The Case of the Wanted Flame Mage

Luna spoke with a serious expression on her face.

"It happened three years ago, during the previous king's birthday banquet. Aris, who was called the greatest flame mage of her time, was invited to perform a fireworks magic show."

"And then?"

"She failed to control the flames. One spark flew off... and it just so happened to land right on top of the king's head."

Luna twirled her finger above her own head in a spinning motion.

"It was over in an instant. Poof. The king's secret was broadcast to the entire world. His shiny bald head was live-streamed right in front of all the empire's nobles."

"......"

"The king was so shocked he took to his bed, and Aris fled on the spot and went into hiding. Even after the current king took the throne, the bounty was never canceled. It was a stain on the royal family's honor."

I had to pinch my thigh to keep from laughing. A baldness creator, huh.

"According to reports, traces of red mana were found in a dungeon near here. Boss, you've got connections everywhere, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠right? Anything ring a bell?"

Luna's eyes sharpened. They were the eyes of an assassin. One hundred platinum coins was enough money to live comfortably for a lifetime. No wonder she was so fired up about tracking the target down.

"Hmm... I'm not really sure..."

Right then, my gallery notifications started going absolutely insane.

I checked the comments with a growing sense of dread.

BANG—!

At that exact moment, the back door to the kitchen burst open with a violent crash.

"Boss! Hide me!"

Someone rushed in and dove straight under the kitchen counter. Red robe, red hair. It was a girl who looked exactly like the wanted poster. Only she seemed a bit younger than the drawing, and her eyes were brimming with tears.

The gallery's longtime alt account, FlameMage. Her real name was Aris. She was the one who'd given me a ridiculous amount of cooking advice over the years.

"......"

Luna, who had been in the main dining area, slowly—very slowly—turned her head toward the kitchen.

"That was... red, wasn't it?"

Luna stood up. Two daggers had somehow already appeared in her hands.

"Found her. My retirement fund."

"W-wait! Lady Luna! This is a misunderstanding!"

Before I could stop her, Luna kicked off the floor and launched herself forward.

Shadow Step.

She crossed the kitchen threshold in the blink of an eye.

"Kyaaaaah! Stay away! I don't have any money!"

Aris screamed as she scrambled out from under the counter. She swung her staff wildly.

"Get back! Fireball!"

BOOM!

A small sphere of flame shot forward, but Luna dodged it by a hair's breadth. Instead, it struck the pot of broth Kastab had been simmering, causing it to boil over violently.

"You crazy little shits! My broth!"

Kastab let out an agonized wail.

"Hold still. If you come quietly, I'll at least leave you some hair."

Luna spoke coldly as she hurled her daggers.

Whoosh— Whoosh—!

"No way! I don't want to go to prison! That old fart's wig was cheap garbage—how is that my fault?!"

Aris spun around the kitchen in a frantic circle, desperately trying to escape. When she gave cooking advice in the gallery she always acted so refined and proper, but in person she was nothing but a clumsy, scatterbrained girl.

"Flame Wall!"

Aris summoned a barrier of fire. The entire restaurant instantly turned into a sauna.

"It's so hot! Kim Daon, turn on the air conditioning!"

Lucy, who had been watching from the counter, complained irritably. If I let this continue, the whole shop would go up in flames.

I sighed and drew the cursed blade at my waist—Ghost Cry.

"You're disturbing business, both of you."

I used Shadow Step to slip between them. Then I channeled the freezing mana I'd mastered at the North Sea Ice Palace into my sword.

Swoosh.

I swung my sword horizontally. It wasn't an attack. It was a technique that sliced through the mana in the air itself, creating a vacuum.

Fwoosh... Fwooooosh!

Pop!Hiss!

Aris's wall of fire was instantly deprived of oxygen and snuffed out. The daggers Luna had thrown were caught in the blade wind and clattered uselessly to the floor.

"......!"

Both of them froze.

"That's enough. Knives and fire tricks are strictly forbidden in my kitchen."

I sheathed my blade and spoke sternly.

Luna narrowed her eyes.

"Don't interfere, boss. That's my hundred platinum."

"Newbie! Save me! If I get caught, I'll spread every single one of your dark history posts in the gallery!"

Aris hid behind my back and made her threat(?) while Luna glared daggers at us.

"Haa... Both of you, sit down. Let's talk this out like adults."

A short while later, we locked the shop door and held an emergency hearing.

Luna and Aris sat across from each other with a single table between them. I stood between them like a judge, while Lucy watched the proceedings with a bucket of popcorn.

"So... you're that legendary arsonist, Aris?"

Luna asked with her arms crossed.

"I'm not an arsonist! Call me an artist!"

