D-98: Did You Drag Me Outside Just to Buy This Crap?
“...Haah. Hoo...”
“Don’t go around sighing so loudly like you want me to hear it.”
It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. The sighs just slip out automatically. Looking like this.
Anyway. I was forcibly dragged outside. To be honest, if it was just being dragged out I wouldn’t have minded that much.
But this is how I look. My body is female now. And I’m wearing dolphin pants.
I want to die. I really want to die…
It was summer outside. Being midday it was hot, but dressed like this I felt strangely chilled, so I crossed my arms.
Even though I looked like this, the world seemed to be turning peacefully as usual.
For someone who had suffered every kind of humiliation in just two days, the peaceful outside that acted like nothing had happened felt hateful and irritating.
Still. After several days of not facing sunlight directly but only through windows, it wasn’t a bad feeling.
I had been locked up for roughly half that time by force. Even a hikikomori like me felt a little better.
Walking beside him with no strength, quietly staring at the sunlight, dark thoughts crept in.
Now that I think about it. When I was trapped at home I didn’t realize, but if I ran away right now, couldn’t I actually escape?
If I sprinted with everything I had and somehow broke free.
And somehow asked someone for help…
The moment that thought formed—tightly—his arm wrapped around mine. Like lovers linking arms.
I looked up with a face full of disgust and disbelief, but he only wore a smile.
Yet when I raised my gaze a little higher and met his eyes, they looked at me with a slightly cold light.
…It was over. If I ran, I would die. It might look gentle to others, but there was a quiet strength behind it.
That subtle force, as if he had seen straight through my thoughts just now.
Ahem. It’s not that I’m giving up because of this. It was a hopeless idea anyway.
I still needed time to adapt, and this body had no strength.
Even if I ran I’d be caught immediately. Running to the police station wouldn’t help—no one would believe this appearance. And if he really was government-affiliated, it would all be pointless.
But seriously, is this the kind of policy they’re pushing? I’d heard there were a lot of people not working these days.
Still, this was basically a crime, wasn’t it? …Not that I was in any position to talk.
“I’d appreciate it if you stopped having weird thoughts. Today really isn’t anything special.”
“…Just finish it quickly. Wasn’t this supposed to be the end from the start?”
My completely exposed bare legs and the way my arm was linked with his made me press even closer.
Some passersby shot unpleasant glances our way, while others looked like they were simply thinking youth these days.
That was unpleasant too, of course. What the hell are you staring at? This is a perpetrator and victim relationship.
When we reached the park where more people gathered, a wave of embarrassment washed over me.
This… if I closed my eyes it really felt like I was walking around in nothing but panties.
Again. Those subtle staring eyes. …Stop looking. Another passerby sneaking glances at my bare legs walked by.
Of course they didn’t stare openly, but even the sneaky looks were completely visible and felt by me.
Haah. When I turn back into a man I’ll have to be careful. I never realized how obvious it was. So everyone knows.
Some guys seemed to be staring at my chest too, which pissed me off. But I couldn’t exactly complain.
Honestly, I would have done the same. They’re fucking huge.
…Besides, they had no way of knowing a man in his late twenties was inside.
Even while thinking that, I kept enduring the unpleasant gazes that kept landing on me.
Suddenly my body was yanked.
That bastard. As if he were playing the role of boyfriend, he pulled me tightly against him.
After that, the passersby’s gazes seemed to drift away quite a bit.
Whether it was because people universally hated seeing couples no matter how they were dressed, or because he was silently warning them not to look, I didn’t know.
…It was a little better. The gazes that had been fixed on me until a moment ago had mostly disappeared, and I felt relieved.
When I looked up he was smiling like he was saying I did well, didn’t I? Cancel that. I just wanted to punch him… I wanted to punch him so bad.
But… haah. I couldn’t say I wasn’t dependent. Still, I treated it like a transaction.
If he got into trouble, I would end up in trouble too. So whenever passersby approached I would stick to his arm and smooth out my frown.
Like lovers, clinging slightly, letting out a laugh—though it was more like a shit-eating grin.
I even forced an awkward smile as if we were having some unknown conversation. Though it was filled with pure fuckery inside.
