Chapter 42
Chapter 42
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: Awkward Days with Lize
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"........."
After hearing Lize's answer, my mind had been strangely sluggish for days on end.
I definitely heard the answer.
But it felt like the solution wasn't really a solution.
Even though Lize had told me, it didn't feel like I'd actually heard her words.
'The Young Lady is too pretty...'
"...Hmm."
Never once had I thought that complimenting my own looks or charm could make my physical contact with Lize problematic.
Unlike when I was little, I'd grown in height and every way... so I truly never imagined Lize would feel burdened by my casual touches.
And that was because Lize was normal, unlike me...?
I knew I hadn't always been a boy, but I'd been just an ordinary person before.
Naturally, I never expected Lize to feel that way for such a reason.
"...I feel really sorry somehow."
Unlike usual, Lize wasn't in my room, so I was alone.
Normally, when I sat in this chair like this, she'd stand by my side.
"...Ha."
Things had become really awkward with Lize in all sorts of ways.
"........."
Ever since hearing her words, my mind truly wouldn't turn properly.
My conversations with Lize had become purely businesslike.
I was living days that felt completely different from my usual routine.
It was still daily life, of course... but so very different.
"...Ha."
Ever since that day I heard Lize's answer, nothing but times when my mind wouldn't turn had continued.
No, but... do people usually get embarrassed about that even between the same sex...?
"...That's weird."
I kept thinking with my feet propped up on the desk, but I really hadn't expected Lize to think like that.
She wasn't a guy or anything... I never imagined a woman would have those thoughts about another woman.
My appearance was objectively pretty, sure, but I truly never thought Lize would feel that way about it.
"...Hmm."
Hmm...
...What should I really do?
Until now, I'd been casually doing all sorts of things with Lize without a second thought, never realizing she'd think like that.
So that's why... she'd been embarrassed all this time.
I'd always thought Lize was just the shy type because she seemed embarrassed so often.
But no... she was genuinely embarrassed.
I was even more shocked because I'd never even considered she might feel that way.
"...Lesbian?"
No, that couldn't be it.
Lize was absolutely not the type.
Hmm...
Hmm......
"...Nah, no way."
It wasn't like some comic or novel.
Honestly, it was a bit weird for an ordinary girl to like another girl of the same sex.
Yeah.
Of course, since I'd been a guy in my previous life, I definitely preferred women over men.
But for a completely ordinary girl like Lize, it was a little... hard to imagine.
*
"Mother."
"What is it? Coming to my room like this?"
"Um... just."
After spending time in my room looking over documents and thinking, I ended up coming to Rozalin's room.
I was bored, and curious too...
I didn't usually visit Rozalin's room first.
"May I come in?"
"Of course? Come on in."
"...Then. Excuse me."
Anyway, I entered Rozalin's room and sat on the sofa.
Compared to Ashley's room or others, Rozalin's was spacious.
There was a sofa separate from the bed for relaxing comfortably, and everything from a work desk to various furnishings was neatly arranged.
"Water's fine for Camellia, right?"
"Yes, I don't really like tea."
"Hehe, it's been a while since you visited?"
"...Yeah, it has."
Anyway, though I'd come to Rozalin's room, I didn't have any grand purpose.
I was just bored, had some worries, and felt a bit down.
*Slurp...*
Rozalin was sipping tea from her seat beside me, while I just sat quietly on the sofa.
I could have accepted tea from her, but I wasn't really into tea.
So I just stayed still.
"So? What's up? Around now, you should usually be going over business documents with Lize, right?"
"Yeah, but... today I'm just a little tired."
Talking about Lize felt like it'd make me even sorrier for her, so I deliberately skipped the most important part.
...That could definitely be a sensitive topic.
"You seem really tired?"
"Not that much. Maybe it's lingering from that cold...? Haha..."
"That could be. Camellia doesn't sleep much usually, does she?"
"...I've been sleeping well lately."
"Hehe, what are you saying? Even when you say you're sleeping, how many nights did you not?"
"...Ahem."
Well, there were a lot of those nights.
I'd definitely changed into pajamas, brushed my teeth, gotten ready for bed, but then I'd get bored if I actually lay down and end up doing other things without realizing.
