Just a Taste
Lee Yeonju took a day off for the first time in a while.
She used to rest once a week like clockwork, but lately, set on buying a house, she had been handing those days back and going live anyway. The rest days hadn't vanished entirely. She had loaded forfeit a day off onto the roulette, and squeezing money out of viewers even on a scheduled break turned out to pay better than she had expected.
What made that possible was sex with Kim Siwoo.
"Seriously, is there something to this? After I sleep with Siwoo, my whole body feels so damn clear."
Once, she might have let it go. Twice was not a coincidence. How it was even possible, she had no idea. If she had to guess, maybe it was the orgasm—one she had never felt once in her life. Hit a clean peak, collapse from exhaustion, sleep like the dead, and wake up refreshed. Maybe that was all it was.
"I want to do it again."
It wasn't only that her condition had improved. The sensations from that night would not leave her. They had branded themselves into her, surfacing unbidden in the middle of ordinary days. Not that she could go charging over like a bitch in heat and beg him to put it in. And sometimes, when she caught Kim Siwoo's stream, the air between him and Lim Sarang these days felt off.
"Tch. So he fucks me, and plays the slow burn with some other girl?"
It was the sort of thing that ought to have pushed her lip out, and yet, strangely, she wasn't jealous, and she wasn't angry. Just... what was the word. Wistful, maybe. She had never meant to take things with Kim Siwoo anywhere in particular anyway. Only the thought that if it worked out for them, she might never get to feel this clarity again.
"This won't do."
Before the two of them started dating and the distance set in, she meant to keep her promise. So she locked in a rest day, fending off viewers who were grinding their teeth and trying to roll a forfeit anyway.
"Hah. Real bastards."
Even so, word that Kim Siwoo was the chairman of her stream, on top of her rising name, had pulled in plenty of whales.
"Siwoo! What are you doing?"
"Oh. Noona. I just ended stream. I'm resting."
"Let's meet today. I'm off."
"Ah..."
"Ah...? Drawing the line already? Did you and Sarang turn the stream off that day and decide to date? Then I'll be disappointed, but... I'll yield the photo strip."
"Huh? No. It's not like that. I just got out of the shower."
"Want me to come over?"
"Mm. No. I'll come to your neighborhood today. I feel bad always making you come to me."
Fortunately, Kim Siwoo's reaction wasn't much different from usual. She could feel a slight distance, but that was something she would have to live with.
She was drinking coffee at a café when, not long after, he arrived. Plain jeans. A solid-color T-shirt with a logo.
"God, that fit is criminal."
Five-eleven, a small face, a solid body, and a handsome face on top of it all. He could throw on anything and it would work, but draped head to toe in luxury brands, the light off him shone even brighter. And the feeling that he was getting more handsome by the day—was she the only one who had it?
"What a waste. What a waste."
Should she just hit him with a pregnancy attack? The thought actually crossed her mind. Once, she never would have considered it. No matter how revealing her streams got, she was a woman with sky-high self-respect. Retire from broadcasting overnight over a pregnancy? Don't be absurd. Which only proved how high his appeal as a man had to be, for her to think it at all.
"Noona."
"Siwoo, shouldn't you at least wear a mask and a hat when you go out? You're a hot star these days."
"Come on. Nobody recognizes me outside."
"Really? If somebody takes a picture, I don't know you."
"Shall we head straight there?"
"Yeah. Before I change my mind, we're doing the photo strip first."
She dumped what was left of her coffee and stood. They walked the street with her arm naturally linked through his, and eyes pulled toward them on their own. Men's gazes landed on her, of course, but the women's went to Kim Siwoo.
"See? They're staring."
"Huh? At me? They're looking at you."
"Why would a woman look at me?"
"Why? I heard even women stare when they see a girl with big breasts. Out of envy."
"...Who'd you hear that from?"
"The army."
"Ha. No. I mean, that happens too, but they're looking because you're handsome."
He wasn't even tossing it off. He genuinely didn't know, and watching him say it made her chest feel tight. How did a man like this even end up in the world. She wanted to snatch him up and devour him.
"A lot of people have been saying I'm handsome lately."
"Because you are."
Calling someone handsome had never been a hard word for Lee Yeonju. It was something she tossed out as a courtesy to viewers, to people whose faces she didn't even know, and whenever she met a fan she always made sure to tell them they looked good. Standards were subjective anyway, and if a few words that cost nothing could score points, it was pure profit. Lately, though, that word had gotten difficult to say so easily. She kept comparing them to a guy who was actually handsome.
