It Doesn't Work on Me (2)
The next day.
The carriage wheels rattled and bumped along.
At my request, our destination was set for the nearest city for now. I'd thought it would be a comfortable carriage ride, but things weren't going so well.
"Um, could you maybe give me a little space?"
"...No way."
Lannancy clung to my arm like glue, showing no signs of letting go. I'd wanted to chat with the people along the way and enjoy the view out the window, but this was like having a sticky gum wad attached to me.
The reason was simple. Sitting across from us, Sariya—no, my 4-cheok sister—was glaring at her like she was about to devour her on the spot.
When I shot Sariya a look to tell her to cut it out, she'd huff and turn her head away. Then Lannancy would smirk and cling even tighter. Sariya would growl. Lannancy would cling harder, crying for help.
It was an infinite loop.
Once we get to the city, she won't need to suck up to Sariya anymore anyway.
Lannancy didn't know that. I'd considered telling her, but Sariya had told me not to.
"...I hope we get to the city soon."
Sariya kept her consistent smile plastered on, muttering that whenever she got really pissed.
To lighten the mood, I asked Lannancy,
"By the way, what should I call that sister... um?"
"Call me Lannancy sis."
"Why were you hanging around here, Lannancy sis?"
She laughed as if it was a silly question and answered,
"Why do you think? To eat humans, obviously. Oh, but take what I say with a grain of normal sense."
Lannancy activated her charm again as she said it. It didn't work on me, but I nodded anyway.
"There was a wandering mercenary, so I took the commission myself. Said my lost little brother was around this forest."
"With the condition that you'd come along personally?"
"Yep. That way I could stick around and lay on the charm nice and steady. Putting effort into the hunt is basic of basics. Unlike someone sitting in front of me who can't manage it."
Crack.
A crack split the armrest of the seat where Sariya was sitting.
I think I get the gist of her method.
She lures them into the forest with money under the pretense of finding her little brother. Then charms them to make them wander in circles, slowly draining their life force until they drop dead.
After that, she recycles the commission money—two birds with one stone.
Screeech!
Just then, the smoothly rolling carriage came to an abrupt halt. The mercenary up front on the driver's seat shouted,
"We've found the rest stop! Let's take a break!"
"Already?"
We still had a long way to go before clearing the forest. Feeling puzzled, I opened the window and stuck my head out.
"Huh."
Right in the middle of what should have been a forest path stood a massive house blocking the way out of nowhere. And it wasn't just any house—its appearance was anything but ordinary.
The walls were made of golden-brown baked cookies, the roof covered in white cream frosting. The windows were transparent candy, and a sweet aroma wafted from the chimney.
A sign above the entrance read:
Welcome to the Sweet Forest Rest Stop
"...It's a Rule Yokai."
Sariya muttered. She was biting her lip, clearly tense.
"What? You call that a proper charm? Now we can't even tell a rest stop from a Rule Yokai!"
Sariya sneered, and Lannancy started sniffling.
"...I don't know! Ever since I met you two, nothing's gone right! Waaah... I'm done for...."
"Are Rule Yokai that dangerous?"
At my question, Lannancy stared at me like I was an idiot.
"You don't know...? Rule Yokai eat anything without discrimination! So many of my kin have died to them...!"
"As you know, yokai and Rule Yokai eat each other to climb the realms. Rule Yokai are... especially aggressive about it."
I tilted my head, watching Sariya tense up. I remembered a Rule Yokai that had treated me well before.
...That dangerous, huh?
Sariya had her arms crossed, grilling Lannancy.
"So what now? Your puppets led us here—you take responsibility."
Sariya snapped, and Lannancy stomped her feet in protest.
"I'm the aggrieved one here! I never thought a Rule Yokai would show up inside!"
"Can't we just leave?"
I asked, remembering how I'd been politely shown the exit before. Sariya shook her head firmly.
"No. Rule Yokai usually have set ways to leave. Force your way out, and who knows what happens. If I could just eat her, maybe we'd stand a chance."
"Eek!"
Lannancy hid behind me.
"H-Hey, even if you eat me, it's not guaranteed to work! Then I'd die, you'd die, and we're both done for!"
Correction: she wasn't hiding—she was taking me hostage.
"...Haa. First, release the charm on those humans. They're no help zoned out like that."
"You serious? You think they'll listen to us? Just use 'em as meat shields and call it a day."
"I said release it."
Sariya growled. She was respecting my wish to keep the humans alive, I figured.
"Fine! Not my fault anyway!"
Snap.
Lannancy pouted and flicked her fingers. The people all rubbed their eyes. Life returned to their vacant gazes.
"...Ugh?"
"Where... is this?"
They looked around in a daze. Reactions varied.
Some clutched their heads and retched; others stared blankly into space, still foggy.
The first to snap out of it was the scarred old mercenary. He sized up the situation, freaked out, and drew his sword—then the others scrambled for their weapons too.
"Form up! Yokai!"
"F-Fuck! How'd we end up in the middle of the forest?!"
A young mercenary trembled like a leaf as he shouted.
"You bastard!"
"You charmed us?!"
Clang! Shing!
In an instant, blades and magic circles were aimed at us. As killing intent flooded the air, I reflexively raised both hands and stepped forward.
