If It Was Mine, I'd Let Go Anyway
Yeah. I figured something like this would happen sooner or later.
I wasn’t living in complete isolation. If I’d just wanted to connect the old me with the one I am now, it was only natural to get this question.
Same name. Same place. Just one digit at the end of my resident registration number changed. Everything else—the phone number, the internet accounts, all of it—had stayed exactly the same.
The fact that my circle of friends wasn’t that wide was probably a blessing.
I had gotten along with them, but up through high school I was still the boring guy who only studied. In League of Champions, among the people in my friend list, I wonder if anyone even remembered me.
That was why my father and mother had kept me locked away.
They were probably afraid someone would dig up that secret.
My mother had said she’d only take a year off to come back to school, but… in the end she never could.
So I had decided to quietly die in that small room.
There was no world that would accept me anyway.
Thanks to the game, thanks to the streaming, I had been happy these days.
Viewers cheered me on, sure, but turning it into a living was another story.
I had closed the iron bars and locked the door.
And Gabi had come smashing right through.
That had felt so good.
She had come to check on me and talk to me like this.
It had also hurt.
Because that worry had only been for the old me—the boy I used to be.
So then what?
How was I supposed to explain it to Gabi?
“What’s the matter? You’ve been so distracted lately.”
While I was lost in those thoughts,
a cheerful voice came from behind.
Apparently my guard had been so down I hadn’t even heard the front door open.
“It’s… I have to tell my friends about how much my appearance has changed. But I’m worried they won’t believe it, and they’ll be pretty shocked. What if they never see me again?”
So I tried to explain it gently.
“Mm. Yeah… it’s not exactly common for a guy to become a girl.”
Surprisingly, the neighbor lady already knew I used to be a boy.
I stared at her blankly, too surprised to even ask how she knew.
Since eye contact still felt too much for me, I turned my head just halfway.
Was that enough for her to understand?
She added with a soft, teasing laugh, “Your face says it all. Of course I knew. I knew you had a mom, a dad, and a son living there. Well, in this day and age no one cares much about their neighbors, but Unni still remembers that much.”
“……But you’re not bothered at all?”
“Eh? Whether boy or girl, Noeul is still Noeul. Besides, to Unni’s eyes your current look is adorable. Hehe. You even smell sweet.”
So that was it.
With someone like her, maybe gender really wasn’t that important.
“Would you honestly tell Gabi everything and let her accept me as I am now?”
“Maybe. It might be tough.”
“Yeah… that’s probably right.”
But the neighbor lady didn’t sugarcoat the truth.
Reality was reality.
Gabi couldn’t be expected to act like a neighbor lady just because she was my childhood friend.
Hearing that, I sighed deeply and slumped.
The neighbor lady slid over right next to me and whispered softly.
“Lies can buy you some time. If I say I’m Noeul’s cousin and start spinning the truth, at least Gabi’s suspicion will be quiet for now.”
It was an almost too sweet whisper.
Ding! Hidden camera!
Noeul is overseas right now. I’m using her game ID and phone as the little cousin who’s temporarily filling in for her big brother.
Someone could actually make up a story like that.
“But lies grow like snowballs. To cover one lie you need another, and eventually you can’t stop. In the end the only thing left is a story that falls apart, and Gabi will only feel worse.”
Still, right before I got completely lost in it, the neighbor lady reminded me of the hard truth.
So in the end, I only had two choices left.
One was to never explain anything and say goodbye to Gabi forever.
The other was to tell the truth and leave the decision up to her.
Even the second option could end in never seeing Gabi again.
Saying that the person using my friend’s phone number and ID was the old friend who’s now become a girl… no one would believe it easily.
But if I really couldn’t meet Gabi again anyway,
wouldn’t it be better to do something, even if it was risky?
If I was lucky, maybe Gabi would believe me.
A few days ago I had been thinking exactly like this.
Whether I made peace or not, the punishment from my parents would have been the same.