I had only planned to do it when people passed by, but… this bastard. Was he deliberately leading us only through crowded places?
Even though it was midday, quite a lot of people were out. But the stares I had felt so strongly earlier faded whenever I stayed glued to him.
The avoiding gazes returned. Some were busy with their own paths, others who looked like they wanted to stare quickly glanced away.
Should I be glad about this? That the stares disappeared because of this bastard?
Hoo. If I were them and saw a big-breasted girl in dolphin pants rubbing up against her boyfriend, I’d probably avoid looking too.
But. Even if they weren’t looking… there were… too many people, weren’t there?
Haah. My breathing grew a little rough and I felt my chest tightening.
I wasn’t the type to wander around crowded places anyway. I had no friends and avoided anywhere with too many people.
I even had that stupid tendency to run away from the gym the moment I saw it was packed.
Since I was like that in most places, being in the middle of so many people made me shrink whether they looked or not.
Every time, that unique feeling like my chest was being squeezed. …Fucking awful.
But right now I wasn’t alone. If I had been by myself I would have been extremely anxious, but there was someone next to me. …Even if he was a rapist.
I pressed myself closer to him. Completely sticking my body against his while keeping our arms linked.
Hoo. Whew. It was a little better. I could feel the heart-squeezing sensation easing. The sense of security that came from having someone beside me.
The chest that had felt blocked and my breathing gradually returned to normal.
Even though I looked like this, at least there was a guy next to me who would protect me if anyone tried to harm me.
With the thought that I wasn’t alone, even my racing heart slowly calmed, and I stayed pressed against him like that.
Well. Only at times like this, the feeling of linking arms and leaning on him was secretly… not bad… Yeah. That’s it.
It was just not bad. …But, where did everyone go?
When I looked around, we had already been walking down an empty street for a while.
Why was I leaning on him?
I had promised to keep my mind clear. There must have been too many people earlier and I let my guard down for a second.
I immediately pushed away slightly and kept only the minimal arm link.
Whew, hoo. I must have gone crazy for a moment. Only then did I realize what I had done, and my face grew hot.
The humiliation of a twenty-eight-year-old man leaning on another guy came crashing down, multiplying the shame.
That bastard looking at me with an amused smile in his eyes.
Seeing that expression, I opened my mouth to protest, but he tapped my arm twice as if telling me to look ahead—we had arrived—so I shut my mouth.
“Huuuuh. I-is it over now? After all this, it’s finished, right?”
“If it were someone else, I don’t think they’d consider this the end.”
“Sh-shut up. Just tell me if it’s the end.”
“Of course it’s not. What kind of walk is this? Please look ahead. We’re here.”
The place I arrived at after suffering so much shame was none other than the convenience store.
…No. You put me through all that just to bring me here? There must have been a closer convenience store.
Ah, right. He had clearly dragged me all this way to add to the humiliation. Son of a bitch.
I glared at him again, but he ignored the look as if he were used to it.
Haaaa. This was really pissing me off. I couldn’t hit him. I wanted to punch him just once…
But that emotion was quickly buried by the words that came out of his mouth.
“Here. Go buy some condoms.”
“…What?”
I stared at him with utter disbelief. I had heard correctly, but I asked again as if to confirm it was real.
No, what?
“Of course I won’t be using them right away. Did you get your hopes up? Still, we’ll need quite a lot in the future.”
“H-hopes my ass. I hate it from the start. I don’t want to buy them. I don’t want to use them either.”
Haah, a deep sigh escaped him. Then he stepped closer.
Toward my neck. W-wait. He wouldn’t do anything here, right?
Still, seeing him approach made me tense up completely. He was such an unpredictable bastard… and he was huge.
Unconsciously feeling my heart pound, I trembled slightly.
But since he couldn’t do anything here, I waited with a confident face—though my cheeks flushed again like an idiot.
The guy who had come close leaned even nearer to my ear, lips almost touching as he whispered—
“…Then should I do it raw every time?”
It wasn’t just the whispering voice. The content made my face burn even hotter.
…That, that was… Well. It wasn’t like that. Couldn’t be helped. I muttered various things to myself.
I didn’t like that I was just being played with on his hand without being able to do anything, but if I didn’t buy them.