So staying up until 1 or 2 a.m.... happened pretty often.
Hmm.
Yeah, it really did.
"Hehe, you haven't been up late much lately?"
"Of course... I couldn't with the cold for a while anyway."
"That's good then. Actually, back then, I heard you and Lize chatting away at night without sleeping."
"...Really?"
"If you walk the halls at night, it's quiet, so you hear surprisingly well?"
"...I couldn't sleep, that's why."
"That happens. Even I sometimes wander around when I can't sleep."
I spent the time with Rozalin chatting like that ordinarily.
My worries about Lize still lingered in my head... but I wanted a break.
I'd thought about Lize so much that honestly, it was tiring...
"So what worry brought our Camellia here?"
"...Pardon?"
"Hehe, I know you're not the type to just drop by for no reason. I know that much?"
"...Mother?"
"It's fine to be honest. Okay?"
"........"
How did she know?
I hadn't said a word to Rozalin, nothing related at all... how?
I was so surprised I gaped, my face going blank.
"It's really okay, okay?"
"...Really?"
"Yes, of course. I'm your mother, aren't I?"
She gave me such a bright smile, saying it in a way that made it hard not to speak.
I'd absolutely never planned to talk about Lize, but hearing her...
It made me feel like I could tell her.
...Mothers are mothers after all.
"It's really fine, whatever it is. You can say what you want to say."
"...Lize and."
So without realizing, I blurted it out.
I'd had zero intention of bringing it up.
"It's nothing big... Lize and I have gotten a bit awkward."
"How so?"
"...Just something that happened by chance."
Explaining fully... would be sorry to Lize.
I decided not to say everything.
Even if I'd done wrong to Lize, I didn't want to do anything that'd make me sorrier to her.
"So... I don't know how to get back to being comfortable with Lize like before."
"Hmm..."
"...I feel like I did something wrong... but it's a bit ambiguous to call it wrong..."
It was ambiguous in all sorts of ways.
That's why I had no choice but to worry more.
It wasn't Lize's fault...
If anything, the wrong was mine, but even that was ambiguous.
"Have you talked to Lize more?"
"I haven't... Just... work as usual..."
"Yeah?"
"Yes."
Lize hadn't talked to me like usual either, and neither had I.
Whenever I tried to say something to her, remembering her answer that day... I'd feel even sorrier and couldn't speak.
"Hmm..."
"...Why?"
"How about just clearly talking to Lize?"
"Pardon?"
Rozalin's answer was more... ordinary than I'd thought.
I hadn't expected some amazing revelation when I asked, of course.
Still, her words were even more ordinary than that.
"Lize isn't a bad child, right?"
"That's... true?"
I didn't know what she was getting at.
Personally, among people around me, Lize was as good and kind as Rozalin... yeah, no one else.
I thought that highly of her; Lize really was that good.
As Rozalin said, Lize was definitely not a bad child.
"From what you said, after the incident, you two haven't really talked much, right? So... it might be good to have a proper conversation once."
".........."
"And you're not going to avoid talking to Lize forever, are you?"
"Well..."
"Because she's the closest in age to you."
"...Yes."
...That's true.
There were Ella and Karen, but Lize was still the closest.
Rozalin had an age gap too.
I spent the most time with her normally, of course.
Even though Lize's answer still surprised me a lot... I knew I couldn't keep not talking to her.
...I should do it.
"...What if Lize ends up hating me more?"
"Um... then you'd have to apologize?"
"...Yes."
...Right.
Thinking back, after hearing that answer that day, I hadn't properly apologized.
Of course, after she answered, I'd gently pushed her aside—just enough not to hurt—and fled the room...
"And wouldn't it be good to say something to Lize first?"
"...You're right, Mother."
Rozalin was right.
In this situation... at least start with a conversation.
Whatever came after, including apologies, required talking first.
As she said, somehow starting a talk with Lize was most important.
...I'd been the idiot avoiding it until now.
"...I should try. Definitely."
"Yes. Lize is surely waiting too? She's not one to show it obviously, but she really likes you, Camellia?"
"...Yes. She does."
That's why... she'd end up thinking something a bit weird like that.
...But I truly never imagined Lize thought that way.
That my looks and charm being too much would burden her instead.