Chapter 775: Chasing Things Others Don't Yearn For...
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 775: Chasing Things Others Don't Yearn For...
"Huh? Are you the senior sister who guided me when I first enrolled? Hello, Senior Sister! Is this your main body this time?"
"That’s right~"
"Ah! Senior Sister, did you come to watch our Freshman Competition too?" the girl asked excitedly.
"I did. After all, around this time last year, I represented my class in the Freshman Competition as well. I thought I’d come back and take a look."
"You actually participated in this competition, Senior Sister? I heard that in previous years, only class monitors were allowed to take part!"
"Yes, but the rules changed this year. Have you been on stage yet?"
"Not yet. There are quite a few people in our class, and I’m ranked near the end of the lineup."
"Well then, good luck~"
"I’ve received your encouragement, Senior Sister! When it’s my turn to go up, I’ll definitely go on a rampage!"
After bidding farewell to the enthusiastic junior, I watched her return to her class’s section in the spectator stands.
"Xiao Han, you’re unexpectedly popular."
"What? Is Sister Bai jealous?"
"How could I be? I’m just happy that you can converse so casually with strangers now. At the very least, it’s a huge improvement from before."
"Ehhh—" I drew out the sound as I looked at Sister Bai. "What kind of image did I have in your eyes before, then?"
"Hmm... a... socially awkward, helpless little girl who only immersed herself in her own world?"
"Really? Was I that helpless?" Personally, I thought I was quite independent. At the very least, I was the type who could go out, find a job, and not starve to death if thrown into society.
"Weren't you? Wasn't the old Xiao Han the type who could be tricked into coming home with just a few words of comfort? At least, I could have done it."
"Listen to you! You’re making me sound like... like..."
"Just tell me, is it true or not?"
"Even if you say that... Hmph... Have some of this!" I took a deep breath and stopped in my tracks, ordering a portion of barbecue from a nearby stall to hide my embarrassment.
I had to admit, the senior sister who managed to open a small barbecue stall here really had a head for business. Originally, there were no designated vendor areas here, but she was running a mobile stall using fire spells.
Her flame magic was quite the performance, making it incredibly eye-catching.
"Give me a portion too. I’ll pay for hers as well." Sister Bai leaned in beside me and asked for a bunch of skewers that were already grilled, paying for both of ours and taking them.
"Wait, Sister Bai, what are you doing?"
"Feeding you~"
Sister Bai pulled out a skewer and held it in front of me with a smile.
"Are you going to eat it or not?"
"Of course I am!" I took a bite of the barbecue Sister Bai offered. The heat from the flame-grilling and the charred aroma exploded in my mouth.
Of course, these were all just minor interludes.
Sister Bai accompanied me as we strolled through the training grounds. Rather than watching the matches, we were more enjoying the atmosphere.
It was just as Sister Bai said—I tended to get lost in my own world.
In the past, I knew nothing and simply let myself indulge in fantasies. Now, I had merely made the things I was interested in the sole focus of my world.
The Self-Generated Mana experiment was the most obvious example. It was starting to make me realize that besides constantly perceiving Transcendent Knowledge and conducting Transcendent experiments, I really didn't seem to know how to do anything else.
Looking around, the Freshman Competition was nothing more than a noisy environment to me. Even the passionate matches inside the arena failed to stir my enthusiasm.
I had become lost at the crossroads between living a vibrant life and chasing my life's goals.
Perhaps this was a choice everyone encountered, but most people chose to remain mediocre, which might be another answer entirely.
"Xiao Han, Xiao Han!"
"Hmm?" Being called by Sister Bai like that, I suddenly snapped back to reality.
"Dazing off again? What does Xiao Han think about every day?"
"Uh... I was... It’s nothing. Where are we going next?"
"Sigh..." Seeing my expression, Sister Bai let out a deep sigh. "Is Xiao Han thinking about the meaning of life again?"
"Don't use Heart Sense for that kind of thing..."
"But Xiao Han isn't honest enough, so I have no choice~ If I don't use such methods, how else am I supposed to know what things are hindering your steps every day?"
"I don't think I have any..."