"Wait, calm down."
"Outta the way! You a yokai too?"
"No, I'm human—"
"Human? Walking with yokai and not dead? No way you're normal!"
Hm.
Nothing to say to that.
He's right.
Traveling openly with yokai and not dying. To normal folks, I'd look either charmed or yokai myself.
"We need to escape together first. Trust me."
"The kid's right. Why would we release the charm otherwise?"
Sariya grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.
"See? We're already in the Rule Yokai's jaws. Cooperate if you wanna live."
"Shut it, monster! We won't fall for your tricks twice!"
"Indeed! A yokai suggesting alliance? Unheard of!"
Their distrust ran deep. Persuasion wasn't working, and I was stumped—when
Creeeeeak.
The massive cookie house door swung open. A sickly sweet butter scent mixed with a foul, fishy stench.
Thud. Thud.
Out stepped a gigantic old woman—or rather, a bread-dough mass in the shape of one. Big enough for five grown men stacked together. In her hand swung a club big enough to dangle two full-grown men from.
Her raspy voice echoed through the forest. The people backed away in terror, pointing.
"Wh-What's that?!"
The hag's eyes bulged out like raisins and locked onto the mercenaries.
Whoosh.
The massive club rose toward the sky. If she swung it down, three or four mercenaries would be flattened. Lannancy was too scared to even scream.
Danger.
My body moved before my brain caught up. The pouch deep in my bag—the one Sariya said to only use in real emergencies.
"Sis, get back!"
At my shout, Sariya yanked Lannancy away. Lannancy, meanwhile, looked baffled.
"What? Hey! Salt won't do shit against a monster like that...!"
Whoosh!
I grabbed the salt and was about to sprinkle it—then just hurled the whole pouch. White powder scattered everywhere.
And then.
Kyaaaaagh!
The hag's scream tore at my eardrums. Her right arm, where the salt hit, melted like ice cream.
Thud.
The arm clutching the club snapped off and rolled across the ground.
"...!"
The knights—and Lannancy—gaped at me, mouths agape.
The hag staggered back. Sariya seized the moment.
"We're guests here to use the rest stop. Treat us properly."
The writhing hag froze mid-motion, like a machine unplugged. An eerie silence fell.
Then I got it—Sariya's intent. This was Rule Yokai territory. If it was a rest stop, it had to welcome guests properly.
Creak, groan.
Her grotesque face twisted into a kindly grandmother's smile in an instant.
The hag bowed at a perfect 90 degrees and shuffled back into the cookie house first. The crisis was averted, but the knights were still shell-shocked. They started murmuring about what just happened.
"D-Does that even make sense?"
"A handful of salt on a yokai...? Even holy church stuff shouldn't... "
All eyes turned to me. Wariness gave way to awe.
"That kid... no, that person's identity...?"
"High priest of the Holy Church? No training scars like council members. But looks too young...."
"Maybe underwent physical reconstruction like swordmasters and archmages? That'd make him archbishop level at least...!"
"Quiet."
The old leader hushed them and approached me cautiously.
"Are you... someone high up in the Holy Church, by chance?"
The misunderstanding was snowballing. I waved it off, but maybe it was for the best.
They might cooperate better now.
Lying bugged me, but whatever—I nodded.
"Whoa! Then making that yokai release the charm... that was you too, Archbishop...! Thank you!"
"Uh... yeah."
"I'm a devout believer myself! Donate regularly too. Haw haw."
The mercenary captain sidled up, touting his faith. The others' faces lit up.
"An archbishop here of all places!"
"We're saved! We can make it out!"
Holy Church archbishop—the rank right below pope and cardinals in the church, where position came from divine power. Prized assets considered superior to swordmasters against yokai.
They rarely appeared except on the front lines, so civilians seldom met them. No wonder the mix-up.
Awkward.
Their expectations and admiration made eye contact tough. Is this why high positions come with responsibility? Felt weird, but not bad.
Poke.
Sariya gave me a thumbs-up. Lannancy blinked in confusion before sidling over slyly.
"You... what are you? An archbishop...?"
"Shh. Quiet."
The word "archbishop" made my face burn every time. Lying never got easier.
Oblivious, Lannancy grabbed my hand.
"Heh heh, so my charm works even on a Holy Church archbishop? Maybe I'm kinda amazing?"
She fondled my hand with a lecherous grin, just like me as a kid with a shiny new toy.
"Yeah! You're my little brother forever! Got it—ow, hot!"
Sizzle.
Lannancy yanked her hand back. Sariya had apparently flung some fallen salt her way.
Sariya's hand was a bit melted too, but she smirked bitterly at Lannancy blowing on her knuckles.
Then a sharp-eyed man whispered to the old leader.
"But even a Holy Church archbishop traveling with yokai? That's suspicious, right?"
The warm mood chilled instantly.
"...True."
The old man eyed us, realization dawning.
Busted.
Cold sweat trickled down my back. No trust meant doom in a crisis—internal strife was death.
What now?
I glanced sideways. Sariya had her hands behind her back, nails extended, ready to strike anytime. The tense silence dragged on until the old man's mouth finally opened.