Aris shouted, looking deeply wronged.

"If the wind hadn't been blowing from the northwest that day, my fireworks show would've been perfect! The highlight was supposed to be a phoenix soaring into the sky, but who could've known it would land right on His Majesty's bald spot?!"

"Save your excuses. The facts are that you roasted the king's head."

"I only burned his hair! His scalp was perfectly fine! If anything, the heat might've opened up his pores!"

It was insane logic.

"Anyway, I have to take you in. The bounty is way too good."

Luna fiddled with her dagger.

"Hold on, Lady Luna."

I stepped in.

"If it's about the money... how about we reach a settlement?"

"A settlement?"

"Lady Aris, you have quite a bit of money, don't you?"

I looked at Aris. In the gallery, she was always bragging about using only the highest-grade cooking ingredients.

"Huh? Y-yeah... I did manage to grab some emergency funds before I got kicked out of the Magic Tower..."

"How much?"

"About... two hundred platinum coins?"

I nearly choked. She was loaded. Earlier she'd claimed she had no money? Called herself broke? And yet this fugitive was walking around with double the bounty on her head.

"Lady Luna. You heard her. The bounty is one hundred coins, but this person is carrying two hundred."

"......Ohhh."

Luna's eyes literally turned into dollar signs.

"Here's my proposal. Lady Aris will pay Lady Luna the equivalent of the bounty as a 'bodyguard fee.' In return, whenever Aris goes out, Luna will accompany her. And Lady Luna will pretend she never saw Aris."

"Why would I do that? I could just capture her, collect the bounty, and take whatever she's carrying."

Luna's suggestion was downright terrifying.

"That would be robbery. Besides, Lady Aris is a master of flame magic. Since her face is known, having a bodyguard when she goes out would be wise. Most importantly, if you fight here, you won't walk away unscathed either. Lady Aris is strong. And of course, my shop would be completely destroyed."

I added the finishing blow.

"Above all... Lady Aris is one of my 'cooking mentors.' If you take her away, I might not be able to make those delicious late-night snacks for you anymore, Lady Luna."

That was the decisive strike. Luna had become completely addicted to my cooking during the last Avalon expedition.

Luna fell into deep thought. Money? Food? Or even more money?

"Fine."

Luna sheathed her dagger.

"I'll take the deal. But I have conditions."

"What conditions?"

Aris asked warily.

"From now on, you'll be my personal 'heater.' Being a bodyguard is one thing, but I get cold easily."

"What? A heater?"

"I have poor circulation. My hands get freezing when I'm on assassination jobs. You'll make me an artifact that generates appropriate heat with your magic. Something that works twenty-four hours a day, like a hot pack. Call it employee welfare."

Treating the world's greatest flame mage like a disposable hot pack. Aris immediately flared up.

"What do you take me for?! I am a noble seeker of the flames—"

"If you don't like it, we can drop the deal. I'll just take you in right now."

"I'll do it! I'll do it! Being a hot pack is fine!"

Aris surrendered completely.

In the end, the contract was formed. Luna immediately emptied Aris's emergency fund pouch and pocketed a hundred platinum coins.

"Deal complete. I didn't see anyone today. Also, with this money you've purchased one thousand bodyguard sessions from me. I calculated my exact daily rate."

Luna coolly pocketed the money pouch and stood up.

With that, peace was finally restored. I'd saved the shop and even given Luna a side job besides being the hero. If that wasn't creative economics, I didn't know what was.

"Boss, give me food. I'm starving. What's on the menu today?"

"Since Lady Aris is here, let's go with something that really brings out the flame flavor."

I headed into the kitchen. Aris was making a face like her soul had left her body as she stared at her now-empty wallet, but it was still better than getting dragged off to prison. And having the hero herself act as her bodyguard whenever she went out certainly wouldn't be a bad thing.

"Chef! Get the wok ready! We're doing Chinese today!"

Today's special was hellish mala xiangguo. A spicy, numbing mala dish stir-fried to perfection using Aris's flame magic.

Fwoooosh!

Aris cried as she blasted her flames.

"My money... my blood, sweat, and tears emergency fund... Aaaaaagh—! I'll burn everything—!"

The flames fueled by her rage perfectly seasoned the dish with an intense smoky flavor.

"This is good."

Luna smiled contentedly as she ate the mala xiangguo.

"Made money, got a hot pack, and the food's delicious. Today's my lucky day."

Next to her, Aris's face was bright red—whether from the spice or pure humiliation, I couldn't tell—and she was huffing angrily.

"Just you wait... One day I'll go to the king and get a pardon..."

And so the night at the shop grew deeper. Amid the spicy aroma of mala, another line was added to my harem... I mean, my customer list.