But if I made peace, I might only get a light scolding.
So, just like when I had read my confession to my parents right away,
maybe I should tell Gabi the truth as well.
“Thank you, Unni.”
“Hehe, it’s nothing.”
So I immediately started sending Gabi KakaoTalk messages.
- Noel: It’s unbelievable - Noel: You can just ignore it and call me crazy - Noel: I’m the Noeul you knew - Noel: There’s a reason my appearance changed - Gabi: What? A hidden camera? Cousin? Did you sell your account? - Gabi: Noeul told you to take a sneaky photo of me, right? - Gabi: Tell Noeul I’m annoyed
Of course Gabi didn’t believe me right away.
Yeah, that was only natural.
Just like I had imagined Gabi would, I wanted to dodge the “hidden camera” story.
But I didn’t want to waste the last few years.
So I made my move.
I was a top-sin-byeong-ja, after all.
If I knew rolling either way would only make it worse,
I had to throw everything I had into at least trying.
- Noel: If I explain, can you come over? - Noel: It’d be awkward to invite a guy over… but now I’m a girl - Noel: I’ll tell you everything when you come
Gabi didn’t reply for a long time.
While we waited, the queue matched between the two of us and one of Gabi’s friends.
Having to play a game in this situation felt crazy,
but I instinctively clicked accept, and the game started without anyone objecting.
That meant Gabi had accepted the game too.
Was it because she was worried about the eyes of her friends?
Or had she needed time to think after hearing my story?
Either way, the moment I got an answer was delayed.
I stared at the loading screen, licking my dry lips with my tongue.
Then the chat window of viewers appeared behind me.
- Tti-hwak-jjit: Noel’s muttering again? Unni’s here. - Tti-hwak-jjit: But talking to a friend who contacted you after so long must be hard… - LexiaQueen: Seriously, it’s not even hair dye or diet. The person’s already gone crazy. How do you explain that? - NoelWheelThief: Diet? I lost one foot and a ton of weight. - Starfall: What a horrible person. - Joluyejjogne: Uuu garbage uuu
The absurd joke made me laugh without realizing it, even though I had been so serious until a second ago.
Yeah, the dice were already thrown.
All I could do now was wait for Gabi to make her decision.
I knew I’d die sooner or later anyway.
Just like I had decided to live my remaining life happily,
if I had already let go of everything,
I didn’t need to suffer by holding on to it.
It was fortunate the neighbor lady’s voice hadn’t been picked up by the viewers.
If it had, the whole “I used to be a guy” thing would have exploded into chaos.
“I’m sorry, everyone. I got too focused on the neighbor lady and forgot about you for so long. I’ve been talking to her about how to explain it to my friend I haven’t seen in ages.”
- Tti-hwak-jjit: Understood. - Tti-hwak-jjit: But are you also playing as an ADC? - LexiaQueen: I wonder if she’s better than Celesty. - Joluyejjogne: Noeul’s a top laner to begin with, no comparison lol - LexiaQueen: Still, you’re just a physical ADC, right? - LexiaQueen: Even if Celesty’s reaction speed is pro-level, Noeul’s is honestly inhuman. - Joluyejjogne: Even an ADC needs to think… - Joluyejjogne: It’s skill counting. Noeul does that even on top lane. - Joluyejjogne: Positioning by distance from the enemy and keeping distance from teammates to switch angles. - Joluyejjogne: And Celesty’s score is higher than that—wait, she just got a great game. - Tti-hwak-jjit: Oh, I can’t mock you anymore now that you’re on a tear.
For a while I had to put the pain behind me and focus on the viewers.
I had to concentrate on the game.
It wasn’t because I was hurt by hearing that I wasn’t as good as Celesty.
I had already admitted that Celesty was better than me.
The situation was already complicated enough.
I didn’t have time to worry about childish things.
…Anyway.
Hidden Camera Mode Activated