Awakening
After last night, I could be certain.
Just imagining Jia being held by another man is enough to turn me on!
That’s it, that’s the one—NTR! Adultery!
The kind of thing you only see in adult videos or internet stories.
The kind of thing that would lead to a stabbing spree if it actually happened in real life.
I’ve already verified it twice.
Just by photoshopping her face onto the cover of an NTR-themed adult video, I could get an erection like a madman.
“So, you came here to tell me that honestly?”
“Yes!”
I really love the look of utter disbelief on Jia’s face.
“Do you have any idea what you’re saying right now?”
“It doesn’t make sense, I know. But I’ve looked into various ways to solve my recent problem, and this turned out to be the most effective, so, uh…”
“…….”
Ah, her expression is turning sour!
She’s tightening her grip on the ladle!
I’m going to get hit with that! But I’ll say what I have to say before I take the blow!
“I know, too. How absurd and tyrannical this is. Even bringing this up to you is a betrayal of the faith and trust you’ve placed in me.”
“And knowing that, you’re telling your wife to spread her legs for another man first thing in the morning?”
“Yes!”
It hurts.
Still, that was just a punch.
If she’d hit me with a frying pan like last time, my consciousness would have flown out the window and that would’ve been the end of it. The fact that it was just a punch means she’s still willing to listen.
This is my last chance to persuade her!
Think, brain, think!
How can I convince her!
“……Is that really all you need?”
It wasn’t the voice she used when she was angry.
It was a calm, low voice, thick with moisture.
And her expression was just as sunken as her voice.
“If I have sex with another man, will you be happy?”
“……Honestly, I’m not sure.”
What I am sure of is that last night, for the first time in a long while, we both had a satisfying night. Because of my problem, things usually ended in incomplete combustion, but last night, both Jia and I were able to smile.
Tears had come, but I was happier than that.
I could see Jia being happy because she saw me happy.
I don’t want to lose that smile.
“But, if I can’t solve this problem as it is now, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold onto you when you eventually leave.”
If we were a normal couple, we might just endure it, saying things are fine as they are. But there’s a limit to endurance, and eventually, the day would come when we’d both raise our voices and fight. Those days would become more frequent, and eventually, an irreparable, deep chasm would form, tearing us apart.
That image is so vivid in my mind.
I think this anxiety is what fueled such an absurd choice, prescribing myself a lethal poison like NTR.
“……Haa, honestly, you really are something else….”
“I’m sorry! Let’s just forget about this! I must have lost my mind for a moment!”
I closed my eyes, terrified of being hit, but something soft bumped into my face.
A familiar texture and a familiar scent.
When I carefully opened my eyes, I saw Jia’s face looking down at me while she held me tightly against her chest.
“Are you really that afraid of me leaving?”
“…Yes, I’m scared.”
“Do you want to make sure I don’t leave your side, even if it means having me held by another man?”
“Yes. As long as you stay by my side.”
“You’re such a fool. What if I end up falling for the other guy?”
“I hate that! I hate it, but… if that makes you happier than being here with someone like me, then I….”
I got hit again.
This time, it hurt quite a bit.
Then, I was pulled even tighter into her chest.
“You idiot, you fool. Why can’t I throw away a moron like you and why am I holding you like this~? A pathetic husband who encourages his beloved wife to commit adultery because of his own problems.”
“…….”
“You’re such a fool, really, both you and me….”
“Jia….”
“I’ll ask you one last thing, answer me honestly.”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to see me having sex with another man?”
“I want to see it.”
“How much?”
“As much as I love you.”
“Geez, that’s completely inappropriate for the current situation.”
“Ugh….”
“Still, I’ll be satisfied with that. This NTR thing, I’ll do it for you. It’s strictly for your treatment, after all.”
“Jia…….”
“Ahaha! What’s with that look? Are you happy or sad? Your loving wife is stepping up for her husband—no, she’s taking her panties off for him.”
“Kuh, guh,”
“Are you in pain? But you’re being very honest down there, aren’t you?”
