The Black Apron
I rushed out the door, bags in hand, heart pounding. I never pay much attention to what other people buy, but you can never be too careful. What if I ran into someone I knew? Next time, I'm definitely ordering this shit online. When the staff member came over to check the purchase, it was mortifying. They didn't card me like they would at a convenience store, but standing there showing this to an auntie who could have been my mom felt all kinds of wrong. The obnoxiously loud packaging on the box made me paranoid, so I slipped it into my coat pocket instead. I wasn't sure about the size, but it said large, so it would probably fit. Whatever. It's not like I had any prior experience buying these things.
What the hell does she even want to do with them, anyway? She'd told me to buy them, so I had, but I still didn't fully understand. They definitely hadn't designed these for siblings to use together. Or maybe she was just testing me? One minute she's talking about how I protect her, the next she's got this pathetic excuse for a brother buying condoms without hesitation like some kind of animal. I don't know. I really don't know.
Hiding my tangled thoughts, I stepped outside to find my sister waving at me. I quickly moved to stand beside her.
"Did you get them?"
".......Yeah."
Shoulder to shoulder again, just like always. Only this time we were heading home.
".......You actually bought them when I told you to. Must have plans for them, huh?"
"I do. Her name's Kang Yunseo. She's a year older than me and an incredibly beautiful woman."
"That's hilarious. She actually gave you permission to use them on her?"
"Guess we'll have to bump into that bridge when we get there."
"......."
My sister stayed quiet the whole way back. Truth was, I didn't know what to say either.
"Noona."
".......Uh. Yeah. What?"
"Should I just return them?"
".......Just leave it for now."
I glanced down at her. Her face was flushed bright red, like steam was about to pour out of her ears. Mine was probably the same. After all that embarrassing back-and-forth, my whole body felt itchy and restless.
"It's scary enough for siblings to get pregnant. If we're going to have sex, we need to be responsible about protection. No, I don't mean us. The siblings in the novel. The ones in the story will use them. Don't go getting weird ideas."
She waved her hands frantically, babbling. She was clearly nervous. Of course she was. She'd probably imagined exactly how I'd interpret her encouraging me to buy them. Unlike normal household items, these had one very obvious purpose.
"Yeah. Let's hurry inside."
"Isn't it heavy? Give me one side. I'll help."
"It's fine. How could I make my delicate noona do the heavy lifting when I'm the strong one here?"
"Whatever, just hurry up. You could barely stand this morning. All that muscle and your lower body's still trash."
"Whose fault is that? And if I really wanted to, huh? I could go a hundred rounds with you."
"Bullshit."
She snuck a glance inside the shopping basket.
"Huh? It's not in here?"
"It's in my pocket."
I patted my chest. She reached over and felt around. The square box created a noticeable bulge.
"What, is it that precious? You're treating it like some kind of treasure."
"Should I stick it on my forehead and parade around the neighborhood? I can't exactly let people see it."
"How would they see it in the basket? As long as you don't act suspicious, no one would notice. Honestly, I thought you'd come back empty-handed because you'd be too embarrassed. I knew my only brother was a pervert, but I didn't think we'd reach this level."
"Too late now. If you want to return them, you do it. Or we could just use them all ourselves."
"You wanna keep talking shit? Fuck, this is heavy. Carry it yourself."
She shoved all the bags into my arms.
"You said you'd help, Noona! This is tough for me."
"Deal with it. Carry them properly before I kick your ass."
"Or at least give me a kiss. Something to motivate me to make it home."
"You're scared to be seen with condoms but sibling kisses are fine? Unbelievable."
That's how we bickered and squabbled all the way home.
Once we got inside, we unpacked the groceries and spread them across the table. The meat would go straight on the grill, so we left it with the vegetables. We'd need a corkscrew for the wine. And since my sister probably wouldn't settle for drinking out of random cups, I had to find the crystal glasses.
They say you can't even recognize your own parents when you're day drinking. I wasn't sure if this was okay. Siblings sharing drinks in broad daylight. Then again, we'd been crossing all kinds of lines siblings shouldn't cross lately, but this felt like a different kind of problem. I wasn't sure if it was safe to let my sister drink when she got tipsy after just a few beers.
Whatever. I'll let her have one glass and stop her no matter what.
After finishing the preparations, I took off my coat and headed to my room. The condoms... where should I put them? For now, I'd leave them on the desk. That way I could grab them whenever needed. Though I seriously doubted we'd actually use them. God, what the hell had I been thinking buying these?
"Is it going okay?"
"More or less."
After washing the vegetables, I pulled out a knife to start chopping. My sister quietly sidled up beside me.
"More or less isn't good enough. We spent good money on that. Money your pretty noona worked hard to earn, I might add."
"Yes, yes. Oh, now that I think about it, I help a lot with your erotica writing too. Don't I kind of own a stake in it at this point?"
"Stake, my ass."
