The Desert Wanderer
Someone’s Worry (4)
“Father is…” Philia called her father several times, yet not a single trace of affection could be found in her voice. “He wasn’t such a foolish man. But these past few years… it’s as if he became someone else entirely. Mother says that witch must have done something, but to me… No, never mind. It’s nonsense anyway.”
Philia let out a soft laugh, lightly brushing away the heavy atmosphere. “This is my problem to solve, so don’t worry about it.”
“Lia…?”
“If I lose to that illegitimate child, then that’s all my worth amounts to. In that case, I won’t be the one embracing you—you’ll be the one embracing me. That’s enough.”
Can I trust her? The thought crossed his mind briefly. It made him happy, and deeply grateful. The idea of taking Philia in—not merely in a physical sense, but bringing her into his household—made his heart strangely flutter. Is this a proposal…?
“Yes. Even if I’m lacking, I…”
“How troublesome.”
Philia stretched like a cat, letting out a long, deep breath as if shedding every last bit of tension, casting off a heavy burden. “I only said it to tease you lightly, but seeing you react so seriously… it does make me happy, though…”
She added, almost as if unwilling to lose, “Relaxing means death. It’s like a traveler in the desert.”
“A traveler…?”
“Yes. A traveler struggling to survive in the desert’s merciless climate. In weather where frost bites at night and the sun scorches the body by day, what kills the traveler who endures for days on end isn’t the elements—it’s the faint embers left behind by unknown people. If you grope for that lingering warmth and close your eyes, all that remains for the traveler is freezing to death.”
Relaxing meant dying. Philia swirled the shallow remnants of tea in her cup, her fingertips trembling ever so slightly. Marei deliberately looked away, pretending not to notice.
“I see…”
Philia stood alone upon the desert. Relying on no one, desiring nothing from anyone, she crossed the sands in silence. Marei wished he could offer her even the smallest help, but after meeting her eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to speak further. Her unwavering gaze sparkled with perfect clarity. The desert’s stars shone within her crimson eyes, pointing the way forward. He wanted to take her hand, yet it pained him that his own hands, lost and uncertain, could only remain buried in his pockets.
This topic was over. No matter what he said, it would only shake Philia’s pride. He could already imagine her growing vaguely angry.
“Ahem… ahem…”
Perhaps the silence felt awkward. Philia gave a small cough. Marei had been about to speak when he noticed something unusual about her attire—an ornament that stood out from her usual style. It wasn’t so much that the silence was awkward as it was that she seemed to be waiting for him to comment. A large red ribbon wrapped around her chest. Honestly, he didn’t think it suited her, but strangely, it also struck him as rather cute. Philia seemed pleased with it herself; she straightened her posture slightly, adjusted the ribbon, and glanced at Marei’s reaction.
In moments like this, it seemed best to indulge the vampire princess’s wishes.
“Ah, Lia. That ribbon is really cute.”
“You’re late to notice.”
Philia closed her eyes as if savoring a fragrance, drew a shallow breath, and neatly finished the remaining tea. Though the tea was nearly cold and there was hardly any left to enjoy, her expression looked faintly excited.
“It’s a pretty ribbon.”
“My little sister gave it to me. Hehe… That child, really.”
Come to think of it, he had heard Philia had a younger sister. Though he had never met her, Philia spoke of her often enough that Marei felt a sense of familiarity even without an introduction. If she resembled Philia, how old would she be? It felt as though he had gained a younger sister of his own—one he had never seen or touched. Surely, if she was Philia’s sister, she would be adorable.
“If she takes after you, she must be incredibly cute.”
“If she takes after me, she wouldn’t be cute—she’d be beautiful!”
Yes, yes. Marei laughed lightly and brushed it off. Beautiful. Lovely. He repeated similar words several times until Philia seemed satisfied. Her slightly pouting lips looked a little angry, but even that was terribly cute.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you smile while talking about your sister, Lia.”
“Was it…? That child hasn’t smiled much lately.”
