Chapter 16: You're Disqualified as Papa.
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 16: You're Disqualified as Papa.
Contrary to everyone else's expectations (or perhaps hopes?), the swordsmanship lessons with Hindel weren't that difficult. She would lightly set my posture, correct it, have me try again, and correct it once more.
What kept it from being boring was the lack of repetitive nagging. Minor issues would pop up—like a mess of code where fixing one bug causes an error somewhere else—but Hindel never lost her temper.
"Papa, the next move feels a bit choppy."
"Focus on exhaling as you step forward. Once you're used to that, try to time it with the downward swing of your sword."
The gaze that used to glare at me like a thug who had NTR’ed her wife had shifted into something favorable, all because I started calling her 'Papa.' The change was so dramatic I wondered if her supposed misandry had just been an act all along.
"I love you, Papa! You're so cool!"
"We are training. Do not cling to me."
Instead of roughly pushing me away, she hesitated. That confirmed it. This monster had truly viewed me as a love rival.
"Okay, Papa! Papa, what race are you?"
"I am a dragon."
"Aha~ a dra... wait, what?"
Her red eyes stared straight at me. In that moment, I understood. The protagonist of those illusions—the one with the gaping maw ready to tear me apart—was this woman’s 'true form.'
"W-Wow, so cool! Papa is amazing! No wonder Mama likes you!"
"Ahem, naturally."
She was incredibly weak to flattery. It seemed winning Hindel over would be easier than I thought. However, there didn't seem to be a romance or marriage route available; it looked strictly limited to a friendship or guardian route.
"Now, let us continue. Being Ame’s son, you certainly have talent."
I chuckled inwardly as I watched the Dragon Lord treat me this way, seemingly having completely forgotten the insults and spiteful curses she’d spat at me before—calling me a male brat, useless, a parasite, and so on.
It was a relief she’d wiped it from her mind. I, on the other hand, remembered every single word perfectly, and I fully intended to stab her in the back with them when the opportunity arose!
"I have talent?"
"You do."
It was a relief to know I had something to offer besides my face.
"Do not get too ahead of yourself. It is merely enough to pique my interest; there are plenty of people far superior to you."
This reptile was starting to play with my emotions. I felt she should be more specific—tell me exactly where I stood or what percentile of talent I fell into.
"Judging by your face, you are getting the wrong idea. To be precise, your talent is the sort that requires blood-boiling effort to see results."
She certainly had a way of making things sound difficult. It was basically a backhanded compliment, essentially saying I was average but she was throwing me a bone. My heart started to ache.
If she was going to be that honest, she shouldn't have said 'yes' when I asked if I had talent in the first place. My happiness index, which had been climbing, plummeted straight through the floor.
"I believe this is enough for the basics... It would be better for you to learn swordsmanship from Ame or the others. My sword is optimized for killing; learning it would serve no good purpose for you."
Coming from an active Mafia member, that statement carried a chilling amount of credibility.
"I shall teach you how to use mana instead."
"Mana? Can I really do that right away?"
If I could handle mana, wouldn't that make me a 'User' or a 'Mage'?
"Handling mana—or rather, magic power—is a talent rooted strictly in lineage. If the seeds from the paternal and maternal sides are of high quality, the statistical probability of aptitude is naturally high. While a male's mana aptitude is usually extremely low, my intuition tells me you will succeed immediately."
Seeing the Dragon Lord so full of confidence made me feel inexplicably uneasy.
"Ame’s talent is brilliant, and your blood is... no, never mind. That is not a story for me to tell."
I was under the impression I was the product of artificial insemination using a 'seed' provided by this country, a member of the United Kingdom. I grew curious about what exactly was mixed into my blood for her to say such things.
But for now, I needed to focus on the world-building details.
"At what age do people usually start handling mana?"
"For girls, parents usually teach them around the age of ten. Before then, the body is too sensitive to accept mana, so it is rarely taught."
"Huh? But you said we’re doing it now?"
The Dragon Lord looked down at me as if she didn't see the problem.
"Indeed. Trust your Papa, son. Who do you think I am?"
"A Mafia boss?"
"I hold that position as well, but I am a dragon."
As she stroked my head, I realized things had gone horribly sideways. It seemed that by grinding her affection level too hard, I had unlocked an event five years earlier than I was supposed to.
"U-Um, Papa? I think we're moving a bit too fast with the mana stuff. Maybe next time..."
"Heh, so this is how a parent feels. Not bad at all."
"Papa, we don't have to rush..."
"I, Hindel Dun Vurdia, a Red Dragon, am performing this 'personally,' so there is no danger. Son."
The female dragon—who I couldn't tell was a Papa or a second Mama anymore—gave me a beaming smile. The fact that there was no malice behind it made it even more terrifying.