"Even you don't believe that when you say it, do you? What kind of grand philosophies are you pondering? Does life really need those things? Besides, you haven't told me yet what you meant earlier when you said some Witch was about to enjoy some good fortune!"
"True... Ah~ I almost let myself get swallowed by negative emotions again. Do you think I should find some time to seal away these emotions and memories together?" Hearing Sister Bai say that, I gradually recovered.
Indeed, when a problem arises within one's own heart, others cannot truly wake you up; you have to figure it out for yourself.
And what had I figured out?
If you can't even play to your heart's content, can't sleep peacefully, and can't devote yourself entirely to what you're doing, isn't such a life a failure?
The most primitive thoughts in my heart refused to accept such a failed life, and so I would once again find the courage to refute myself.
Humans are such wondrous existences.
"A seal? I think you'd better not. It's best not to suppress those negative things. During the time you were using the memory sealing art on yourself, I also looked into the Self-Sealing Art."
"Looked into it? How come I didn't know? Sister Bai, you were doing that behind my back?" I asked curiously. "So, what conclusion did you reach?"
"The main purpose of the self-memory sealing art isn't escape, but to better deal with things. It merely allows untimely memories and emotions to emerge, under the interference of external forces, only when you are ready—that is, the moment you are prepared to accept your imperfect self."
"Since you've done so much homework, Sister Bai, I guess I'll just have to listen to you~"
After pulling myself together, I gradually began to reveal the thoughts in my heart.
"Sister Bai... it’s really boring here... I really want to do something more interesting."
"Something more interesting? Have you thought about what you want to do, Xiao Han?"
"Not really... If I had, I wouldn't be wandering around here. Whether it was coming out to play or watching the Freshman Competition, they were all just excuses. I just wanted to do something, only to realize that this wasn't what I was looking forward to..."
"Oh dear... that is a bit of a problem." Although Sister Bai was somewhat pleased that Xiao Han was willing to express her thoughts so straightforwardly, those thoughts presented another dilemma without an answer.
"Yeah~ it is a problem, isn't it? But Sister Bai, you actually didn't take this opportunity to talk about naughty things with me. I thought you'd invite me to bed to explore some new ways to play."
"Oh? Is that so? Is that what Xiao Han was thinking?"
"No, no! I was just teasing you, don't take it seriously! Tonight isn't the agreed-upon night, no naughty things allowed!"
"Alright~" Sister Bai said with a note of compromise, her tone laced with a hint of regret. "Then let me ask you in a different way. Xiao Han, do you find the school boring?"
"Boring! It’s truly uninteresting. Not only is reality being made a mess by a bunch of people, but the Academy Network is also full of brainless and boring people."
"Oh~ such an extreme statement. I remember this time last year, you still held a strong yearning for the Witch Academy, didn't you?"
"Maybe it’s a case of the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment?" I said with a shrug.
I had been swept along through this past year. It seemed like I had lived a full life, but I was merely fighting a one-sided battle against so-called ethereal Luck.
What exactly was I yearning for back then, and what was I expecting?
The joy and happiness of becoming a girl?
Or watching those who, like me, had turned into girls fall into depravity as their mindsets shifted and they accepted reality?
But with the start of the new school year, I had even missed such a grand occasion. So... what exactly was suppressing my original intention of seeking fun?
Was it responsibility, or mindset, or perhaps some kind of cognitive shackle?
Or... did I simply not know what I wanted at all?
"Then... how about going off-campus?" Sister Bai suggested again. "It seems I haven't properly seen the Main World with you yet, have I? It was like that with that small world, and the same with the Expansion Realm. When you went to see those worlds, I wasn't by your side."
"That... isn't great either. The current situation in the Main World isn't looking too good, right? I don't want to cause trouble... The other Transcendent Academies are currently looking for any way they can to kill me~"
"That is true..." Sister Bai nodded, agreeing with my statement.
Since that Final Joint Exam hunting session, the fact that so many people wanted to kill me was enough proof of their determination.
"Since there's no way either way, then don't think of a way. Instead of wasting time trying to find a solution, wouldn't it be better to gradually eliminate the things you don't want?" Sister Bai suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me, preparing to leave.