Philia clutched the ribbon tightly with both hands. She looked indignant, as though furious with someone. She seemed to be picturing a person who wasn’t there.
“What kind of person is your sister?”
“Hmm… What kind of person…”
Philia’s lips moved as if to speak, then pressed shut. She furrowed her brow slightly, then smiled faintly, let out a small sigh, smiled again, and furrowed her brow once more. It seemed difficult to define her sister in any single way.
“She’s a good child. Too good, really—so good that it’s hard on both of us.”
Philia covered her face, rubbing her forehead several times. Marei couldn’t see what expression she wore. Avoiding his gaze, Philia didn’t show her face for a while before finally speaking again.
“Fundamentally, she’s a child without greed. When she was little, she might have been greedy for food now and then, but if you took her hand, she would simply follow. She never said where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. She just went along with whatever I wanted, whatever I decided.”
Philia kept her head lowered, staring at her own hands. Her neatly folded hands rested atop the table, but they weren’t holding each other.
“Once… yes, there was a teacher she followed like Mother. Since lessons were only once a week, the night before, she would come to my room and chatter away. What will I learn tomorrow? What will it be like? Listening to her excited rambling, I would fall asleep before I knew it.”
Remilia kept stroking her own hand.
“When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t want to go to class. I wanted to rest and look at the flowers blooming in the garden. The day before had been exhausting—something about imperial studies all day. On top of that, it was a class that used the body roughly… So I took that child’s hand and hid with her in the courtyard.”
They had hidden in a place everyone knew. They were so young back then. Philia let out a small laugh. How young had they been? When the child barely reached her waist, or a little older? Marei still knew so little about Philia. The same was true for her. Though they narrowed the distance between them day by day, the things left unsaid far outnumbered the things spoken. That made Philia feel distant.
“We were caught in the end, and the child burst into tears. The teacher had a fiery temper, so she was trembling, terrified that if she said I had coaxed her into skipping, Mother or Father—or rather, that trash—would get angry. But she never mentioned me at all. She just kept crying all day, saying she was sorry, that it was her fault. All she had to do was say I dragged her along… Even the teacher seemed flustered, enough to hand over their tail—which they normally wouldn’t let anyone touch—to the child.”
Philia let out a small sigh. It didn’t seem like a particularly memorable event. Just… something that simply came to mind, like long hairs sprouting on the skin. Nothing serious, yet it kept nagging at her, making her look back. A memory that left behind a strange feeling.
“She sounds like a good child.”
“Yes. And… she’s older than you. You shouldn’t call her a child.”
At Philia’s words, Marei scratched his cheek, looking flustered. If she was older than him and younger than Philia, then the age gap between him and the two sisters was considerable.
“Well, since you’re her brother-in-law, it probably doesn’t matter much. Though in public you’d address each other formally, so it might not matter anyway. She’s not the type to care about age. She might just awkwardly call you ‘brother-in-law’ at first.”
That could be fun. Philia smiled faintly. Her slightly drooping shoulders made her small frame look even smaller and more delicate.
The sun was gradually sinking. Checking the clock, it was time to rise from their seats.
“Well then, that’s enough for today. I have plans this afternoon. I wanted to walk you home, but I don’t have the time.”
Marei followed as Philia stood. There was so much he wanted to say, yet neither of them spoke, unsure what words to use. At the crossroads, Philia touched Marei’s cheek, smiled, and turned away.
“Philia, I’m sorry about Monday.”
Philia let out a small sigh and returned to him. She pressed her index finger firmly against his chest, her expression displeased. She looked angry.
“Why did you do something you’d have to keep apologizing for?”
“I’m sorry.”
Philia chuckled and stretched Marei’s cheeks from side to side. “Don’t bring that up again, understood? I absolutely hate seeing you grovel. If I said it’s fine, then it’s fine. I, Philia the Blood, clearly stated that it’s all right. So who could possibly blame you? I won’t even forgive you for blaming yourself.”
