No Point in Struggling Anymore
I wrapped up Hotel Escape, negotiated with Yeseul's sister, and then faced the sixteen ranked matches after the dodge penalty expired.
Time had steadily passed in the meantime, and it was already five in the morning.
My score had risen like a snail—slowly but surely.
Even if I won just two out of the three games, the score would still go up, one point at a time.
That was how it stood now: twenty points.
After nine hours of gaming, I had fought as fiercely as if not a single one of them had been meaningless, yet I only climbed twenty points.
I was so drained that I slumped in the chair.
Ah, maybe I was just too exhausted from playing for so long.
Of course, it could have been bad team luck, poor condition, or a shattered mentality.
Losing streaks after a full day of gaming, dropping hundreds of points in no time, were common complaints.
The tier colors would shift sometimes.
Compared to those things, complaining about only gaining twenty points sounded spoiled.
So I kept that thought to myself.
No matter how small the score fluctuation, the fact that my rank score had risen at all was satisfying enough.
Struggling meant nothing.
I could still climb higher.
I hadn't hit a wall yet.
There was still that self-confidence.
But right now, my energy was gone.
Of course, physical fatigue played a part, but looking back at the games I'd played today, they had been the kind that drained me so much.
*Ah, winning is so hard, and losing is so easy. But the stamina cost is the opposite—how unfair.*
In winning games, the match ended too easily, too overwhelmingly.
Games that didn't last more than twenty minutes.
If my team played well, I would crush the enemy top laner on my line and lock down the game.
If both teams were evenly matched, I would create a variable and draw the enemy's attention so my team could use their numerical advantage.
Then we would win the game smoothly.
But the losing games were all forty-minute, fifty-minute affairs.
My team couldn't always have good luck.
There were times when my teammates couldn't do anything, or when I kept dying while the enemy team grew stronger relatively.
But every time I pushed, a variable would appear.
Relying on that, trying to catch up and keep hope alive.
Why had the early game been so overwhelmingly lost?
Because objectively, the enemy team was better than ours.
In the end, the difference in skill would show in detailed micro-management and a massive all-in fight.
No comebacks, just defeat.
At times like that, it felt like all the struggling I had done for thirty minutes had been completely in vain.
Of course, those experiences would help my League of Champions skill grow, but seeing the bright red words "defeat" still stung.
It just had to match the color of my eye.
Some kind of design where losing made the whole mood down.
- NightKnight : ㄹㅇㅋㅋ I grinded like crazy and won a few, but they still matched me with losing streaks
- 야간알바5년차 : This matchmaking is rigged for sure... they match you with players who deliberately throw to keep win rate at 50%
- 굶주린초붕이 : The champ select used to be like that too lol. They'd match you with worse players the more you won. Even after winning? They'd say "next time bring this guy and we'll beat them"
- Xoxim : So it ended in disaster
- 실버판테아 : The reason is a bit complex, but that's part of it... it's really sad
The viewers nodded along with my complaint and kept chatting.
But since it was late at night, the chat was quieter than usual.
And seeing it now, realizing how deep into the night it was, I felt a little regret.
Playing ranked at this hour meant I was stressing myself out.
If I had stopped around two a.m., slept, and come back, it would have been better.
Then no one would have played weirdly tired.
Naturally, the outcome would have been...
Ah, probably not much different.
The enemy team would have slept well or taken a short nap around lunch, same thing.
Of course, the reason I couldn't act on it then was because I hadn't felt sleepy at all.
I had drunk in the afternoon, passed out, and woken up.
My life pattern had already broken.
Well, it wasn't just a day or two; after a few more days the cycle would reset itself anyway.
But based on that realization, I started thinking maybe I should sleep too.
And realizations have to turn into action right away.
In the top laner's attitude of having learned how to counter the enemy's skills.
"Thank you for watching the broadcast. Those still awake, sleep well, and those who started early today, have a good day. I'll post today's match results in the fan cafe."
- 실버판테아 : Boss, sleep well too!
- Harmo : Watching the score keep climbing steadily, Noer really is going to be a pro
- 굶주린초붕이 : Yeah? Noer said he's going pro?
- Harmo : Yeah, after beating the pro in last week's pop store 1v1 match, the coach gave him a business card
- Lagshmy : And then Noer swallowed the business card still in his pocket...
- wowls3256 : If we hadn't been there, Noer and the coach would both have been at the after-party lol. We couldn't contact each other lol lol
- Narvey : Still, Noer knew Noer's gamertag and the pro team's name too lol. He probably contacted the front desk and fixed it smoothly
The broadcast had ended, but the viewers were still chatting among themselves.
If I could, I would have joined in and typed some keys.
A man has pride.