"How should we pose?"
"Hup—!"
They went into Windy Four-Cut and stepped into the booth. She jumped onto Kim Siwoo's back as he stood there awkwardly trying to find a pose, clung on, then—still piggyback—poked her head out to the side and drew a finger heart.
Click!
Compete with Lim Sarang? Honestly, she didn't have the confidence. And even before she had ever laid eyes on Lim Sarang, she had already been sure that growing her stream mattered more to her. So this had nothing to do with Lim Sarang. It was a memory that belonged only to her. These days the in-crowd snapped four-cuts without a second thought. Later on, this would be the only picture left to look back on.
Click!
Click!
The truth was, when she came to take photos with Kim Siwoo, she had thought up all kinds of poses. A picture that might be the last. She might have been getting ahead of herself, but she wanted to leave him a memory that was hers alone, and part of her had wanted to fill the strip with sexy shots and hand them over as a gift. Once she was actually inside, though, she wanted to take them normally. So an ordinary four-cut came out of the machine.
"Hehe. I got one too."
"You look pretty in it."
"Let's go eat."
Lee Yeonju had her pride. She didn't want to bring it up, but over the meal a gloom settled on her, and the words slipped out before she could stop them.
"Even if you get a girlfriend... you'll still eat with me sometimes, right? Just a normal meal?"
"...What's with the sudden random line."
"Just trying it once. I wanted to see what it feels like to play the heartbroken supporting role."
"..."
They ate well, and they watched a movie. Late at night, she waved at Kim Siwoo as he headed off and called after him.
"I've still got one cosplay voucher left, so call me anytime!"
"..."
Feeling the stares of the people around them, she smiled wide. Watching Kim Siwoo bolt like he was fleeing, she shook her head.
The next day, I turned the stream on and waited for the viewers to show. These days I averaged somewhere around a hundred and fifty thousand watching.
"Hold on. Once more people come in, I've got a major announcement."
Most of them already knew what the major announcement was going to be.
"Once we hit a hundred and fifty thousand, we go."
Posts flooded the communities and the boards at once, and the viewer count climbed fast. One-fifty. One-sixty. One-seventy. Before long it had blown past two hundred thousand.
"No way. What did I even say? Why are this many people coming in?"
"When did I say I was doing an apocalypse run?"
"Unreal."
I didn't really have a comeback. It wasn't quite an apocalypse run, but today I did plan to roll the four-star option.
The donations exploded too.
Lim Sarang's entrance split the chat clean down the middle. Since that day, one camp had been determined to ship me with her no matter what, and the Lovely fans were just as determined to insist we weren't anything at all. I'd expected it. It wasn't as if anything had actually happened, so I was only watching, but from an idol's fans it wouldn't be a welcome situation. Plenty of them seemed to be cheering us on, too. It wasn't a moment where I had anything worth saying, and saying it didn't look like it would change anything. Even so, donating like this meant Lim Sarang had a conviction of her own.
Right after, the $750 donations started landing, more of them than I'd expected.
"Aigoo. Thank you, all of you. If this one lands, I'll rain a hundred times that back on you as a viewer event."
Scooping a few basins of water into the ocean doesn't change the ocean. Same way, no matter how many donations came in, my balance didn't so much as twitch, however much I spent. Even so, receiving is receiving. Every time one landed, my mood went strangely restless.
"All right. Since I already made the announcement, shall we roll once today?"
The original plan had been to browse the auction house for a level-11 five-star accessory and meet a user who'd reached out. That user was at work and could only meet after clocking out, so about five hours had suddenly gone empty.
"I might be trading for an accessory in five hours. So I'll just have a taste."
I opened the class window for the first time in a while and clicked the unique option. The four-star slot sat empty.
"No way it comes out in one pull, right?"
I'd hoped, just a little. Unfortunately, it didn't drop. Even so, the vain hope didn't go away.
"It's fine. If it drops within five hours, that's a huge win."
Once. Twice. The feel of the rolls, after so long, tugged a smile out of me.
"This is the taste."
Five hours of rerolls, and not a single S showed up, never mind an SS.
"Fucking dead game."
It didn't take long for the smile to curdle into rage.