What the Hell is All This Noise?!
A roar filled with enough fury that anyone could tell Big Sis was pissed as hell echoed throughout the entire guild. In that instant, I instinctively knew I was royally fucked.
"Shit."
How the hell was I supposed to wriggle out of this smoothly?
Yeah, total disaster. It hadn't even been an hour since Big Sis had left with her "Behave yourself" warning, and not only had I caused this mess, but we'd gone and smashed a hole in the guild wall too. Honestly, even if I were in her shoes, I'd smash my own skull in for this. Sure, Giena—standing there blankly clutching my bow—was the one who'd actually done it, but since I was the trigger, I was ultimately the root cause here.
Conclusion: I was royally fucked.
Big Sis draws a clear line between personal and professional, so she'd no doubt deliver a nuclear knuckle-fuck right to my forehead. Today was the day Smith’s scalp caved in for good. My legs were shaking, my hands and feet trembling uncontrollably.
Screeeeech.
The creepy sound of an unoiled old door creaking open snapped my rigid head toward it.
"B-Big Sis."
"Haa…."
Standing in the wide-open doorway, Big Sis glared at me with a furrowed brow and the look of someone eyeing the world's most pathetic loser.
"Smith. My cute little Smith. Did I make it too hard for you to understand?"
"B-Big Sis, just hear me out first, please?"
"Hah… Cut the bullshit and at least cover up with this."
Big Sis yanked off her shirt and tossed it at me. I caught it reflexively and draped the thing—reeking of her strong scent—over myself.
"Fuck. What kind of man has pecs that goddamn huge?"
"Uh, mine, I guess."
"Not in the mood for jokes."
"Yessir."
Having given me her shirt, Big Sis was down to just a black bra, but her sculpted proportions made her look even more stunning half-naked. Of course, that's just from a guy's perspective. If another woman looked at her now, it'd probably be like seeing a ripped dude stripping off his top. Anyway.
Still wearing her anger on her face, Big Sis slowly approached Giena, who stood blankly in the corner of the clearing. I half-expected her to cold-cock Giena right in the face. Heart pounding, I watched Big Sis's back anxiously.
But thankfully, nothing that drastic happened. Big Sis leaned in close to Giena's ear as she stood there dazed. Soon after, she pulled back, and Giena snapped out of it, turning to look at her.
"What…?"
But when Giena turned to Big Sis, her face was deathly pale—beyond ashen, straight-up ghostly white.
Big Sis gave Giena's shoulder a light pat, then walked back to me.
"Bring that bitch up to my room."
"Y-Yes, ma'am."
With that, Big Sis coolly headed back into the guild. Thud. As soon as she was gone, Giena collapsed straight to the ground.
What the hell had Big Sis said to terrify her like that? Careful not to rip the shirt Big Sis had thrown me, I approached Giena gingerly.
"A-Are you okay?"
"…I'm sorry. So sorry… Really… I'm so sorry…."
"Uh… yeah."
I'd had zero intention of accepting her apology at first, but seeing her sitting there pale as a ghost, staring at the floor and repeating it endlessly, I had no choice. It felt like I'd get cursed if I didn't. Anyway, I helped up Giena—who was mumbling "I'm sorry" like a broken machine—and headed to Big Sis's room.
"Hey. Can't you stand straight?"
"S-Sorry."
The moment we entered Big Sis's room, she shot a glare at Giena, who was leaning on me. Giena flinched like she was having spasms and quickly stood on her own two feet.
"You, sit here. And you, keep standing there."
Big Sis patted the seat next to her for me and told Giena to stay by the door.
"First, grab some fresh clothes from the closet."
"Ah, right."
Only then did I remember I was still wearing Big Sis's tight-ass shirt. I pulled one of my few ratty spares from the closet, changed, and sat beside her.
Me and Big Sis sitting at the desk in chairs. And Giena frozen stiff in front of us. The mood got weird real quick.
"Hoo…. Before we talk, elf girl."
"Y-Yes."
"You got money, right?"
"Yes…."
"Then fix the damn wall yourself."
"Of course. I'll hire artisans and get it done ASAP."
"Good. You better."
"Ha, haha… hahaha…."
"Funny?"
"No…."
