Pheromone Monster
“Hahahahahahahahaha!”
A booming laugh thundered through the Oval Office. Its owner was the current President of the United States, Juji Boshi.
Everything was falling into place.
When that strange bastard Jupiter had first appeared, Boshi had briefly worried the whole scheme might unravel. But the man had turned out to be capable of nothing. If anything, Boshi almost felt like sending him a thank-you note for cleaning up a few troublesome pests.
After laughing himself hoarse, Boshi turned to the screen. Jack Taylor’s face filled the display, mid–press conference. Their eyes seemed to meet through the glass. Boshi’s good mood surged again. That man who used to look at him like garbage was now nothing more than a scarecrow who couldn’t refuse a single order.
“He’s competent, I’ll give him that — but I can’t stand the guy. Use him for about a year, then toss him.”
Boshi summoned a secretary and ordered a cheeseburger combo.
“On a day this good, you’ve got to have a cheeseburger.”
He didn’t actually need to send a secretary out for one. A single word and the White House chefs would have a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola ready on a silver tray. But the stuff those chefs made never tasted right.
Another secretary appeared in the doorway.
“Mr. President! The Chinese embassy has arrived at the White House.”
“They just showed up without so much as a heads-up? Those Chinese… Throw them out. Tell them if they want to talk to me, they can learn some manners first.”
“…The Korean and Japanese embassies have also requested an audience.”
“The monkeys of the Far East are pestering me now. Tell them later.”
“Understood. The Blue Cad protests are growing more violent. If we keep ignoring them, they’ll only escalate.”
“Blue Cad… Jack Taylor already issued a statement supporting me, and they’re still at it?”
“Jack Taylor may have been behind Blue Cad at one point, but at its core it’s a civic group. Even he can’t rein them in.”
“I’d love nothing more than to roll tanks over them, but… leave them for now. What’s the Hunter Association’s reaction?”
“The same. They’re trying to draw a line between themselves and politics. Looks like orders from the World Hunter Association.”
“Draw a line? Those bastards will end up under me eventually. As for the World Hunter Association… I’ll have to crush them someday. Useless parasites who never help with a damn thing.”
Boshi decided to glance over some state business before the cheeseburger arrived. He skimmed the documents the secretary had brought.
“I don’t like this law. Change it. Tell Congressman College to get it ready.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Handle the rest yourself.”
“Yes, sir.”
The cheeseburger arrived.
Boshi set the combo on his desk and grinned.
“Beautiful just to look at.”
He took a massive bite of the cheeseburger and sucked down a long pull of cola. His tongue sang at the aggressive hit of salt, fat, and sugar.
As he ate, Boshi thought it over. Every person of real influence in America was already on his side. The arrogant hunter brats could be managed with power and money. Losing his reliable bodyguard Chad Lovell was a shame, but the White House still had thirty A-Class ability users protecting him. And he could always hire more.
“Delicious! So damn good!”
With nothing but a bright future ahead of him, the cheeseburger tasted better than usual.
He polished off the entire combo in under three minutes and patted his stomach with deep satisfaction.
Ten minutes passed.
Irritation began to frost over Boshi’s face. Normally a secretary would have appeared five minutes ago to clear the trash off his desk. He called one in with a snarl.
“You called for me, sir?”
“Did I call? Yes, I called! Why the hell isn’t this garbage cleaned up yet?!”
The secretary’s face tightened slightly as he began clearing the desk.
The man’s unusually sluggish movements grated on Boshi, who clicked his tongue with all the force he could muster.
I’m going to have a word with the chief of staff.
He summoned the chief of staff and unleashed a torrent of abuse at the man standing at rigid attention. The chief of staff, who would normally have been bowing and scraping, simply listened in silence.
“Understood, Mr. President. I’ll re-educate Watson myself.”
“I don’t want him re-educated. I want him replaced.”
“My apologies. If we fire Watson right now… the entire office will seize up. I’ll make sure he never shows you that kind of disrespect again.”
“…Is that so?”
Boshi waved him out.
Something was off.
The chief of staff he knew would have fired this Watson character on the spot.
A sour unease settled in Boshi’s gut as he rose from his chair. He went to see the family members staying at the White House. For all that he was a cold-blooded politician without a drop of blood or tear to spare for anyone else, his family still mattered to him.
His wife — remarried two years ago, a blonde beauty and former model more than forty years his junior — was sitting on the sofa watching TV. Normally she would have run to him and kissed him the moment he walked in.
“Sarah. I’m home.”
“Oh. You’re back?”
She didn’t take her eyes off the screen. Just a little wave of her hand.
“I said I’m home!”
Boshi’s neck veins bulged. Something about her attitude was getting under his skin for no good reason.
“So you’re home. Why are you yelling about it?!”
“What’s wrong with you today? Is it that time of the month? Come on — kiss me like you always do!”
