Her Past

Taeseok lay on her bed.

Unlike the ferocity of only moments before, even their breathing had settled into a slow, quiet rhythm, and her body rested limp and spent in his arms, all strength gone from it.

Looking down with a tender gaze at ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Eunjeong as she breathed evenly against his chest, he felt something he could not quite name.

It was a little different from simple satisfaction.

Something closer.

A feeling of having slipped… a little deeper.

Maybe… this is what people call love…

The tenderness and devotion with which she treated him. The way she threw everything she had into pulling him back into the world. None of it felt light.

Her face was at peace.

None of the caution from their first meeting remained, nor any hesitation. It was simply the face of someone who trusted him.

That was when it happened.

Taeseok's eyes drifted naturally toward empty air, and he checked the Status Window.

Emotion Level: 72.

That number didn't feel like mere information. It felt like the mark he himself had left on her only moments ago.

At this level… it means I satisfied her pretty thoroughly.

Remembering how Eunjeong had writhed beneath him, moaning without end, Taeseok smiled with quiet satisfaction.

And below that.

Dominance: 62.

It had climbed a little higher again. Repeated sex was clearly raising her Dominance — that much seemed certain.

But what it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠actually meant remained a mystery.

This one… I still don't really get.

Unlike Emotion Level, Dominance was hard to feel in any concrete way. He could tell it was rising, but he couldn't be sure exactly what was changing, or how.

His thoughts drifted for a moment, then a short laugh slipped out.

Do I even need to know?

Eunjeong already accepted him without hesitation whenever he wanted her. As things stood, that was more than enough.

Then his gaze drifted naturally downward, to the Special Notes section.

It looked like the usual list — and yet something about it felt subtly longer.

…Huh?

He narrowed his eyes and slowly scanned the contents again.

One line that definitely hadn't been there before had been added. It felt like a new entry that had unlocked the moment Dominance crossed sixty.

Taeseok's eyes stopped on that final line.

And for a while, he couldn't move.

At first he wasn't even sure he'd read the words correctly. So he lowered his gaze again and read the same sentence slowly, carefully.

• Guilt over an affair with Park Suyeong (Taeseok's father)

Park Suyeong… my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠dad? Auntie was… having an affair with my dad?!!!

The moment that thought formed, something that had been flowing steadily through his mind seemed to snap.

It wasn't simple shock. It felt closer to a crack splitting open through a structure of understanding he had already built.

Without realizing it, Taeseok drew a short breath and looked at Eunjeong again.

The woman who had cared for him so carefully. The woman who was drawing emotionally closer to him day by day. The woman he was beginning to feel love for.

And that was exactly why the rage surged harder.

Is this… real?

The Status Window was still far from a concept he fully understood — but at least one thing he could not deny: so far, it had never been wrong.

"…Fuck."

The curse slipped out on its own.

Taeseok quietly got up from the bed. Feeling him slip from her arms, Eunjeong slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Why? Are you going back up to your room?"

Regret hung thick in her voice.

But Taeseok didn't look at her. His answer was short.

"Yeah…"

"Stay and sleep…"

"No… I'll just sleep in my room tonight."

Taeseok stood with his back against the rooftop railing.

A thin thread of smoke rose from the cigarette pinched between his fingers, and he tracked its path with vacant eyes as the wind tore it apart and scattered it.

"Ha… is it real. Auntie Eunjeong and… Dad."

The moment that pairing surfaced in his mind, a nauseating, sickening sensation rose through him, as if his stomach were turning over.

An image of her tangled with his father rose unbidden. And that image overlapped with the sight of her trembling through orgasm in his own arms.

Then an older memory surfaced.

How she had shuddered with oncoming pleasure in his embrace and still, to the very end, strained with everything she had not to cross that line.

He had thought it was only distance. The age gap, or the weight of her connection to his mother. Reasons like that had seemed understandable enough.

But the thought that her real burden had been being with the son of her former lover sent the rage surging up all over again.

"…Fuck. If you weren't going to cross it, you should've held the line all the way."

The feelings knotted inside him began to shift, one by one, toward a new direction. Moments he had remembered as thrilling twisted into something ugly. Scenes he had accepted as affection now only filled him with disgust.

"So then I…"

Trailing off, Taeseok gave a short laugh. It was less a laugh than a broken sound.

"I'm into my dad's woman."

Tuk.

The cigarette slipped from his fingers and hit the ground. He crushed it roughly under his heel.

The tightness in his chest grew stronger and stronger.

Should he just ask her? No — could he ask her?

Even picturing the words leaving his mouth was enough to choke him. Imagining the look on her face, and what her answer might be, was already more than he could bear.

In the end, Taeseok shook his head.

Leaning harder into the railing, he tipped his head back, and cold air drove deep into his lungs. His mind seemed to cool a little — but the tangled mess of emotion refused to come undone so easily.

"…What the hell is this, seriously."

The words he muttered to himself scattered on the wind and vanished.

For the first time in a long while, Taeseok's phone rang.

The name on the screen was a college friend: Kim Jeonghun.

Someone he had once been fairly close with. They had drunk together, stayed up all night gaming. The old Taeseok would have ignored the call this time too. Answering meant questions about how he was doing, and the process of answering them was unbearable.

But lately, with Eunjeong's help, he had begun facing the world again little by little — so he hovered with his finger over the answer button, hesitating.

Still… am I actually starting to move back into the world?

After a moment's deliberation, Taeseok pressed the button.

"Hello."

"Whoa~ Taeseok! You finally picked up."

"Yeah… it's been a while."

"Man… I called you so many times… You never answered, and it really hurt my feelings."

"That so…"

"So… are you doing a little better now?"

In that moment, Taeseok finally understood why he had been dodging these calls.

It was exactly because he didn't want to hear this. That single are you okay still felt like it was pressing on a wound that hadn't healed.

But it was something he had to hear eventually. The people who said it might truly be worried about him… and he figured that getting used to words like these was part of actually returning to ordinary life.

"Yeah… well… it's been a long time now, so…"

"I was… just passing near your place and thought of you all of a sudden… Remember when we used to grill meat up on the rooftop of your place? Man, that was really good…"

Was it? Did I ever grill meat at home with Jeonghun?

He couldn't remember. It was possible, he supposed.

"Can I come see you? Let's grill some meat like old times… have a drink."

Would that be okay? Me…

Taeseok closed his eyes for a moment and steadied his breathing.

"If you're coming here… and the meat's on you."

"For real? Okay. Okay. I'll head your way. You're still in that rooftop room, right?"

"Mm…"

"Cool. It's like five minutes from here. Wait — no, grabbing the meat'll take a bit longer. Anyway, see you in a bit."

"Do whatever you want."

After hanging up, he stared down at his phone for a long time.

Could he really laugh and talk with an old friend the way he used to?

He still wasn't sure. But it was something he had to start.

Taeseok let out a small breath and waited for Jeonghun to arrive.

Taeseok and Jeonghun sat on the rooftop platform, grilling meat and trading all kinds of talk.

Meeting after so long, the two of them were awkward at first — but once a drink and a few pieces of meat went down, the words started ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠flowing the way they used to. Funny stories from college, army talk, what they'd been up to lately. Taeseok melted into the atmosphere faster than he would have expected of himself.

Then light footsteps sounded on the stairs.

It was Eunjeong.

And as always, the Status Window rose.

Fuck… It pops up every time I look. So much for forgetting.