He would definitely… ha. He was the type who would. Even the thoughts I had while showering came rushing back, and I realized it was impossible. I clutched my head, worrying intensely.
In the end, half by my own will and half by force, I was pushed by his hand into the convenience store.
“Welcome.”
Normally I would have returned the greeting. I still had that much social ability.
But my voice wouldn’t come out, so I unintentionally ignored it. The part-timer didn’t seem to mind much.
But why did it have to be a guy again? I could feel his gaze sticking to various places on me as I walked past.
Fuck. Haah. Was it like this no matter where I went? I’d just buy them quickly. I decided to ignore it and searched fast.
But where were they? This was the charging station area. So last time I subconsciously saw them…
Somewhere near the medicines…
Ah, found them. Yeah, buying condoms wasn’t that big a deal. How old was I anyway? I just needed to buy one.
“…And buy quite a lot. If they run out… it can’t be helped. At that time.”
…The words he had added after whispering floated through my mind.
Fuck. Really, if I ended up getting creampied one day, I might truly never come back. That thought hit me.
Uh. Y-yeah, four. Okay, just five.
I hated that I could roughly guess the size. The largest ones. It was shit, but I had seen it properly.
They didn’t fit well in my arms, so I carried a huge pile and dumped them all onto the counter with a clatter.
I tried to act as casual as possible, but facing another person my face instantly turned red.
If the items I was buying weren’t this, I wouldn’t have felt this way. Of all things, these.
I regretted not grabbing a little less, but the moment they ran out…
Ugh. I didn’t want to imagine it. I really didn’t want to come back to the convenience store for this kind of experience again.
“Do you need a bag?”
“B-bag? Ah, um. Ahem. Yes. I need one.”
Why was I like this? The words wouldn’t come out properly. My face must have been completely red. Too embarrassed, I kept my gaze fixed downward.
Whether it was my imagination or not, it felt like his eyes were fixed on my chest, and he seemed to flinch slightly when he saw what I had brought.
I was dying of embarrassment. Normally I might have brushed it off without caring, but every single movement of the part-timer in front of me made me hyper-aware.
Each item being scanned felt like an eternity.
Hurry up, hurry! I’m dying of shame here…
Beep. Beep. Fourth one. Fifth one. It was ridiculous that I was counting them myself.
Only after everything was finally scanned, even the moment of inserting the card felt endlessly long.
Like I had committed some crime, I kept my gaze lowered and my face burning. Why did I have to suffer this ordeal?
When he finally put them in the bag, the part-timer’s expression was quite something. A complicated look.
I wanted to tell him not to mind other people’s business. But if I were in his place and a big-breasted beautiful girl in dolphin pants came in to buy a mountain of condoms…
I probably couldn’t help but pay attention either.
Seeing all of them bagged and handed over, I took the bag immediately.
His hand holding the barcode seemed to be trembling, and the way he deliberately looked elsewhere— this bastard. He was definitely fantasizing.
In the end I couldn’t say anything again. I ignored the part-timer’s slightly trembling thank-you and walked out.
I grabbed the bag full of condoms and left the convenience store like I was fleeing.
Running away like this made it look like I had really bought them to have sex. …Well, since that would happen eventually, it was accurate. Fuck.
“…Hoo. Hu. D-done! Let’s go home! Quickly!”
“Why are you acting like you committed a crime?”
Haah. I pushed his back, trying to hurry home. He looked like he wanted to make me do more, but perhaps holding back, he simply linked arms with me again.
How far had we walked? I had only bought condoms… I hadn’t felt it much on the way there, but the way back felt quite far.
The sunset seemed to be setting. We walked for a long time to get home.
The two of us walking in step. This really looked like an evening date, which pissed me off. I tried to say something.
It must have been rush hour again because the streets were still crowded, so I ended up completely stuck to him with our arms linked.
Was this what it felt like to have someone by your side? The sense of security that came from having a non-family member next to you.
The feeling of not being treated like an idiot when going out alone.
The chest that had been tightly clenched gradually calmed in this situation. Hoo.
I couldn’t tell if that strange feeling was good or bad. Still—
──I would think of it as the worst feeling…