“Kiss you? Brush your teeth first. Your breath smells like something died in there!”
“…What the hell? You were kissing me just fine yesterday.”
“Yesterday’s me must have been out of her mind.”
“Haa. Fine. Fine…”
Boshi shook his head and headed straight for the bathroom. He stripped, showered, brushed his teeth with meticulous care, and wrapped himself in a robe. Confidence recharged, he approached his wife on the sofa, shoved her down, and kissed her like an animal.
“Kyaaaaaaah!”
She shoved him off. The old man was no match for a young former model’s strength.
“Guh! You knocked me on the floor! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“That’s my line! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
“What do you think?! Just a little husband-and-wife business! Why are you so touchy today?! Come on — clothes off, now!”
Boshi flung the robe aside and stood naked.
“Kyaaaaaaaaah! This is rape!”
“You crazy woman — what is wrong with you?!”
He started toward her.
“Kyaaaaaaaaah!”
She screamed and fled the residence. Boshi’s face twisted as he sat down hard on the bed.
“That damn woman… Has she completely lost her mind?”
Maybe it was some trendy little game. He forced his excitement down. She’d come back on her own in a few hours.
A few hours of popular dramas later, she still hadn’t returned. Instead, the chief of staff called.
“…Mr. President. The First Lady has hired a lawyer and filed suit against you.”
“What? A lawsuit?! For what?”
“Domestic violence and sexual assault. Your children have also filed domestic violence charges against you.”
“Have they all gone insane?! Bring them here! And kill those articles before they run!”
“I’m sorry. It’s already too late. The stories are out. They’re running emergency news broadcasts right now.”
“You have got to be kidding me! Which network?!”
“All of them.”
“…What?”
Boshi frantically flipped through the channels. Exactly as the chief of staff had said, every network was broadcasting his alleged domestic violence and sexual assault.
One anchor’s words were especially spectacular.
Boshi’s mouth fell open.
As of yesterday, that same anchor had been calling him the greatest president in history. For the man’s attitude to flip this hard, this fast…
He changed the channel with a scowl.
“What the hell is this lunatic babbling about.”
Click.
Click.
Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!
Jack Taylor slammed his forehead into the podium again and again. A thin line of bright blood ran down from his brow. Even so, he didn’t stop — he drove his head down ten more times.
“…When did I ever say that?”
Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud!
Jack Taylor and the politicians around him began slamming their heads in unison. The sight bordered on pure madness.
Boshi’s hands trembled.
Slap!
He struck his own cheek. The dream did not break.
After a long breath, Boshi called the one man he could still trust — his closest confidant, the vice president. The vice president did not pick up.
The right-hand man he trusted more than family had begun his full confession.
Panic-stricken, Boshi sat with his mouth hanging open. After a long blank stretch, he called the one person who had always been on his side — his mother.
The moment the line connected, a familiar voice poured out a stream of curses.
“You piece of shit I should have chewed to death.”
Hatred soaked every syllable of his mother’s voice.
The sound of it froze Boshi solid.
“Juji. I should never have given birth to something like you. Why — of all things — did it have to be you… God. Forgive me. I dared to birth a human maggot and defiled Your world. Please forgive me… God…”
“Die, Juji. Put a gun to your head and pull the trigger! That’s what the world needs! Hurry! Die even one second sooner! This is your mother’s final request! Please, just die!”
“Die!”
“Die already, you garbage bastard!!!”
Click.
Boshi hung up. His phone buzzed and buzzed — his mother, still unsatisfied, calling back again and again. He dragged a hand down his face, changed clothes, and walked out. Hostile stares from his bodyguards followed him all the way to the Oval Office.
In the corridor he ran into the chief of staff. The man spoke with perfect calm.
“Mr. President. Crowds of citizens are pouring toward the White House. You need to evacuate.”
“What about my loyal little pets?”
“…They’ve all turned their backs. Justice Smith in particular seems to have made up his mind completely. The Department of Defense has also issued an official condemnation.”
“And you?”
The chief of staff smiled. He raised his hand. A wiretap recorder sat in his palm.
“Of course I’ve turned my back as well. I’ve already reported every crime you ever ordered me to commit.”
“…”
Boshi’s face twitched. Instead of throwing a punch, he spun and sprinted for the Oval Office.
The moment he was inside, he dropped to his knees in the center of the room.
“Bramasen! Help me! The world has gone mad! Everything I’ve built is about to collapse! Bramasen! Grant me power once more!”
Ziiiiing.
A sensation like his brain twisting inside his skull!
Boshi rejoiced. This was proof of connection to a great being.
“What?”
Snap.
The connection severed.
“Bramasen! Bramasen!!!”
He screamed until his throat tore, but there was no answer of any kind.
And three days later —
to the thunderous, worldwide applause of every living soul — Juji Boshi was executed.