Chapter 190: Responsibility (7)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 190: Responsibility (7)
Lorraine had never seen her mother’s angry face, nor had she ever heard her speak in a cold voice. That was why she had always thought of her mother as a kind person.
“The royal family must be perfect and noble, my dear. There cannot be even the smallest flaw. A single scratch tarnishes its value.”
But she had been mistaken.
Her mother was not a kind person.
“In that regard, you and Lorian have grown up so well. Your looks are outstanding, as are your abilities. Among all the children I've borne, you two are by far the best, you see?”
The only reason Lucia had been kind to Lorraine and Lorian was that they were the best of her children.
Lorraine realized it then.
The reason her mother had postponed her marriage wasn't simply because she had asked.
Had Lorraine been a child who didn't meet Lucia's standards, she would have been married off early, just like her other sisters.
“...The only problem is that Lorian has recently suffered a great failure.”
As Lucia’s gaze turned cold once more, Lorraine swallowed hard.
“If I had my way, I would strip him of his title as heir, but there are no other children worthy of succeeding him... Still, he is the Hero, and that hasn't changed, so I've decided to let it slide this once. Everyone fails at least once in their life. What’s important is using that failure as a stepping stone to achieve greater things, wouldn't you agree?”
“Y-yes. That’s right. Anyone can make a mistake once—”
“But Lorraine, you are not the Hero, are you?”
Lucia set down her teacup and smiled.
“I do hope you won't do anything to disappoint your mother.”
“...”
Lorraine returned to her room after the conversation with her mother.
Her expression, unlike when she had left, was frozen solid.
“Water... Water...!”
She was thirsty, even though she had just been drinking tea. She hastily poured water into a silver cup on the table and gulped it down. More of it spilled down the sides of her mouth than went in, but she didn't care.
She poured another cup and drank again.
But no matter how much she drank, her thirst wouldn't go away. The water pitcher emptied before her thirst was quenched.
“What? Why isn’t there any more? Why isn’t there any more?!”
Crash!
The water pitcher, thrown into a corner of the room, was dented beyond recognition. Hearing Lorraine’s voice, servants knocked on her door.
“Lady Lorraine, is there a problem?”
“No.”
“Lady Lorraine?”
“I said no! Just leave me alone!”
“Ah, very well!”
Sensing that his mistress was in a foul mood for reasons unknown, the servant quickly withdrew. Even after the servant left, Lorraine continued to seethe for a long time before her expression crumpled and she tore at her hair.
‘I’m... I’m going to die, too...!’
She had thought she would never have to face death.
What a naive thought.
Her mother had a side to her that she had never known, and it was utterly ruthless.
If her pregnancy were discovered, she would be killed without a second thought.
Death.
The thought of it, something she had never considered, suddenly closed in on her, and her breath caught in her throat. A tight feeling constricted her chest as a wave of heat washed over her.
She felt suffocated.
Lorraine ripped her dress open at the sides. A sense of liberation washed over her, and she felt she could breathe a little easier. Only after steadying her breathing could she calm down.
‘I have to kill it.’
Lorraine’s hand moved to slowly caress the cause of the leash that had been placed around her neck. She couldn't have been pregnant for long, but her belly was already starting to show a slight swell.
‘W-well, it’s going to die anyway, right?’
If her family found out, they would kill her. And if she died, the child would die with her. In that case, wouldn't it be better for her to survive alone?
Yes, that’s right.
I have to be the one to live. I’m too young to die, aren’t I?
There are so many things I haven’t done yet.
My future is so bright.
I can’t die like this.
It’s right for at least one of us to live.
Lorraine tried to press down on her stomach. Her trembling hands wouldn't obey; she couldn't muster any strength. Just as she tried to force power into them...
Thump—thump—
Something pulsed from within her belly. It felt as if the child were squirming, pleading for its life, and Lorraine froze. Her rigid hands began to tremble again.
I can’t.
I have to kill it. There’s no other way. It’s not like I’ve never killed anyone before. Why am I hesitating now over a single child? The child isn’t what’s important. My life is what’s most important!
Lorraine urged herself on internally.
Do it.
Hurry up and push!
But her hands remained powerless.
Soon, they fell limply to her sides.
Her hands, her head, everything.
“I’m sorry...”
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“I’m so, so sorry...”
In the end, Lorraine couldn't bring herself to harm her own child. She knew it was a foolish act with no future, but she just couldn't do it.
From that day on, she tried desperately to hide her pregnancy. She had her dresses let out to accommodate her growing belly and reduced her private meetings.
Because of this, Lorraine could no longer enjoy her training or tea parties, both of which she loved.
And that wasn't all.
To avoid suspicion, she had to be careful with her words and actions, constantly watching not only her family but even the maids.
They had eyes and ears, too.
If the loose-lipped maids found out, rumors would spread throughout the palace in an instant.
Therefore, not a single mistake was permissible.
Every day, every moment, was like walking on the edge of a sharp blade.
As time went on, she grew exhausted.
Exhausted from anxiously watching her family during every breakfast. Exhausted from jumping in fright at a servant's knock and hiding under the covers.
She was tired of it all.
She even began to wonder why she had to hide it so desperately when she would inevitably be found out someday.
Despite it all, she stubbornly held on, driven by the single sense of duty she felt as a mother.
Perhaps the heavens were moved by her efforts, for a piece of good news reached her. The Empire had urgently summoned the Heroes. A summons meant Cloud would also be coming to the Empire. Clinging to one last sliver of hope, she boarded a carriage.