What the hell? This conversation was giving me PTSD vibes. Also, did Big Sis just call her "elf girl"? Was that what I thought it was? I eyed Giena, who was even more rigid now. Her ears looked totally human.
"So? Why the hell are you forest-dwellers—who supposedly hate magic so much—hiding your precious pointy ears and pretending to be human? Spill it."
"Th-That's…."
BAM—!!
My heart dropped at the thunderous crash. A quill that'd been on the desk was now embedded in the wall behind Giena.
"Think hard before you answer. Especially… if I catch even a whiff of a lie, I'll drill a hole right between your eyes on the spot."
Gulp. Me and Giena swallowed hard in unison. I'd never seen Big Sis this pissed before. My skin prickled, breathing got tough.
"…Hoo."
Big Sis let out a short sigh, and the pressure eased up a bit. Even in her rage, she was still mindful of me. Just me, though.
"Not answering?"
"N-No… I was about to…."
Tiny droplets rolled down Giena's cheeks to the floor.
"First off…."
Giena trailed off and closed her eyes. A shimmering light burst around her face.
"Oh…."
The glow faded quickly, revealing subtle changes: her orange hair now a lustrous green, her human ears transformed into those long, pointy elf ears straight out of cartoons or movies. She opened her eyes—still orange—and spoke calmly.
"I swear on the Mother of the Forest to speak only the truth here."
One hand on her ample chest, just like my temple oath, but the elf version.
"The reason I left the forest… was to encounter more bows. And along the way, spread the word about them to more people."
"Crazy… They let you out for that?"
"Um… The elders gave me a separate mission."
"Figured."
"Yes… They ordered me to identify the man the human priests are seeking—and if possible, find him first and bring him to the forest."
"What'd you find out about this guy?"
"…I've just been collecting bow-related info since I left, so I know nothing."
"…."
"…."
The tense air deflated instantly. Big Sis stared at Giena in utter disbelief.
"I knew you elves were obsessed with bows and nature, but you… you're the real deal, huh?"
"I'm just a bit more sincere, that's all."
"This is some next-level shit. How the hell haven't you reported back yet?"
"…I just make stuff up in my reports."
"Hah, hahaha."
Big Sis rubbed her forehead in exasperation, a hollow laugh escaping. A faint blush crept onto Giena's pale cheeks.
"So… coming here, meeting this guy—all coincidence?"
"Not quite. I heard silver-rank adventurers could use contribution points to claim a male receptionist exclusively, so I came here."
"For what?"
"Well… I figured a man promoting the bow would draw more interest from adventurers than me, a woman…."
"…You were gonna use him to pimp bows to adventurer chicks?"
Giena nodded silently.
"You're a total nutjob."
"…."
Big Sis sighed and faceplanted onto the desk.
"Fuck… what a lunatic…."
Her mumble carried right to my ears. I pretended not to hear and zipped it.
After a while, Big Sis lifted her head crookedly and glared at Giena.
"Haa… So, how's that bow perform?"
"Top-tier. Absolute top-tier. Insane. Best bow I've seen in my 227 years. First, this smooth curve—"
"Shut it."
"…."
Giena clamped her mouth at Big Sis's deadly warning.
"Range, power, difficulty. Just those three."
"Well… No beginner could use it. Even among elves, only 'Old Guard' or 'Guardian' veterans who passed the trials can properly draw it."
"Human terms: minimum seasoned silver-rank."
"Not sure on human scales. But if you can handle it… you could pierce any visible target at any range. Assuming matching arrows, of course."
"…."
"Wh-Why that look?"
I flinched under Big Sis's glare—like I was a walking headache.
"Please… Smith. Dial it back a notch…."
"…Sorry."
I just made a glorified dildo, why am I getting chewed out? And a self-pleasure bow with that performance? If anything, I'm baffled.
"Hey."
"Y-Yes."
Giena, who'd relaxed a tad in the calmer vibe, stiffened at Big Sis's call.
"Don't breathe a word of that bow to your elf bitches. Got it?"
"…Is that necessary?"
For the first time since entering, Giena frowned slightly, displeased.
"It is if you wanna walk out of here in one piece."
Big Sis propped her chin on the desk, leaned back, and smirked.