"Eh? What do you mean?" I was a bit slow to react to Sister Bai's sudden move.
"Go experience things. Just like you told me before, life is a constant stream of experiences. Go experience what you've never experienced before, or what you've already experienced but never paid attention to."
"Take food and drink as an example. You always use Five Senses Body Cultivation as an excuse to experience gourmet food and snacks, but you've never experienced them from another perspective—your own feelings. Do you actually like them? I remember you said you like drinking coffee, specifically black coffee, but do you really like coffee? Do you like drinking something bitter? Who is born liking bitter things?"
"Do you know how many milk tea shops there are in the Witch Academy? Do you know how many flavors they have? Can you say in one breath what you like to drink? No... you can't. You don't have your own preferences. You're like a heartless passerby. Your so-called 'experience' is nothing more than a traceless browsing, a numb stimulation. It's an objective sensation, not your subjective experience."
"This..."
For a moment, I was speechless. Once again... I had been lectured by Sister Bai... but I didn't hate it.
"Don't hesitate like this. Since you don't like being here, what's there to be reluctant about leaving?"
Just as Sister Bai said, sometimes making a decision doesn't require a rational explanation. Just follow your heart. If you find one place boring or uninteresting, then go somewhere else.
Even if that place has a lively atmosphere.
Even if the next place is even more boring.
But the anticipation before going to the next place is far more precious than the experience after arriving.
"Eh? Is that... Xiao Han?" Amidst the crowd at the Freshman Competition grounds, Ying Shiqian from the Baking House pointed at a figure in the sky.
"Is she leaving? What's the rush?"
"What a pity... I haven't even run into Xiao Han yet, and she's already run off?"
"Let's go, let's go~ If Xiao Han left, she must have other important things to do. I saw Tan Han over there just now; let's go find Xiao Tan to play~"
The lively Freshman Competition wouldn't stop just because one or two people left, and everyone would constantly find new fun for themselves.
Meanwhile, I followed Sister Bai through the sparsely populated streets of the Witch Academy.
Sister Bai asked me why I thought I liked drinking black coffee... I didn't know, but my subconscious did. Because no one likes drinking something so bitter, I would like it.
This way of thinking seemed carved into my instincts.
Most boys wouldn't accept being gender-swapped into girls, so I wanted to experience it.
No one would waste time comforting those boys whose genders were changed upon entering the Witch Academy, but I found doing so very interesting...
But when I realized that the senior sisters of the Witch Academy all loved turning boys into girls, I gradually distanced myself from that interest...
I suddenly realized that my behavior was truly strange... this chasing of things that others didn't yearn for.
Just like now... the most popular things in the Witch Academy were the Ladder Arena and the Freshman Competition, yet I found myself distancing myself from them. Instead, I was with Sister Bai on a nearly empty commercial street, standing by a deserted milk tea shop, ordering a flavor that was about to be discontinued.
Yet, I drank it with exceptional happiness. A strange taste plus a hint of strange sweetness—it was a truly novel flavor.
"Shopkeeper Senior Sister, what is the name of this milk tea?" I asked, shaking the cup in my hand.
"It's called Colorful Fresh Fruit Bursting Milk Tea. You're not going to ask for a refund because it tastes bad, are you, little junior?"
"It's fine~ I was just asking for the name. I think it's delicious. Is it really being discontinued?" I asked with some regret. Although the bizarre combination of adding fresh fruit to milk tea was indeed heretical... unexpectedly, I quite liked drinking it.
"Ah? Someone actually thinks... cough... I mean, because the sales aren't ideal, discontinuing it is a helpless move. How about I give you the recipe? If you really like it, you can make it yourself."
"Really? Thank you, Senior Sister~"
After getting the recipe, Sister Bai accompanied me as we left.
"Does Xiao Han really like this flavor? It's quite unexpected; you actually like this type?"
"No... I just think the taste is very special... Perhaps it really is just a failed product..." I looked at the ingredient list; the ingredients were truly wild and bold. "But when no one else likes it, I feel like my liking... gives it a more special value... Just like... black coffee."