Chapter 61: The Vampire Hides Her Intelligence
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 61: The Vampire Hides Her Intelligence
Around the time I was finally getting used to school life, my free time began to dwindle compared to before. Naturally, the older sisters started pestering me with messages.
『Whatcha doin? lol』
– Alicia, that movie was so much fun!
『Right? Right? I knew it the moment I got the script! Want to go grab some pork cutlet with me?』
– Mom’s making chicken salad for dinner tonight!
The menu for tonight hadn't actually been decided yet, but I just sent whatever.
『Could you please appear in a drama just once as an extra? The director sisters keep asking where Yong-hwan is.』
– I’m busy!
I felt like I could have just ignored Morian’s text, but since I owed her a lot, I felt obligated to give at least a short reply.
『Want to play house with me this weekend? I’ll buy tons of pizza, burgers, and tacos.』
– No.
Yuseoha was currently busy enjoying a roleplay where she wore a collar and got scolded by her young son.
After doing a bit of research on this absurd topic, I realized that in this world, the supply of men willing to take the lead in such "play" was overwhelmingly low compared to the demand.
I saw plenty of lunatics online willing to blow an entire month’s salary on posts titled #Looking for someone to play the ‘King’ role#, but I decided to pretend I hadn't seen them.
It was terrifying to see the hypocrisy of those "Sweet Simps." They’d badmouth men for being selfish, doing only what they want, and living like parasites, yet in the same breath, they’d spout utter nonsense about "looking for a Master" or "looking for a King."
Ah, the price of popularity.
Anyway, poking Marika’s side for information didn't work, so I tried poking Lisar—the Darkie—instead. I managed to learn some basic breathing techniques, but no matter how much I tried, mana wouldn't gather or move.
The Commie Dragon had bragged that she’d help me once I was a bit older and my body had stabilized, but I wasn't naive enough to trust a Yonggary who was head-over-heels for papakatsu.
The gap between me and Im Su-yeon was already widening; if I waited until then to start, when would I ever catch up? While these grave concerns were tormenting me...
"Eiiit~!"
The brat pinched me.
"Ouch!"
"Hehehe...!"
Seeing Grasha laugh and run off to the living room after seeing me in pain only made my heart ache.
I was getting pushed around by Im Su-yeon at school and by my younger sister at home. I felt so wronged—what on earth did I do to deserve living like this?
I was treating the world with kindness and sincerity, yet the world seemed to bully me as if it hated my guts.
—...That is quite an interesting story.
Ophelia de La Croix, the older sister with the blonde ringlet hair, gave a bitter reply after hearing my tale.
"Are you doing well, Ophelia? What about my sister?"
—I am doing well. As is your sister.
I felt a bit sad hearing the answer from the Little Duchess, whose pride had been thoroughly crushed after she bragged about being smarter than my sister only to end up as the runner-up.
—I told Iris to take your calls, but she just got angry and told me to mind my own business.
"...I hate Iris. Ophelia, you be my sister instead."
—Fufu...
It seemed Iris was going through puberty. Lately, she’d been acting very naughty—claiming she was too busy to take my calls and not even replying to my texts. I had no choice but to get news about her through her friend.
Surprisingly, we communicated well. Unlike the perverted aunties, this "fresh" and kind friend of my sister (?) just thought I was cute, which made her very easy to talk to. It was great.
"Ah, it's dinner time. Ophelia, I'll call you again later."
—Alright, let's talk again next time. Take care.
She was supposed to be my sister's friend, but she felt more like my own friend. Our conversation topics—Imperial politics, Alliance politics, relations with neighboring countries, magitech—were things we actually saw eye-to-eye on.
"What’s this? Who were you talking to?"
Alicia poked her head into my room. Since I usually slept in Mom's bed, I used this room for studying or playing with toys alone when Grasha wasn't around.
"None of your business!"
"Don't be like that~ Hmm? Won't you tell me~?"
The vampire who had moved into our house like a parasite kept bothering me. The debt of gratitude I owed her for taking a photo with my school teacher had already expired; now, she was just an annoyance.
"Ame said she’ll be late today! Should the three of us go out to eat?"
"I want a home-cooked meal."
"Come on~ How about pork cutlet? Chicken? Pizza? Burgers? Or maybe a restaurant?"
Alicia kept trying to cling to me.
"Too lazy to go out. Home-cooked meal!"
"Then let's order in! What do you want?"
"Home-cooked meal."
Alicia’s eyes trembled.