“Yes…”
Philia lightly patted Marei’s shoulder. “Wanting to take responsibility for your mistakes is a good attitude. In that case…”
Philia wore a peculiar smile. Her crimson eyes sparkled with interest. “Kiss me.”
Right here. The vampire princess lightly tapped her own cheek. Marei smiled and pressed a small kiss to her pale cheek. Philia murmured, “Good,” and pushed Marei’s back toward Idrien’s classroom.
A small sigh escaped him. He felt drained. He couldn’t take his eyes off Philia. She was like a bright radiance, making him unconsciously reach out again and again—only to feel all the more keenly how futile the gesture was. There was a kind of wall in the way she tried to handle everything alone. Invisible, yet impossibly tall and thick, it made the distance between them all the more palpable. Even though she was right in front of him, there was a gap he couldn’t cross.
Philia and he were not one. It was obvious, yet it was exhausting all the same.
Contrary to his stagnant thoughts, he soon found himself before Idrien’s laboratory. The silver handle felt strangely cold against his hand, making it shrink back. Had the doorknob always been this cold? Even though all he had to do was push, it wouldn’t move. The lingering echo of Philia within his heart grew larger and larger, lingering long and thick, refusing to be shaken off.
“Why are you loitering outside the door? Come in already!”
A sharp voice called from beyond the door, and it swung open at once. A hand reached out without hesitation, grabbed Marei’s wrist, and pulled him inside.
“Honestly, I’ve been waiting all through lunch…”
Platinum hair fluttered before his eyes, and an elf with green eyes, bent at the waist to meet his gaze, frowned at him.
“There’s still time before class… Ah, it just rang.”
Before he could finish speaking, the class bell rang. Idrien let out a small sigh. She seemed displeased about something. Her moving lips looked as though they wanted to say something, but she bit them lightly, squeezed her eyes shut, then smiled faintly as if nothing were wrong.
“So, did you enjoy your date with the vampire princess?”
Yet her eyes remained fixed on Marei, devoid of any trace of a smile.
“Ah, um… well, yes.”
Marei averted his gaze from Idrien’s, as if he had done something wrong. Faced with Idrien’s questioning tone about Philia, he had no choice but to answer honestly.
“Hmm… Philia, was it? That princess doesn’t even have much of a figure, and she doesn’t seem very charming either. Is that your type?”
With arms crossed, Idrien subtly lifted her chest in emphasis. Even amid the interrogative atmosphere, Marei’s face flushed red at the rising lust.
“Labella, me, and even your sister—we’re all so voluptuous, and we have sex with you every single day. Is that still not enough…?”
Before he knew it, Idrien had drawn much closer. Marei instinctively stepped back, but even that single step only pressed his back against the hard door. Her two hands were already pressing against the door on either side of him. Her once bright green eyes had darkened, turning sticky and viscous, pinning the much smaller boy in place so he couldn’t escape.
“Are we not enough for you?”
“Um, well, that is… I mean…”
Labella, Idrien, Ilien. And even Julia and Erden. Marei understood perfectly well that countless men vied for the affection of even a single one of these women. That was precisely why, with every act, he left his mark without mercy, relentlessly claiming and possessing them, displaying his sticky, possessive desire. Because he had a vague understanding of his own behavior, he couldn’t say a word in response to Idrien’s reproach.
Jealousy. Yes, it was jealousy. Even he couldn’t bear the sharp pang in his chest when he saw Idrien talking to men who were more handsome and taller than himself. Was Idrien the same? She didn’t say it outright, but he could understand. Yet why did it still anger him? He had received Labella’s permission. How dare you? Marei shook his head at the fleeting, ugly thought. All of them were precious women to him. He needed to understand Idrien’s actions—how could he think “how dare you”? Marei bit his lip. Realizing so suddenly that he was changing made him feel a little afraid of himself.
“Did my question upset you…? I mean, I… I didn’t mean to…”
Idrien’s voice trembled weakly. She seemed frightened. Like a small animal shivering after being caught in the rain. He wasn’t sure if it was right to think of someone so much taller than himself that way, but he couldn’t help feeling it.