"W-We're doing it right now? Is there no lotus position or anything?! I need to prepare my heart. No, wait, get permission from Mama first!"
"It is fine because I am Papa. While Papa must always listen to Mama, she will understand this much for the sake of our child."
"You said people do this at ten! Wait! Wait! Let's consult with my mom first...!"
The Dragon Lord was looking at me with a very warm smile. It was a smile so beautiful it made my heart skip a beat, but in this situation, my damn body was acting independently of my mind.
"I am doing this personally. Do not worry, son."
"Wa-Wait...!"
The Dragon Lord gripped my shoulders firmly. Something surged into me violently.
In an instant, my vision went pitch black. Just as I was trying to gauge how much time had passed, my sight returned.
A sensation as intense as a tidal wave, something I couldn't even begin to control, filled my body. Instinctively—or rather, because my body had already reached its limit—I froze up, stiff as a board.
"Hmm, magnificent. You have more talent as a mage than a swordsman. Your frame is sturdy, and your blood vessels are clean. It is almost a waste that you are a boy. If you were a girl, I would have considered making you my successor. Any deficiencies in talent could simply be filled by my subordinates."
You goddamn lizard bitch fit only for breeding.
A voice laced with curses welled up inside me. My head spun from the ferocious momentum raging within.
No, the momentum wasn't the problem. The sensation of it rummaging through my veins was truly something else. It bypassed discomfort entirely and jumped straight to Big Pleasant Mountain.
"...Even so, do not become conceited. Among the talents I have seen, you are not particularly outstanding. Despite having Ame’s superior genes, your shortcomings are likely because you are male."
Bullshit. I hurled every curse I knew at this filthy, discriminatory dragon who even brought gender into talent. Not that any words actually came out.
I couldn't even breathe from the sensation of something tearing through my veins. My vision flashed white and returned repeatedly as I felt parts of my body bursting, making me wonder if I really had this many blood vessels.
The pain was so detailed it felt like my body had been sliced into thousands of thin layers, and I could feel a vein in every second or third layer being violated.
"Hmm... a bit slow. I suppose I can speed it up a little..."
The unfamiliar pain doubled. Something surged up my throat. It felt like my stomach was being twisted.
"...Pfft! Bleeegh!"
Dark blood sprayed from my mouth. And with the final confirmation of seeing today's lunch spill out, my consciousness cut to black.
***
"I am sorry, son. Papa got a little carried away."
When I opened my eyes again, the crazy lizard claiming to be my Papa was looking down at me. If she weren't so pretty, I would have slapped her across the face, even knowing my body was as fragile as a sheet of paper.
"I'm seriously going to kill you, Hindel Dun Vurdia!!! Let go!!! I said let go!!! You people!!!"
To the side, the sisters were clinging to my mom, holding her arms and legs.
The Purple-headed Snow Woman Sister, the Pervert Vampire Sister, the King Cow Sister, the Silent Pink-headed Mermaid, and a silver-haired girl with a bob cut I’d never seen before were all piled on her.
"...I'm okay. Tell Mama not to be so angry."
"I told her, but she would not listen. I would appreciate your help, son."
If a perpetrator says, 'The victim's condition is perfectly fine, don't worry!', there's no way the victim's parent is going to respond with, 'Oh, I see! What a relief!'
And I still didn't understand why the Dragon Lord was calling me 'son.'
"Mama is scary when she's mad. I'm staying out of it."
"I would like you to save your Papa, son. Papa did it for your sake."
This reptile really had no conscience.
"Did I almost die?"
"Not at all. It was a bit excessive, but the blood you spat out was merely toxins from your body. The actual blood loss was minimal."
"Blood loss? Doesn't that mean there was a problem?"
"...You are not calling me Papa."
The Red Dragon seemed to accurately grasp the distance that had formed between us.
"A Papa is someone who treasures me. Not someone who forces things on me when I say I don't want to."
I drew the line very sweetly and politely. The Dragon Lord’s eyes began to dart around.
"It seems no words will reach you in this state. If there is anything you desire, speak it. The wealth I have accumulated is beyond your imagination..."
"Zero points."
The Dragon Lord blinked. She didn't seem to understand. No, she definitely understood.
"I shall teach you the secret magic of the dragons. Since you can use it, it will be incredibly..."
"Zero points."
The Dragon Lord let out a long sigh.
"I am sorry."
"It's a bit late, but I'll give you 50 points."
I placed my hand on the head of the dejected Dragon Lord.
"Son?"
"...I'll think about that part, but I can see you tried. Good girl, good girl."
The Dragon Lord looked at me without a word, then averted her eyes. For some reason, she looked like an abandoned large dog, and I found it cute.
I figured I could just brush this off as a typical mishap. More importantly...
"You bastards!!! Don't stop me!!! I'll kill all of you too!!!!"
I needed to calm down my furious Mama first.