Chapter 3

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Translator: penny

Chapter: 3

Chapter Title: Fuck App

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The voice echoing in my head jolted me upright in bed.

"What the hell? Who's there! Fuck! Show yourself!"

Maybe because I'd just been having that brutal dream of getting railed by a woman, my body tensed up at the sound of her voice. But even as I yelled, the voice's owner shot back leisurely.

A soft voice came with a brilliant light flashing before my eyes, soon revealing a tiny human figure. It was a dainty little thing, but shaped like a stunning blonde woman.

A white dress with wings sprouting from her back—she looked just like one of those fairy types I'd seen in the dungeons.

"...A fairy?"

The fairy introduced herself as Yuria.

"Yuria? So what the hell are you? You say you're here to help me?"

With my body changed like this, that bizarre dream, some weird Fuck App popping up, and now a fairy showing up in the real world outside a gate—this Yuria had to be tied to everything going on.

"This weird app?"

I pointed at the Fuck App on my phone, and Yuria waved her hand like that was too much.

"Whatever. So how can you help me exactly? You gonna turn my body back?"

If she could just fix this body, I didn't give a shit about the app or the fairy. When I asked, Yuria gave a small smile.

"..."

"What? What happened?"

I played dumb, but Yuria leaned in close to my ear and whispered.

"!"

"No way."

I leaped out of bed, yanked back the curtain, and peered outside.

Sure enough, a massive limousine had pulled up, parting the crowd gathered in front of the mansion. Only one person rode in a ride like that.

'Yoon Joo-young!'

Fuck, I thought it was a dream, but it was future sight?

Yuria beamed at me. Without a second thought, I threw myself at her feet.

"Please help me, Lady Yuria. If she ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠gets her hands on me, I'm really done for."

In the dream, for some reason she'd come to fuck me, but in reality? Nothing like that. If I got on her bad side, it was game over for real.

"Sure."

I grabbed my phone and tapped the app without a word.

"Got it. 100 points received."

Thanks to that getting-fucked dream... no, the parallel world thing, I'd earned points. I was pretty sure I'd picked up some skills and other stuff too.

Yuria reached out, and with a clinking cascade of coins, my Dick Compass Points vanished. Then my body began to change.

Flash—

"!"

I was back to my original body.

"I-it's... it's back! My real body!"

I groped myself all over, confirming I'd returned to my adult form. The honed muscles, the mana—everything was as it should be. Stats and skills probably too. Yuria giggled at the sight.

"!"

In my excitement, I'd completely forgotten I was naked.

I snatched the bathrobe from the floor, threw it on, and cinched the belt tight around my waist. That covered things up.

"Phew. Anyway, thanks. That do it?"

"..."

I'd figured as much. No way it'd be that simple. Disappointing, sure, but I'd take it. At least I'd dodged the immediate crisis. If I could just send Yoon Joo-young packing, I'd buy some time.

"How long's the duration?"

"Gotcha."

That was when it happened.

Knock knock—

A knock at the door, followed by a terrifying aura seeping in from outside. She'd already reached the door. If Yuria had been even a little later, I'd have been screwed.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Beep—

And there she was: a tall beauty with a seriously pissed-off look on her face.

'...Sword Ghost Yoon Joo-young.'

Exact same as in the dream. A crisp white blouse exposing her collarbone, a black tie knotted haphazardly.

A tight skirt clinging to her hips, sleek, toned legs. I let my eyes roam up and down her slender frame and swallowed hard.

She'd always had a killer body, but after that dream, it hit even harder—way lewder somehow. Whether she noticed my stare or not, she leaned against the doorframe and let out a heavy sigh.

Then she bared her sharp teeth and tore into me.

"Hey, you little shit. I have to drag my ass all the way here? What the fuck have you been doing? Huh?"

Her vicious tirade had me flinching a bit as I answered.

"Wasn't feeling great."

"Sick?"

"Kinda... Condition's off."

Not a total lie. The body swap had left me way weaker than before.

Unlike her initial barrage of filth, Joo-young's tone softened just a touch.

"Fine. Whatever. No major issues, right?"

"Y-yeah."

Actually, tons of issues. Woke up as a damn kid out of nowhere.

"Good enough. Don't pull this shit again. The press and the association are losing their minds. Why do you think I came all the way out here?"

Joo-young scratched her head in annoyance and shot me a glare.

"Your speech sounds kinda off, though?"

"..."

Come to think of it, yeah. Blame the body swap? I'd usually keep it curt around women, but my tone had shifted.

If she picked up on any changes, she might grill me, so I switched back.

"No it doesn't. Beat it."

"Hah. You're insane."

She huffed and waved me off, turning to leave.

"Yeah, I'm out, asshole. Not like I was worried or anything."

"Wait, hold up."

I grabbed her wrist as she started to go.

"..."

She turned back, tilting her head, and I faced her squarely.

"Sorry, but dungeon raids are gonna be tough from here on out."

No way I could clear dungeons in this state. I'd have to hand off my quota to other guilds.

Joo-young nodded like she got it.

"You said your body's off. I'll handle it. No sweat."

Surprisingly agreeable. Probably the Association President in her, looking out for a top-ranker like me. I forced my reluctant lips apart.

"Th... thanks."

Slam—

I shut the door fast and collapsed onto the floor.

"Hah... hah..."

Too long talking to a woman. Yoon Joo-young, no less. As I panted, Yuria floated over, giggling.

"...True."

The tiny fairy didn't really count as a "woman," I guess. Anyway, crisis averted.

At least the Association President had checked on me personally and knew I wasn't raiding. The reporters out front would clear out soon enough. Play it smart and careful from here—no real dangers.

Flash—

The moment I let my guard down, my briefly restored body reverted to the youthful boy's form. Looked like the Dick Compass Points effect had run out.

"Yeah. So how do I earn more? And what's with the skills? Dev sensitivity?"

I eyed the bizarre stats on the app and asked. Yuria grinned slyly and nudged me with her elbow.

"..."

"Hold it."

"Enough!"

"And what's in it for me?"

"..."

I followed her lead, opened the app, and checked the shop. A bunch of items were listed, all purchasable with points.

Some seriously fucked-up stuff. The thing we'd used earlier looked like the 100-point Polymorph. I grimaced and scrolled down, spotting one item at the bottom that demanded an insane amount of points.

"App... deletion?"

"But... fuck... how much is this thing?"

I stared at the string of zeros and nearly blacked out.

Ten billion points. Meaning I'd have to get fucked a hundred million times like today.

"Hey, this is bullshit, right?"

Flash—

Yuria tinkered with my app, pulling up a list of parallel worlds. Each one showed potential point gains. She pointed as she explained.

"Cool. Guess I start with the hardest ones."

"..."

Anyway, that cleared things up. To ditch this boy's body, I needed to farm ten billion points by getting pounded nonstop.

Higher difficulty meant bigger hauls. That was plenty.

"Fuck that. What's the worst that happens?"

I had to grind points anyway. Scrounging pennies would take forever. Better go fast and hard. I tapped the highest difficulty available without hesitation.

Ding—

Yuria shook her head vigorously.

With a resigned shrug, Yuria hopped onto my shoulder.

Flash—

A blinding white light enveloped my vision.

Soon, my mind grew hazy, and my consciousness began slipping away to somewhere else.

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