Jia’s hand slipped into my pants. Perhaps forgetting how much we did last night, my junior was standing stiffly, just like when I was young. Her hand wrapped around my little guy. At that touch, stroking me as if I were precious, a thrill shot up to the top of my head.
“Hehe, I understand your sincerity now. In that case, I’ll have to be sincere too.”
“Jia,”
“Look forward to it, Seunghyun. I can do anything for you. Anything you want, everything.”
“……, sorry to interrupt your serious conversation. Why on earth are you talking about that in front of me? Isn’t that the kind of thing you should talk about when it’s just the two of you?”
Ji-wook’s incredulous rebuke flew at us.
He was looking at us with a gaze that seemed to ask what the hell we were doing, saying he had to witness this whole spectacle while eating breakfast.
“What the hell is this? The conclusion is weird, isn’t it? Shouldn’t you be going to a hospital for that, Hyung-nim? And Noona, why are you accepting this? No matter how much he asks, it’s blatant adultery! Why on earth would you agree to do that? No, what exactly am I watching right now?”
He must be suffering from severe cognitive dissonance.
Even though he wanted to get angry, he looked so dumbfounded that he couldn’t even bring himself to do it.
No, come to think of it, isn’t that the normal reaction?
An adultery-encouraging husband and a wife who grants that request…….
Wow, thinking about it again, it’s quite a scene.
It’s content that would make any sane person freak out.
Jia must have reached the same conclusion, because when she made eye contact with me, she gave an awkward look.
“Ah, are you two conspiring to tease me? To make fun of me because my girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me? Is that really it?”
“Ah, no, it’s not that.”
“I know it’s not. I know, which is why it’s even more absurd. It’s just unbelievable that such a conversation could take place without any reason. Ah, is this a dream? Am I still sleeping? Then why am I having a dream like this?”
“I’m sorry, Ji-wook. I showed you something strange this morning.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m the one who’s being a burden, and I’ve even been fed a delicious meal, so it wouldn’t be enough for me to just thank you and apologize. Ah, the kimchi stew is delicious. May I ask whose kimchi this is?”
“The kimchi is good, right? It was sent from my parents’ house. Should I pack some for you? I have so much that I don’t know what to do with it.”
“Really? I can’t refuse that. Thank you as always, Noona!”
“Hehe, let me know when you leave. I’ll get it out for you.”
“…….”
“Anyway, as a younger brother who has received your kindness and knows Hyung-nim’s situation, I will dare to say one thing out of concern.”
“What, what is it?”
“You will regret it.”
Those words became an invisible dagger that pierced my heart.
It also meant that I lacked resolve.
No, shouldn’t I be relieved that I could realize that now?
As Ji-wook said, even if regret is bound to come, the mindset is completely different when you know you’ll regret it versus when you don’t.
Haha, even thinking this much, I’m not considering the option of not doing it.
It’s me, but it’s absurd.
“Let’s eat first. You too.”
“Oh, right. I’ll eat well.”
“Ji-wook, tell us if you want more.”
“Thank you, Noona.”
Coffee after the meal.
Ji-wook’s face doesn’t look good, perhaps because he still has a hangover.
Still, compared to his expression yesterday, having lost everything, he looks much more at ease.
It seems Ji-wook was able to sort out his feelings in his own way.
“Thinking back, there were signs. The frequency of contacts was less than usual, or even when they came, they felt forced, my lifestyle patterns changed, or she’d say she was busy when it was time to get off work, and there were many times when her mind was elsewhere during dates, and things I didn’t know started appearing in my studio apartment…….”
“That much?”
“That much. There were many signals. I was just ignoring them. I naively thought that if I did well, she would come back, and this is the result.”
He was trying to speak calmly, but a tremor he couldn’t hide was mixed into his voice.
“So this is my own doing. I may regret it, but I have no lingering attachments.”
“……If it’s hard, tell me anytime. I don’t know what I can do for you, but at least I can listen to your complaints.”