"Hey? What the—?"
This woman, seriously. Had she gotten addicted to touching her brother's dick?
"Hey! At least wash your hands first! It's going to get dirty!"
"Fuck off. Actually, I'll wash it for you."
She slowly loosened my pants string and slipped her hand inside my underwear.
"Damn. Why is this so fun? I think I'm getting addicted to messing with you."
"You're already at critical levels. Noona, please. Keep your hands off your brother's dick while I'm trying to cook. I can't focus."
"Hmm....... I'll think about it."
"I'm holding a knife right now! Aren't you scared?"
"I'm holding your cock. Isn't that scarier? What, you want to stop being siblings and become sisters instead?"
I could feel her breasts pressing against my back. Standing there like an idiot—one hand holding vegetables, the other gripping a knife—I couldn't do anything as my sister had her way with me. Of course I could have thrown everything down and stopped her. If I really hated her touching me, I would have put a stop to it ages ago. Blocking a girl who's a head shorter than me isn't exactly difficult. But when she peeked out from under my arm with that huge smile on her face, I couldn't say a word.
I admit it. I'm a complete idiot for my sister. No, I'm my sister's fool. My sister's dumbass. My sister's pathetic pushover who only has eyes for her.
"If it doesn't taste good, you're dead."
I barely finished prepping the ingredients and dropped some butter into the frying pan. My sister kept following me around, tormenting me the whole time.
"You're the reason I can't cook properly right now, you know that?"
"You can't cook just because I'm touching your dick?"
".......That thing is basically my handle."
"Idiot. You said something weird, so should I just strip you completely?"
"If oil splatters on my dick, I get to hang you upside down, right?"
"Then wear the apron. Oh! That works perfectly. Wait here a second."
Click. I was right in the middle of cooking when she suddenly turned off the stove. I was almost scared to find out what scheme she'd cooked up. As I stood there trembling, she handed me a paper bag like it was some kind of present.
"Open it."
"What is......"
"Just open it. I've thought for a while that it would look good on you when you do housework. I finally remembered I bought it."
I dug through the wrapping and pulled out a black apron.
"You know how baristas at cafés always wear them? I thought it looked really nice."
"Yeah. Thanks, I'll wear it well."
I'd half-expected her to tell me to wear only this. Good thing she wasn't that much of a pervert.
"Put it on right now."
"Right now?"
"Wait. Something's not right."
I was sliding the strap over my neck when she suddenly pulled it off again.
"Take your top off and try it."
"You said you saw it at a café. Be honest. What kind of café did you actually go to?"
"It doesn't have the right vibe! I was picturing a sexy chef, not some dumb idiot grinning because his sister bought him a present."
When I gave her a suspicious look, she got angry instead.
She's not exactly wrong, though. But I couldn't admit that either.
"Or roll up your sleeves. Show off all those veins. No, maybe I should put you in a shirt? Men look so fucking sexy when they wear button-ups with the sleeves rolled up."
"I'm basically your dress-up doll now."
"If you hate it so much, stop liking me then."
In the end, I changed clothes just like she wanted. I had no idea what I was doing, stopping in the middle of cooking like this.
The fact that I'll do anything the girl I like tells me to is a problem too.
"Unbutton the top few. Roll the sleeves up halfway. There. Perfect."
She helped me put the black apron back on. Fine. Do whatever you want. Have your way with everything.
When I turned the stove back on, she approached me again.
"Hey."
"What? I did everything you asked. Don't ask for anything else or I'll get mad."
"No, just let me take one picture."
"A picture?"
"Your current look is really doing something for me."
"So normally it doesn't, I guess."
"Can you even hear yourself? All you have in that head are perverted thoughts, you degenerate fuck."
"The sister who plays dress-up games with her brother is the bigger pervert....... Hey. Stop that."
"Why? You like it. If you cum, I'll kill you. We can't have the kitchen smelling like semen."
She couldn't hold back anymore and slipped her hand in again. This time she pulled my underwear down completely, forcing me to stand there awkwardly hunched over. My ass felt cold.
"If you don't want me to cum, then stop trying to make me! You pervert!"
"That's for you to control, Mr. Premature Ejaculation. If you cum, you're dead. No joke."
Bang. I finally set the tongs down. I slammed the frying pan on purpose, and the loud noise must have startled her because she finally took her hand off my dick.
"Hey. You only do this to me because you know you'll get the same treatment eventually, right?"
"You liked it too. At least get hard or breathe heavy or something."
"Enough. If you don't want to take it without a condom, take everything off. I'm putting this on you too."
"Hey! When did I ever make you wear it naked? If we're doing the same thing, then you wear it the same way."
"Bad deeds come with interest. Hurry up."
I urged her on while pulling her pants down. We really were a pair of siblings who did this kind of thing well. Even though the meat was probably burning and we hadn't even started on the vegetables yet, we ignored everything, teasing each other and giggling like idiots.