If I said I was going to bed, I had to go to bed.
Um, but now I'm a woman, so maybe I could leave a casual comment.
No, I shouldn't.
I just captured my League of Champions profile and wrote down today's win-loss record.
Then, with the morning greeting, I posted it in the fan cafe.
That way, today's broadcast was truly over.
More precisely, it was ending the broadcast from yesterday.
Anyway, until I slept, today was today, and until I woke up, it would be tomorrow.
After that, with no more need to worry about the viewers' eyes, I looked back.
When had Yeseul's sister disappeared without a trace?
Before, I had felt a little unhappy about her leaving without saying goodbye.
But now I understood.
Whether ghost or whatever, she had no choice. She was such an existence.
But I wasn't anxious, wasn't scared, wasn't upset.
Whenever she felt like it, she would come back.
I could just live as usual while waiting for that moment.
After I had prepared everything properly like that.
Suddenly, time caught my eye.
Six o'clock soon.
The downstairs couple's dinner time.
I wasn't particularly hungry, and I had even decided to sleep, but I also wanted to join their meal, so I felt conflicted.
Free rice? Well, that was fine too.
But rather than that, being with the downstairs aunt and uncle would feel like having a real family.
That was better.
But I hesitated to go now.
Even when I was a man, I had learned that late-night eating was bad for health.
After twenty years of never eating snacks, I knew that anything before bed would make my stomach feel heavy and prevent deep sleep.
Now that I was a woman, my appetite hadn't decreased.
Now, even a little fullness would make me suffer.
Still, yesterday I hadn't gone because of the lunch promise with friends.
Today, I thought maybe I should show my face there at least as a courtesy.
Whether she sensed my worry or not, a small knock came at the front door.
A sound so small I wouldn't have heard it if I had been in the middle of a game.
Thank goodness I was prepared to sleep; otherwise I wouldn't have known who it was.
Ah, strictly speaking, "prepared" meant I was halfway to the bed.
That was about it.
Then, perhaps the accurate thing was that I had done nothing at all.
"Coming."
Anyway, because I had only one foot, it took me a while to reach the front door.
So I deliberately raised my voice.
In case the aunt was waiting impatiently wondering if I was coming out or not.
When I opened the door, the downstairs aunt greeted me with a bright face.
"Oh my, student. You're so diligent. You've already woken up. Did you eat lunch with your friends yesterday? Was it tasty?"
"Ah, yes. Thanks to you. Thank you for looking out for me."
"Hoho, what are you saying. Then, are you eating breakfast today?"
The offer was made with such pure intent.
At that moment, I accidentally told the truth.
"Um... actually, I didn't just wake up. I was about to sleep."
"My goodness, did you stay up all night? How come."
"I drank at lunch and took a short nap, so it got late. That was why I couldn't sleep..."
Had her pure nature gotten to me?
Or was I just sleepy now?
I kept saying things exactly as they were.
I almost said I had stayed up all night gaming.
Well, it wasn't a crime to talk about it, but...
Staying up all night gaming was something I could casually tell friends about.
But telling a mother-like aunt like her...
Um, I felt quite reluctant.
"Oh dear. Are you okay? No hangover?"
"Yes. I didn't drink much. My friends drank a lot."
Honestly, by alcohol content, I drank the most, but...
Well, by drunkenness level, hadn't Gabi drunk the most?
So, even if I said that, it wasn't entirely accurate in some way...
But I wasn't turning into a good girl who drank less and didn't stay up all night gaming by saying it.
"Still, isn't it good to eat something before bed?"
"I'm grateful for the advice, but whatever I eat makes my stomach heavy and I can't sleep well. Thank you for caring."
"I see, what a pity. Let's eat together tomorrow."
"Yes, thank you. Have a good day."
"You too, student. Sleep well."
Even so, I exchanged warm goodbyes that warmed my heart.
Now I could finally go to sleep comfortably.
Tomorrow, I had to properly reset my life pattern and go eat breakfast together.
I went straight back to the soft bed and collapsed.
After a sleepless, stiff body, I immediately surrendered to sleep and became one with the mattress.
...That's how I had planned to sleep and wake up fully.
But while I was still deep in sleep, my phone rang.
In a half-conscious state, I checked the phone.
It was eleven in the morning.
My eyes stung and were hard to open, and getting up from the bed was bothersome.
So I just lay there and picked up the phone.
"Hello."
[Hello, is this Noel's phone?]
"Yes, this is Yoon Noeul."
[Ah, Noeul. It's your maternal uncle. You met when you were little, remember?]
"...Ah, yes. Hello."
Maternal uncle meant a relative by marriage.
Given that I had met so many people when I was young, I couldn't even guess the relationship.
Skill Activated