The Story of My Life (2)
Ten years ago. That is to say, on the day I was possessed by a girl whose name I didn’t even know, my top priority became survival. Of course, it wasn’t as if I had no desire at all to return to being a man in the beginning. Even now that I’ve grown used to it, I still sometimes flinch in surprise. So you can imagine how utterly confused I was back then. But ten whole years had already passed. And those years were far too harsh to waste on questioning my gender identity during what should have been a leisurely puberty. When monstrous creatures that devoured people were staring me down, who had time to care about something like sex? First I had to survive. Everything else could come after that.
That was how the Winter War began because of me.
In truth, until then the Empire had never even been able to establish the concept of an apocalyptic winter or a war against it. They had simply been one-sidedly trampled. But the moment I appeared, the story changed. I possessed the only flame authority capable of opposing the apocalyptic winter. On top of that came the discovery of a new material called Sun Iron, forged with my flames. Thanks to that, the concept of war finally took shape. As if to repay every humiliation and disgrace they had suffered until now, the Empire poured all its strength into subjugating the Wendigos. My Vendetta Legion was created at that time as well.
His Imperial Majesty has formally issued an imperial command. I have been appointed as Commander-in-Chief and Grand General of the Northern Subjugation Army. Therefore, I intend to grant you the rank of general.
“The reason?”
“To keep my promise to you. Didn’t you ask for freedom in exchange for subjugating the Wendigos? Create your own unit and lead it yourself. I will help you.”
The young lord of the Baikal Territory who had believed in me and helped me until the very end. Raypen von Baikal had been recognized for discovering me and was appointed Grand General to oversee the entire Winter War. I had already begun to feel my limits fighting alone, so the idea of having a unit prepared solely to subjugate Wendigos sounded excellent. When Raypen made exactly the right offer, I accepted without hesitation.
So why did I name the unit I would lead Vendetta?
“Vendetta means revenge.”
What? The glory of the Empire? The salvation of the people? Those were nothing more than pretty wrapping paper to hide my selfishness. My ultimate goal was, to the end, survival. I wanted to live. I wanted to survive. And in order to achieve that goal, I would use everything I could. Even if it was wrapped in a cause that was nothing but a lie.
That was why. At the very least. For those who had lost their lives caught up in my selfishness, I wanted to make sure their revenge was carried out properly.
No matter how strong I was, war was still war. There were bound to be sacrifices. And for those brave souls who had fought and fallen, there was only one thing I could do for them.
“Blood must be repaid in blood. If we lose one soldier, we will kill ten Wendigos. If we lose ten soldiers, we will kill a hundred Wendigos.”
“……”
“That is the only condolence we can offer them.”
I felt no guilt. Therefore, this was far more selfish than atonement, and far too petty to call justice.
“It is revenge.”
For my own survival. And to soothe the grudges of those who had lost their lives.
Well, that was how I felt ten years ago. Now that all the Wendigos have been subjugated and peace has come to the Empire, most of the venom has drained out of me. No, to be completely honest about my true feelings…
What every Korean man desperately longs for.
That’s right. I want to be discharged.
To put it more bluntly, I want to live comfortably, playing and eating as I please.
I felt this way from the beginning, but lately the desire to be discharged has been creeping up on me more and more. Of course, money and power would be nice. I know that perfectly well. But no matter how comfortable it gets, the military is still the military. The closed-off atmosphere and limited freedom that came with it were practically poison to someone like me who had enjoyed complete freedom in modern society.
It had been bearable before. Why? Because my life had been in danger. Wendigos drooling in front of me, villagers holding pikes behind me. What choice did I have? To survive, I had to take refuge in the military. It was a relief that they were so short on manpower they accepted anyone regardless of gender. Otherwise I would have died long ago.
But now the story was different. The apocalyptic winter that had threatened the Empire had already been brought to an end. There was no longer any force in the Empire that threatened my life. At most there was the noble faction… but even they only went as far as keeping me in check. They didn’t directly aim for my life. After all, if I died it would be the same as diminishing the Empire’s military power.
Of course, if the high position came with no actual work and I could just play golf all day, I wouldn’t have minded. But there were no such positions in the Empire. Those who do not work have no right to eat. Those in high positions must set an example. It was a famous saying every citizen of the Empire knew, and many nobles truly believed following it was an honor. In other words, the higher the position, the more work there was.
Moreover, I was the Empire’s guardian deity and the war hero who had led the Winter War to victory. Countless tasks flooded in every single day. No matter how much I worked, there was always more. It honestly felt like I had gone back to working at that black company from my previous life.
I just want to be discharged and live comfortably, playing and eating as I please.
I had already exterminated every monster that once targeted me. At least within the Empire, no threat to my life existed anymore. At this point, wasn’t it about time I could be discharged and just enjoy myself?
But when it actually came time to do it, there was one problem. Quite a big one, actually. During the height of the Winter War, even though I led the Vendetta Legion, our opponents were transcendent monsters. Morale would plummet at the drop of a hat.
Sigh, here we go again.
Maybe it was because they had all lived such rough lives, but they would have mental breakdowns and throw tantrums at the slightest provocation. Still, as their commander, I couldn’t exactly respond in kind. So I shouted with all my strength, spouting suitably grand-sounding quotes.
Hmm. It would have been perfect if I hadn’t said that last line.
Indeed. I had coaxed and cajoled those who refused because they didn’t want to be abandoned again, bringing them into the Vendetta Legion. I had even declared that I would never abandon them. If I suddenly got discharged after all that, there was no way it would go over well. Even setting morality aside, if they saw it as betrayal, the ones I had raised would turn into tigers in an instant. Tigers that would tear out my throat.
There were so many other things I had said and done that I simply couldn’t bring myself to say I was quitting. But that didn’t mean there was no way at all.
As I mentioned earlier, the noble faction hated that I, a member of the Emperor’s faction, held military power. No matter how much they preached about justification, without power it was all meaningless. Yet here I was, the one who held all the Empire’s military authority, openly belonging to the Emperor’s faction. From their perspective, how irritating must that be?
Yes, yes. I understand completely. So I was willing to let them have their way. If I resisted just enough and then stepped down as if I had no choice, what could they do? If they were the ones telling me to quit, then I would have no choice but to quit, right?
Honestly, as a modern person, how could I possibly endure being a rich unemployed slacker? I absolutely couldn’t. On top of that, I had the perfect justification that I didn’t want to cause any more conflict in an Empire that had finally found peace. Perfect. It was so perfect there wasn’t a single flaw to be found.
Having judged it flawless, I went to see the Emperor carrying the justification the noble alliance was pushing. I planned to use their own argument as the reason to hand over command of the legion and be discharged.
“Hmm, I see. I understand perfectly.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. If you could please understand my intention…”
“In the end, the problem is the nobles, isn’t it?”
“…Pardon?”
It really had been a perfect plan. Except for the fact that the Emperor’s reaction was completely different from what I had expected.
The Emperor labeled the noble alliance that was trying to bring me down as nothing less than traitors.
Anyone who threatens the position of Wolfgang Leonhardt, the hero who saved the Empire, is challenging Our authority. They shall be punished for treason, and their houses shall be burned to the ground until not even a trace remains.
“Y-Your Majesty!! Wait a moment!!”
Not only the Emperor, but even the Vendetta Legion who had been attending the audience with me responded with fervent enthusiasm. In the end, I had no choice but to desperately try to stop the Emperor.
Uh… guys? You really don’t have to go that far, you know?