Chapter 23: Is the World Crazy, or Are My Mom's Friends Just Weird?
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 23: Is the World Crazy, or Are My Mom's Friends Just Weird?
“Is the work finished? There’s something I’d like to get some legal advice on.”
“You’re the most reliable person I know for cross-referencing. I’ll make sure the consultation fee is worth your while.”
“Don’t email it; print it out and give it to me by tomorrow. I’ll finish the analysis by dawn.”
I bit the hand of Tiria, who was playfully poking my cheek.
“Wow~ He just tried to bite me. How adorable~!”
No, I did bite. Or I would have, if she hadn't avoided it with the minimal movement necessary to let her fingernail just barely graze my lips.
“Is our little guy pouting because Auntie pressed his cheek~? Hmm~?”
“I hate you, Tiria Noona.”
At the word 'noona,' our Prosecutor Sister’s lips curled up in an incredibly joyful smile.
“Oh my, look at this cutie. Your name was Yong-hwan, right? Yong-hwan, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A cool police officer like Mom!”
“Mm, that’s a nice dream. But you know, police work is a bit too rough for a man to handle, don’t you think?”
“Then what kind of job should I have?”
The civil servant lady replied with a calm smile.
“A man should naturally be a stay-at-home househusband.”
The silver-haired Prosecutor Sister explained calmly, as if listing the most obvious common sense in the world.
“For a man to be wandering around outside for work... there’s nothing more unsightly than that to a woman who is the head of the household. A man’s role is to stay quietly at home, look after the children, and serve his wife when she returns.”
“Do men have to stay only at home?”
“They should. Where does a mere man think he’s going, crawling out into society? It is a man’s duty to raise the children well at home with the money his wife brings him. It’s just common sense, dear.”
I wasn't sure if this was just her personal view on men or a standardized fact of this world.
“Most problems arise because men crawl out of the house. Society was much more peaceful when men stayed indoors.”
I could tell one thing for sure: the person in front of me was an unbelievable boomer.
“Our Yong-hwan shouldn't act like those boys who roam around outside, okay? It’s beneficial for society when a man acts like a man. Understand?”
“Yes! I’ll support my wife well, come home before sunset, and never talk back to her!”
“Ame really raised this kid right.”
The silver-haired, total boomer misandrist noona stroked my head affectionately.
In cases like this, gaining favor was relatively easy, but she was the type who would impose her own standards and pick a fight over every little thing I tried to do.
“You say all that, but then why did you ask me to introduce you to that actor from the movie we filmed last time?”
Hindel, who had been listening quietly, stabbed the Prosecutor Sister right in the gut with a verbal dagger, looking genuinely puzzled.
“No, it’s just... the entertainment industry is a dirty place. I just wanted to ask if there were any legal issues, that’s all.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“Well, you should take the words of those guys who sell their bodies with a grain of salt.”
Hindel’s eyes narrowed, and Tiria let out a small cough, trying to dodge the subject. It was only then that 'that' scent began to emanate from Tiria.
“That’s different from what I heard from him. He said that even though you talk like that in public, when you’re alone with him, you worry deeply about men’s rights and want to see them improve. However, you kept touching his butt...”
“That was just because I was drunk! I told you, it was a mistake because I was drunk! I could barely stand! I was just... leaning on him for help!”
It was a simp stench even more pungent than Alicia’s. My nose, which had been stuffy from sobbing, felt like it had been blasted clear. No, this was a 'sweet' scent even more nauseating than a regular simp.
“Is Tiria Noona married?”
“...Well, I just haven't found anyone who meets my standards yet.”
“If you’re that desperate for marriage, you might need to lower your standards a bit, Tiria.”
Hindel looked at Tiria with pity.
“Shut up! Who said I want to get married?! I have to meet a decent man first!”
“Don’t you get rejected every time you ask for introductions to celebrities? The probability of a man with the face you want staying quietly at home is extremely low.”
“Urgh...!”
Hindel began to systematically dismantle the Prosecutor Sister like a pro.
From the sounds of it, this noona was a walking contradiction. I felt like she’d only snap out of it if I gave her a good reality check once every few days.
“Hindel Mama... I’m sorry for throwing up...”
“If you’re okay, then it’s fine. It’ll disappear once it’s wiped away, so don’t worry about it.”
Hindel stroked my back. Hearing the Sweet Simp’s story made my favorability toward Hindel skyrocket.
***
Perhaps because my body hadn't fully grown yet, the few bouts of vomiting had drained my energy, and I ended up falling asleep. I pushed away the hand of Iris, who was sleeping while hugging me, and wandered around to see if there was anything interesting.
“Where am I...?”
I was lost. There was no one around to ask for directions. I tried to retrace my steps.
“I’ve never seen this place before.”
