
I was curious about the sensation of a boji wrapping around my jaji, but the familiar pleasure was even more daunting. I wanted to feel that firm, slippery flesh filling my own boji again. That’s why it’s better if Yeoeun doesn't know the taste of a jaji. She only needs to know the pleasure of violating my hole with her own. Today, my hole would be even tastier.♡
By now, Yeoeun’s jaji should have disappeared, but she would surely remember the sensation of my mouth on it. She’d want to do it again, wouldn't she? I’d hoped she might leave work early just to stick her jaji into my hole, but that didn't happen. I sent a message to test the waters, but there was no sign she’d take a half-day.
Hmm… she’s happy that her jaji is gone? Did I think too simply? Is Yeoeun… a failure? No. You can’t know someone’s true heart through text alone. I’d almost been disappointed for a second, but I decided not to lose hope. We’d only taken the first step yesterday; today wasn't the only day.
Even if not today, there’s the weekend. I plan to seduce her so she’ll crave it. If, contrary to my expectations, Yeoeun doesn't miss her jaji, then it can't be helped. She is the first precious connection I’ve made in this world. Even if I find other prey, I want to keep treating Yeoeun well.
But I can’t help feeling impatient. If possible, I want her to fill not just my heart, but my boji with that massive jaji of hers.♡
In the afternoon, while I was waiting for Yeoeun with a mix of anticipation and worry,
Ding—!
My phone chimed.
Unfortunately, it wasn't Yeoeun.
“Yes. I think you can come by now. Thank you.”
It was Yul-a, the woman who had been serving customers at the shop I discovered on Yeoeun’s first day. I’d stopped by the workshop on my way home to buy a gift, having been so taken with Yeoeun’s appearance on the subway yesterday. A little later, Yul-a arrived with the item in her car.
Watching Yul-a park familiarly in the parking space that had been empty for so long since I took over the house, I thought about trying to drive in this life, too. After all, I had a fat bank account filled by the Goddess. For that, I’d need a driver’s license first. Naturally, I couldn't bring my old license from before I died, and the traffic laws or driving methods here might be different.
I went out to the porch to greet her. I guided Yul-a, who was carrying the carefully wrapped piece from her trunk, into the house.
“You’ve come all this way, why don’t you have a cup of tea before you go?”
I had to wait for Yeoeun anyway. Passing the time with some conversation didn't sound bad. She was someone Yeoeun had shown interest in, after all.
“Ah, then just a moment.”
Yul-a picked up her phone and made a call. “Uh, Jae-hee.” After telling her she’d be in a bit, Yul-a accepted my offer.
Before chatting, Yul-a and I picked a spot to hang the piece. It was a decorative item Yeoeun had been eyeing since my first visit to the workshop. It featured a forest intricately cast in metal, circling a girl and a cat, with a thick crescent moon made of a different material mounted above it. The moon, made of phosphorescent material, was said to glow softly at night.
It was obviously expensive—something Yeoeun couldn't afford on her salary. She probably bought small trinkets to soothe her disappointment whenever she got paid. That’s why I’d ordered it without telling her. I could just say I liked it and put it up myself.
The spot was right next to my bedroom door, the first thing Yeoeun would see when she came out of her room. Yul-a finished the installation by driving in the screws meticulously. Just thinking about Yeoeun seeing this and feeling happy every time she left her room made me proud.
“Thank you. You even installed it so beautifully.”
As I brought out an iced Americano, Yul-a asked, “The house is quite large. How many of you are living here?”
“Right now, it’s just Yeoeun and me.”
Hearing my answer, Yul-a gave a meaningful smile and asked jokingly, “You aren't refusing other tenants just to be alone with Yeoeun, are you?”
If she’s that perceptive… well, it’s a bit different from what you’re thinking, isn't it?
“Oh my, how did you know?” I replied playfully, then added, “I haven't owned this house for long. It’s my first time running a share house, so I’m not quite ready, and I’m lonely on my own… so I’m starting slowly with just Yeoeun.”
The excuse for living with just Yeoeun was already prepared.
“I can see why you two are so close.”
There was a faint bitterness in Yul-a’s voice. It was probably because of the blunt Jae-hee. Is it because we’re more affectionate than you two, who are actually a couple? I refrained from teasing her like that. We weren't close enough for such jokes yet.
“How did you meet Jae-hee?”
Listening to her story, it was practically Yul-a chasing Jae-hee unilaterally. She said she’d fallen for her work first, and then for her artistic passion after meeting her.
“It would be great if she shared that passion with you, too.”
“That’s what I’m saying! How can she be worse than you two, who aren't even related!”
Perhaps she felt more comfortable talking about Jae-hee, or perhaps she just got angry thinking about it; her voice, previously demure, gained a small but desperate edge of complaint.
In times like this, I have an answer in mind. Just break up with her. But in my previous world, my way of thinking wasn't the correct answer. They say romantic feelings are complex and can't be cut off so easily. Living a simple life, it was a feeling I couldn't understand.
‘You seem a bit broken somewhere.’
Someone’s words to me surfaced. It was a guy who’d confessed to me after I’d let him have a taste of my boji, only to get rejected. Ah, he didn't say it as a curse the moment he was rejected. It was something I heard later, after we’d continued our relationship for a while.
I didn't refute it. I just replied that people are generally a bit broken somewhere, so I wasn't particularly unique. I said that the more people there are who are broken in similar ways, the less they notice they’re broken because they empathize and comfort each other. That’s why I, who was broken in a slightly different way, just looked peculiar.
I don't know if he accepted that or not. Poor guy, he’s probably living well even though I’m dead, right? Seeing as he even confessed, he must have liked me quite a bit; I hope he isn't too sad. I hope he forgets someone like me quickly.
“So, Jae-hee and I want to move into Pellacio, too.”
Yul-a’s voice snapped me out of my reverie. No, wait—how did the conversation end up like that?