All Become Dogs After Drinking
It seemed he’d readily accepted the idea that exploring the Labyrinth could help with personnel reduction. There’s nothing greater or more beautiful than love. Even if it meant staking your life on it. And if the woman in question was as stunning as she was, it was more than enough to steal any man’s heart.
“I heard you once served as Princess Canaby’s personal priest.”
“Ah, yes. That’s correct.”
“And that you volunteered to enter the Labyrinth for her sake…”
“It just sort of turned out that way.”
“By any chance…”
“Yes?”
The man’s gaze sank into something dark and murky.
“Are you also…?”
“Yes?”
He hadn’t finished the sentence, but the implication was clear: was I joining because I harbored feelings for Princess Canaby? The suspicion left me stunned. Before I could even formulate a response, reactions erupted around us.
Thwack—!
“Ow!”
“You crazy bastard! What kind of rudeness is that to the priest?!”
“You…! No matter what, did you have to hit him that hard?”
The noble who had delivered a solid blow to the back of the questioner’s head shot to his feet in outrage. As the pair began bickering and shoving each other, I pondered fiercely to myself.
Me and Princess Canaby?
I’ve never once considered it.
No, to be completely honest, it wasn’t as if I had never seen her as a woman. I was a man too; attraction to beauty was only natural. But I had never shown it. Because I was a priest, and she was my patient.
It’s a line that must not be crossed.
Which made the man’s question both painfully on-target and one I could never, ever answer truthfully. If I admit it, I’ll look ridiculous. If I deny it, I’ll only breed unnecessary hostility.
Thankfully the other nobles stepped in forcefully. After weighing my options, I decided that answering would leave a favorable impression, so I spoke.
“It wasn’t much of a burden. From the start, the Sun God’s will had been pointing toward the Labyrinth.”
“You don’t have to answer. This fool was completely out of line.”
“No, it’s fine. If there’s something you’re curious about, I should answer. Whether I enter the Labyrinth alongside all of you or as part of the Holy Empire’s subjugation force, the path differs but the destination remains the same.”
“So you intended to go in anyway.”
“Is it because of the oracle? The one delivered three hundred years ago commanding the Labyrinth’s seal.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Ugh, to treat such a devout man this way! Apologize right now, you idiot!”
“Why is he so immature?”
Whether my answer had eased his mind or his friends’ scolding had sobered him, the man obediently bowed his head.
“I let my emotions get the better of me and committed a blunder. I apologize.”
He was at that age when feelings swung wildly; there was no point in holding it against him. Compared to the truly difficult patients I dealt with, this barely registered as rude.
“I’d appreciate it if you were more careful in the future. There is nothing sadder than a good heart being twisted in transmission.”
“Hey, what are you waiting for?”
I thought the apology would end things there, but the noble beside him jabbed the man’s side and nodded pointedly at the wine bottle.
“Ahem. May I offer you a drink as a token of my apology?”
“Yes. I’ll gladly accept.”
At the offer of liquor I lifted my glass without hesitation.
They say that once drunk, everyone becomes equally a dog.
It was the fourth hour since the dinner had begun. Princess Reciel had spoken with each team member individually before retiring to her quarters two hours earlier.
And that was when the real drinking started.
The two hours while she remained had been a time of cautious probing. The two hours after were nothing short of total chaos. Perhaps because they all performed rough physical labor, their capacity for alcohol was staggering.
Just how much do these people like to drink?
Once the liquor flowed, every invisible line between them vanished in seconds. Soon after, the distinctions of noble, priest, and commoner disappeared entirely. In their place remained only two categories: humans and dogs.
Nobles wary of commoners, commoners wary of nobles? When a man’s eyes are glazed with drink, does status even matter?
Awooooo—!!! Bark bark!! Woof woof woof!!!
“Dear gods…”
At some point the clamor had begun to sound less like human speech and more like a kennel at feeding time.
How on earth was I supposed to handle people who had turned into dogs?
“You can leave them. They’ll sort themselves out.”
“They’ll probably sleep in the gutter…”
“If they have any sense left, they’ll just sleep inside the tavern, won’t they? The ones who already lost are passed out over there.”
At Melody’s words I turned and saw several bodies sprawled in the corner, dead to the world.
“Ah.”
So I didn’t have to clean up after them? The darkness that had clouded my vision lifted somewhat. That was a relief.
“Priest, shall we head back now?”
“Uh… I suppose we should?”