I was definitely lost. The airship built by that crazy bourgeois tycoon was so ridiculously large that I’d lost my way. I had a bit of a bad sense of direction, but it wasn't usually this bad.
Auntie—no, the noonas—would surely notice something was wrong and come find me before I starved to death or collapsed from dehydration. But once I was caught being a 'lost child,' it was obvious that roaming around freely would become nearly impossible.
I saw a transparent surveillance orb recording me from the ceiling. I knew a single SOS call to that thing would solve everything, but I was already being overprotected for being a boy. If one more incident happened, things would get really troublesome.
Just as I was steeling my resolve to search for the elevator again—
Poke.
Someone poked my back. Luckily, it was a slender finger, not a knife or a bullet.
“Seoha Noona?”
The noona who said she didn't want to talk to me was standing behind me.
Given her pink head and pink eyes, the probability of her being a total bitch was close to 100%, but since she was acting so cold, I might have to adjust the variables on that absolute probability.
“Are you lost too, noona?”
She still said nothing. She looked down at me silently, then suddenly turned and started walking. I had no choice but to trot along behind her.
“The weather is nice today, isn't it?”
Nod.
Conversation was really difficult.
“What are your hobbies, noona?”
No response. I began to wonder if it wasn't just difficult, but actually impossible.
“Your eyes are really pretty, noona. I wish I had eyes like yours.”
Yuseoha glanced at me, then started walking a bit faster. I must have said the wrong thing.
“Yo-your hair is so sleek and pretty too! And your ears are really cute!”
She started going even faster. It seemed there was a problem with the direction of my compliments. It wasn't like she’d be happy if I said something like, 'You’re short as hell, but your ass is amazing, I’m gonna take you right here, you bitch!'
All I could do now was squeeze out every bit of stamina to keep up with Yuseoha.
I felt faster, less tired, and more energetic than usual, so surprisingly, keeping up with the Pink Bitch wasn't that hard.
However, as I followed, the 'death race' kept accelerating, and I was starting to struggle.
“Noona! Your fingers are pretty too! And you’re so cool because you’re a good swimmer!”
Whether she was a crazy siren or a mermaid, the girl accelerated even more.
I didn't even have the breath to speak anymore. Recalling memories of military marches, I breathed through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, sprinting toward the pink head who was toying with me.
I thought she came to save me, but she was just playing with me and trying to run away?
I wouldn't have been this angry if she had just forcibly taken me while I screamed 'no.'
Just as I leaned into the final corner and performed a miraculous drift—
“...?”
An elevator was there. The pink head—no, Yuseoha—had vanished. It was like I’d been bewitched by a ghost.
“Huh? Kid, what are you doing here?”
When the elevator doors opened, Alicia was there. In times like this, I had to switch into 'business mode.'
“I missed you, Alicia Noona!”
“Hehe... right, right. You followed me because you missed me? You little cutie~!”
Alicia moved to hug me tightly, then hesitated. The memory of being slapped seemed to be vivid in her mind. But in a situation like this, it was better for me to be the one to initiate the hug to keep things from being awkward.
“Mm~ mm~ I like Alicia Noona the best~!”
“O-oh... r-right... me too.”
Alicia, lightly stroking my back with clumsy hands, carefully picked me up.
“So, how do you feel now that you’ve found the person you missed?”
“Mm, my heart is going pit-a-pat right here!”
I had to use every trick available to a child. I smiled brightly while touching a spot about 5cm above my solar plexus.
“Kyaa~! You adorable little thing!”
The Vampire Sister couldn't resist my simple 'aegyo' and hugged me roughly.
“Where are we going for this trip?”
“Didn't you hear from your mom?”
The place we were originally supposed to go had a name I’d never heard before. I’d heard various plans about going on a safari or something, playing at an amusement park, grilling meat, and playing in a valley.
But because our original flight was canceled and we were hijacked into this ultra-luxurious private airship, I hadn't heard the updated details.
“Nope!”
“Is there anything our Yong-hwan wants to do?”
“I want to go to an amusement park with Alicia Noona! I’m always happy when I’m with you! So I want you to be happy too, noona!”
Alicia clutched her meager chest and let out a groan. She was a poor soul who couldn't withstand the thoroughly calculated aegyo of a young boy.
Though, the only reason I considered her 'meager' was because my standard was my mom; Alicia wasn't actually that small.
“R-right... an amusement park sounds good. And?”
This lady was supposed to tell me the destination of our trip, but she kept asking about my personal preferences. Being from a tycoon family, she seemed to have a slight issue with communication.
“I want to go to the zoo too~! And go camping and eat delicious food with everyone!”
“I’ll take you to all those places after this trip is over.”
So, I really wished she would just tell me where this trip was going.
“So, where are we going?”
“Prison.”
...Excuse me?