Clowns' Grave (1)

"Ugh, my head..."

I woke with a grimace, clutching my skull. Just how many hours had I been drinking?

The session had started that morning and somehow stretched all the way into the night. Kanisia's drunken rambling had been the only side dish we needed. I wasn't even kidding — I must have put away more than ten bottles.

When had it even ended? More to the point, how the hell had I gotten back to the hotel?

"...Don't tell me I blacked out. Wow. That's actually impressive."

Even in my previous life I'd pulled all-nighters with friends and clients, but I had never once lost the film. I was the kind of man who, even when I could barely stand, would still fire up Fairy Masters just to burn through my stamina. Wasted stamina was unforgivable. Wait. That wasn't the point.

The point was that I'd had a decent tolerance even in that frail old body. Now I had a far stronger one — and I'd still blacked out?

"I really am the weakest of the weak..."

I couldn't even beat a status window, and now I'd lost to alcohol on top of it. To be this pathetic... A wave of self-pity rolled over me. Wouldn't the world be better off if a weakling like me just died?

"Master, you're awake?"

I was still wallowing on the bed when Aquaril came into the bedroom carrying the hotel breakfast. She had on a white T-shirt that did absolutely nothing to hide her figure — her chest in particular — and a pair of dolphin shorts. Looking at her, you'd never have guessed this was a fantasy world.

Dolphin shorts really are the truth.

The day before yesterday, the moment we'd arrived in Chinnimoni and I'd spotted a street stall selling them, I'd bought her a pair on the spot. A man has his principles.

When you think about it, I got lucky.

If this world had been a proper medieval setting, I never would have adapted. I would have washed out — or just gone insane. My previous life's memories were more numerous and more vivid than anything from this one. How was anyone supposed to adjust to a world where every last convenience was missing?

Wait. Am I already there? You know — the brain-in-a-jar thing. What if that's actually what's going on?

My body had been flattened by a dump truck, but the head had survived, so my family and friends scooped out the brain, dropped it in a tank, and told me to go play that game I loved so much.

...Have I actually lost it? These delusions just keep coming.

I shook my head and swept the spiraling thoughts aside.

"Master, please drink this."

"Hm? What is it?"

"Honey water."

"Oh. Thanks."

Honey water for a hangover. Classic. I thanked Aquaril for the thoughtful gesture and knocked it back in one go. She'd been generous with the honey — it was almost cloyingly sweet — but the burning, rolling nausea and the sensation of a few dozen needles jabbing into my brain eased off a little.

"So when did the drinking actually end? I've got nothing."

"It ended a little after midnight, when you lost consciousness, Master."

"What? Midnight? Wow... just how much did I drink?"

We'd started at Kanisia's regular tavern before ten in the morning. Even subtracting bathroom breaks, that was more than twelve hours of continuous drinking.

"We really went at it like lunatics."

"Yes, you did. Ah — and Princess Lora asked me to tell you, 'I won the bet.'"

"...She walked out of there on her own two feet?"

"She did."

"....."

I had at least been drinking water and eating food between rounds. Kanisia had been using liquor as her side dish and washing it down with more liquor. She had simply drunk far more than I had. And she'd walked herself home in one piece?

A chill ran down my spine at the sheer force of will it took to put away that much and still find her own front door.

"In any case, Master, you need to eat. Your appointment is coming up."

"Appointment? What appointment?"

"Pardon? You don't remember? You agreed to clear Clowns' Grave with Princess Lora today."

"...I did?"

"Yes, Master."

"....."

I let out a long breath. I was never, ever drinking with Kanisia again.

"Oh, you made it. I figured you'd be late."

"....."

Aquaril and I arrived at the agreed spot — Chinnimoni's west gate — to find Kanisia already there, waving us over. Abraham, quietly considerate in his own way, offered a nod of greeting with his usual stoic face.

And that girl was perfectly fine. After putting away that much liquor. Did she have a liver of steel or what?

"Been waiting long?"

"Nah, we just got here too. Ooh — look at you, though. Still standing. I figured you'd be groaning in bed."

"....."

She jabbed her elbow into my ribs like we'd been friends for a decade, grinning as she did it. The way she just barged into my personal space without warning caught me off guard — but it also made it easier to drop my guard around her. After drinking together for that long, it would have been stranger if we hadn't gotten closer.

"So who are all these people?"

A carriage, three soldiers, and about ten other people stood clustered around her.

"Who do you think? Support, obviously. Everybody, say hello. This is Alan Han — a Master who just signed on as one of the Blood Axe King's men."