She knew how slim her chances were, but she was so exhausted that she leaned on that hope anyway.
When she finally arrived in the Empire and saw Cloud for the first time in a long while, a wave of emotion washed over her, and tears welled up. She desperately held them back and said to him,
‘Later... talk to me later.’
‘When I’m ready... I’ll come find you.’
It wasn't until the day after arriving in the Empire that Lorraine could steel her resolve. That evening, as she was heading to his room, she ran into Lorian in the hallway. He wore an expression of intense anger.
“Where are you going?” he asked upon spotting her.
“Ah... well... I was just going for a little walk...”
“A walk? There’s nothing but guest rooms in this direction.”
“O-oh, is that so? I must have taken a wrong turn.”
“You took a wrong turn? You, who has been in and out of the Imperial Palace every time you’ve come to the Empire? Stop lying and tell me the truth. Who are you going to meet?”
“It’s true! Who would I be meeting? Anyway, I seem to have lost my way, so I’ll be going now.”
Lorraine turned to go back the way she came. But Lorian grabbed her by the shoulder.
“Wait—”
“Aah! Let go of me!”
The moment his hand touched her thick fur coat, a startled Lorraine shrieked and twisted away as if having a seizure. Lorian’s hand was thrown off the coat, but the atmosphere turned awkward.
Lorian narrowed his eyes at his sister’s overreaction.
“Y-you just grabbed me so suddenly, Brother...”
Lorraine began to stammer out an excuse, but Lorian wasn't listening. His gaze was fixed on her fur coat.
‘Now that I think about it, why is she wearing something like that?’
Lorraine was sensitive to trends and bought new clothes so often it was almost excessive. But at some point—he wasn't sure exactly when—she had started wearing that bulky-looking fur coat.
Not just once or twice, but every single day.
Feeling puzzled, Lorian said, “Lorraine. Take off that fur coat for a moment.”
“No.”
“It’ll only take a second.”
“I said no!”
Why would she refuse such a simple request so sternly? Lorian’s intuition told him there was something about that fur coat.
“A-anyway, I’m leaving!”
Normally, he would have let it go, considering it his sister's private matter, but not now. The earlier incident had left him in a rage so intense he couldn't think straight. He felt that Lorraine was now disrespecting him and undermining his authority.
“You dare defy me as well?!”
In a single stride, Lorian caught up to Lorraine, grabbed her fur coat, and pulled hard. It happened so fast that Lorraine had no choice but to let go.
The fur coat was stripped away, revealing the dress she wore underneath.
“What’s this? There’s nothing...”
“What do you think you’re doing?! Give it back!”
Lorraine shrieked, demanding her fur coat back. But Lorian was much stronger than she was. He refused to let go, and a frantic Lorraine was about to strike him in a vulnerable spot when he spoke.
“Lorraine. Your dress... why is the stomach area bulging out like that?”
Lorraine, who had been pulling at the coat, froze.
“W-what are you talking about? Why would my stomach be bulging? It’s just the cut of the dress. It’s wide, so it only looks that way.”
“For that to be the case, the curve is far too natural.”
“Actually, I’ve gained some belly fat recently...”
“You’d wear a corset before putting on a dress, wouldn't you? That should be enough to hide a bit of a belly.”
“I-I’ve gained a lot of belly fat!”
“Have you looked at your own thin arms and legs? Let’s stop with the jokes. Who is it?”
“Huh...?”
“I’m asking whose child it is.”
The color drained from Lorraine’s face.
She was caught.
After she had finally worked up the courage, she was caught before she could even say anything to Cloud.
And of all people, by her own brother!
“A-a child? What are you talking about...?”
Lorraine tried to play dumb, slowly backing away, but Lorian followed her, his expression grim.
“I told you to stop lying.”
“I-it’s really not true!”
She opened the door to the adjacent room and slipped inside. She tried to lock it, but Lorian’s arm shot through the gap, blocking it.
Lorraine couldn't even close the door, let alone lock it. Lorian forced it open, stepped inside, and grabbed her wrist to keep her from escaping.
“I was wondering why you’ve been so quiet lately. So this is what you were hiding.”
“Let go of me!”
“Were you in your right mind when you did this? This is truly absurd.”
Lorian shook his head.
“Answer me. Whose child is it?”
“Why should I answer you? What are you going to do if you know?”
“Must I really tell Father? That you conceived a child through an illicit affair?”
“Th-that’s...”
At the mention of what she feared most, Lorraine’s pupils trembled. A clear vision of her future filled her with dread, and she fell to her knees before Lorian.
“Oh, Brother. I was wrong. I was wrong, so please... just this once... can’t you just let it go this one time? Brother...!”
“I told you to speak. Do you intend to defy my command?”
“Please... just once... please?”
Seeing Lorraine deny it to the very end, a surge of irritation washed over Lorian. He threw her wrist aside and strode toward the door.
“Fine. I’ll find out when we return to the kingdom anyway. There’s no need to know right now.”
“B-brother!”
Lorraine scrambled forward and grabbed his trouser leg.
“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you who it is, so please, just keep it a secret. Please?”
“I’m not curious.”
Lorian shook his leg, trying to dislodge her. Feeling her grip slipping, she cried out in desperation.
“Cloud!”
Lorian’s body went rigid.
“What did you just say? Who did you say?”
“Cloud...”
“Cloud? Do you mean the Cloud I know?”
Lorian looked down at her, asking as if to confirm what he’d just heard.
Lorraine squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.
Smack—
A sharp slap landed across her cheek.