The Celebrity Bukjin and the Minefield of Poop
After returning to Juk-won, Bukjin roared in a fit of anger.
“Wang Chung! You utterly useless scoundrel! I was in mortal danger, attacked by assassins, and you didn’t even block a single arrow for me?!”
Wang Chung scurried out, a fawning, cunning smile plastered on his face.
“No, Young Master, what are you saying?! My name, Wang Chung, contains the character for Loyalty ! I’ve been renowned for my loyalty since birth. I am the most obedient servant to the Young Master, loyal to a fault. You ordered me to guard the living room, and I, daring not to disobey your words in the slightest, guarded it perfectly. Rest assured! The living room of Juk-won is completely intact, without a single scratch!”
Hearing his words, Bukjin promptly kicked Wang Chung.
“You dog! How dare you spout such nonsense in front of me!”
Bukjin cursed, seething with rage. He had originally thought he could handle everything himself and, wanting to make a grand entrance, had ordered Wang Chung to wait in the living room while he went out alone. But then he found himself in a crisis.
‘This damn bastard! Normally, he comes running the moment I call, but at the crucial moment, he hides in the living room and doesn’t show his face? Don’t you know the meaning of adaptability or quick thinking, you idiot?!’
“Squeak! Squeak-squeak!”
Just then, A-kwang bounced into the living room. A-kwang had helped Bukjin in the recent battle and had done his part. Therefore, A-kwang stood before Wang Chung, looking extremely triumphant.
Wang Chung frowned, watching A-kwang.
‘The Young Master’s temperament is becoming harder and harder to predict. The flattery methods I used before no longer seem to work… Aiya! Could it be that I, a great butler, am now competing with a mere rat? Life is truly unpredictable!’
Wang Chung felt a pang of resentment, wondering if his Young Master now preferred rats over beautiful women. He thought he might have to find an opportunity to deal with that troublesome A-kwang soon.
“Light the lamps,” Bukjin commanded.
The two maids immediately lit candles, illuminating the room.
“Bring me paper and a brush.”
Taking the brush, Bukjin pondered for a moment, then began to write something down without hesitation. He quickly filled ten sheets of paper.
“Wang Chung, tomorrow morning, go around the famous pharmacies in the city and buy the medicinal herbs written on these papers. Remember, you must only buy one type of herb from each pharmacy. Buy all the stock they have, no matter the quantity. Understood?”
Bukjin handed the ten sheets of paper to Wang Chung.
“Young Master, I will follow your command. Rest assured.”
Wang Chung took the papers and shot a triumphant glance at A-kwang.
‘Did you see that! I am the one the Young Master trusts the most.’
“Young Master, but the money…?”
Wang Chung read the papers, then held out his hand.
“It will cost roughly 20 gold coins.”
“Hmm…”
Hearing the sum of 20 gold coins, Bukjin’s chest ached. After a moment of thought, he spoke with the same expression.
“Hmm, let’s just buy ten catties of each herb.”
Bukjin tossed five gold coins to Wang Chung.
“If that’s not enough, find a way to get the rest yourself.”
“Young Master… what way could I possibly have?” Wang Chung looked bewildered.
“If I tell you to buy it, you buy it!” Bukjin glared, his eyes wide.
“Wang Chung. You are already an excellent butler. It is also a virtue of a butler to learn how to earn money yourself and relieve your master of worry. Understood?”
“That… Young Master… Understood,” Wang Chung reluctantly replied.
Bukjin then looked at A-kwang.
“And A-kwang. This paper has a map of our Juk-won and the bamboo forest drawn on it. Tonight, go outside and drop your poop… ah, no, install landmines at the marked locations. Understood?”
“???”
Hearing Bukjin’s words, A-kwang wondered if the black-clad people who had attacked Juk-won earlier had truly come to steal his poop.
‘Master. Are you telling me to poop outside so that if other people come again, they can just take the poop without any hassle?’
As A-kwang was thinking this, Bukjin smacked him on the head and lectured him.
“What are you dawdling for! Remember, from today onwards, you are forbidden from using the toilet. I will not allow you to relieve yourself anywhere in the garden either. When nature calls, go to the spot I pointed out to you and take care of business. Understood! If you don’t follow my instructions, I’ll skin you alive.”
Bukjin had realized that A-kwang had undergone a mutation after eating the divine herb. A-kwang’s mutated poop had become a mushroom-shaped poison landmine. It was a powerful poison landmine, potent enough to poison even a Master Rank expert. Moreover, these landmines were transparent. They were colorless and odorless until stepped on, and they had no effect on the surrounding environment. But once someone stepped on one, it would emit a powerful green poisonous smoke. In a way, it was even more terrifying than ordinary landmines. It was an excellent security measure for guarding the house and a very effective tool for repelling enemies. Bukjin considered it a great loss not to make good use of such a valuable resource.