“I don’t want to. If I call you, Hyung-nim, you’ll definitely be the one whining first. I’m already having a hard time, why should I have to listen to you whine?”
“You little—!”
“I don’t want anything else, just pay for the meal and go. If I eat a delicious free meal, I’ll have some energy.”
“Like I’d buy it for you!”
I felt a surge of emotion, but I was more relieved than that.
I could feel that he was forcing himself to act okay, but it seemed he had enough composure to make a joke.
“My story ends here. Now it’s your turn, Hyung-nim.”
“Ugh.”
It’s that story, after all.
It would be strange if he didn’t bring it up.
When I cool down and think about it again, wow, I really said something absurd.
“Before we start the conversation, I’ll ask one thing. Did you say that just now with a sane mind?”
“I don’t know about the brain upstairs, but the brain downstairs, um,”
“It’s certain that you’re not in your right mind. Ah, since it causes bugs without even being able to be used, why don’t you just cut it off while you’re at it? If you give up entirely, you won’t have any lingering attachments.”
“Is that something you should say!”
“Then does it make sense to have Noona held by another man?”
“……Ugh.”
I have nothing to say.
Castration VS letting Jia be held by another man.
Without even thinking, choosing the former is the right thing to do.
Before I am a human, if I am a male, shouldn’t I protect the person I love instead of driving them to the edge of a cliff?
I deserve to die.
I deserve it, but why am I agonizing over this dilemma?
“Who gave you the right to decide whether to cut off someone else’s husband’s thing?”
Jia came and sat next to me as I was clutching my head.
She’s in a really bad mood, isn’t she?
Was she bothered by what Ji-wook said?
“This cock is mine! I have the right to decide whether to cut it or not. Don’t decide on your own without me!”
Ah, so it’s because of ownership.
As long as she’s not angry at Ji-wook, it’s fine.
“No, Noona! Even so, you don’t have to sacrifice yourself, do you? I think Hyung-nim should make a decision! Whether to be castrated or find another treatment!”
It’s a fair point.
There’s no room for counterargument.
“The path Hyung-nim is trying to take now is a hell where ruin is promised! Human emotions are much more sentimental than we think! There’s a reason why the term ‘bed-affection’ exists! Even if you push forward saying it’s okay, regret will definitely come! When that happens, the only people left to blame will be each other.”
Ji-wook asserted that it would be the real end then.
That the chasm of emotion could be filled.
But if what’s filling that chasm is resentment, no amount of stitching can bridge it.
“Hyung-nim’s problem might be temporary. If you get treatment, you might see results in the near future. Don’t make a big deal out of it just because you’re impatient, think about it again!”
Actually, if I’ve heard this much, giving up is the right thing to do.
As Ji-wook said, I just got impatient, ran out of options, and was driven to an extreme choice.
Let’s think coolly.
I tried to hurt Jia.
To the only person who could understand me, I am…….
“Ji-wook, you’re doing this because you want to help our husband, right?”
“Of course. No, even if it wasn’t Hyung-nim, if I heard something like this, I would have tried to stop it at all costs.”
To Ji-wook’s answer, which sounded like it was a matter of course, Jia gave a faint smile.
It’s a smile that makes her look like a good person, but why does it look sinister to me?
“Then, can you help our husband?”
“Of course. I intended to help from the beginning.”
“Ji, Ji-wook, *sniff*, I’m a lucky person, to have such good people around me,”
“If you leave a blockhead like this who can’t do anything alone, he’s bound to do something stupid and die. I can’t leave him alone.”
“Hey!”
“Our husband is a bit lacking.”
“Jia……!”
“What, it’s the truth. Still, it’s a relief. I feel a bit better now that Ji-wook says he’ll help. It’s reliable.”
“Hyung-nim is a benefactor who set the direction of my life. I will contribute my strength if there’s anything I can do.”
I felt like I was going to cry.
I felt like it, but at Jia’s following words, the tears didn’t come.
“That’s great! Then I can ask Ji-wook to play the role of the NTR adulterer.”