"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Alan Han."

"Ah — yes. Likewise. Nice to meet you all."

I exchanged greetings under Kanisia's sudden introduction, still catching up.

To be fair, Prisia used to bring soldiers along too. The soldiers I get. But who are the rest of these people?

Why bring them?

"Alright, let's move."

"Yeah."

I climbed into the carriage after Kanisia with the question still turning over in my head, and we set off for today's target: the D-rank dungeon, Clowns' Grave.

"Salute!"

"Yeah, yeah, salute. Good work, guys."

The gate guards recognized Kanisia and snapped to attention. She returned it with all the military bearing of a burned-out sergeant who'd given up years ago. Truly, there was no pinning this woman down.

Unlike the south gate, where the road had barely existed, the west side had a proper thoroughfare. There were low buildings, and a fair number of people out doing business. Riding in a carriage, we reached Clowns' Grave before long.

"This is it?"

"Yep. Creepy, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠right?"

"So that's why they call it Clowns' Grave."

The dungeon sat in the middle of a graveyard. Maybe it was all the bodies underfoot, but even in broad daylight the place had a chill that crawled up the back of the neck.

"Don't tell me you're scared of ghosts."

"Ghosts don't exist. Quit talking nonsense and let's go in."

"Heh~ So you don't believe in ghosts?"

"What's with that look? Are you saying they do?"

"Who knows~ Maybe they do~ Maybe they don't~"

Kanisia looked at me with her eyes full of mischief, and a prickle of unease ran through me for no good reason.

What? Do ghosts actually exist in this world? Ah — right. Fairy Masters had ghost-type monsters, didn't it?

The people here probably just called those things ghosts.

Wait. That's going to be a pain.

Ghost-types were some of the most irritating monsters in the game. Basic physical attacks didn't work on them at all. To deal with them you needed attack skills, or a mage, or ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a healer in the party.

Our current lineup had neither a mage nor a healer. On top of that, Aquaril and I didn't have a single attack skill between us.

Kanisia has attack skills, at least, but... yeah. This is going ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to be annoying.

That playful little smile of hers said she was planning to mess with me inside. Nothing fatal — she just wasn't going to jump in the second a ghost-type showed up. She wanted to watch us suffer first. That much was obvious.

Tch. She won't actually let us die, though.

With no way to hit a ghost-type ourselves, we'd have no choice but to lean on her. Which meant playing along with whatever game she wanted to play.

Hold on. When I looked at the pamphlet yesterday, I didn't see anything about ghost-types showing up here.

The pamphlet had laid out detailed information on every dungeon near Chinnimoni. I had picked Clowns' Grave specifically because it didn't spawn anything we couldn't kill.

Then what the hell is this?

"Alright, in we go!"

Kanisia was in suspiciously high spirits as she took the lead. I sighed and fell in behind her.

"Is something wrong, Master?"

Aquaril had caught the sigh.

"...Aquaril."

"Yes, Master."

"If a ghost shows up, you leave me and stay with Kanisia. Understood?"

"Pardon? What do you mean...?"

"That's an order from your Master. Got it? Answer me."

"...Yes, Master. I understand."

She looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about, but I made her swear it anyway. Better one of us suffered than both.

"...Heh~"

Kanisia watched the whole exchange with open interest.

A short while later we stood at the head of a stairway leading underground. Set among the gravestones the way it was, it looked thoroughly unwholesome. We started down, and a window bloomed in front of my eyes.

Plenty of room.

The raid party was me, Aquaril, Kanisia, and Abraham — four people. We could have taken three more without a problem.

Then the soldiers and the extras who had followed us this far came down the stairs after us.

"...What?"

Another window unfurled.

"Wha—?!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. What the hell was this?

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"W-why are these people going in? How are they even allowed in? The max entry is seven, isn't it?"

I was almost accusing her. Kanisia just nodded, as if she couldn't see what the fuss was about.

"Okay, one at a time. They're coming in to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠collect the byproducts you can get from a dungeon. They're going in because they can go in. And yes, the max is seven."

"N-no, that's not what I—"

"What? You don't even know the basics? Heh~ So you haven't cleared that many dungeons, huh?"

She looked at my flustered face with open fascination, the way you'd look at a newbie who gave off a distinctly dirty kind of scent. Her skin had even flushed pink, as though the discovery had excited her.

"I'll explain once we're down. Come on."

"....."

She poked my shoulder with one finger and started down the stairs ahead of me. I stared after her, dumbfounded.