"There are so many delicious places around here, you know? Hmm?"
"Ah, forget it. I’m going to cook, so move aside."
The domestic skills of this "movie star" (self-proclaimed), who couldn't cook to save her life and only knew how to make money, were pathetic. I pulled over a child-sized kitchen stool and began chopping ingredients.
"Oppa, Oppa, what's for dinner?"
"Fried rice."
"I hate it!!!!"
Mom would always eat my cooking with tears of joy, but this brat was so picky.
"I'll make you a salad. I'll put in three spoonfuls of that sauce Mom only uses one spoonful of. Deal?"
"Gasp...!"
Grasha began jumping up and down, unable to contain her joy.
"Is there anything you want to eat, Alicia?"
"I'm happy with anything you make..."
This woman was a failure as a potential wife. A true "good wife" should earn money, cook, and clean, but this vampire had no merits other than being filthy rich.
Wait, now that I think about it, if she’s rich, she could just hire maids to do all the cleaning, childcare, and cooking.
"Yeah, because Alicia likes it! I'm so happy~!"
"Hehehe..."
Whether she thought my previous annoyance was just me being "tsundere" or not, Alicia giggled foolishly and clung to me.
"Stir this until the moisture evaporates!"
"Huh? Oh, okay...!"
Even if she was a bit slow, she was good at following orders.
After dinner, while Gracia wasted time watching children's programs, I sat on the sofa and flipped through Introduction to Magitech. I couldn't understand a single thing about these "Mana Equations," but that was for the natural science nerds anyway; we just had to memorize them.
"Is that fun?"
"More than a fashion magazine."
The vampire sister, who was lounging beside me looking at fashion magazines and thinking about outfits like a total slacker, spoke up. When she tried to crawl over and lay her head on my lap, I smacked her forehead with the textbook.
"Ouch...! That's so mean!"
"You were heavy. Sorry. I love you, Alicia?"
"Well, if I was heavy, I guess it can't be helped..."
I wondered what to do with this bird-brained vampire. She had the merits of being pretty, a movie star, a virgin, and rich, but her stupidity was a bit much to handle.
"Hmm? You don't understand the Parallel Magic Convergence Array section?"
"It's not like you know it either."
"Actually, I do. I have a Master's in Magitech and I've completed my PhD coursework."
"???????"
This airhead was a scholar? The future of this crazy world looked bleak.
"Explain it then."
"Let's see... hmm, hmm, hmm. I see."
I couldn't accept that a pervert who got excited by being slapped with a dick was smarter than me. This had to be a prank by the Goddess. Seeing her nod while flipping through the pages, I was sure she didn't actually know.
"Alright, ask away."
Alicia closed the book and spoke confidently.
"...I don't understand the surface friction method in the stabilization process of mana circuit construction."
"Ah, that? Well, that is... hold on."
I was about to say something as Alicia pulled a pen out of thin air and started scribbling in my book, but then I saw the familiar formulas appearing.
"You have to start from here. Do you know this? No? Then I should explain this first."
I had to admit it. The "idiot" vampire movie star was hiding her intelligence.
"Oh, you understood that? Our Yong-hwan is so smart! Should I teach you some more?"
The vampire in the shape of a low-IQ, perverted human who enjoyed masturbating while being hit by a dick was just an act. This woman was a wickedly clever actress who was intentionally hiding her brains to play the fool.
"...Liar."
"What? You don't understand?"
I couldn't stand her messing with my pure heart like this.
"There's no way Alicia is this smart! You're a pervert who likes being hit with a dick!"
"Wh-what?! N-no! That... that's...!"
"A pervert who likes being hit with a dick, a masochist, an inferior sow!"
"Kuh... saying things like that is mean!"
She covered her mouth with one hand, but I could see her smiling. To think a crazy, masochistic sow was smarter than me—this was definitely the Goddess's doing.
Damn this world. Shitty Goddess. I couldn't understand why she was putting me through such trials.
"Isn't it true? Huh? Tell me!"
As I moved to unbuckle my pants, Alicia grabbed my belt. Then she glanced over at Grasha. The brat, absorbed in her show, didn't seem to realize the madness happening behind her.
"It's... it's not... I mean... it is... it's not that it's not..."
"Say it clearly! You stupid sow!"
Alicia’s face turned bright red as she fidgeted.
"Th-that's... right..."
"Good. Well done."
I patted Alicia’s head. My wounded self-esteem was able to heal quickly this way.