Malice Disguised as Goodwill
Hmm.
They say good medicine tastes bitter.
Anything that forces you to face reality, or tells you to do something — or not do something — for the sake of your future, falls into that category.
There are plenty of words for it. Nagging. Advice. Words of concern. Push it a little further and it becomes a scolding…
Well, whatever.
If every one of those words is spoken because someone genuinely wants the best for me, then the right thing is to take them in good faith. If someone is spending their own time saying things because they hope I'll turn out well, then yes.
But looking at these chat logs…
I just can't feel that way.
If anything, they remind me of my mother and father.
To be fair, those two never really said anything harsh to me. They only ever said things that were nice to hear.
That I was a good son because I studied well. That we'd go out for a nice meal because I'd done well on a test. That I should buy hamburgers for the whole class because I got along with my friends and never fought. That once I got into a prestigious university, they'd buy me a car the moment I got my license.
Back when I never once doubted that all of that was love, I really was happy.
Ah — of course, Mother and Father both genuinely believed it was love, too. If I hadn't turned into this unpleasant-looking girl, I probably would have gone on living inside that happy household forever.
But it was only after becoming a girl and being rejected by my father that I finally understood.
Those two had been guiding me all along — molding me into the son they wanted. They laid carrots along the path they hoped I'd take, telling me never to stray from it. And of course I followed that path, eating the carrots as I went, because the rewards were good. Naturally, there was never any room — or reason — to wander off onto another road.
But what if I had wanted to pursue the arts? Would Mother and Father still have cheered me on then? Me, heading in a direction they didn't want?
Maybe they would have said yes. But they rejected even the version of me that became a girl. Would they really have accepted me going into the arts?
Or what if I hadn't been capable enough? What if I'd been too stupid to get into college? Would they still have been proud of me?
I don't think so.
Those two never loved me. They loved an obedient son.
That's what it was.
And so, right now, I find that person's words impure.
They sound like concern, sure. They look like words spoken entirely for my sake. And it's not as if I only ever want to hear nice things.
But once you've learned what malice disguised as goodwill looks like… those words just don't look kind to me anymore. They feel like nothing more than a smear dressed up as care.
It's a type you see all the time playing League of Champions. They know that raw insults get them punished, so they sneer instead. And if you get angry, they'll play dumb — claim they were only worried about you, and ask how you could treat a kindness that way.
It wasn't just me. The viewers felt the same way.
If I'd been the only one drowning in paranoia, I might have felt a little hard done by. I never imagined it would be this comforting — that other people could see the real intent behind those messages too.
Naturally, the other party behaved exactly as I'd expected.
Ah — "spoke," I suppose, would be the more accurate word.
Either way, there was no way that looked innocent. But calling them out was also awkward. So what was I supposed to do in a situation like this?
As I sat there silently turning it over, worried messages started appearing in chat. Some people said I should kick them out. But they were watching my stream. Throwing them out myself felt a little wrong.
In times like these, who could I…
Ah. There was the perfect person.
Would he be awake by now? Well — it was five o'clock. He probably wasn't still asleep.
Of course Celesty was awake.
I probably should have started by asking if he'd gotten home safely. But I was too urgent for that, so I put the greeting aside and sent him a roughly objective summary of the situation — stripping out my personal feelings and including only the viewers' opinions.
And just like that, my streamer senior Jaemin neatly sorted the whole thing out.
Hearing it laid out like that, it made sense.
I already knew those comments were just needling me under the pretense of concern. There was no chance I'd be further affected by them. The real problem was the viewers. They were already fretting over whether I might get pulled around by CrunchSquelch — and I was worried that handling it this way might just pour fuel on their anxiety. So I asked Jaemin again.
So this was the kind of thing you had to do to be a streamer.
I'd thought of him as nothing but a nice guy — but apparently Jaemin knew his way around a public-opinion war, too. So I took his advice.
If he was the type who wouldn't curse me to my face, then I could wear a mask just as well.
I'm not particularly a good person. I just act decent and kind because it's an easy way to earn people's goodwill. That's the only reason I've lived this way.
"Thank you for the support. Since you say you meant it with good intentions, I won't say anything further. You all watch my stream for fun and something useful, right? Getting angry for no reason just stresses you out, and they say stress is the root of all illness."
And so I appointed CrunchSquelch as a chat moderator too, fair and square.
I only noticed it then — once I made him a mod, a little sword icon appeared next to his username. So that was why they called it a True Silver Sword.
I had no idea why the "True Silver" part was attached, but streaming culture probably had its own origins for things like that.
"Alright, next up — AlwaysNewNoel'sRightSneaker."
So as I continued going through the appointments, I secretly whispered the newly chosen moderators on my phone. Just as Celesty had told me: the moment CrunchSquelch crossed a line, cut him. And I thanked them for stepping up so readily, and handed out the gift vouchers I'd received — one to each of them.
This was the only kindness I could show. And only one person simply accepted it without making a fuss.
Strange, really.
Ah — I didn't give one to CrunchSquelch, of course. I'm human too. He got on my nerves.
But the viewers, who knew nothing of any of this, were still airing their grievances.
It had started as complaints, but somehow the viewers spun it into something fun among themselves. This was exactly the kind of self-correcting community I wanted, so it was enjoyable — but still.
"Hmm……. I'm not sure the other moderators would be okay with that."
I hesitated, reluctant to demand personal information from viewers when I wasn't even a full-time streamer. But then the very moderator who'd objected to it earlier whispered me that he was on board — if it meant burying CrunchSquelch.
Well then. No reason to refuse.
Ignoring CrunchSquelch's continued reluctance, I ran with the content as it was.
"Alright — just the moderators' tiers, then. Ah, and some of you might not want your usernames shown to everyone else. So I'll cover up the nickname parts in the friends list and profile view, and only show the rank tier. That should be fine, right?"
I'd even blocked the personal-info leak. Now CrunchSquelch had no room left to object.
Alright then. Your move.