“Yes. You’ve had quite a lot yourself.”
“Me? I’m perfectly fine. I’m not drunk.”
“No. You are drunk.”
This was unfair. I had drunk a great deal, true, but I was still holding a coherent conversation. I was nothing like those barking idiots—why couldn’t she see that?
“I’m so pathetic I can hardly stand it.”
“…Do you cry when you get drunk?”
“Maybe? Am I crying right now?”
“Yes. You are crying.”
“Ah…”
So I was. I really had gotten drunk. With clear evidence streaming down my face, there was no room for denial. Absurd as it was, I had become a dog too.
“It’s just tears. Nothing else.”
At least I wasn’t doing anything truly strange. My mind was still relatively clear.
“So… huh?!”
I had meant to tell her she didn’t need to look after me. But Melody had already scooped me up and slung me against her chest.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
Her decisive action cut through the haze like cold water. I knew she was strong, but lifting a grown man so effortlessly?
“Wow, your strength really is no joke.”
“Sir Knight, where are you taking the priest?”
The few remaining ‘humans’ who still had their wits watched the scene and chuckled.
Their tongues were loose, but they hadn’t completely devolved into dogs yet.
They’re definitely going to remember this tomorrow.
I was steadily adding to my collection of black history.
To their question, Melody answered briefly.
“He’s drunk. I’m taking him to his quarters.”
“His face looks fine… Ah, never mind. He’s completely gone. All right then, we’ll see you next time. Priest, Sir Knight! Safe travels!”
After catching sight of my tear-streaked face, the man accepted that I was drunk and let us leave without further fuss.
“I should… say goodbye to Her Highness…”
Once I realized I was drunk, the intoxication seemed to surge all at once. I hadn’t meant to drink this much; the whole situation felt unfair. So many people had kept offering Melody drinks, and I had accepted them all on her behalf. This was the result.
“Her Highness returned two hours ago.”
“Ah… right. I forgot. Sigh, the whole world is spinning. I’m not usually like this, you know.”
“Understood.”
“So… just give me a moment and I’ll recover! Can hangovers be cured with divine power?”
People did occasionally visit the temple complaining of hangovers. Maybe I could purge the alcohol from my own body? Since I rarely drank, I had never tried it before and wasn’t sure.
“Could you set me down for a second?”
My tongue kept slipping. I was trying to enunciate clearly, yet all I heard was a pathetic slur.
“Your face is flushed. I’ll continue carrying you.”
“No, no, I’m really fine. Put me down. One burst of divine power and it’ll be gone!”
“If you drank to get drunk, is there any need to force sobriety? Just let it be. I’m right here beside you.”
She argued that with a protector present—one who would escort me all the way to my room—there was no reason to use divine power.
“I’m fine! Just one shot of power and…!”
I tried to summon my divine power, but nothing came.
“Huh? Why isn’t it working?”
“It’s normal for it to fail when you’re intoxicated. Self-treatment is difficult in this state.”
“But it has to work…”
“Is something bothering you?”
Of course it was. A priest being carried back to the temple by a woman while drunk? The moment anyone saw it, I would become tomorrow’s laughingstock.
“I’ll explain that it happened because of me. So don’t worry. You won’t be teased.”
Huh? How did she know what I was thinking?
“You said it out loud.”
“Ah…”
I must have spoken my thoughts aloud instead of keeping them inside. I really have turned into a dog. Should I start barking like the others?
“I recommend remaining silent.”
If she told me not to, I wouldn’t. I was good at listening.
“Heh.”
A laugh suddenly slipped out. You shouldn’t laugh after crying, but the thought that occurred to me was too funny to hold back.
“Isn’t it hilarious? Noble or commoner, high or low, everyone becomes equal before alcohol. When sober they draw strict lines—‘I’m a noble, you’re a commoner’—but once drunk they link arms, dance, and play together. Just look at them.”
“……”
“If they’re going to act like that, they shouldn’t have been so standoffish in the first place.”
They were clearly capable of enjoying themselves so freely. Why the cold formality before?
Of course, I was being a hypocrite. Even among priests there were many who looked down on others simply because they could wield divine power. I had always told myself I would never become like them.
“Priest.”
“……”
“Priest?”
“……”
My ears felt muffled. My eyelids grew impossibly heavy. Unable to fight the alcohol any longer, I closed my eyes.
I really should have asked her to put me down…
Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes again, a vicious hangover was waiting for me.