“Squeak! Squeak-squeak!”
A-kwang took the paper and examined it carefully with a serious expression, as if knowing that pooping in the wrong spot would lead to severe consequences.
“Good. That concludes tonight’s work. Everyone, go back and rest.”
Bukjin stretched and yawned. He stood up, took a few steps, and then suddenly remembered something.
“Wait! Wang Chung, you sleep in my room tonight.”
And Bukjin headed to Wang Chung’s room.
‘I need to be careful, as I don’t know how things will turn out. It would be a disaster if a cunning assassin is still lurking and attacks me while I sleep.’
Bukjin had felt during his recent skirmish with the assassins that they knew him very well. They would surely know which room he usually slept in. Therefore, sleeping in the second-floor bedroom was dangerous.
“Young Master, I…”
Wang Chung was no fool and immediately understood what Bukjin’s words meant. But he couldn’t refuse Bukjin’s order, and so, with a tearful expression, Wang Chung headed to the second-floor bedroom.
After Wang Chung disappeared, Bukjin finally turned his head, grinning, and spoke to Cheon-cheon and Cheong-cheong.
“Now, now, young ladies. There’s still plenty of time until morning, so please go back and rest.”
Meanwhile, outside Juk-won.
Atop a straight bamboo stalk, five jang high.
A figure in a blue swordsman’s robe stood on a branch, like a bamboo leaf, swaying gently with the wind. Under the moonlight, his green hair and eyebrows glowed faintly. He watched the lights of Juk-won extinguish, then a calm, cold smile spread across his lips.
The next day.
On the 8th day of the 8th month of the 8888th year of the Gwangmyeong Era. A sweltering midsummer day.
It was the day the Academic & Martial Arts Competition began, an annual event where the geniuses of Unmong City’s prestigious academies competed to showcase their skills. All citizens of Unmong City watched with bated breath.
Early in the morning, as the academy gates opened, all students of the 3rd Junior Swordsman Academy gathered in the plaza. The students and all the teachers held a grand and solemn farewell ceremony. They had gathered to send off the four academy representatives: Han Bul-bu, Bukjin, Ak Hong-hyang, and Baek Geum-un. These four representatives would now proceed to the National Imperial Junior Academy to participate in this year’s Academic & Martial Arts Competition finals.
Even the Headmaster, Im Tae-heo, who rarely made an appearance, attended the farewell ceremony. He was still visibly drunk, reeking of perfume. His eyes were barely open from exhaustion, hinting at what he had been up to the previous night.
The ceremony was presided over by Ryu Gye-hae, the 3rd-grade dean. The ritual began with a very typical motivational speech, and to the cheers of the entire student body, the four academy representatives boarded the Headmaster’s personal open carriage, pulled by four beasts. Soon, the carriage departed, beginning their journey to the Academic & Martial Arts Competition finals.
The teachers escorting the students on this expedition were Ban Oemin and Elder Hae. The two drove the carriage out of the academy gates. As the carriage left the gates, countless citizens lined both sides of the road, cheering. Among them were white-haired elders, young children, burly men, delicate young ladies, and boys and girls… Many citizens, young and old, were present. They were all residents of the academic district where the 3rd Junior Swordsman Academy was located. Many of their children attended the 3rd Junior Swordsman Academy, so they passionately supported it.
“Go for it!”
“This time, the 3rd Junior Swordsman Academy must take first place!”
“Any student among you who advances to the second round will get free food and drinks for three days at our Seonghwi Tavern!”
Various shouts of encouragement echoed ceaselessly.
Bukjin rested his chin on his hand and looked around. He felt a strange sensation, as if he were taking the college entrance exam in his previous life. It wasn’t a particularly fond memory for him.
Bukjin could also see officials from the Ministry of Education among the crowd. Each held a round, mirror-like alchemy item in their hands, and they quickly followed the carriage, using these mirror-like objects to film the people inside. “Wow, look over there! It’s a Thousand-Mile Eye! We’re on broadcast!” Baek Geum-un exclaimed excitedly, waving at the mirror-like object.
The Thousand-Mile Eye was an alchemy product created using profound energy. In short, it was like a broadcast camera used on Earth. The images captured by the Thousand-Mile Eye were transmitted and displayed on giant crystal screens installed throughout the city. The Ministry of Education officials followed the carriage like reporters chasing celebrities, filming the 3rd Junior Swordsman Academy representatives up close. This meant that Bukjin and the other three participants in the Academic & Martial Arts Competition finals had now become celebrities known to all citizens of Unmong City.